been away for awhile. sorry bout it!
not really.
moving has proven itself to be an immense challenge. mostly because of timing. they say timing is everything and GOD is it ever. my timing sucks, in general. don't get me wrong, i'm almost always on time...i just can never plan anything in advance where multiple things need to happen either simultaneously, in a row, or in some general span of relative time. no matter how much i plan in advance things always gets effed up. the timing is always wrong.
for example: the first week of living in the new place i haven't had anywhere to sit. why you ask? well, because the timing for moving in and my furniture being delivered were, of course, waaaay off. i sold my old furniture forever ago because i expected to close on my condo last month. well i closed a week ago so i've been without furniture for like 3 months now. i'm hoping by next week i'll have a cool ass sofa. but you never know. in the meantime i've been standing at all times. standing when i check my email. standing when i pay my bills. standing when i stare out the window. standing when i take my crazy pills. standing standing standing.
yesterday i did the unthinkable - i purchased barstools off craigslist. mhm. i typically loathe all things craigslist-related, but i actually really enjoy the barstools and they were at a killer price. speaking of killer - inevitable of all craigslist purchases - i had to endure an awkward exchange between myself and the barstool seller...i even had to ride in a creepy elevator with him, enter his creepy studio apartment, look at his creepy not-for-sale furniture, and stand around while he "cleaned off" the barstools/plotted my murder.
i guess he was nice enough, though. i'm just overdramatic.
but you already knew that.
so this morning i woke up, surprisingly without a hangover, and had a hankering for subway. weird, but doable. so i walked to subway and ordered a sandwich. (um, newsflash: subway is surprisingly expensive for the shit that it is.) anyway, i'm in line, politely barking off toppings, and while doing so this mom and little girl get in line behind me.
now, maybe i'm just fresh off this email high my sister recently sent me - an email comedically explaining the differences between us 30 yr olds (ish, i'm not even 28 yet) and tweens. the email was decently funny in interpreting how different the world is now versus when we were kids. well this subway mom and daughter proved the content of the email to a T.
my fave part of the email was this line: "Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!"
funny and true.
the way kids talk to their parents? ummm never in my household.
back to subway, so i was eavesdropping on what they were going to order. the mom asks her daughter "ok, lily, tell the lady what kind of sandwich you want. that little brat sat there and read every sandwich on the menu, her mother idly standing by as the kid read line by line. i had already paid and sat down by the time the girl finished reading off the entire menu and prices. what, was she treating her mom to lunch? doubt it. anyway, i picked a table near the counter so i could continue my eavesdropping. so, the mom gets annoyed, bends over, and speaks in the girl's ear: now lily do you want a turkey sandwich? or ham? they have ham you know. you like ham. or you can get tuna, you like tuna too. do you want turkey, ham, or tuna? choose one. lily choose one.
finally, lily pipes up: i want a pizza sub!
um, i didn't even know pizza subs were an actual sandwich? whatever. so then the sandwich artist makes the unfortunate mistake of asking lily what kind of bread she wanted.
GOOD LORD.
what's herb & cheese? i don't like wheat. mom can i get french bread? can i get a footlong?
the mom goes: lily you can have whatever you want. she then hoists lily up so she can see all of the toppings she can get on her pizza sub (i was really tempted to stand up and peak through the glass sneezeguard to see what was on the pizza sub. is it like salami and cheese? i still don't get it.) the mom then names each topping lily can choose from. do you want lettuce? if you don't want lettuce then maybe you should have spinach. what kind of cheese do you want? pepperjack is spicy, you don't want spicy do you? you can have tomatoes, cucumbers, blah blah BLAH.
OMG. was lily some kind of princess or QUEEN or something else royal? why is she given so many options? why is this mother acting like kids have any idea of what they want? doesn't subway have a no-hassle sandwich that's solely for kids...comes on a kid-sized piece of bread and takes like 5 seconds to make? does lily have a gun in her pocket that only her mom knows about? what is going on? had subway existed back when i was a kid, my mom would have ordered for me, without any consultation. i wouldn't have options. i wouldn't have someone present me with a bread preference. a menu would not be necessary for me.
even at the dinner table, unless it was my birthday, no one asked me what i did and did not like. if i didn't like what was being cooked for dinner, my dad would, without flinching, use the line: then you're not hungry.
yes, if i didn't like what was being cooked for dinner, i wasn't hungry. that's how i was raised. his point being that, if i wanted to have food in my stomach, food that they worked and paid for - i was going to eat whatever was put in front of my face. end of story.
no choices. no bread variety. no toppings. no menu.
don't even ask me what later happened at the soda fountain machine: lily do you want white pop or brown pop? or you could have fruit punch. which do you want lily? brown pop? do you want root beer or coke?
LILY YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE MONSTER YOU WILL BECOME.
