Yuck. I'm swamped at work. I'm working on a case that's worth $303 million dollars. That's a lot of pressure. If we win, dinner's on me.

Anywho, I need to start buying stuff/cleaning my condo for my New Year's Party. If you were invited, consider yourself lucky. It's very VIP.

Remember, come hot.

Oh, WOW... I'm amazed. And I'm pissed. Yeah, definitely pissed. I'm not pissed at you, because, you see, I expect that from you. That is absolutely who you are, and there's nothing much you can do to change that. You think the world is at your disposal, and that you are rare delicacy, the hero, the shining star above Iowa City. Please. You are NOTHING special. Nothing special whatsoever, and eventually, everyone comes to that realization. Hopefully sooner than later. You are a user. A leech. You can only survive if you're sucking the life out of OTHER people, because you are incapable of surviving on your own. It's pathetic. So, I'm not mad at you. You are EXACTLY who you are. Congrats. Right.

Now, YOU, I'm mad at. Well, not mad. Disappointed. And I guess I'm mad at myself for thinking you were more than what you actually are, or are proving yourself to be. All that time, all that energy, all those feelings -- what a waste of time. What a waste of my life. And the fact that I still think about this whole thing is simply fuel to the fire. How completely stupid was I to think, that there are genuinely good people on this Earth? And stupid Me for placing value on you, because, I thought you were a good one. A keeper. A follow-up. You were worth the while. You made me think that I was doing something good in my life. You made me feel good. For once, I felt like I had found someone that was different...someone better than the rest.

How stupid was I?

So, after much consideration, London is a no go. My Mom would DIE if I went that far away, and I think that I would die, too.

Wow. So, it's interesting how things work out, isn't it? Congrats on whatever it is you think you're gaining. I hope you're happy with it.

Despite what it seems, I really love life. And I'm so excited that my life makes me feel good, because that can only mean bigger and better things are to come. I'm so ready for it, too.

Major moodswing occuring...right..about..now.

So, I had a GREAT weekend with my fam. My brother and sister from Colorado drove home to Galva to see everyone for the week. Unfortunately, I was only able to see them for the weekend, but it was still some quality time. I have the BEST family ever and I guess this weekend helped me remember that. I have some great pictures on the way, so keep an eye out for that.

Anywho, so I had the chance to talk to my Mom and sister a little bit and I started to realize some stuff about myself. I am finally in the right frame of mind. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm making good decisions, and that I have good things happening, and I am surrounded by great people, and for that I am TRULY lucky. Not all 23 year olds feel like that. However, I do, and I'm grateful. I'm a very, very lucky guy.

Stream of conscienceness RANT:

Here's where my mood changes, I've been thinking about my love life lately and I've come to the conclusion that I am WAY too good for some people. Now, before you go and start hating on me and erasing my number from your cell phone, hear me out. It seems like I am SURROUNDED by a culture that assumes all relationships are based off of sex. Sex is like the glue of all relationships, whether it is sex appeal, sexual attraction, a sexual act, friends with benefits, "hook-ups" (which is such an ambiguous/undefined term), or whatever else...it's all based off of sex. Sex, sex, sex. Is that ALL that people think about these days? I know we live in a Hollywood-based society where we learn dating skills from Sex & the City and Laguna Beach and that only guys with big muscles and girls with big tits are what we all aspire to look like/be with. GIVE ME A BREAK. It's so easy to look at someone and say, "Wow, that person is hot and I'd like to have sex with them." Why do people date one another based off of physical attraction? Yes, it's important to be attracted to the person that you're seeing, but does that physicality keep you in a relationship, or does their physical appearance reveal ANYTHING about a person? F...some of the hottest people are the BIGGEST losers in existence. No one thinks that though because they're too busy imagining what they look like naked. So, people pursue one another based off of who's hot and who's going to give into a night, or week, or month of fleshly indulgence and fun. Not me, though. If you're a big, horny person, then yeah, go ahead and fuck everything in sight. I'm SO different and my friends have come to realize this about me. I want QUALITY. I want a relationship where I'm in love with a person because I KNOW that the person is PHENOMENAL, and that sex is a bonus, not a selling point. In my mind, no relationship that is based off of factors like beauty, sex, wealth, or power ever survives or is even worthwhile. Look at celebrities...NONE of them can ever stay together because they date/marry based upon their status, and money, and most importantly - their looks. Why do celebrities only date celebrities? Are they above us ugly, non-televised poor people? To them, the answer is probably yes. But all I can do is say HAAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA to Nick and Jessica, Paris and Paris, Brad and Jen, and practically EVERY celebrity couple EVER. And you know why they all suck? Because none of them are with one another for the RIGHT reasons. It's all circumstantial. I don't want circumstances. I want reality. Looking beyond celebrities, there are people that I know that are exactly the same. EXACTLY. It's so sad, and so disturbing to see how they dictate their lives. Yes, it is their life and they can do whatever they want with it, but it's still sad. SAD. These people see lust, not love...and the difference between lust and love is SO huge, that it's pointless to even write about it. Everyone is in lust these days. Except me.

Here's my deal -- I want to FALL in love. I don't want to look at someone and say, "You're hot, I could see myself being with you." FLIPPING RIDICULOUS. In some respects, I don't even want to be initially attracted. I want to see someone, think they're "okay" and after talking, and telling jokes, and shooting the breeze, and watching movies, and holding hands, and awkward moments, and sleepless nights...I want to see the beauty that makes up their ENTIRE being, inside and out. Not just their looks, not just their clothes, not just a casual flirtation. I want to fall in love with someone that is less-than-perfect, and then in time learn that they ARE perfect...and more importantly, perfect for ME. I want to love somebody for exactly who they are, and nothing less....flaws and all. Flaws are fantastic. They make us human. And if someone can accept me for my flaws, my life, and my everything, then that is absolutely who I want to be with, and that's who I'll devote myself to, and that's who I'll give up everything and anything to be with. Love is rare, so when you find it -- take it and run with it.

See what I mean -- mood swing. You didn't see that coming, did you?

Nicole Richie's publicist just reported to the Associated Press that she and her fiancee of nine months, DJ AM, have cancelled their engagement and have split ways. The first thing that came to my mind....Nicole Richie has a publicist?

That pretty much means that I should have a publicist.

I brush my teeth, I put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on, I
Pick a book up, and then I turn the sheets down and
then I take a deep breath, and good look around...
Put on my pjs and hop into bed, I'm
half-alive but I've been mostly dead
I try and tell myself it all be alright
I just shouldn't think, anymore tonight...

Wow, what a long, tiring weekend. Don't get me wrong, it was a great weekend, but shizzzz..I'm kinda exhausted. I feel like I've neglected my friends for a couple weeks now and, for that, I'm sorry. My bad. I've just had a lot of stuff going on lately and it all kind of came together this weekend, and now that the weekend is over, I think things will get back to normal...for the most part. So, friends, I'll try to spread myself around all of you a lot more than I have been recently, because I know that's what you ALL want from me. And like Britney says, "I see nothing wrong in spreadin' myself around." And that's my prerogative, too.