8.31.2009

fave spam email of the day: witch bitch got banged.
i need to start this post off with the disclaimer: what i'm about to tell/show you is 100% real. i swear on my life.

umm...you guys. the most amazing thing ever has just happened. i can't believe it and i have no way to explain it other than taking a picture of it with my bberry.

my sandwich just communicated to me.

i kid you not. i know this sounds as stupid as that cnn video with the broom but this is really...woah. i take it back cnn. weird stuff like this is interesting. holy crap.

background: it's lunchtime here in Chi right now, so a couple minutes ago i went and retrieved my homemade turkey sandwich (we're in a recession, people) from the work fridge, plopped back down at my desk, was flipping through the newspaper, just minding my own business, when i just so happened to glance at the tupperware container that my sandwich was formerly in and i ever-so-casually noticed this:



WHAT THE????? immediately my eye opened as big as they ever have been in LIFE and my jaw dropped to the floor like an anchor. disclaimer: I SWEAR I DID NOT STICK MY FINGER IN MUSTARD AND INSCRIBE THAT. this is serious you guys...

to me, it looks like it says "Hi"

my sandwich just said hi to me.

here's a closer up view:



this is a miracle on some level. my heart is racing something serious. this is phenomenal. what!?!??!?! i'm not washing this tupperware ever. should i be calling someone right now, like a newstation or cnn? should i?

i can't believe this.
added another couple of tracks to my nano. if i had a name for this playlist, it would be: love, or something like it.

they're all a bunch of love songs...some because love can be so good, and others because, well, it can be so bad.

you decide what you feel.

right now i'm listening to robin thicke's teach u a lesson.

i'll teach you a lesson.
sometimes i feel good, sometimes i feel bad. sometimes i look good, sometimes i look bad. it happens to all of us, right?

it happens to the banana pudding, too. some days it has its good days, other days...not so much. i know it to be true, and i've documented it.

the other week i was having a really bad day. things were just unsettled, not right, and i was feeling a bit off. and, while grocery shopping, i noticed the banana pudding was in the same, exact predicament:



i could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong.

now, this last weekend i was having a really great day. everything was going my way. my ducks were in a row. life was good. and the banana pudding had no complaints either.



sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who gets me. but low and behold, friends turn up in the weirdest of places. we might be very different, banana pudding, but it doesn't mean that we both don't have feelings.

i get you. and you get me.

see you next week, BP.

8.30.2009

cnn you know i love you but this is quite possibly the dumbest story...ever. and i mean ever.

and then my sister was over there and i was behind that counter back there and i couldn't see nothin from here then i saw the top of the broom from here and then i moved the curio cabinent, and you know tugged on it, then my sister told me to get my camera and i said i didn't have my camera....

OKAY REALLY PEOPLE, we get it. the broom stands on its own and grannies everywhere want to get a picture of it. real cool. move it along.

8.27.2009

hi friends. i'm trying to cut back on spending. i've successfully paid off my one credit card that had a ginorm balance...and it was a small miracle that i saved enough to pay it off in one lump sum. but i still have a student loan i need to pay off before i can consider myself debt free. i guess the last 5 years of paying the minimum payment should really come to an end if i ever want to pay that bitch off. le sighe.

in the meantime, here are some goodies i'm drooling after instead of buying gorsh dammit:

cologne: d&g 1 le bateleur, (if you're a details, gq, men's health subscriber like moi you can't miss their ads and samples unless you're blind and noseless), ermenegildo zegna's zegna colonia (amazing), and, i hate to admit this, but, justin timberlake's givenchy. the bottle is dumb-looking and complete cornball city much like jt himself but the scent is fantastnificent.

jeans: a lot of people emailed jean suggestions after my last blog post about how much i love love love jeans. i want to have like 40 pairs. but i really dislike shopping for jeans. after the third or fourth unsuccessful try-on i get really irritable. wtfo - watch the fuck out.

underwear: i'm pretty snobby when it comes to underwear. i absolutely loathe and detest weirdo underwear i.e. anything from diesel, most of h&m, 2xist, and all that other crap that is less underwear and more male lingerie. you know the kind of people that wear underwear like that. they are up to no good. i repeat, no good. i like simple underwear that has a good fit i.e. calvin klein. but i already have like 6 pairs of calvins in various colors (mostly the low rise, trunk style boxer brief). any suggestions on other kinds?

shoes: i really want some new nikes. in a couple different colors. i might go on the website this weekend and design a couple pairs....for future purchasing. maybe layaway. trashy right? i'm okay with it.

shout out to my hair stylist douglas i'm loving my haircut a lot! you are the best. but will you work for free though, because damn gina its expensive. i'm such a bitch and ask for a razor cut only...no clippers...so i guess i have the hefty pricetag coming. it's not easy being me. le sighe dos.

omg don't forget to remind me tomorrow to buy a lotto ticket...the megamillions jackpot is in the triple digits so this entire blog post could be in vain.
fave spam email of the day: southdakota couple loves to swing, super raunch!!@#

8.26.2009

uf, my two favorite people.

fave spam email of the day: honry whroes wantinit non-stopps!
i wanted to thank nicholas, a reader from the buffalo ny area, for sending me this picture he took while standing on a bridge during sunset. he passed this along in reference to a recent blog posting about how i'm really into the sky, its colors & hues, sunsets/sunrises, and whatnot.

at any rate, i loved this picture and asked if i could post it. at first i thought it was from somewhere in india because the buildings in the background looked somewhat similar to buildings there, but alas, it's from buffalo. who would have guessed?

(actually, my first thought was that this pic was taken in agrabah, where aladdin lives)

but i thought the intense peach color of the setting sky was amazing, and the radiant orange reflection on the train cars was beautiful. plus i was really digging the illumination and complexity of the rails and power lines. so cool.

thanks again, nicholas. great picture.

8.25.2009

my sis passed this astrology thing on to me. it's to a t, don't you think:

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming, but aggressive. Can come off as boring but they are not. Hard worker.. Warm-hearted.. Strong and has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally... Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulges often. Very generous.
new nano is up yall. check it before i wreck it.
imogen heap's new song, wait it out, goes perfectly with the post below.

i'll be including it on my nano in just a bit.

give it a listen.

she's amazing and the song definitely spoke to me.

sang to me.
i'm going to keep this short and sweet, but i had a dream last night that solved all quandaries. silenced all demons:

i know why i can't live in this city anymore.
it's not because of the winters, despite the brutal cold.
you were worse.
it's not because of my career, i'm thankful for mine.
and i'm thankful i found it, even tho my previous job was a dream come true.
that you ruined.
no, no ryan. that i ruined.

because of you.

its true that i rarely sweat.
but last night i woke up from a dream
a dream reality. dreamality.

and as my eyes flashed open
and my mind jolted awake
i noticed my skin glistening in the pale night sky.

realization.
at last.
i consciously never admitted this to myself
subconsciously blocked it out.

nyc wasn't too hard
you were too sweet.
i was too in love.
but here i am
still feeling like the fool
that i was
but am no longer.

and where are you now?
god knows, and i don't care.
i haven't seen you since.

its been 2 full years
and i know i can't stay here.
i've finally figured it out
why i can't get comfortable
why i've been closed off
why i'm different now.

i can live in the nicest apartment
i can smile amid the streets
among friends.
i can revel in the beauty of the city
but its never enough.

i can't escape what you did to me
how you made me feel
the stress, the embarrassment, the pain
emotional and physical.

its haunted me my entire stay
a city that haunts me, because of you.
after all, this city is because of you.
problem is, i can't stand the thought of you
which will remain
a curse
as long as i stay.

i'm not running away
that's far too easy.
i'm moving on.

finally.
it dawned on me.

oddly enough, during the dawn.
i couldn't go back to sleep
rapture in my mind
rapture in my soul
i'm finally at peace
and happy
with my accomplishments here
with my experiences
despite you.
my ego wants to hate you, but i want to thank you.

everything happens for a reason, they say.
and it did.
and i'm moving on from that

a big boy.

its finally time to leave this place that i equate with you
a beautiful city, but a haunting memory.

goodbye.
fave spam email of the day: biting seksi nippples!

8.24.2009

chicago might not be my final destination, but i forget how truly beautiful of a city it is. absolutely beautiful...more so than any other US city. i always felt bigger than chicago, but when i look at it from a different angle, it really can hold its own. i snapped these pics while beaching and bike riding and loving life:



i can already sense that this post is going to come across as being very weird and confusing. but, i just have to explain a feeling i've been...feeling...throughout the weekend.

is it just me, or does sunlight/daylight have a profound effect on nostalgia? i can't quite put my finger on it, but depending on the time of day and cloud cover, i always get this weird sense of nostalgia, comfort, and inspiration based on the color of the sky. like during sunset and the sky is a mixture of blue and pinks, and sometimes purple, i get completely inspired by random thoughts and emotions...almost all of my best thinking is performed during this time.

or, if it's a weekend morning and the sun is rising and the temperature is cool....i get overwhelmed by a sense of peace and happiness that has no explanation other than i can relate this experience to a happier, more comfortable and carefree period of time during my youth.

or...if it's a rainy-ish day, if it's just the appropriate amount of blue and grey in the sky, life becomes SO much realer...like people seem more interesting and life seems much more...gritty and intense.

i can't explain any of this! i just get these feelings based on the circumstances of the sky. maybe that's why i'm so into sunsets/sunrises/pictures of the sky. i don't know why, i just am.

these feelings and nostalgias are completely enhanced during fall, when the temperature varies and nature goes through a cycle of change and WOAH the the sky is almost always beautiful...i go through some intense inner discovery and nostalgia. there's a smell in the air that says things are changing and this incredible vibe i get takes me places. i love it but again i can't even begin to explain it. it happened this past weekend since the weather turned a little cool (70s) and i wore a jacket a couple times...just walking around with the cool air temperature and the beautiful sky above and this incredible feeling that can only be felt at times like this....it was amazing. but i can't explain why.

does anyone know what i'm talking about?

8.23.2009

8.21.2009

8.20.2009

today's fave spam email: massturbating with pen. buy it 2day
today's ego awareness mission #1: delete facebook pages.
today's ego awareness mission #2: do not panic at low daily blog views & unique site visits now that facebook is gone, my blog link gone. its like virtually singing don't you, forget about me...all gone. oh well. my faithful readers will stick around. but, even if they don't, that's ok too. this blog does more good for me than it ever will for anybody else.

i would be lying if i said my heart wasn't racing a little. but, at least i'm aware. i'm aware of the reasons why i feel like i need facebook (i.e. attention, blog marketing, correspondence, stalking, voyeurism, etc.), as well as the reasons why i do not (at all) need facebook (wasted time in front of a computer, shrinking morality and sensitivity when it comes to privacy, hackers and scams, false delusion of who i am based on what my facebook page depicts, and an alarming false sense of security via facebook friendships). seriously, it's like nicotine, or for some, cocaine.

you need it. you want it. you don't feel good without it.

yikes.

today i've accepted and come to terms with all of the reasons why i "needed" facebook. and boy were those reasons negative. completely negative. negativity is a disease. addiction is a disease. and i can confidently say that both diseases manifest in facebook. there is a tumor between my eyes. the facebook tumor. it never goes away and it's getting bigger every day.

until now.

sure, others will think facebook is positive. those whom say facebook is a platform to stay connected to friends and family, to keep in touch... well that's a false and emotionless dependancy. completely void of sentiment and humanity. facebook is non-tangible. it's not real. for example, instead of calling friends to say happy birthday, we write on their wall. little black characters with no heart and no soul. just something we do to feel better about ourselves. and, instead of spending time with friends and family, we write on their wall and tell them how much we miss them, accompanied by false promises of doing something together, and soon. we both know it doesn't amount to anything. again, we just feel better about ourselves for having done it. its too easy not to do. it's also pathetic, and you know it. you've felt guilty for returning a friend's phone call with a facebook wallpost. once-sacred bonds, be it unintentional or be it a sign-of-the-times, are broken because its easier and less bothersome to check in with a friend via facebook than it is to actually take time out of your life to have lunch, talk in person, buy someone a gift and put in the mail, or to simply stop in and say hello. our world is much too busy for that, right? facebook is an easy button. we love easy buttons.

and, i hate to break this to you, but you're not as popular as think. maybe that's why you have facebook, is so that you can feel a part of something bigger? (as you sit alone in front of your computer.) facebook is a false sense of security. facebook says you have 726 friends. you don't really have 726 friends. not even close. you have a running list of 726 names, names of people you might consider a friend, an acquaintance, an admirer...you may have gone to school with this person, met this person once, or never at all, they could be your best friend or an ex lover, but in the end, all it takes is a first and last name, and boom: friend. adding them to a bloated list of people you may never see or talk to again. they're not all important, but you feel better that they're there. somewhere.

does any of this ring a bell? no? that's ok.

i could hate on facebook all day long, but long rant, short...i am aware of the delusion of facebook, and i don't need it in my life. deactivate. get up from the computer, and let life live through you.

hello 3d world. hello new world. hello ego. hello me.

i'm here.

8.19.2009

i forgot how much i love this video. yes its old-ish but it's still a refreshing take on simplicity.

simplicity = me.

new addition to the blog...

how fun is it to check your spam folder and read some of the horribly offensive, yet totally hilar spam emails just waiting to be deleted forever?

so fun.

so, i'm going to pick out my favorite daily spam email subject heading and share it for all to enjoy.

todays fave: big tit-ty sluut joodi beean gets dsetroyed by hugee insnane faical!
ok, ok, i'm almost over talking about egos, but i'm reading about them twice daily to and from work every day. i can't help but apply these new findings to both myself and other people. so i'm going to do a little bit of application-ing right...

now.

do you talk with your body? most of us do. if i were to walk into a room, and just you and i were in it, there'd be 4 people present. me, my ego, you, and your ego. reason being is that when we communicate to others, we often speak through our ego. yes, you do. don't argue with me. who we "are" and who others perceive us to be are two completely different people. how many times have you picked your nose in public? probably zero even though you do it behind semi-closed doors all the time. but no one can know that about you, right!? you come across as so hygenic.

anyway.

some personal examples:

if i walked into my boss's office, i wouldn't walk in as myself. i would walk in as a writer that is capable of answering any of my boss's questions and/or needs. that's who my boss thinks i am. also, my boss would communicate to me through his role as my superior. i act, speak, and think as a subordinate. am i in real life? absolutely not. i'm a completely different person outside of work, and the same goes for my boss. its almost like we're both in costume, both of us pretending to be bigger than we really are. sad fact, we're both just humans.

if i walked into a bar, i wouldn't walk in as myself. i would be dressed based on others' interests, not necessarily my own. i would act aloof and unknowing, rather than insanely alert and observant, like i am most times, and i would also think with my body. in bars and other social atmospheres, people tend to stick out their chests more, eye contact is usually avoided as a means of superiority (just to make it clear: you are looking at me, i am not looking at you), and we automatically assume people are going to evaluate (i.e. whisper to their friend) our bodies first. we already know that no one whispers "hey, i heard that guy is super fun!" so our ego goes straight to work. we let our ego do all the talking thereafter. if we think we're hot stuff...well we certainly wouldn't want to let anybody down. hi, my name is ryan but my ego's name is david beckham. nice to meet you.

lastly, we all feel the need to be one step ahead of everybody else. i always say knowledge is power, and you know why? knowledge is power. we all love to know something that somebody else doesn't yet know. what we love more is enlightening others, especially since we regard ourselves as having the ultimately enlightened persona, providing a sense of intellectual or social superiority. gossip thrives. "oh, you didn't hear about Mark and Stacy? i know all about it, let me fill you in on the details." all of a sudden, we become this masked knowledge source. in reality, you're just regurgitating random information. but to your ego, you have egotistically separated yourself from the unknowing, until you let them in. even then, your ego will retain its "knowledge source" credibility for when the next bit of news comes along.

with all of this in mind, i'm working on thinking outside of my ego. an ego is merely made up of who we think we are. in reality, we are much more than what we think. if we limit ourselves to our thoughts, we would have a very contained, limited, and delusional perception of self. i know plenty of people like this. in reality, we often surprise ourselves, we're capable of immense change, we're capable of thinking outside of a box. we're capable of a life outside of an ego.

so, think outside of your ego. like i said in the last post, the more aware you are of your ego, the less egotistical you will be.

8.17.2009

currently reading eckhart tolle's a new earth: awakening to your life's purpose.

i'm hoping this book stirs up something, be it profound enlightenment or at the very least something to chew on. and it did; the point below, buried in a chapter about ego, the body, resentment, and greed, somehow pierced my mind:

your ego is who you think you are, or who you perceive yourself to be. it's the image in the bathroom mirror, be it good or be it bad. however, it's not who you really are. it's all an illusion. awareness and ego cannot coexist. welcome to a life beyond yourself.

8.16.2009




ugh, buster. that boy of mine...doesn't it just warm your heart and melt your socks? happy 5th birthday baby boy.

8.14.2009

8.13.2009

i remember taking a myers-briggs personality test years ago in which one of the assessment questions was:

do you enjoy taking walks by yourself?

this question made me think of two things 1) i do like to walk by myself, a lot actually and 2) this has to be a trick question, maybe i should answer no?

i decided against answering no because i would by lying, and i already answered a different question that asked if i considered the act of lying as a valid means of avoiding confrontation. i answered no because every time i've lied in the past it has always come back to bite me in the ass, and i've learned my lesson. so eat it myers-briggs, you can't trick me.

regardless, what's wrong with taking walks by yourself and liking it? i get so much good thinking done when i walk the city streets - my nano shuffling, phat beats energizing every step, and thoughts flowing.

however, while i was walking last night, i noticed a couple of things: i saw this cute couple walk out of this ma & pa ice cream shop. they slowly sauntered down the sidewalk, side by side, toting scoops of ice cream in little individual cups. the guy dug right in and fed himself a spoonful of what looked to be chocolate ice cream with brownie or oreo...or some kind of crumbly, black dessert topping. whatever it was, from the look on his face, he loved it. he carefully and strategically took the spoon out of his mouth, leaving a sizable portion of ice cream goo attached to the spoon.

"oh babe you have got to try this" he said.

without resistance from his girlfriend, he then stuck the spoon directly into her mouth so that she could taste his leftovers.

AND SHE LOVED IT TOO.

first, i dry heaved.
second, i thought: i will never forget this unfortunate imagery.
third, i thought: wait a second...maybe i'm just jealous? maybe i'm just completely and utterly consumed with jealousy that i have never, ever, ever done such a thing for anyone nor would i ever even come close to letting someone do that to me. whatever that couple has going on, wow, they really know what they're doing.

which got me to thinking: am i a hopeless loser because i'm lightyears away from being fed regurgitated desserts by my significant other?

and when i say lightyears i mean
light
years

why am i such a loser? i thought to myself. why, why, why?
i want regurgitated desserts.

LOSER.

i thought about it for the rest of my walk home.
just me and my nano. alone.

myers-briggs you win again.

8.12.2009



















we can run through the layers
our feet bare
our minds racing
foresight unseen
from this world to the next
its all right here
but its better over there
i promise
will you come with me?
to lose ourselves in the soft purple haze
and blue hues
i'll know you're there
i feel your breath
you sweat
next to me
as we climb our ambitions
and jump into what’s below
feet first
eyes open
mind free
to do it all over again
will you come with me?
as the sun sets pink
and you hold my hand
tight
our thoughts reflect
hearts connect
of what we will be
will you come with me?
please

8.11.2009

i'm just going to throw this out there: i appreciate your opinion.

god knows i (personally) have plenty of opinions concerning just about everything under the sun. and i often express these opinions right here. the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

but, people, this is getting tiring. long story short: i'll never make you happy, and i never really intended to.

long ago, back in the day when this blog was all dots...i had a "comment" section.

bad idea. it was misused. feelings were hurt. lines were crossed.

end-o-comment-feature.

also, i've consistently attached my personal email to this blog somewhere, which you've used. repeatedly.

but more recently i've created an email address specifically for this here blog.

and woah, hello world.

you guys aren't going to like everything i do. actually, there are a lot of you that don't like anything i do. and you're the first to tell me.

that's fine. i get it. all of this is up for interpretation.

but seriously, it's not that serious.

you don't like the colors of my header. i do. they remind me of sunsetting miami beaches. sunset is my favorite time of day. therefore the colors of the sunset speak to me. it's all ok.

you don't like my polaroids. i don't like my polaroids either. they're supposed to be ridiculous and nauseating. that's the fun. to me, at least.

you don't like when i'm too serious. you don't like when my posts aren't deep enough. you don't like the way i don't use capitalization any more. you don't agree. you agree but think I could have said things differently. you don't agree and you don't like me.

i get it.

whether its emails, comments, youtube stuff, blog stuff....people love to express their opinion. directly. or, actually, indirectly when it comes to the cyber world. it's way too easy to be critical-on-the-edge-of-offensive-as-well-as-abusive. some people take zero thought or perspective when commenting on something.

not everybody, though. just some.

watch any youtube video and read any of the sometimes thoughtful, most-times thoughtless, absurd, ridiculous, horrific, and altogether deplorable comments people leave. it's jaw dropping.

again, sometimes its positive. but not typically.

it just makes me think: these comments come from our peers. these are every day citizens, amongst us...every day. just people stopping by. but who are you? you all get to see who i am, as well as other bloggers, vloggers, etc, but who are you to say such horrible things to someone you don't know? i'm not speaking personally, i'm just speaking openly.

when it's a conversation, that's different. i love to hear that you either agree, disagree, like or dislike...as long as it's intelligent and respectful. but when you leave a two sentence, vile-filled comment that doesn't do anyone any good...what's the point?

so, when you comment, think about what it is you're actually saying, and how the person on the other end will interpret your opinion.

we're all human. most of us.

but, at any rate, thank you for the feedback. i hear you.

8.10.2009

i love jeans. jeans are hot. jeans make an outfit. jeans = everything.
very few times do you catch me in shorts. although sometimes they're nice, especially when it's hot, much like this past weekend. my hair is still pretty upset about the humidity, but my legs did just fine. i wore shorts.

(except for saturday, i barely left my apartment that day. in fact, i didn't get out of bed until 6 pm. lets just say friday night was...wow. friday hit hard. a sucker punch if you will.

but, after 7 pm, i did muster up the energy to appease a new found appetite. the first of the day. therefore i accompanied the bff to chipotle (i later chickened out of eating for fear of the inevitable dry heave, so instead i watched him eat and chewed on ice). so, knowing that it was a million degrees outside, i put on shorts. (in addition to a hat and sunglasses, even the setting sun was much too bright and nauseating.)

anyway, shorts creep me out because they don't tell my story. they say, here are my legs - judge them. they say, you would never know i workout 6 days a week because no butt can be found in these cargos.

um, i have a butt. and i have thighs. what about them?

and, i'll have you know, i actually like my legs. i have no issue with showing them via shorts. however, that cannot be said for everyone else's legs. sometimes i wish other people didn't love shorts so much. there are many factors to consider: some guys have skinny legs, some girls have fat legs, some guys have hairy legs, some girls have hairy legs...all in all, they're not all fun to look at. but a lot of you have normal legs, i get that. most legs generally do not offend me. most legs are just...legs. but, we've all seen the legs i'm talking about. sometimes shorts do more harm than good, that's all i'm trying to say.

just keep yourself in check and you'll be fine.

anyway, my point is...right, jeans. i love jeans. but, i noticed today that i don't love all of the jeans i own. therefore i'm throwing some out.

any recommendations on some good jeans? i want to be adventurous and try some new brands out. and do not suggest diesel i already own a billion of them.

something else.

emale me.

8.09.2009

Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.
Lucy: [storms off]

8.07.2009

hey yo.

just wanted to remind you that i'm constantly updating my nano with new music. so, make sure to check it out. often. if you're at work, drown out your coworkers by popping in some buds. groove with me.

the music i pick always has a cool, refreshing vibe...something you don't hear every day and something that might up your mood just a bit, make you feel somewhere else. somewhere...better?

ilike it. i hope you do too.

8.06.2009

i'm feeling all sorts of love for you today..

do me a favor, go on over to my nano, select sade's lovers rock, and hit play.

sit back, listen, and love.
here's some education for you:

today, via merriam-webster's word of the day email notification...which, i might add, arrives to my blackberry at 5:45 am every morning forcing me to open my eyes a whole hour earlier than what's necessary (thanks, merriam!)...but, back to my point, i learned something new.

so, at a normal hour, hint hint merriam, i reviewed the word of the day to much disappointment. 5:45 for this, really? the word seemed so basic.

demean.

get real. why don't you just have the word be apple or jump? i mean, yesterday it was philoprogenitive. nice. i like that. i yearn for the day when i can zing all of my friend(s) by using said word in a conversation. pre-thinking this, it'll go something like, "oh you hate kids? not me, i'm always feeling all philoprogenitive-y. oh, you don't know what that means? my bad. i learned it as a kid, sorry...it means wanting to have babies. you're welcome."

what was i talking about? oh yeah...demean.

so, i was disappointed and simultaneously acting all sorts of superior to such an easy word. in fact, to show who's boss, i wasn't even going to open the email, rather delete it on the spot. who has the time? i mean, i might as well open up my spam folder and read "soft wet asian lips!" while i'm at it. i'm sure jasmine flavors, the sender, has something equally non-important to say.

but something made me open it. the demean email...not asian lips.

wait, what? i read the definition twice.

demean \dih-MEEN\ verb: to conduct or behave (oneself) usually in a proper manner.
example sentence: sylvia was proud of the polite way her young children demeaned themselves in front of the dinner guests.

ok, something is wrong with a)merriam webster for making such a huge slip-up and b) sylvia for priding herself on the fact that her kids demean themselves in front of dinner guests. what'd they do, pee on themselves? that is hardly a behavior i would promote to youth.

anyway,

even though i was super pissed at both merriam and sylvia, i kept reading:

did you know?

there are two words spelled "demean" in english. the more familiar "demean" — "to lower in character, status, or reputation" — comes straight from "mean," the adjective that means "spiteful." today's featured word, on the other hand, comes from the anglo-french verb "demener" ("to conduct"). this verb is generally used in contexts specifying a type of behavior: "he demeaned himself in a most unfriendly manner"; as you may have already guessed, the noun "demeanor," meaning "behavior," comes from this "demean."


omg. lightbulb. i've come full circle now.

it's odd, but demean regards conducting oneself or behaving in a particular manner, or to undermine or belittle either your own or someone else's dignity.

gotcha.

if i do say so myself, i like the second version better. personally, if i'm demeaning, it's because i'm going for your jugular, not because i'm dancing around and playing a flute solo in front of dinner guests.

just fyi. you're welcome.

8.05.2009

things noticed at the gym:

-some people do really weird exercises. i don't know if they saw some cool, new exercise move in a magazine and perhaps just aren't doing it right or maybe i'm just not in-the-know of what exercise looks like in 2009...but either way, wow. i hope i don't look as ridiculous as those peeps do. should you really be running backwards on a treadmill?

-cargo shorts aren't a proper substitute for gym shorts, are they? i missed that memo. and while we're at it...sandals? really?

-playlists are key. keep it bumping. ever be lifting something really heavy when all of a sudden joni mitchell's "both sides now" comes on...and you begin to think, if people don't like me for who i am on the inside, then screw them! and then you stop working out? i have. from now on, sexy back on repeat. (jk)

-old people tend to idle on the machines. and even worse they take up valuable space on the floor mats. i've even seen some doze off while doing stretches. i get sort of annoyed with this but in reality, they're old and they're still going to the gym. good for them. the art of seduction is over for them, they don't need a six pack, yet they're still doing sit-ups. wow, props. i mean really, they're just trying to keep their heart tickin and their cholesterol low. lay there all you want, take your time. you've earned it.

-nothing makes me smile more than seeing some dumb girl talk on her cell phone while on the treadmill. they're so stupid it makes me smile.

-i'm horrified to step foot in gym locker rooms. one time i needed to go to the bathroom and therefore had to go in one. and to my surprise there were nude people everywhere. nude people of all sorts and sizes and body hair amounts. i realize the purpose of locker rooms is for accommodating a state of undress but i ain't going in one again. lesson learned. i'll pee in the water fountain or something.

-do men get cellulite? i hope not.

-what's the ratio of people who go to the gym to workout vs. people who go to the gym to "meet" people? according to craigslist, there are a lot of connections at the gym. why am i wasting my time and money on eharmony then? geez.

-i've never been a big sweater, but i wish i were. i'd look so much cooler. i want one of those sweaty backs where there's like a huge circle of sweat on the back of your tshirt. i've never had one of those! i blame joni mitchell for ruining my chances.

-i have so many fears in life (sleep walking off my patio, being bitten by an animal, nettle stings, low flying airplanes, brain aneurysms, etc) but at the gym i have two major fears: 1) i avoid treadmills because i have to concentrate really hard in order not to misstep and trip up or worse, fall off (i have a really bad sense of balance) and 2) when using weight machines i'm convinced i'll accidentally get a finger, body part, lock of hair, something stuck in the complex pulley system of those machines. they always have those warnings saying "keep body parts away from this, that, and the other" but what if joni mitchell comes on and i lapse into a trance of depression and then unknowingly rest my head in between the rising and falling weight stacks? or, what if i have an aneurysm and fall directly into the pulley system?

obesity is looking mighty good these days.

8.04.2009

confession:

i really like taking pictures of the sky. be it a beautiful sunset...or on the rare occasion that i'm awake to see it...a sunrise. seeing either can sometimes make me feel entirely different about life, about myself. i don't know how it happens, but it does. each time. it alters my perspective, it lifts my mood, it strengthens my bonds.

it just takes one. and i make sure to document each and every personal awakening. if it speaks to me, i speak to it.

the picture below is an incredibly amazing sunrise over lake michigan. i'm lucky enough to have such an amazing view, therefore i cherish moments like this. are they always this beautiful? i like to think this morning was personalized for me. because i was awake, somehow.

well...

it just so happens that the picture below was taken on a night/morning in which i closed down the clubs.

mhmm...you heardddd right. ryansumner closed down the clubs.

i used to be fun. and i still have my moments.

anyway, i came home to this. thank you god.

8.03.2009

i'm not apologizing for this, mostly because it's my (classless) roommate's possession, not my own.

but i love it just the same.

hey, i like the president just as much as you do. well maybe a little less than you do, but i still like the guy. and what's better than an homage in your honor? especially when you get to grow...whatever it is that grows on his head (it barely resembles a plant)...as a makeshift afro. i say why not? it's a flattering do.

hairstyle homages aren't racist!

just let me love this without judgement, ok?

8.02.2009

today i learned a little lesson in life. no wait, two actually. two, solid, crucial elements of being a better person: empathy and humility.

observe the situation

i'm walking down the street, so is a random guy in the opposite direction. he's going south, i'm going north. random guy is walking very fast, very confidently, just minding his own business. it's a beautiful day. but for some reason, random guy is not aware of this large construction sign in the middle of the crosswalk. i saw it coming. he completely, full-force trips over the thing. oops. the guy was so unaware of this obstacle that his own collision frightened him a little, making him do a gay inhale. you know the inhale i'm talking about.

anyway, he didn't fall, actually recovered semi-gracefully, but still...i was too close in proximity. there was no mistaking what had just happened. this instance of tripping in public was far too complex to pull off as a non-trip. he tripped big time. even added his own sound effects. plus it's broad daylight, i obviously saw it, he knew i saw it, and to make matters worse for him, there were still a few feet of awkwardness to walk before we passed one other. luckily for me, i had sunglasses on so i didn't have to make eye contact. luckily for him, he was black and therefore blushing is less noticeable.

the lesson here is that, when the trip first happened, instead of being like "oh geez, i hope he's okay" my first thought was
"woah, dumbass, look where you're going...that sign even had flashing lights on it for crying out loud."

okay that's just plain rude. it was an accident RYAN. you're so rude sometimes. sorry, my bad.

empathy. we all need it. none of us are perfect, we're all going to gaff at some point or another. so, when others do, it's best to wish them well or provide aid during their time of need, rather than kicking them when they're already down. which was my unfortunate route.

lesson learned.

karma kicked in. as i passed by the guy i thought, "how embarrassing."

before you know it, i too tripped over the sign. what!? how did that even happen? i was too caught up in my rudeness to notice a huge, blinking sign saying "caution" over and over again. weird how that happens. and it hurt like a son of a bitch, too. i was wearing flip flops.

and i wasn't as lucky as the other guy. my toe started bleeding AND, to make matters worse, a grandma-ish lady from across the street called out "are you okay?!"

i pretended not to hear her. maybe she'll think i didn't trip?

humility.

i am not perfect in many ways.

8.01.2009

oh, and the polaroids on the right are not meant to be taken seriously yall. i can laugh at myself sometimes. it's supposed to be ridiculous. that's how i roll.