I feel the need to get this off my chest: I hate lizards. I hate reptiles...of all sorts. Iguanas are not cool. Nor are any of its relatives. The thought of one being near me sends my mind, body, and spirit into a small (gigantic) state of panic where my chest tightens and subsequently my airways shrink and all I can think about is their gross, textured tail touching my arm.
Why can't global warming adversely affect the fate of all reptiles and not the polar bears? And don't you think that polar bears could just be relocated to select Northern Canadian areas (it's so cold anywhere in Canada, really) and learn to hunt different animals other than seals? Are seals SUCH easy prey (with their fat bellies just plopping around on the ice) that the polar bear is incapable of hunting and eating anything mobile? I mean, meat is meat, so could they somehow learn (or at least try) to catch an elk, or perhaps an iguana? Maybe they can't run fast enough to chase prey, which furthers my point for them to eat iguana meat. I really have no idea, but I think iguanas are slow moving.
Anyway, polar bears, just know that I'm trying. But apparently I can't change an animal's instictive culture overnight. Damn. Back to the drawing board...
In the meantime, let's make ourselves more aware of what the global warming/polar bear situation is really about and perhaps make a change?
7.28.2008
It just dawned on me that I never see elderly rabbits or squirrels in nature. Actually, that goes for most varmints of similar nature. In my mind, the life span of a rabbit or squirrel has to be around 1-2 years, max, right? They're always being killed off during, I'd say, the human equivolence of being in the mid 30 age range, if they're lucky. It's kind of tragic, they're seemingly always being ran over by a car, eaten by a bigger animal, hunted by man, or...something, I don't know, before they get to do anything with their lives besides reproduce. They almost never die from old age. It's such a shame. I want a rabbit to be really old and be like, you know what, I can't hop anymore. My hips gave out two years back. I've seen it all, I can finally die now.
Or, have you ever seen a really old squirrel, with gray hair, climbing up trees? I want a squirrel to have a really cool penthouse apartment that he's maintained for many years, and then one winter night during hibernation, with his belly full of nuts, just passes away in his sleep in the comfort of his own home.
Instead, I always see squirrels smashed in the road with their furry tails flapping in the breeze. Or I see rabbit furs for sale at every gas station/merchant mart in the Midwest. You know, right there with all of the Native American novelty goods.
Oh, and to be clear, I'm talking about wild varmints, too. Not caged ones. I mean, we've all seen old dogs before. Their faces turn gray, they hobble around when their bones get brittle and joints are out of whack, and eventually they get so old that they're blind, deaf, and pushed around in baby strollers like this nice lady down the street does for her old Shih Tzu. I always stop and say hi to both of them. And we've all seen mangy, old cats with their hair getting all clumpy and tails are kind of nappy looking and slightly bent...plus they have that mean, raspy meow that completely dates them. Old cat alert, no mistaking them.
So, prove me wrong. The next time you're on a walk outside, look around for the tell-tale signs of aging rabbits or squirrels. Take a picture of one, too. I need photo evidence in order to believe they exist--witness testimonies or personal accounts won't suffice.
Hard evidence only.
Or, have you ever seen a really old squirrel, with gray hair, climbing up trees? I want a squirrel to have a really cool penthouse apartment that he's maintained for many years, and then one winter night during hibernation, with his belly full of nuts, just passes away in his sleep in the comfort of his own home.
Instead, I always see squirrels smashed in the road with their furry tails flapping in the breeze. Or I see rabbit furs for sale at every gas station/merchant mart in the Midwest. You know, right there with all of the Native American novelty goods.
Oh, and to be clear, I'm talking about wild varmints, too. Not caged ones. I mean, we've all seen old dogs before. Their faces turn gray, they hobble around when their bones get brittle and joints are out of whack, and eventually they get so old that they're blind, deaf, and pushed around in baby strollers like this nice lady down the street does for her old Shih Tzu. I always stop and say hi to both of them. And we've all seen mangy, old cats with their hair getting all clumpy and tails are kind of nappy looking and slightly bent...plus they have that mean, raspy meow that completely dates them. Old cat alert, no mistaking them.
So, prove me wrong. The next time you're on a walk outside, look around for the tell-tale signs of aging rabbits or squirrels. Take a picture of one, too. I need photo evidence in order to believe they exist--witness testimonies or personal accounts won't suffice.
Hard evidence only.
7.25.2008
When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Or some shizz like that. I'm banking on year 32 of my life being the best one ever. For some reason I just feel like that's the magic number.
Actually, let me take the first thing back. Nothing is really "tough" per se in my life. Some way, somehow it just feels like I'm constantly changing my mind. Indeciciveness drives me slightly insane, too. I hate when people can't make up their minds.
Apparently I'm that person though. Whoops.
It's like trying to do a crossword puzzle with a pen. Most times, if I can help it, I use this awesome blue gel pen I found somewhere...I can't exactly recall. It might have been stolen.
Anyway.
The ink is really...good and I like the way I write with it.
Seriously, back to my point, I really enjoy my daily crossword with the aforementioned pen but in reality it's just not rational. Sometimes (a lot of times) I put retarded answers in the puzzle that are surely no where near being accurate.
Oh, a five letter word for king of the sea, starting with sh? Hmm...shrew. It fits!
If I would just wise up and use a pencil, my life would be a lot easier and the crossword puzzle itself would be a lot prettier. Those blue globs of scratched out and transformed letters make for a nasty looking puzzle.
Right now I feel like my choices are just like those retarded answers in the crossword.
My life needs to be in pencil until I'm 32.
A mechanical pencil though, let's not get cheap here.
Actually, let me take the first thing back. Nothing is really "tough" per se in my life. Some way, somehow it just feels like I'm constantly changing my mind. Indeciciveness drives me slightly insane, too. I hate when people can't make up their minds.
Apparently I'm that person though. Whoops.
It's like trying to do a crossword puzzle with a pen. Most times, if I can help it, I use this awesome blue gel pen I found somewhere...I can't exactly recall. It might have been stolen.
Anyway.
The ink is really...good and I like the way I write with it.
Seriously, back to my point, I really enjoy my daily crossword with the aforementioned pen but in reality it's just not rational. Sometimes (a lot of times) I put retarded answers in the puzzle that are surely no where near being accurate.
Oh, a five letter word for king of the sea, starting with sh? Hmm...shrew. It fits!
If I would just wise up and use a pencil, my life would be a lot easier and the crossword puzzle itself would be a lot prettier. Those blue globs of scratched out and transformed letters make for a nasty looking puzzle.
Right now I feel like my choices are just like those retarded answers in the crossword.
My life needs to be in pencil until I'm 32.
A mechanical pencil though, let's not get cheap here.
7.23.2008
This is disgusting, but...
I keep walking into other people's farts. I know I've mentioned this before, as well as my complete hatred for the people that do it, but it keeps happening. Why do people fart so much...and in public?
Like, at bars...all the time. First of all, why would anyone do such a thing in a small, intimate area? Who farts and then runs away leaving others to wonder, "OK, who's the sick BASTARD that just did that?" Plus, I could deal without wandering eyes and pondering minds thinking, "Did YOU just do that?" No, I didn't. Adding insult to injury is the fact that a beer fart is the absolute WORSE smell in the realm of all that is obnoxiously smelly. A free floating beer fart could make even an elephant gag. No, no, it would even make the lowly dung beetle gag, even while harvesting the biggest, most endless, Sears Tower of the bug world, and overall most ginormous pile of elephant shit a beetle has ever been witness to.
Then at the gym, I was putting some weights back into the rack when BAM, it hit me. It hit me hard, too. There was an immediate rise of vomit within my throat upon the vicious odor attacking my unsuspecting state of being. Seriously, someone let one fly while lifting weights (which were probably too heavy to begin with, further resulting in an armed-and-dangerous escapee) and then immediately evacuated the area, hopefully because of embarrassment, but probably because it was the nastiest stench on Earth and anyone that is capable of producing such a thing should be relocated to the nearest landfill where they can do that sort of thing all day long with no one being the wiser.
Then, at WORK, I go to make a photocopy and waiting for me at the copy machine was not only a paper jam, but a cloud of skin-melting, eye-watering, mind-numbing, poisonous oxygen substitute. Um, did you just:
A) Leave a paper jam in the copy machine forcing someone else to open and close every tray, lid, and lever five thousand times before finding your crumpled, shredded printout of a Cosmo article informing you how to effectively seduce your hot crush into bed (Uh, for starters, my personal advice would be to start brushing your hair and perhaps, more importantly, stop farting)
and then B) Before leaving, think that oh, this would be the most perfect spot to unleash an immensely vile and heinous toxin into the air that will hopefully dissipate (but if it doesn't I could care less because my farts smell good to me) before an innocent workspace commoner stumbles upon both my lazy disrespect for office ethics and my utterly foul and nasty death spray?
Seriously people, hold it in until you're in an outside, well-ventilated area (the ideal location being underwater) or at the very least take some Beano.
It's not a request anymore.
I keep walking into other people's farts. I know I've mentioned this before, as well as my complete hatred for the people that do it, but it keeps happening. Why do people fart so much...and in public?
Like, at bars...all the time. First of all, why would anyone do such a thing in a small, intimate area? Who farts and then runs away leaving others to wonder, "OK, who's the sick BASTARD that just did that?" Plus, I could deal without wandering eyes and pondering minds thinking, "Did YOU just do that?" No, I didn't. Adding insult to injury is the fact that a beer fart is the absolute WORSE smell in the realm of all that is obnoxiously smelly. A free floating beer fart could make even an elephant gag. No, no, it would even make the lowly dung beetle gag, even while harvesting the biggest, most endless, Sears Tower of the bug world, and overall most ginormous pile of elephant shit a beetle has ever been witness to.
Then at the gym, I was putting some weights back into the rack when BAM, it hit me. It hit me hard, too. There was an immediate rise of vomit within my throat upon the vicious odor attacking my unsuspecting state of being. Seriously, someone let one fly while lifting weights (which were probably too heavy to begin with, further resulting in an armed-and-dangerous escapee) and then immediately evacuated the area, hopefully because of embarrassment, but probably because it was the nastiest stench on Earth and anyone that is capable of producing such a thing should be relocated to the nearest landfill where they can do that sort of thing all day long with no one being the wiser.
Then, at WORK, I go to make a photocopy and waiting for me at the copy machine was not only a paper jam, but a cloud of skin-melting, eye-watering, mind-numbing, poisonous oxygen substitute. Um, did you just:
A) Leave a paper jam in the copy machine forcing someone else to open and close every tray, lid, and lever five thousand times before finding your crumpled, shredded printout of a Cosmo article informing you how to effectively seduce your hot crush into bed (Uh, for starters, my personal advice would be to start brushing your hair and perhaps, more importantly, stop farting)
and then B) Before leaving, think that oh, this would be the most perfect spot to unleash an immensely vile and heinous toxin into the air that will hopefully dissipate (but if it doesn't I could care less because my farts smell good to me) before an innocent workspace commoner stumbles upon both my lazy disrespect for office ethics and my utterly foul and nasty death spray?
Seriously people, hold it in until you're in an outside, well-ventilated area (the ideal location being underwater) or at the very least take some Beano.
It's not a request anymore.
7.22.2008
Happy 200th post to me. I feel like that's a lot.
So, being the crossword fanatic that I am, I tend to get somewhat upset with myself when I can't finish the daily puzzle in the paper. Such was my luck with yesterday's crossword.
Now, a strategy of mine is to save the ever-frustrating first/last name clues for very last...as a means of logical deduction and idea-elimination since I can almost never guess those correctly. I feel like the clue is always some obscure actor or actress from the 1960's B&W era (although I was REALLY lucky and it somehow came to me in a Raven Baxter-inspired vision that a six letter word for a "Morning Train, singer Easton" was...Sheena. Sheena Easton, picture it Ryan, picture it!...yeah yeah yeah, that sounds right! And it was. Score.).
Anyway, the clues (and of course they were geographically intermingled together in the puzzle so that no progress could be made unless I guessed at least ONE) that I could-not-for-the-life-of-me fathom were:
1. 5 letter word for razor sharpener
2. 4 letter word for beach bird
3. 3 letter word for habitual drunkard
4. 4 letter word for on the waves
I couldn't even sleep; the clues were warping my mind. Back and forth I would scurry through the alphabet putting consonants with vowels while filling in the blank boxes with letters to see if it could form a word that didn't even have to sound real, I just needed something...my, oh my it was a night from hell. And hell is where the clues were created.
Anyway, thanks to the crossword answers in today's paper I now know the answers to these clues but NEVER would have guessed them...ever.
Answers:
1. Honer
2. Tern
3. Sot
4. Asea
(I'm almost positive that some of those words went through my mind, and dreams, last night but, uhhh, do any of those words sound real to you?)
So, being the crossword fanatic that I am, I tend to get somewhat upset with myself when I can't finish the daily puzzle in the paper. Such was my luck with yesterday's crossword.
Now, a strategy of mine is to save the ever-frustrating first/last name clues for very last...as a means of logical deduction and idea-elimination since I can almost never guess those correctly. I feel like the clue is always some obscure actor or actress from the 1960's B&W era (although I was REALLY lucky and it somehow came to me in a Raven Baxter-inspired vision that a six letter word for a "Morning Train, singer Easton" was...Sheena. Sheena Easton, picture it Ryan, picture it!...yeah yeah yeah, that sounds right! And it was. Score.).
Anyway, the clues (and of course they were geographically intermingled together in the puzzle so that no progress could be made unless I guessed at least ONE) that I could-not-for-the-life-of-me fathom were:
1. 5 letter word for razor sharpener
2. 4 letter word for beach bird
3. 3 letter word for habitual drunkard
4. 4 letter word for on the waves
I couldn't even sleep; the clues were warping my mind. Back and forth I would scurry through the alphabet putting consonants with vowels while filling in the blank boxes with letters to see if it could form a word that didn't even have to sound real, I just needed something...my, oh my it was a night from hell. And hell is where the clues were created.
Anyway, thanks to the crossword answers in today's paper I now know the answers to these clues but NEVER would have guessed them...ever.
Answers:
1. Honer
2. Tern
3. Sot
4. Asea
(I'm almost positive that some of those words went through my mind, and dreams, last night but, uhhh, do any of those words sound real to you?)
7.21.2008
The Hasselbeck/Goldberg N-word issue is overly ridiculous. Hasselbeck says "let's move forward, stop using it altogether" and Whoopi says "No, we own the word, we can use it the way WE want to now, it's OK." For once, I stand by Hasselbeck on the issue. I'm not going to cry about it though.
The word is completely inappropriate and disrespectful on all levels, no questions asked. There's no arguing that. However, black people can't "take the word back" either. Especially the black folk of 2008. Slavery doesn't exist anymore. It hasn't existed for, I would say, most people's Earthly existence. Yes, relatives, ancestry...I get it. I didn't take part in slavery just because I'm white. Neither did any of my family, or my family's family. When racism exists, it's on a separate playing field. It's at the hands of personal will. It's not in our government, it's not in our jobs, and it's not in power. It's the minority.
Funny sidenote though (and mildly relevant)...
but, there is a lot of hate in this world. Sorry black people, you're not the only ones suffering. People hate people for ALL kinds of reasons, it stems far beyond simply being black. While some people may hate a certain race (any race, there are plenty), they also hate religions, they hate gays and lesbians, they hate people who get abortions, they hate the poor, they hate the rich, they hate the Man, they hate politicians, they hate the people who support the politicians, they hate those who are different or think differently than that of the mainstream. Yet the black button is still forefronted for some reason. It's actually quite aggravating. Mistakenly or blazingly using the N word demands headlines and front pages, it gets ratings, it ends careers, it ruins reputations, it gets people talking/screaming/fighting: it causes mass hysteria.
But what happens when suicide bombers blow up churches? What happens when bullied and tormented goth students shoot dozens of their classmates and teachers at school? What happens during Gay Pride parades when people picket saying "Fags burn in Hell"? What happens when men call women ho's and bitches in popular, mainstream music?
Oh, nothing.
That's not as horrifying as the N-word. Really?
The N-word is simply a buzz word. It sparks controversy, it sells papers, it glues eyes to the tube, and it gets under people's skin.
The other forms of hate speech are just, you know, regular, old hate speech that we disregard as "people's opinions." Nothing special, just...ugh, boring, run-of-the-hate-mill, every day kind of stuff.
BUT when it comes to: I'm white, you're black. I can't use the N word, you can.
Front page. Woah, kind of a reverse racism, isn't it? Nowadays you can't get away with saying the N word...so what's the problem? I mean, the word's existence is entirely not acceptable on behalf of my own (and many, many, many other people's) moral standard and evolved education, but lives and breathes because black people exclusively insist on using it for their own purposes? Purposes such as "terms of endearment" and household reference? Weird.
Give me a break.
Trust me, I get it: Bad people exist. Bad people have existed. Bad things happen. Bad things have happened. I get it. Let's move forward. Advance society. Continue to educate. The N word doesn't promote any advancement or education, I don't care who you are or where you came from.
Taye Diggs, for some reason (I guess because he's black and a celebrity) felt the need to comment on the issue:
“(Hasselbeck) doesn’t understand, and, no offense — I don’t think any white person has the right to tell a black person or to even weigh in on subject matter such as that,” Diggs told “Access Hollywood” on Thursday. “They don’t know what it’s like to be called that word; they don’t know what it’s like to be black.”
OK, Taye, thanks for your valuable input. Yes, so I can't have an opinion about the matter because I am (she is) white? OK. Interesting and just ever-so slightly hypocritical.
I love how we're not supposed to see in color, how we're "one" people, an evolving society, races don't separate us, it's the year 2008, yet white people CANNOT do something that black people CAN. Would that "free pass" ever fly if it were the other way around?
Absolutely not.
However, I do know what it's like to be separated from society, to be outcasted, to be ridiculed, to be treated like a second class citizen, to be devalued, to be disregarded, to be demoralized, to be hated...
So, yes, I do have an opinion and I'll gladly weigh in on the subject: the word is wrong. You, as a black person (and just because you're a black person) can't have it. Move on without it. Stop using it. It's hate. And if you, as a black person or any race for that matter, choose to keep the word alive then you choose to live (and dwell) in your own, ignorant misery.
Separation is separation. You fought against it...no, no, we fought against it, I still fight against it, and I will continue to fight against it, on all levels, for all causes, and for all people, so don't undermine the process.
Then again, you're racist if you do and you're racist if you don't, apparently.
Thanks Whoopi and Taye for your understanding of my white perspective.
The word is completely inappropriate and disrespectful on all levels, no questions asked. There's no arguing that. However, black people can't "take the word back" either. Especially the black folk of 2008. Slavery doesn't exist anymore. It hasn't existed for, I would say, most people's Earthly existence. Yes, relatives, ancestry...I get it. I didn't take part in slavery just because I'm white. Neither did any of my family, or my family's family. When racism exists, it's on a separate playing field. It's at the hands of personal will. It's not in our government, it's not in our jobs, and it's not in power. It's the minority.
Funny sidenote though (and mildly relevant)...
but, there is a lot of hate in this world. Sorry black people, you're not the only ones suffering. People hate people for ALL kinds of reasons, it stems far beyond simply being black. While some people may hate a certain race (any race, there are plenty), they also hate religions, they hate gays and lesbians, they hate people who get abortions, they hate the poor, they hate the rich, they hate the Man, they hate politicians, they hate the people who support the politicians, they hate those who are different or think differently than that of the mainstream. Yet the black button is still forefronted for some reason. It's actually quite aggravating. Mistakenly or blazingly using the N word demands headlines and front pages, it gets ratings, it ends careers, it ruins reputations, it gets people talking/screaming/fighting: it causes mass hysteria.
But what happens when suicide bombers blow up churches? What happens when bullied and tormented goth students shoot dozens of their classmates and teachers at school? What happens during Gay Pride parades when people picket saying "Fags burn in Hell"? What happens when men call women ho's and bitches in popular, mainstream music?
Oh, nothing.
That's not as horrifying as the N-word. Really?
The N-word is simply a buzz word. It sparks controversy, it sells papers, it glues eyes to the tube, and it gets under people's skin.
The other forms of hate speech are just, you know, regular, old hate speech that we disregard as "people's opinions." Nothing special, just...ugh, boring, run-of-the-hate-mill, every day kind of stuff.
BUT when it comes to: I'm white, you're black. I can't use the N word, you can.
Front page. Woah, kind of a reverse racism, isn't it? Nowadays you can't get away with saying the N word...so what's the problem? I mean, the word's existence is entirely not acceptable on behalf of my own (and many, many, many other people's) moral standard and evolved education, but lives and breathes because black people exclusively insist on using it for their own purposes? Purposes such as "terms of endearment" and household reference? Weird.
Give me a break.
Trust me, I get it: Bad people exist. Bad people have existed. Bad things happen. Bad things have happened. I get it. Let's move forward. Advance society. Continue to educate. The N word doesn't promote any advancement or education, I don't care who you are or where you came from.
Taye Diggs, for some reason (I guess because he's black and a celebrity) felt the need to comment on the issue:
“(Hasselbeck) doesn’t understand, and, no offense — I don’t think any white person has the right to tell a black person or to even weigh in on subject matter such as that,” Diggs told “Access Hollywood” on Thursday. “They don’t know what it’s like to be called that word; they don’t know what it’s like to be black.”
OK, Taye, thanks for your valuable input. Yes, so I can't have an opinion about the matter because I am (she is) white? OK. Interesting and just ever-so slightly hypocritical.
I love how we're not supposed to see in color, how we're "one" people, an evolving society, races don't separate us, it's the year 2008, yet white people CANNOT do something that black people CAN. Would that "free pass" ever fly if it were the other way around?
Absolutely not.
However, I do know what it's like to be separated from society, to be outcasted, to be ridiculed, to be treated like a second class citizen, to be devalued, to be disregarded, to be demoralized, to be hated...
So, yes, I do have an opinion and I'll gladly weigh in on the subject: the word is wrong. You, as a black person (and just because you're a black person) can't have it. Move on without it. Stop using it. It's hate. And if you, as a black person or any race for that matter, choose to keep the word alive then you choose to live (and dwell) in your own, ignorant misery.
Separation is separation. You fought against it...no, no, we fought against it, I still fight against it, and I will continue to fight against it, on all levels, for all causes, and for all people, so don't undermine the process.
Then again, you're racist if you do and you're racist if you don't, apparently.
Thanks Whoopi and Taye for your understanding of my white perspective.
7.18.2008
I'm doing some soul searching.
So...would you keep a job where they pay you VERY well but you are SO not interested in the actual work
OR...
would you move forward with a job that pays WAY less but the work is intensely interesting and the career field is much more rewarding
??
I love feeling like I'm doing my life justice by doing gratifying work but at the same time I love the benjamins.
So...would you keep a job where they pay you VERY well but you are SO not interested in the actual work
OR...
would you move forward with a job that pays WAY less but the work is intensely interesting and the career field is much more rewarding
??
I love feeling like I'm doing my life justice by doing gratifying work but at the same time I love the benjamins.
7.09.2008
That fine, fine journalist Liz Crokin released yet another amazing article in the RedEye this week regarding the latest celeb-happenings in and around Chicago. Here's an excerpt:
Josh-ing around
Josh Kelley performed at Hotel Indigo last Monday night, and my intern, Julie Corirossi, got a chance to chat with the rocker, who plans to work on a new album this month.
Kelley talked about his recent vacation to Mexico with wife Katherine Heigl of "Grey's Anatomy." "It was awesome," Kelley said. "We ate a lot."
He said Heigl still is struggling to quit smoking. "I know eventually she would like to quit, but she will do it on her own time."
Heigl didn't make it to Chicago with Kelley--she has been filming "Grey's."
Sightings
I caught up with "Hancock" star Johnny Galecki at Underground's Rewind party on Thursday night. My friend and I asked him what it was like working with Will Smith, and he had nothing but nice things to say about him. "He's a fine, fine man," Galecki said. >> Barack Obama and wife Michelle recently had dinner at Spiaggia. ... Josh Kelley had lunch at Blue Water Grill on Tuesday. >> NBA star Chris Duhon celebrated Independence Day at Martini Park on Friday. >> Diddy was spotted at the Trump International Hotel & Tower on Saturday night. >> Jesse Jackson strolled down Rush Street on Saturday afternoon.
Wow, you guys. Wasn't that some startling information! Totally exclusive and hot! Not.
You might remember that I flipped shit on Liz's last Josh Kelley interview because it was offensively ALL about his wife, Katherine Heigl (who I personally, and I'm not alone here, think she sucks just as bad as Liz). Now, Liz's intern must be taking some serious notes on her mentor's intensive and hard-hitting journalistic style because, shock me shock me, she too embarrassingly asks Kelley about, not himself (absurd!), but HEIGL! How was your vacation with Heigl? Did Heigl quit smoking? Is Heigl in Chicago with you? Can my iron-fisted boss Liz bone your wife all night long while you wait outside your own hotel room and listen at the door?
Oh, and sidenote, Kelley is putting out an album later this month, but leave that for the fine print please.
Liz Crokin's RedEye articles are painstakingly dreadful and her lack of creative or unique Q&A ideas are a constant theme in her monotonous and boring weekly article. In fact, if you read an excerpt on the RedEye website, Liz doesn't even oversee the "Sightings" blurb herself; RedEye readers email Liz if they see an A-Z list celebrity in town...and then Liz reports it like she was at the clubs herself sharing bottles of Cristal with Diddy and dancing on tables with Paris. Oh, she isn't? She's at home thinking up funny nicknames for her 17 cats? Weird. (Mr. Fluffy I'm gonna call you...Mr...McFluff! No, Mr. Fluff-meister...no,no...Mr. Fluff-n-stuff! Ahahahaha! You're so cute, awww.)
Does the Trib pay her? I mean...seriously, do they pay her real money...not like Monopoly money or something? Here, Liz, here's a thousand dollars for that amazing interview. Go buy yourself a house on Baltic Avenue or perhaps a railroad. If they do pay her in official US currency, is it more than minimum wage? The Chicago Tribune just cut like 80 jobs and I hope, hope, hope hers was one of them. They could be saving $60 a day if they did!
It'd be well worth it.
Josh-ing around
Josh Kelley performed at Hotel Indigo last Monday night, and my intern, Julie Corirossi, got a chance to chat with the rocker, who plans to work on a new album this month.
Kelley talked about his recent vacation to Mexico with wife Katherine Heigl of "Grey's Anatomy." "It was awesome," Kelley said. "We ate a lot."
He said Heigl still is struggling to quit smoking. "I know eventually she would like to quit, but she will do it on her own time."
Heigl didn't make it to Chicago with Kelley--she has been filming "Grey's."
Sightings
I caught up with "Hancock" star Johnny Galecki at Underground's Rewind party on Thursday night. My friend and I asked him what it was like working with Will Smith, and he had nothing but nice things to say about him. "He's a fine, fine man," Galecki said. >> Barack Obama and wife Michelle recently had dinner at Spiaggia. ... Josh Kelley had lunch at Blue Water Grill on Tuesday. >> NBA star Chris Duhon celebrated Independence Day at Martini Park on Friday. >> Diddy was spotted at the Trump International Hotel & Tower on Saturday night. >> Jesse Jackson strolled down Rush Street on Saturday afternoon.
Wow, you guys. Wasn't that some startling information! Totally exclusive and hot! Not.
You might remember that I flipped shit on Liz's last Josh Kelley interview because it was offensively ALL about his wife, Katherine Heigl (who I personally, and I'm not alone here, think she sucks just as bad as Liz). Now, Liz's intern must be taking some serious notes on her mentor's intensive and hard-hitting journalistic style because, shock me shock me, she too embarrassingly asks Kelley about, not himself (absurd!), but HEIGL! How was your vacation with Heigl? Did Heigl quit smoking? Is Heigl in Chicago with you? Can my iron-fisted boss Liz bone your wife all night long while you wait outside your own hotel room and listen at the door?
Oh, and sidenote, Kelley is putting out an album later this month, but leave that for the fine print please.
Liz Crokin's RedEye articles are painstakingly dreadful and her lack of creative or unique Q&A ideas are a constant theme in her monotonous and boring weekly article. In fact, if you read an excerpt on the RedEye website, Liz doesn't even oversee the "Sightings" blurb herself; RedEye readers email Liz if they see an A-Z list celebrity in town...and then Liz reports it like she was at the clubs herself sharing bottles of Cristal with Diddy and dancing on tables with Paris. Oh, she isn't? She's at home thinking up funny nicknames for her 17 cats? Weird. (Mr. Fluffy I'm gonna call you...Mr...McFluff! No, Mr. Fluff-meister...no,no...Mr. Fluff-n-stuff! Ahahahaha! You're so cute, awww.)
Does the Trib pay her? I mean...seriously, do they pay her real money...not like Monopoly money or something? Here, Liz, here's a thousand dollars for that amazing interview. Go buy yourself a house on Baltic Avenue or perhaps a railroad. If they do pay her in official US currency, is it more than minimum wage? The Chicago Tribune just cut like 80 jobs and I hope, hope, hope hers was one of them. They could be saving $60 a day if they did!
It'd be well worth it.
7.07.2008
Things on my mind:
-How many carbs should I be eating everyday? Kinda scares me that I'm OD'ing...toast is my new best friend and our relationship might be getting REALLY serious REALLY fast.
-Does anyone care that Madonna might be divorcing her husband? I don't. Does anyone care about Madonna? I don't.
-I'm going to see Carly Smithson perform next weekend and I need T-shirt ideas. Crazy for Carly seems waaaay too incredibly fifth grade level, so I need something entirely more clever.
-Smoking is bad. Drugs are bad. Crocs are bad. Stay away from all three.
-I got 6 hours of sleep between Thursday night and Sunday morning. This last weekend was SO much fun I can barely stand that it's over.
-I bought a new headboard for my bed and it's all kinds of sexy.
-Paint color samples are taking over my life. I need professional help...with painting, that is.
-Summer romance: wanted.
-Saturday night was a total creep fest: I was creeped out like no other on a seemingly minute-by-minute basis. First it was a semi-scary conversation that I had with someone and their freakshow story was, weirdly, similar to a past incident of my own, then it was a sighting of ginormous sewer rats running across a sidewalk I was on, then it was a scary YouTube clip that freaked me out for some reason, then it was huge nasty roach of some sort hanging out on John's couch cushion that was less than 3 inches away from my neck and face. So much creepin, so little time.
-So I went to lunch just now at Mezza (delicious as always) and woah, the rudeness of some of the customers in line was slightly out of control. I've never worked in the fast food biz but I appreciate those who do because I'm sure they put up with a lot of bullshit and nastiness everyday. I have a theory that "customers" get the most snappy when it comes to food and banking. So, I'm standing in line and there's this 20-something, black hipster kid who is on his cellphone while ordering. It's a Mediterranean pita place so they make your pita in front of you (like at Subway) so, this nice guy that works there...and I know he's nice because I eat there every day and he is always so nice to me and already knows my order so I don't even have to say anything, asks this punk kid what he wants on his pita and he's like "a LOT of cheese...no, MO' cheese! I said MO! A lil bit of lettuce, lil bit of chopped tomatoes...just a LIL. And Ranch....mo' ranch. Keep goin. MO! That's it." All of this was said with this impatient, rude, demanding tone. He doesn't even make the slightest attempt to say thank you at any point in time. All the while, the kid is on his cell phone (most annoying thing ever) while barking his order. THEN the guy behind me is this stupid office worker guy who is completely rude, but I don't know if he's aware of the fact that he's being rude because somewhere within his pissy rant he included the words "thank you" and "sorry." This other girl that works there was making his pita and he was spouting off a hundred different things all at once (in this pitchy, rat-like voice of his) about what he wanted on his pita, and when she said it back to him she apparently added a condiment by mistake...
Worker girl: Okay you want hummus, cucumber, feta, diced tomatoes, and lettuce?
Jerk Customer: Lettuce? Thank you, but I don't want lettuce, I didn't ask for lettuce, and I didn't say lettuce. Did I say lettuce? Sorry, but I don't think I did.
That statement literally came out in one long sentence. The worker girl just responded "Oh, sorry, no lettuce."
I wanted to turn around and say "Uh, didn't I see you run across the sidewalk just the other night? You know, you had a long, pink tail? Anyway, could you please lower your ratty voice down to a normal, human octave because all you really had to say was no lettuce, you ginormous ASS."
But I refrained.
I didn't want to come across as being rude.
-How many carbs should I be eating everyday? Kinda scares me that I'm OD'ing...toast is my new best friend and our relationship might be getting REALLY serious REALLY fast.
-Does anyone care that Madonna might be divorcing her husband? I don't. Does anyone care about Madonna? I don't.
-I'm going to see Carly Smithson perform next weekend and I need T-shirt ideas. Crazy for Carly seems waaaay too incredibly fifth grade level, so I need something entirely more clever.
-Smoking is bad. Drugs are bad. Crocs are bad. Stay away from all three.
-I got 6 hours of sleep between Thursday night and Sunday morning. This last weekend was SO much fun I can barely stand that it's over.
-I bought a new headboard for my bed and it's all kinds of sexy.
-Paint color samples are taking over my life. I need professional help...with painting, that is.
-Summer romance: wanted.
-Saturday night was a total creep fest: I was creeped out like no other on a seemingly minute-by-minute basis. First it was a semi-scary conversation that I had with someone and their freakshow story was, weirdly, similar to a past incident of my own, then it was a sighting of ginormous sewer rats running across a sidewalk I was on, then it was a scary YouTube clip that freaked me out for some reason, then it was huge nasty roach of some sort hanging out on John's couch cushion that was less than 3 inches away from my neck and face. So much creepin, so little time.
-So I went to lunch just now at Mezza (delicious as always) and woah, the rudeness of some of the customers in line was slightly out of control. I've never worked in the fast food biz but I appreciate those who do because I'm sure they put up with a lot of bullshit and nastiness everyday. I have a theory that "customers" get the most snappy when it comes to food and banking. So, I'm standing in line and there's this 20-something, black hipster kid who is on his cellphone while ordering. It's a Mediterranean pita place so they make your pita in front of you (like at Subway) so, this nice guy that works there...and I know he's nice because I eat there every day and he is always so nice to me and already knows my order so I don't even have to say anything, asks this punk kid what he wants on his pita and he's like "a LOT of cheese...no, MO' cheese! I said MO! A lil bit of lettuce, lil bit of chopped tomatoes...just a LIL. And Ranch....mo' ranch. Keep goin. MO! That's it." All of this was said with this impatient, rude, demanding tone. He doesn't even make the slightest attempt to say thank you at any point in time. All the while, the kid is on his cell phone (most annoying thing ever) while barking his order. THEN the guy behind me is this stupid office worker guy who is completely rude, but I don't know if he's aware of the fact that he's being rude because somewhere within his pissy rant he included the words "thank you" and "sorry." This other girl that works there was making his pita and he was spouting off a hundred different things all at once (in this pitchy, rat-like voice of his) about what he wanted on his pita, and when she said it back to him she apparently added a condiment by mistake...
Worker girl: Okay you want hummus, cucumber, feta, diced tomatoes, and lettuce?
Jerk Customer: Lettuce? Thank you, but I don't want lettuce, I didn't ask for lettuce, and I didn't say lettuce. Did I say lettuce? Sorry, but I don't think I did.
That statement literally came out in one long sentence. The worker girl just responded "Oh, sorry, no lettuce."
I wanted to turn around and say "Uh, didn't I see you run across the sidewalk just the other night? You know, you had a long, pink tail? Anyway, could you please lower your ratty voice down to a normal, human octave because all you really had to say was no lettuce, you ginormous ASS."
But I refrained.
I didn't want to come across as being rude.
7.03.2008
You've gotta love Craigslist. I mean, any website that allows nearly uncontrolled access to its users is always a marvelous and intriguing sight.
So I'm perusing the furniture for sale listings in Chicago--I'm in need of a couple of skinny bookcases for my apartment. Nothing fancy, just something that is tall, dark, and handsome, just like yours truly. Well...I'm not so much tall, but 5'10 is a solid, average height, right?
Anyway, so I came across a listing for a $30 bookcase in Lincoln Park. Here's what the ad revealed:
Bookcase $30 OBO
And at the bottom it read this:
*Stuff on top, in, and around bookcase is not for sale*
OK, where do I begin? I realize that not everyone has an eye for detail. That's fine. Actually, there is a lot of detail going on in this picture. I feel like this photo could be used for one of those MegaTouch games where you have to find what's missing or different between two "identical" photos. The Craigslist seller should totally sell this pic to MegaTouch. But are you REALLY trying to sell a bookcase on Craigslist, where there are potentially hundreds of other sellable bookcases, by using THAT picture? You took the 10 minutes to post the ad but you couldn't take the 5 minutes to remove the dangling pair of heels, what-looks-to-be a small bottle of aspirin (must have been a good night!), a wicker basket, and 20 books lying haphazardly all over the place? And is that how your apartment looks every day of the week? Can you even get through your door?
Did you ever see the Full House episode where Danny Tanner couldn't date Stephany's cute dance teacher because her apartment was a ginormous disaster? ...I feel like she put this ad up.
And seriously, the heels? You couldn't even at least stand the one heel upright? It's barely hanging onto the bookcase as it is. And bookcases are typically meant for books, yes, and I see a feeble attempt at this, but again with the upright thing.
Now let's get to the price and disclaimer. I mean, hell yes, I'll give you $30 for that solid piece of IKEA craftsmanship, no problem--in fact, I'll give you $50 because it's SO gorgeously assembled. BUT DAMN! That random stuff in and around it isn't included? Wha wha what? Why the heck not?! I'll pay good money for it! I need that basket!
And that detergent!
So I'm perusing the furniture for sale listings in Chicago--I'm in need of a couple of skinny bookcases for my apartment. Nothing fancy, just something that is tall, dark, and handsome, just like yours truly. Well...I'm not so much tall, but 5'10 is a solid, average height, right?
Anyway, so I came across a listing for a $30 bookcase in Lincoln Park. Here's what the ad revealed:
Bookcase $30 OBO
And at the bottom it read this:
*Stuff on top, in, and around bookcase is not for sale*
OK, where do I begin? I realize that not everyone has an eye for detail. That's fine. Actually, there is a lot of detail going on in this picture. I feel like this photo could be used for one of those MegaTouch games where you have to find what's missing or different between two "identical" photos. The Craigslist seller should totally sell this pic to MegaTouch. But are you REALLY trying to sell a bookcase on Craigslist, where there are potentially hundreds of other sellable bookcases, by using THAT picture? You took the 10 minutes to post the ad but you couldn't take the 5 minutes to remove the dangling pair of heels, what-looks-to-be a small bottle of aspirin (must have been a good night!), a wicker basket, and 20 books lying haphazardly all over the place? And is that how your apartment looks every day of the week? Can you even get through your door?
Did you ever see the Full House episode where Danny Tanner couldn't date Stephany's cute dance teacher because her apartment was a ginormous disaster? ...I feel like she put this ad up.
And seriously, the heels? You couldn't even at least stand the one heel upright? It's barely hanging onto the bookcase as it is. And bookcases are typically meant for books, yes, and I see a feeble attempt at this, but again with the upright thing.
Now let's get to the price and disclaimer. I mean, hell yes, I'll give you $30 for that solid piece of IKEA craftsmanship, no problem--in fact, I'll give you $50 because it's SO gorgeously assembled. BUT DAMN! That random stuff in and around it isn't included? Wha wha what? Why the heck not?! I'll pay good money for it! I need that basket!
And that detergent!
7.02.2008
Today I read a very interesting Newsweek article written about the potential massacre of wild horses. The US government and the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) are looking into eradicating wild mustangs from the open fields of the west. According to the government and ranchers alike (currently one in the same), wild horses overgraze and deprive ranch cattle from feasting. Wait a sec, I thought they injected cows with steroids to get them so...beefy? I digress.
Anyway, there are approximately 33,000 actual wild horses in the US wheras there are over 17 million cows at any point in time within the US.
This is another Bushy problem, too. Bush has close ties to our nations beef producers and therefore, as always, is trying to appease his allies.
Save the Mustangs! The thought of a wild horse being near me is somewhat scary (I feel like they'd try to bite me) but they're beautiful creatures and the thought of only seeing horses at hick-town parades or at the gambling tracks is even more horrific and sad.
Anyway, there are approximately 33,000 actual wild horses in the US wheras there are over 17 million cows at any point in time within the US.
This is another Bushy problem, too. Bush has close ties to our nations beef producers and therefore, as always, is trying to appease his allies.
Save the Mustangs! The thought of a wild horse being near me is somewhat scary (I feel like they'd try to bite me) but they're beautiful creatures and the thought of only seeing horses at hick-town parades or at the gambling tracks is even more horrific and sad.
7.01.2008
If I could spend every day
this way
I would.
If I could be here
and there
all day
every day
I would.
If I could think this thought
and keep it real
all day
this way
I would.
If I could feel
like I do
right now, every day
I would.
If you could feel the way
I feel
and say
all day
that you love me
I wish you would.
--ryansumner
this way
I would.
If I could be here
and there
all day
every day
I would.
If I could think this thought
and keep it real
all day
this way
I would.
If I could feel
like I do
right now, every day
I would.
If you could feel the way
I feel
and say
all day
that you love me
I wish you would.
--ryansumner
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