Conundrum:
I've been thinking about crushes as of late. I'll keep this short because I know this really only matters to me, but, I've been chewing on a few ideas that strike fear in my heart like lightning bolts from the sky (or is it the ground?)...all due to the inevitable notion (and process) that I'm only getting older as well as emotionally and physically aging beyond my comfort zone.
Here's the issue:
I'm single. And I have zero crushes on applicable, date-worthy people. Zero. The problem, in short, being: all of my soft-hearted crushes are on those whom are not interested in me OR on someone whom I've already dated or have been in a relationship with and, in one way or another, I have deemed not the one.
Why can't I be normal and have a crush on someone who A) likes me and/or B) is potentially right for me?
I can't seem to win. Here I am 27 years old and nowhere near "settling down." I mean, I could easily settle down with myself. Me, myself, and I could live a very happy life...I think I'm funny, charming, and very easy-going. I value the simple things, I stand on moral ground, I have a great family support system, heck I even work out 5 days a week. I don't know what your problem is, but I don't mind myself a bit. I'm achieving career goals, living a comfortable lifestyle...I even own enough furniture, odds & ends, and kitchen cookware to completely fill up a house. Me, a house, the family dog, a white picket fence...it's all within reach. It's all so doable, plausible, all so close.
MINUS MY OTHER HALF.
I'm scurred.
6.28.2009
Why do people lick their fingers after eating something?
I mean is it that good? Are you that hungry?
I saw a lot of that this past weekend during Pride events. A lot of finger-licking activity. I wanted to ask these people why they would do such a thing but I thought it a little invasive of me to do so. It's not my business, right? They have their reasons, I'm sure. Maybe they're just reducing their napkin usage as a means to save the world, one tree at a time?
Makes sense.
I don't know about you but my fingers are the last thing I want in my mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I have cute fingers.
I just don't want to taste them.
But damn those funnel cakes looked good.
I mean is it that good? Are you that hungry?
I saw a lot of that this past weekend during Pride events. A lot of finger-licking activity. I wanted to ask these people why they would do such a thing but I thought it a little invasive of me to do so. It's not my business, right? They have their reasons, I'm sure. Maybe they're just reducing their napkin usage as a means to save the world, one tree at a time?
Makes sense.
I don't know about you but my fingers are the last thing I want in my mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I have cute fingers.
I just don't want to taste them.
But damn those funnel cakes looked good.
6.25.2009
Quite possibly the most ridiculous news article I have ever read in my entire life. For those of you who don't wish to read it, the author basically states that we need to look at the flaws, errors, and misjudgements of other individuals with compassion and understanding, as opposed to judgement and hostility.
Excuse me, but I'm going to stray from the norm for just a sec, OK? Mr. Peter Bregman...um, I can see why you might not be so miffed about this situation because you, your wife and children are probably not affected by too many injustices right now, but you know what...a lot of us are. You're a first class citizen. But, speaking on behalf of the second class, there are plenty of us that beg to differ with your rose-colored perception of American life. (This Sunday marks the 40th anniversary of Stonewall and it was only 42 years ago that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of interracial marriage.)
Bregman: "I am not saying that Sanford shouldn't be held accountable. He should. But we should hold him accountable with compassion, not with anger. With understanding not with pitchforks. With the recognition that if we were closer to the situation, to the people involved, we would understand the complexity. And there's always complexity."
Pitchforks? Try telling that to a gay man, i.e. Stonewall. I'm sure you'll find little to no empathy concerning "understanding complexities." Plus, there are many, many complexities that plague our nation that are easily and swiftly ruled out, overlooked by the likes of Gov. Sanford and the Republican party. Hypocritical? I think so.
Don't get me wrong, in some way he's right. In an ideal world, his article reflects a respectable philosophy. And, in most cases, I would definitely employ that train of thought when dealing with others.
But we don't live in an ideal world. And America is far from an ideal country. But the real point is that this olive branch article concerns S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford, the slimeball that vehemently opposes gay marriage for its alleged lack of family values, and even goes as far to not supporting civil unions. Yet, Gov. Sanford just left the country in secrecy to shack up with some "friend" in Argentina, all while his wife and four children play Chutes and Ladders and eat peanut brittle in the Governor's mansion. Who wants some more Ovaltine!?
Like I said before, political leaders are given the unique power of speaking their own beliefs into existence, via law and regulation, thereby potentially limiting the will and desires of their constituents. And, according to Peter Bregman, when these leaders decide to have a personal life, and for whatever reason decide to have affairs, do drugs, have illicit relations in airport bathrooms, and other assorted illegal and morally-questionable activities...it's fine. No big deal. They made a mistake. Don't judge them, they're weak!
Then get the fuck out of office.
When you're a person of political power, you have a lot to live up to. You are no longer just Jo Shmoe. You are no longer just a weak person. You are no longer misguided in your social and professional commitments. You ran for your office on a platform that you are better, whether it be professionaly, morally, socially, whatever, but you ran on a campaign of being better than a lot of other people.
Whoops.
Simply put: politicians of the US, you better have your shit together because you and all your friends are determining my future. And I have every right to be mad when you fuck it up. You're going to tell your constituents one thing, and then do another? And I'm supposed to be OK with that?
Not going to happen.
Gov. Mark Sanford is an adulterer, a hypocrite, and a complete embarrassment. Step down, stop crying (because you know you're not sorry, otherwise you would have never made that 10 hour flight to South America while your state is under the impression that you're hiking the Appalachians) and cower in shame. It's almost laughable, but it isn't at the same time because this is the Governor of an entire state. South Carolina should be embarrassed. And they should be mad.
If you want compassion, go talk to Tammy Faye Baker.
Now this article is amazing and dead-on. And shock me, shock me...it's practically written by the public!?
My favorite part: "wmboyd suggested, New GOP Amendment to the Constitution: Marriage should be between a man and 2 women."
Perfect.
Excuse me, but I'm going to stray from the norm for just a sec, OK? Mr. Peter Bregman...um, I can see why you might not be so miffed about this situation because you, your wife and children are probably not affected by too many injustices right now, but you know what...a lot of us are. You're a first class citizen. But, speaking on behalf of the second class, there are plenty of us that beg to differ with your rose-colored perception of American life. (This Sunday marks the 40th anniversary of Stonewall and it was only 42 years ago that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of interracial marriage.)
Bregman: "I am not saying that Sanford shouldn't be held accountable. He should. But we should hold him accountable with compassion, not with anger. With understanding not with pitchforks. With the recognition that if we were closer to the situation, to the people involved, we would understand the complexity. And there's always complexity."
Pitchforks? Try telling that to a gay man, i.e. Stonewall. I'm sure you'll find little to no empathy concerning "understanding complexities." Plus, there are many, many complexities that plague our nation that are easily and swiftly ruled out, overlooked by the likes of Gov. Sanford and the Republican party. Hypocritical? I think so.
Don't get me wrong, in some way he's right. In an ideal world, his article reflects a respectable philosophy. And, in most cases, I would definitely employ that train of thought when dealing with others.
But we don't live in an ideal world. And America is far from an ideal country. But the real point is that this olive branch article concerns S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford, the slimeball that vehemently opposes gay marriage for its alleged lack of family values, and even goes as far to not supporting civil unions. Yet, Gov. Sanford just left the country in secrecy to shack up with some "friend" in Argentina, all while his wife and four children play Chutes and Ladders and eat peanut brittle in the Governor's mansion. Who wants some more Ovaltine!?
Like I said before, political leaders are given the unique power of speaking their own beliefs into existence, via law and regulation, thereby potentially limiting the will and desires of their constituents. And, according to Peter Bregman, when these leaders decide to have a personal life, and for whatever reason decide to have affairs, do drugs, have illicit relations in airport bathrooms, and other assorted illegal and morally-questionable activities...it's fine. No big deal. They made a mistake. Don't judge them, they're weak!
Then get the fuck out of office.
When you're a person of political power, you have a lot to live up to. You are no longer just Jo Shmoe. You are no longer just a weak person. You are no longer misguided in your social and professional commitments. You ran for your office on a platform that you are better, whether it be professionaly, morally, socially, whatever, but you ran on a campaign of being better than a lot of other people.
Whoops.
Simply put: politicians of the US, you better have your shit together because you and all your friends are determining my future. And I have every right to be mad when you fuck it up. You're going to tell your constituents one thing, and then do another? And I'm supposed to be OK with that?
Not going to happen.
Gov. Mark Sanford is an adulterer, a hypocrite, and a complete embarrassment. Step down, stop crying (because you know you're not sorry, otherwise you would have never made that 10 hour flight to South America while your state is under the impression that you're hiking the Appalachians) and cower in shame. It's almost laughable, but it isn't at the same time because this is the Governor of an entire state. South Carolina should be embarrassed. And they should be mad.
If you want compassion, go talk to Tammy Faye Baker.
Now this article is amazing and dead-on. And shock me, shock me...it's practically written by the public!?
My favorite part: "wmboyd suggested, New GOP Amendment to the Constitution: Marriage should be between a man and 2 women."
Perfect.
Dear GOP,
I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank the Republican party for, once again, boldly exemplifying to the American public (as well as the American family) concerning what the real meaning of "marriage" is actually about. Your constant struggle and defiance of Prop 8, civil liberties regarding marriage laws and equal rights, civil unions, adoption rights, gay rights, etc., are soundly justified via a growing list of admirable political figures and leaders, such as South Carolina's Gov. Mark Sanford, on a near daily basis.
Simply put--you're completely right. A marriage should only be defined as a union between a man and a woman, as evidenced in a threefold manner: 1) by the strong moral conviction of the American public concerning the sanctity of marriage (regardless of those pesky national divorce rates as well as increasing domestic violence and homicide rates), 2) the ever-evolving occurences of extramarital affair scandals among our nation's state and federal leaders, aka, the decision-makers, but most of all because 3) that's what God intended, right? And who better to decipher God's words than our Senators, Governors, Mayors, and Presidents (aka our Christian brothers and sisters). They're close enough in power and significance to dictate our nation's moral compass, right? Of course they are, why else would they be in power? AND, without doubt, Gov. Sanford, et. all, has humbly demonstrated that only a functioning, safe, and normal family can only be comprised of (exclusively between) a father figure and a mother figure...nothing less and nothing more. Anything outside that scenario is plain ridiculous and harmful. Obviously, two Dads or two Moms is an absurd idea, surely the morbid daydream of some pedophiliac, devil-worshipping pervert, aka homosexual.
Gays and marriage, puhlease. No way. It's bad enough they can get jobs so easily.
Look at me, getting completely off tangent here. Anyway, back to glorifying the Republican standard of decency and tradition--Governor Sanford has truly captured the time-honored ideals of a real "family unit." What, with his four smiling children, a devoted wife by (near) his side--they're practically a poster family for the American dream; all the while effortlessly strengthening the core dynamic between a husband and his wife, a father and his children. There is no greater image in God's eyes. And surely the big JC winces whenever he looks at Rosie O'Donnell.
Ugh.
Regardless, your unshakable role in preserving traditional family values has, once again, validated in stone the inarguable reasons why both a marriage and a family can only be defined (and protected) when between a man and woman. Tis true perfection.
Congrats, and God bless.
ryansumner
PS. Barf.
I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank the Republican party for, once again, boldly exemplifying to the American public (as well as the American family) concerning what the real meaning of "marriage" is actually about. Your constant struggle and defiance of Prop 8, civil liberties regarding marriage laws and equal rights, civil unions, adoption rights, gay rights, etc., are soundly justified via a growing list of admirable political figures and leaders, such as South Carolina's Gov. Mark Sanford, on a near daily basis.
Simply put--you're completely right. A marriage should only be defined as a union between a man and a woman, as evidenced in a threefold manner: 1) by the strong moral conviction of the American public concerning the sanctity of marriage (regardless of those pesky national divorce rates as well as increasing domestic violence and homicide rates), 2) the ever-evolving occurences of extramarital affair scandals among our nation's state and federal leaders, aka, the decision-makers, but most of all because 3) that's what God intended, right? And who better to decipher God's words than our Senators, Governors, Mayors, and Presidents (aka our Christian brothers and sisters). They're close enough in power and significance to dictate our nation's moral compass, right? Of course they are, why else would they be in power? AND, without doubt, Gov. Sanford, et. all, has humbly demonstrated that only a functioning, safe, and normal family can only be comprised of (exclusively between) a father figure and a mother figure...nothing less and nothing more. Anything outside that scenario is plain ridiculous and harmful. Obviously, two Dads or two Moms is an absurd idea, surely the morbid daydream of some pedophiliac, devil-worshipping pervert, aka homosexual.
Gays and marriage, puhlease. No way. It's bad enough they can get jobs so easily.
Look at me, getting completely off tangent here. Anyway, back to glorifying the Republican standard of decency and tradition--Governor Sanford has truly captured the time-honored ideals of a real "family unit." What, with his four smiling children, a devoted wife by (near) his side--they're practically a poster family for the American dream; all the while effortlessly strengthening the core dynamic between a husband and his wife, a father and his children. There is no greater image in God's eyes. And surely the big JC winces whenever he looks at Rosie O'Donnell.
Ugh.
Regardless, your unshakable role in preserving traditional family values has, once again, validated in stone the inarguable reasons why both a marriage and a family can only be defined (and protected) when between a man and woman. Tis true perfection.
Congrats, and God bless.
ryansumner
PS. Barf.
6.23.2009
Furthering my point...
Perez wasn't assaulted. Violence is never the answer, yes yes...but sometimes a punch in the face/black eye is well-deserved. It's a scarlet letter. It's as old school as behind the bleacher showdowns. It's a fact of life, well, at least for those who have it coming.
If I were to see a guy walking down the street with a black eye, I would automatically assume "douchebag." Why? Because when people are punched in the face, it's usually due to a war of words that escalates into a fight. Predictable, seen it a thousand times. We all know people who (and I feel like a 13 yr. old girl when I say this) run their mouth. They talk the talk because they can. Right to free speech. Can't touch me, that's assault, brotha.
Whatever.
Bullying or talking down is a tactic used by the weak. Bullies like Perez Hilton, who start a war of words, online assaults, cyber-scandal...bullies like that? They're physically weak, mentally weak, or emotionally weak. Calling names, he said/she said, mean words, expose...it's simply the ammo he has, and he uses it daily for his own agenda i.e., $$$. What's worse is using hate speech, and, for some reason, Perez did just that. I'm not surprised, but greatly disappointed. When you use hate speech against someone, you're automatically in the wrong. There's no excuse, no way out. Rightfully, hate speech almost always invokes an emotional reaction...which is exactly what a bully wants. A reaction.
Sometimes the victims (and yes, the counterpart of this situation is a victim, of some sort) must peruse the cliche ultimatum of fight or flight. Both are reactions. If it were me, I would choose fight. While I've never been in an actual fight with anyone, I could see myself in a situation where, if I had to choose between the two, I would choose fight. Stand up for yourself.
This is what happened between Perez and BEP. Perez is a bully. All he does is "talk." Attack, verbally assault, harass, whatever you want to call it. That's the name of his game: talking the talk. We all know that Perez is vicious, unapologetic, unintelligent, and completely immature. While he touts a "I would never hit anyone" morale, he apparently has no qualm with defamation, verbal abuse, exploitation, and public humiliation. Perez calls people fat, ugly, retarded, slutty, balding, fag, idiot...he pokes fun at their family members, even calling their children ugly. He's the first one to expose any secret or private information you might have, and is certainly the last one to apologize for any of it.
Gotta love him for it? No, you don't. At all...
He was punched in the face for having called Will.I.am a "faggot" and he received exactly what he deserved: a nice, direct wallop. Right to the eye. Congrats to whomever threw it, too. Next time, though-harder. Knock him out.
Maybe then he'll stop attacking others?
Sometimes, you deserve to be hit in the face. Sometimes it's exactly what you need. Perez, you're a man, aren't you? Capable of defending yourself? If you want to be mean and nasty to others, expect others to be mean and nasty to you. Punishment isn't always going to come in the form of a put down or harsh criticism. Sometimes it's going to be a fist. And I bet a LOT of people have no problem with that. Sometimes a black eye is the answer.
Yes, we should be protected from harm and malice by the hands of others. BUT, there is a difference here. In life, their is consequence. Perez persecutes and belittles individuals on a routine, daily basis. He has verbally assaulted people for 5 years now, as he so proudly proclaims. One punch in the face? One black eye? That's it? That's all he's received after all of his direct verbal assaults onto others?
You should have received two black eyes. Maybe even a broken nose. Sometimes, you have it coming. This is not the same as a drive-by shooting, this is not lethal assault, God is not looking down at the BEP saying "shame on you, Will.I.am!"
He's probably saying, "Hells to the yeah."
QUIT READING PEREZ HILTON. Just a reminder. He's filth. His work is filth. It's a filthy business. Be done with it.
Sidenote: CNN is airing Perez's reaction video after that fateful blow. It's hilarious. A) He looks like some sort of man-baby-thing. B) He references God shaming Will.I.am (hilarious) C) He wraps things up by calling Will.I.am a "fucking motherfucker" and Fergie a "fugly bitch."
The maturity of this entire situation is overwhelming.
Perez wasn't assaulted. Violence is never the answer, yes yes...but sometimes a punch in the face/black eye is well-deserved. It's a scarlet letter. It's as old school as behind the bleacher showdowns. It's a fact of life, well, at least for those who have it coming.
If I were to see a guy walking down the street with a black eye, I would automatically assume "douchebag." Why? Because when people are punched in the face, it's usually due to a war of words that escalates into a fight. Predictable, seen it a thousand times. We all know people who (and I feel like a 13 yr. old girl when I say this) run their mouth. They talk the talk because they can. Right to free speech. Can't touch me, that's assault, brotha.
Whatever.
Bullying or talking down is a tactic used by the weak. Bullies like Perez Hilton, who start a war of words, online assaults, cyber-scandal...bullies like that? They're physically weak, mentally weak, or emotionally weak. Calling names, he said/she said, mean words, expose...it's simply the ammo he has, and he uses it daily for his own agenda i.e., $$$. What's worse is using hate speech, and, for some reason, Perez did just that. I'm not surprised, but greatly disappointed. When you use hate speech against someone, you're automatically in the wrong. There's no excuse, no way out. Rightfully, hate speech almost always invokes an emotional reaction...which is exactly what a bully wants. A reaction.
Sometimes the victims (and yes, the counterpart of this situation is a victim, of some sort) must peruse the cliche ultimatum of fight or flight. Both are reactions. If it were me, I would choose fight. While I've never been in an actual fight with anyone, I could see myself in a situation where, if I had to choose between the two, I would choose fight. Stand up for yourself.
This is what happened between Perez and BEP. Perez is a bully. All he does is "talk." Attack, verbally assault, harass, whatever you want to call it. That's the name of his game: talking the talk. We all know that Perez is vicious, unapologetic, unintelligent, and completely immature. While he touts a "I would never hit anyone" morale, he apparently has no qualm with defamation, verbal abuse, exploitation, and public humiliation. Perez calls people fat, ugly, retarded, slutty, balding, fag, idiot...he pokes fun at their family members, even calling their children ugly. He's the first one to expose any secret or private information you might have, and is certainly the last one to apologize for any of it.
Gotta love him for it? No, you don't. At all...
He was punched in the face for having called Will.I.am a "faggot" and he received exactly what he deserved: a nice, direct wallop. Right to the eye. Congrats to whomever threw it, too. Next time, though-harder. Knock him out.
Maybe then he'll stop attacking others?
Sometimes, you deserve to be hit in the face. Sometimes it's exactly what you need. Perez, you're a man, aren't you? Capable of defending yourself? If you want to be mean and nasty to others, expect others to be mean and nasty to you. Punishment isn't always going to come in the form of a put down or harsh criticism. Sometimes it's going to be a fist. And I bet a LOT of people have no problem with that. Sometimes a black eye is the answer.
Yes, we should be protected from harm and malice by the hands of others. BUT, there is a difference here. In life, their is consequence. Perez persecutes and belittles individuals on a routine, daily basis. He has verbally assaulted people for 5 years now, as he so proudly proclaims. One punch in the face? One black eye? That's it? That's all he's received after all of his direct verbal assaults onto others?
You should have received two black eyes. Maybe even a broken nose. Sometimes, you have it coming. This is not the same as a drive-by shooting, this is not lethal assault, God is not looking down at the BEP saying "shame on you, Will.I.am!"
He's probably saying, "Hells to the yeah."
QUIT READING PEREZ HILTON. Just a reminder. He's filth. His work is filth. It's a filthy business. Be done with it.
Sidenote: CNN is airing Perez's reaction video after that fateful blow. It's hilarious. A) He looks like some sort of man-baby-thing. B) He references God shaming Will.I.am (hilarious) C) He wraps things up by calling Will.I.am a "fucking motherfucker" and Fergie a "fugly bitch."
The maturity of this entire situation is overwhelming.
6.22.2009
As if the movie UP wasn't one of the most depressing animated films I've seen in a long time, this news article is pretty much the saddest thing I've read in a long time. I guess it doesn't help that I was listening to Andrew Bird's Section 8 City while reading it.
Anyway, heartbreaking story. I'm not sure what I took away from it...whether I feel happy that the dying child received her last wish, or saddened by the fact that the child's last living moments were spent watching (or being described) a movie. Both sides of the tale are incredibly sad, so I guess there's no way around this one.
On a sidenote, while many people looooved Up, I found it to be pretty depressing. Yes, it has great imagery and was beautifully done...but I couldn't help but be overwhelmingly saddened by the thought of growing old, being alone, and not fulfilling my own, personal agendas before it's too late.
Hmm..yeah, depressed again. Makes me think, "Hey Sumner, better start getting shit done now, as in right now, before you're geriatric and have to hire someone to change your diaper."
Lovely, huh?
Plus, the entire time I was watching the movie I was distracted by the thought that there weren't nearly enough strings tied to the fireplace considering how many balloons there were. That detail was greatly overlooked, Pixar.
Call me crazy.
i got yo crazy.
Anyway, heartbreaking story. I'm not sure what I took away from it...whether I feel happy that the dying child received her last wish, or saddened by the fact that the child's last living moments were spent watching (or being described) a movie. Both sides of the tale are incredibly sad, so I guess there's no way around this one.
On a sidenote, while many people looooved Up, I found it to be pretty depressing. Yes, it has great imagery and was beautifully done...but I couldn't help but be overwhelmingly saddened by the thought of growing old, being alone, and not fulfilling my own, personal agendas before it's too late.
Hmm..yeah, depressed again. Makes me think, "Hey Sumner, better start getting shit done now, as in right now, before you're geriatric and have to hire someone to change your diaper."
Lovely, huh?
Plus, the entire time I was watching the movie I was distracted by the thought that there weren't nearly enough strings tied to the fireplace considering how many balloons there were. That detail was greatly overlooked, Pixar.
Call me crazy.
i got yo crazy.
Let me be serious for a second. This isn't just an opinion...god knows I have TONS of them, good and bad. This goes a little deeper and its somewhat close to my heart for various reasons, be it as a writer, blogger, whatever...
But:
As a blogger and fellow human being, I find it a personal responsibility to write this post concerning the dangers of reading Perez Hilton and other celebrity gossip websites/rags. I also believe it completely necessary to say that I used to faithfully read Perez's blog and, at the same time, was inevitably busted reading my best friend's US Weekly every, single weekend while visiting him at his apartment. Information cocaine.
Yes, guilty.
Those days are over. Well, actually, those days have been over for awhile now. I stopped reading Perez Hilton over 8 months ago. Happy as ever, too. I literally will not go to his site, no matter the gravity of the "story" nor would I follow him on Twitter. Never. Here's my reasoning:
There's a lot going on in this world. So much that an endless realm of knowledge, worldly experience, and simple observation could be a full-time job for those interested in learning more. In varying professional facets, people are actually paid to observe the world, its intricacies, its common denominator, and subsequently the findings, results and revelations that you probably would never learn about otherwise. The possibility for enlightenment is absolutely endless. Even a newspaper relevant to your own city or hometown is an opportunity to learn about both the world and your own surroundings. Yet the newspaper is a dying breed. It's completely unfortunate. Read them. Even if it's not your local paper. Read dynamically. Headlines, Culture, OpEds, Reviews...learn everything outside of your bubble. It's much more interesting than Lady GaGa's CD. Trust me.
I've said a million times that my personal, forever-inspiring motto is "knowledge is power" because it's so very true. So very true. For me, there's no room for naiveté. I want to be-in-the-know, I want to grow from my findings, from your findings, I want people to tell me things--good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. It's all relative. When I move back to NYC, I'll have subscriptions to The New Yorker and the NY Times. I'll also continue my subscription to the Trib, The Huffington Post, and LA Times. And you gotta love that The Onion is free.99. Thank you, Onion peeps, for the free laugh. I'll also keep current my magazine subscriptions to Time (as well as GQ and Details...I gotta keep on top of moisturizers, fashion, and colognes, duhhh). These outlets provide insight, applicable to my interests but crucial in providing perspective and awareness of events outside of my own existence. Yes, the fact that I need to buy more paper towels is important, but so are the Tehran protests and North Korea's continuous disregard of Earth's other inhabitants.
Sorry, I escaped my point. The soapbox has been dismantled and used for kindling.
Perez Hilton and celebrity-related rags--this is where you stop. Magazines and such that report on the life and times of all that is celebrite are completely obnoxious. Invasive.
Perhaps just plain wrong.
Why do we buy into it? Who cares about who breaks up, who's fat, who's skinny, who's in a spat, oagle their bodies, their dogs, their baby bumps, their riches, their restaurant of choice...who cares?
I don't. And you shouldn't. Think about it:
What is it that makes you care? Boredom? I get that. It's a light read. You're waiting to get your teeth cleaned and have nothing else to look at. The pictures are glossy. Voyeurism is taboo. I get all of that. But, remember, there's a bigger picture you have to be aware of. Yourself. Your interests. Is it reflective? Reflect for a half second about the notion of having a vested interest in someone else's private life. An interest in a life that is so completely unrelated to yours, there's no common thread. No reason other than having a window into that world, peeking through the blinds while feeling both ashamed and intrigued? Is that the reason. Is that fair? Would you like someone to snap your picture mid-forkful of spinach salad? Of course not, you'd resemble a cow. Unless, by chance, you had a well-publicized eating disorder...and if that's the case, would you like a side-profile picture of you at the beach for the world to gawk at? Ridicule. Lessen the seriousness of the disease and instead heighten how freakishly horrible you look? Skinny bitch. Eat a hamburger! Ha Ha! Not funny. Do yourself a favor and turn the table: would you ever want a stranger (the world) to see you at your potential worst? Comment on your life? When you're down, when you're in trouble, when you're sick, when its something as stupid as a bad hair day or as serious as family or a relationship?
Probably not.
I certainly wouldn't. I refuse to pay money for it either. I refuse anyone who exploits such things to make money off my readership. Celeb-magazines, Perez, the paparazzi, the celebrity themselves...none of them are getting a dime of my dinero. Not for that. And they shouldn't get yours, either. Think about it.
Now, Perez. I have no words for this man. He profits (greatly) from you by writing nasty, ugly, hateful commentary, by posting paparazzi pictures, even posting leaked photos of sex scandals, i.e. Rihanna, Dustin Lance Black, etc. He outs closeted gay men and even straight men. Why? He ridicules celebrity children...those both in and not-in the spotlight. He writes as an advocate for gay rights, yet uses hate speech like faggot and employs a "my way or highway" discussion/resolution mentality. His opinion is drenched in materialism, ego, disrespect, and cynicism.
What's worst is that he doesn't even really do anything besides posting pictures. Are we that ADD? Perez is completely incapable of writing. Just shock-value headlines and quips. Immature drawings.
This is what you tune in for? Remember recess? Remember after school? It's your basic school yard scenario, cliche as ever: Perez is the bully and you're either the one getting ridiculed or perhaps you're one of the kids standing around, doing nothing about it. Sad. Grow up.
Considering such, why would anyone find his blog to be enjoyable? Do you really want to be a part of something so ugly? It's like looking at a car accident...yes, we all have a wandering, morbid curiosity. We like to look at stuff we know we shouldn't be. But, put it into perspective people. Perez Hilton writes about trivial, vain, unaffecting celebrity scandal. Isn't this person super ugly in this picture? Look at Britney's vagina! I love Rihanna, but here are some leaked photos of her nude! How do those headlines make you feel about yourself? Upset? Sad? Mad, even?
Let's stray from the emotional response and look at it objectively: it's information you don't need to know in order to remain current, to remain informed. Perez Hilton does not decide pop culture, nor is he an influence. His site is based upon rumor, hearsay, private emotion and struggle. His website is based on everything that is not your business, nor is it applicable to any facet of your life other than your need to feel better about yourself by reading/seeing the misfortunes of others. In other words, his website is shame-inducing guilty pleasure. If you can agree with that, you're on your first step to recovery.
Reevaluate yourself and your energies.
Use your energy to read something else...even if it has to be via the internets. Read CNN.com the next time you're online and bored. They have plenty of non-deep, pop culture-based articles that will satisfy your need for voyeurism, if that's the fill you're looking for. CNN talks about celebrities often, but from a less disrespectful, non-invasive perspective. Try the entertainment section of any credible news source.
Give it a try.
Stop reading Perez Hilton. I can't say it enough or more emphatically. Stop giving him money (every site visit is ad money in his pocket). Stop employing him to unapologetically represent everything that is so very wrong with this country. Don't be a part of that. Please.
Like I said, if anything, read CNN or MSNBC or a newspaper or ANYTHING that doesn't employ the paparazzi. Those people can get real jobs.
Celeb-obsession really needs to end. The glamour of defamation really needs to end. It really, really does. Let it start with you.
No more Perez. Unfollow Perez Hilton's Twitter, cancel your subscription to US, People, Star, The National Enquirer, whatever your poison may be.
Just stop.
But:
As a blogger and fellow human being, I find it a personal responsibility to write this post concerning the dangers of reading Perez Hilton and other celebrity gossip websites/rags. I also believe it completely necessary to say that I used to faithfully read Perez's blog and, at the same time, was inevitably busted reading my best friend's US Weekly every, single weekend while visiting him at his apartment. Information cocaine.
Yes, guilty.
Those days are over. Well, actually, those days have been over for awhile now. I stopped reading Perez Hilton over 8 months ago. Happy as ever, too. I literally will not go to his site, no matter the gravity of the "story" nor would I follow him on Twitter. Never. Here's my reasoning:
There's a lot going on in this world. So much that an endless realm of knowledge, worldly experience, and simple observation could be a full-time job for those interested in learning more. In varying professional facets, people are actually paid to observe the world, its intricacies, its common denominator, and subsequently the findings, results and revelations that you probably would never learn about otherwise. The possibility for enlightenment is absolutely endless. Even a newspaper relevant to your own city or hometown is an opportunity to learn about both the world and your own surroundings. Yet the newspaper is a dying breed. It's completely unfortunate. Read them. Even if it's not your local paper. Read dynamically. Headlines, Culture, OpEds, Reviews...learn everything outside of your bubble. It's much more interesting than Lady GaGa's CD. Trust me.
I've said a million times that my personal, forever-inspiring motto is "knowledge is power" because it's so very true. So very true. For me, there's no room for naiveté. I want to be-in-the-know, I want to grow from my findings, from your findings, I want people to tell me things--good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. It's all relative. When I move back to NYC, I'll have subscriptions to The New Yorker and the NY Times. I'll also continue my subscription to the Trib, The Huffington Post, and LA Times. And you gotta love that The Onion is free.99. Thank you, Onion peeps, for the free laugh. I'll also keep current my magazine subscriptions to Time (as well as GQ and Details...I gotta keep on top of moisturizers, fashion, and colognes, duhhh). These outlets provide insight, applicable to my interests but crucial in providing perspective and awareness of events outside of my own existence. Yes, the fact that I need to buy more paper towels is important, but so are the Tehran protests and North Korea's continuous disregard of Earth's other inhabitants.
Sorry, I escaped my point. The soapbox has been dismantled and used for kindling.
Perez Hilton and celebrity-related rags--this is where you stop. Magazines and such that report on the life and times of all that is celebrite are completely obnoxious. Invasive.
Perhaps just plain wrong.
Why do we buy into it? Who cares about who breaks up, who's fat, who's skinny, who's in a spat, oagle their bodies, their dogs, their baby bumps, their riches, their restaurant of choice...who cares?
I don't. And you shouldn't. Think about it:
What is it that makes you care? Boredom? I get that. It's a light read. You're waiting to get your teeth cleaned and have nothing else to look at. The pictures are glossy. Voyeurism is taboo. I get all of that. But, remember, there's a bigger picture you have to be aware of. Yourself. Your interests. Is it reflective? Reflect for a half second about the notion of having a vested interest in someone else's private life. An interest in a life that is so completely unrelated to yours, there's no common thread. No reason other than having a window into that world, peeking through the blinds while feeling both ashamed and intrigued? Is that the reason. Is that fair? Would you like someone to snap your picture mid-forkful of spinach salad? Of course not, you'd resemble a cow. Unless, by chance, you had a well-publicized eating disorder...and if that's the case, would you like a side-profile picture of you at the beach for the world to gawk at? Ridicule. Lessen the seriousness of the disease and instead heighten how freakishly horrible you look? Skinny bitch. Eat a hamburger! Ha Ha! Not funny. Do yourself a favor and turn the table: would you ever want a stranger (the world) to see you at your potential worst? Comment on your life? When you're down, when you're in trouble, when you're sick, when its something as stupid as a bad hair day or as serious as family or a relationship?
Probably not.
I certainly wouldn't. I refuse to pay money for it either. I refuse anyone who exploits such things to make money off my readership. Celeb-magazines, Perez, the paparazzi, the celebrity themselves...none of them are getting a dime of my dinero. Not for that. And they shouldn't get yours, either. Think about it.
Now, Perez. I have no words for this man. He profits (greatly) from you by writing nasty, ugly, hateful commentary, by posting paparazzi pictures, even posting leaked photos of sex scandals, i.e. Rihanna, Dustin Lance Black, etc. He outs closeted gay men and even straight men. Why? He ridicules celebrity children...those both in and not-in the spotlight. He writes as an advocate for gay rights, yet uses hate speech like faggot and employs a "my way or highway" discussion/resolution mentality. His opinion is drenched in materialism, ego, disrespect, and cynicism.
What's worst is that he doesn't even really do anything besides posting pictures. Are we that ADD? Perez is completely incapable of writing. Just shock-value headlines and quips. Immature drawings.
This is what you tune in for? Remember recess? Remember after school? It's your basic school yard scenario, cliche as ever: Perez is the bully and you're either the one getting ridiculed or perhaps you're one of the kids standing around, doing nothing about it. Sad. Grow up.
Considering such, why would anyone find his blog to be enjoyable? Do you really want to be a part of something so ugly? It's like looking at a car accident...yes, we all have a wandering, morbid curiosity. We like to look at stuff we know we shouldn't be. But, put it into perspective people. Perez Hilton writes about trivial, vain, unaffecting celebrity scandal. Isn't this person super ugly in this picture? Look at Britney's vagina! I love Rihanna, but here are some leaked photos of her nude! How do those headlines make you feel about yourself? Upset? Sad? Mad, even?
Let's stray from the emotional response and look at it objectively: it's information you don't need to know in order to remain current, to remain informed. Perez Hilton does not decide pop culture, nor is he an influence. His site is based upon rumor, hearsay, private emotion and struggle. His website is based on everything that is not your business, nor is it applicable to any facet of your life other than your need to feel better about yourself by reading/seeing the misfortunes of others. In other words, his website is shame-inducing guilty pleasure. If you can agree with that, you're on your first step to recovery.
Reevaluate yourself and your energies.
Use your energy to read something else...even if it has to be via the internets. Read CNN.com the next time you're online and bored. They have plenty of non-deep, pop culture-based articles that will satisfy your need for voyeurism, if that's the fill you're looking for. CNN talks about celebrities often, but from a less disrespectful, non-invasive perspective. Try the entertainment section of any credible news source.
Give it a try.
Stop reading Perez Hilton. I can't say it enough or more emphatically. Stop giving him money (every site visit is ad money in his pocket). Stop employing him to unapologetically represent everything that is so very wrong with this country. Don't be a part of that. Please.
Like I said, if anything, read CNN or MSNBC or a newspaper or ANYTHING that doesn't employ the paparazzi. Those people can get real jobs.
Celeb-obsession really needs to end. The glamour of defamation really needs to end. It really, really does. Let it start with you.
No more Perez. Unfollow Perez Hilton's Twitter, cancel your subscription to US, People, Star, The National Enquirer, whatever your poison may be.
Just stop.
6.19.2009
Apparently I have a lot of Canadian readers. What up, Canada...
I once traveled to the Canadian side of the Niagra Falls. That was my only venture in the great Northern wilderness, but I would like to go again. Not to the Niagra Falls...but to other Canadian hotspots. The French Canadian language is pretty, I think. Celine Dion's speaking voice is kind of irritating, so I'm 50/50 on it I guess.
Do I need a passport? I feel like I do...
If...you...ask me to. I just might change my miiiiiiiiiiiiind. And let you in my life foreverrrrrr.
I once traveled to the Canadian side of the Niagra Falls. That was my only venture in the great Northern wilderness, but I would like to go again. Not to the Niagra Falls...but to other Canadian hotspots. The French Canadian language is pretty, I think. Celine Dion's speaking voice is kind of irritating, so I'm 50/50 on it I guess.
Do I need a passport? I feel like I do...
If...you...ask me to. I just might change my miiiiiiiiiiiiind. And let you in my life foreverrrrrr.
6.18.2009
Eesh. So some peeps have been emailing and twittering at me about my last blog entry. Maybe I was a little harsh, but wait, was I?
I don't think so.
I have no problem with the iPhone. I think it's an amazing phone. Like I said before, I HAVE one. My only real problem is with the constant updating and reselling of the same exact phone, especially when it could have been perfected (or atleast inclusive of basic function and service) within its first debut. Apple is smart, people, they didn't accidentally overlook copy/paste or picture messaging. C'mon.
It's all a ploy, and you techie/Apple loving consumers go completely GAGA over it. Kinda weird, right? If you focused your time, energy, and MONEY on less frivolous things...you'd be better people. :)
Plus, AT&T really does suck. Verizon Wireless is where it's at, from what I hear.
Sorry for the offense peeps, but I guess in reality I'm not sorry...
I don't think so.
I have no problem with the iPhone. I think it's an amazing phone. Like I said before, I HAVE one. My only real problem is with the constant updating and reselling of the same exact phone, especially when it could have been perfected (or atleast inclusive of basic function and service) within its first debut. Apple is smart, people, they didn't accidentally overlook copy/paste or picture messaging. C'mon.
It's all a ploy, and you techie/Apple loving consumers go completely GAGA over it. Kinda weird, right? If you focused your time, energy, and MONEY on less frivolous things...you'd be better people. :)
Plus, AT&T really does suck. Verizon Wireless is where it's at, from what I hear.
Sorry for the offense peeps, but I guess in reality I'm not sorry...
6.17.2009
Remaining positive at all times is a personal, constant goal of mine.
Today I have fallen short.
Let's be real, shall we?
OK go:
-I tweeted about the iPhone earlier. Its annoying me. Yes, I once owned an iPhone. Actually, I still have it, I just don't use it. (AT&T service blows something serious.) I'm now the proud owner of a Blackberry (applause). Now, let me preface this entry with the fact that I think the iPhone is a fine product. It's good. I guess my issues lie with the iPhoners. You perfect consumers. You ADD-product whores. I'll expand upon that later. In the meantime, let me take this opportunity to say that, in my opinion, Apple has gone too far. Simply put: they're dicks. Smart, tricky dicks. My reasoning: their original iPhone product should (could easily) have inclusively provided both the 3G and 3GS features within the very first go-around of the iPhone concept stage, but for some reason, Apple has smartly rolled out these features through 3 (not 1, not 2, but 3) phones. $$$$$$$$ Are you kidding me? Are you all that stupid? COPY/PASTE? Uh, wasn't that concept conceived a million years ago? Apparently not, you gotta pay extra for that shit! (Think Oliver Twist, please sir, I want some more?) OK, the first iPhone (the one I have) was coined THE SMARTPHONE THAT ENDED ALL SMARTPHONES. Cool product, I admit, except it had some major flaws (no picture messaging, no GPS capabilities, etc). The thing is, these basic technologies undoubtedly existed at the concept of the original iPhone, easily, but somehow didn't make the cut? That seems impossible. Weirdly (as well as annoyingly), Apple then rolled out the iPhone 3G which provided better, faster service. Wow, thank you for providing a new generation of iPhoners with better phone service and internet speed while we original iPhoners settle for a defunct product. Muchas gracias. Muchas. Then, to further trump their own greedy, technological douchebaginess, Apple rolls out yet another iPhone with 3 new features: cut/paste, a compass, and the picture/video messaging crap (insert John Gosellin eye roll here).
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: don't be stupid. (I realize it's too late for most of you.) This is exactly how they mass sell clone phones. It's not surprising, but very embarrassing to witness the startled, emphatic reactions of young consumers about the 3GS. Where can they slide their credit cards!?!? Gimme! (surprise, surprise, my generation and younger burn through money like no other). Money almost doesn't mean anything. Ugh. I don't think the arrival of Jesus Christ himself could generate as much buzz, interest, and cashflow as Apple products. The worst part is how easy it is for Apple to do this. In fact, you should just give them your money from now on. Yeah, that's the ticket...you all should just empty out your 401K (you probably don't even know what that is...(Wait, I'm supposed to save money for later? Never! Gimme that MacBook Air! It's so lightweight and completely retarded! I have to have it now!) and, instead, just put all monies into a savings account called "Ever Evolving Apple Shit." It's because of you that Apple endlessly mass markets and sells ever-evolving products i.e. "groundbreaking" products that are introduced, sold ($$$$$$), then smartly "updated" 6 months later for even more $$$$$$$$$$, then consequently sells its now deficient products to the desperate, technology-on-a-dime wannabe's (for even more $$$$$$$$$$).
Consumer: 0, Apple: Quadrillion
It's bullshit people. But it doesn't matter, does it? You're all too wrapped up in all those applications to notice anything happening outside of the iWorld. You all are a bunch of idiots that waste your money on the LATEST AND GREATEST because you can, you ADD-affected, materialistic, thoughtless, moneyless pieces of crap. Sorry, but you are. It's people like you that make the world a stupider, richer (in your personal case, poorer) place. Thanks for your vanity. Apple appreciates it.
And here I thought this current, massive recession and economic collapse would teach consumers how to be more responsible, to live within their means, to stop spending frivolously, and to make sound decisions, not give into impulsive, emotional reactions.
Nope, not the case here. Not even close. You iPhone 3GS'ers are all New Jersey housewives. Each and every one of you. Irresponsible, shameless, and distracted by shiny things. I'm embarrassed for you.
Also, gay men are some of the vainest men on Earth...and, coincidentally, in my opinion, they're undoubtedly the leading demographic of iPhone sales.
Weird...
Today I have fallen short.
Let's be real, shall we?
OK go:
-I tweeted about the iPhone earlier. Its annoying me. Yes, I once owned an iPhone. Actually, I still have it, I just don't use it. (AT&T service blows something serious.) I'm now the proud owner of a Blackberry (applause). Now, let me preface this entry with the fact that I think the iPhone is a fine product. It's good. I guess my issues lie with the iPhoners. You perfect consumers. You ADD-product whores. I'll expand upon that later. In the meantime, let me take this opportunity to say that, in my opinion, Apple has gone too far. Simply put: they're dicks. Smart, tricky dicks. My reasoning: their original iPhone product should (could easily) have inclusively provided both the 3G and 3GS features within the very first go-around of the iPhone concept stage, but for some reason, Apple has smartly rolled out these features through 3 (not 1, not 2, but 3) phones. $$$$$$$$ Are you kidding me? Are you all that stupid? COPY/PASTE? Uh, wasn't that concept conceived a million years ago? Apparently not, you gotta pay extra for that shit! (Think Oliver Twist, please sir, I want some more?) OK, the first iPhone (the one I have) was coined THE SMARTPHONE THAT ENDED ALL SMARTPHONES. Cool product, I admit, except it had some major flaws (no picture messaging, no GPS capabilities, etc). The thing is, these basic technologies undoubtedly existed at the concept of the original iPhone, easily, but somehow didn't make the cut? That seems impossible. Weirdly (as well as annoyingly), Apple then rolled out the iPhone 3G which provided better, faster service. Wow, thank you for providing a new generation of iPhoners with better phone service and internet speed while we original iPhoners settle for a defunct product. Muchas gracias. Muchas. Then, to further trump their own greedy, technological douchebaginess, Apple rolls out yet another iPhone with 3 new features: cut/paste, a compass, and the picture/video messaging crap (insert John Gosellin eye roll here).
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: don't be stupid. (I realize it's too late for most of you.) This is exactly how they mass sell clone phones. It's not surprising, but very embarrassing to witness the startled, emphatic reactions of young consumers about the 3GS. Where can they slide their credit cards!?!? Gimme! (surprise, surprise, my generation and younger burn through money like no other). Money almost doesn't mean anything. Ugh. I don't think the arrival of Jesus Christ himself could generate as much buzz, interest, and cashflow as Apple products. The worst part is how easy it is for Apple to do this. In fact, you should just give them your money from now on. Yeah, that's the ticket...you all should just empty out your 401K (you probably don't even know what that is...(Wait, I'm supposed to save money for later? Never! Gimme that MacBook Air! It's so lightweight and completely retarded! I have to have it now!) and, instead, just put all monies into a savings account called "Ever Evolving Apple Shit." It's because of you that Apple endlessly mass markets and sells ever-evolving products i.e. "groundbreaking" products that are introduced, sold ($$$$$$), then smartly "updated" 6 months later for even more $$$$$$$$$$, then consequently sells its now deficient products to the desperate, technology-on-a-dime wannabe's (for even more $$$$$$$$$$).
Consumer: 0, Apple: Quadrillion
It's bullshit people. But it doesn't matter, does it? You're all too wrapped up in all those applications to notice anything happening outside of the iWorld. You all are a bunch of idiots that waste your money on the LATEST AND GREATEST because you can, you ADD-affected, materialistic, thoughtless, moneyless pieces of crap. Sorry, but you are. It's people like you that make the world a stupider, richer (in your personal case, poorer) place. Thanks for your vanity. Apple appreciates it.
And here I thought this current, massive recession and economic collapse would teach consumers how to be more responsible, to live within their means, to stop spending frivolously, and to make sound decisions, not give into impulsive, emotional reactions.
Nope, not the case here. Not even close. You iPhone 3GS'ers are all New Jersey housewives. Each and every one of you. Irresponsible, shameless, and distracted by shiny things. I'm embarrassed for you.
Also, gay men are some of the vainest men on Earth...and, coincidentally, in my opinion, they're undoubtedly the leading demographic of iPhone sales.
Weird...
6.16.2009
it has been a bit.
nyc was fun, made me realize quite a bit. mostly about how small i am. but, that's no real surprise.
i've been there many times before, but every time i go back, i feel a tad bit bigger. a tad more in control. a tad comfortable.
scary thought.
i feel like nyc is all circumstance. it's about opportunity. anything is possible. sheer magnitude. sheer need.
supply and demand.
but almost everything you need to succeed is on the top shelf, out of reach, sometimes just slightly out of grasp while other times the top shelf is like those at an ikea warehouse. completely out of reach and only remotely possible (plausible) by the mercy of those who control it.
hey nyc.
i have things to offer. i have more than you know. i see myself as completely unique but unabashedly naive. i think its a great combination:
not like peanut butter and jelly. i don't like that.
more like cheese and bread. grilled by the man.
oozing result.
oh you ny'ers. i seem them in the streets. looking cool. looking busy. looking for attention. looking right through me.
eventually passing by. not a pause to be had.
hi.
i'm not going to pretend to be an equally cool cat either. i'm actually quite far from it. and by far i mean FAR.
my fashion has never been top notch. my cultural experience limited.
my passport non-existent.
i impress few, but i endear many.
if anything, people compliment my smile. i'll take that,
thanks.
i know i have a lot to learn. and that's what i want to do.
to grow.
i need to be.
who i think i'm supposed to be. the ryan that only i know.
my eyes:
i need to see.
this life.
in action.
before i'm over myself.
and settle.
nyc was fun, made me realize quite a bit. mostly about how small i am. but, that's no real surprise.
i've been there many times before, but every time i go back, i feel a tad bit bigger. a tad more in control. a tad comfortable.
scary thought.
i feel like nyc is all circumstance. it's about opportunity. anything is possible. sheer magnitude. sheer need.
supply and demand.
but almost everything you need to succeed is on the top shelf, out of reach, sometimes just slightly out of grasp while other times the top shelf is like those at an ikea warehouse. completely out of reach and only remotely possible (plausible) by the mercy of those who control it.
hey nyc.
i have things to offer. i have more than you know. i see myself as completely unique but unabashedly naive. i think its a great combination:
not like peanut butter and jelly. i don't like that.
more like cheese and bread. grilled by the man.
oozing result.
oh you ny'ers. i seem them in the streets. looking cool. looking busy. looking for attention. looking right through me.
eventually passing by. not a pause to be had.
hi.
i'm not going to pretend to be an equally cool cat either. i'm actually quite far from it. and by far i mean FAR.
my fashion has never been top notch. my cultural experience limited.
my passport non-existent.
i impress few, but i endear many.
if anything, people compliment my smile. i'll take that,
thanks.
i know i have a lot to learn. and that's what i want to do.
to grow.
i need to be.
who i think i'm supposed to be. the ryan that only i know.
my eyes:
i need to see.
this life.
in action.
before i'm over myself.
and settle.
6.09.2009
the "newspaper" got me down
told me it was okay
perhaps cool
to not have a job, skip out of society.
"i needed a break anyway"
oh did you?
we all do.
you're going to stick it to the man
tell corporate america to buzz off
wait until you break your leg
chip a tooth
card declined
being lazy
it's not cool
you're not cool
don't sit on the beach and think you're enjoying yourself
you're not.
You're scared
bills mount
cash empties
anxiety high.
you feel guilty sleeping in,
watching judge judy.
and you don't know where to turn
except over
as you lay there
the clock says 2 pm
your mind says what am i going to do
help
me though?
reality check
paycheck
check and check
its how the world functions
i don't live to work
i work to live
because i have to
we all have to
well,
those of us, independent
no mommy daddy coattails
no inheritance
no strings attached.
we live
we work
and we find happiness
with what's left.
told me it was okay
perhaps cool
to not have a job, skip out of society.
"i needed a break anyway"
oh did you?
we all do.
you're going to stick it to the man
tell corporate america to buzz off
wait until you break your leg
chip a tooth
card declined
being lazy
it's not cool
you're not cool
don't sit on the beach and think you're enjoying yourself
you're not.
You're scared
bills mount
cash empties
anxiety high.
you feel guilty sleeping in,
watching judge judy.
and you don't know where to turn
except over
as you lay there
the clock says 2 pm
your mind says what am i going to do
help
me though?
reality check
paycheck
check and check
its how the world functions
i don't live to work
i work to live
because i have to
we all have to
well,
those of us, independent
no mommy daddy coattails
no inheritance
no strings attached.
we live
we work
and we find happiness
with what's left.
6.08.2009
it's like a ransom note
tattooed onto the back of my eyelids.
give me it back
the way i left it
dignity intact.
every day
especially now,
i read,
i hope for a different outcome.
but it's always the same.
you own me.
you want me.
you hate me.
you need me.
but you refuse me.
entirely.
Obama isn't fixing it, either.
shame.
some day it will be different though
and i'll laugh in your face
it will cower in shame.
as it should.
and some day you'll accompany me.
peace.
tattooed onto the back of my eyelids.
give me it back
the way i left it
dignity intact.
every day
especially now,
i read,
i hope for a different outcome.
but it's always the same.
you own me.
you want me.
you hate me.
you need me.
but you refuse me.
entirely.
Obama isn't fixing it, either.
shame.
some day it will be different though
and i'll laugh in your face
it will cower in shame.
as it should.
and some day you'll accompany me.
peace.
6.03.2009
Bacon cheeseburgers are quite possibly my favorite food on planet Earth. But there are many facets to making a great bacon cheeseburger. First of all, the burger must be flame grilled. No fast food microwaving, no frying pans, no George Foreman...it has to be on a grill. And the burger patty itself cannot be skinny. Skinny burgers freak me out. They have to be atleast a 1/4 lb. Why waste your time with anything less?
Secondly, there must be these condiments on my bacon cheeseburger: lettuce (preferably shredded), dill pickle (preferably in "chip" form), ketchup, yellow mustard, and the cheese needs to be either American or pepperjack (but never swiss, it's my least favorite cheese besides bleu, wait, I take that back, bleu cheese is my least favorite, actually, though it isn't even a possibility for me to eat it because it's so effing disgusting).
Oh, sidenote, this burger cannot come from a fast food restaurant. Nope. Sorry. No can do. It's not worth it on any level because those compacted burger patties are composed of about 1,000 cows. Not doin it. I need a real bacon cheeseburger.
(I almost never, ever eat fast food ((unless it's Subway or Chipotle)) but if I do eat fast food I never order a burger because they're almost always nasty. You know who has the nastiest lettuce on Earth if you order a burger? Wendy's. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Wendy's, BUT, their lettuce is a slimy piece of lettuce shrapnel that entices my gag reflex, which is weird because I DON'T HAVE A GAG REFLEX?)
(You want to know why I know I don't have a gag reflex? Well, and this is slightly embarrassing, but then again I don't really care because I don't have an eating disorder ((pretty much the opposite)): BUT, I've tried to make myself puke before (for several different reasons, none of them serious, but somewhat funny in hindsight) and I cannot do it no matter how far I stick my finger/arm down my throat. It just won't happen. Sorry, no gag or puke is to be had.)
Now I have experienced a gag reflex when smelling something gross or seeing something gross, so maybe that's the answer to my problem. If I see someone puking my gag reflex gets real sensitive.
Back to my point, the bacon can be prepared any which way, I don't really care, bacon is bacon and it's almost always good. It can be soggy, it can be crisp, but I personally cannot cook bacon because I ALWAYS burn it and subsequently it's never edible. Someone with much more skill than I has to cook bacon. I heard putting it in the oven is a smart idea? Don't quote me on that.
Another REALLY important part of the hamburger is the bun. Too often burgers are served on bad buns. I really appreciate the aesthetics of a sesame seed bun. It just looks right.
But above all else the bun needs to be fresh, slightly toasted, and NOT buttered in any way, shape, or form. Butter makes it soggy and sick.
Burgers are always so good, I don't know that I've ever had a bad one.
Aren't you glad I'm not talking about shells? That was a ton of personal opinion.
Secondly, there must be these condiments on my bacon cheeseburger: lettuce (preferably shredded), dill pickle (preferably in "chip" form), ketchup, yellow mustard, and the cheese needs to be either American or pepperjack (but never swiss, it's my least favorite cheese besides bleu, wait, I take that back, bleu cheese is my least favorite, actually, though it isn't even a possibility for me to eat it because it's so effing disgusting).
Oh, sidenote, this burger cannot come from a fast food restaurant. Nope. Sorry. No can do. It's not worth it on any level because those compacted burger patties are composed of about 1,000 cows. Not doin it. I need a real bacon cheeseburger.
(I almost never, ever eat fast food ((unless it's Subway or Chipotle)) but if I do eat fast food I never order a burger because they're almost always nasty. You know who has the nastiest lettuce on Earth if you order a burger? Wendy's. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Wendy's, BUT, their lettuce is a slimy piece of lettuce shrapnel that entices my gag reflex, which is weird because I DON'T HAVE A GAG REFLEX?)
(You want to know why I know I don't have a gag reflex? Well, and this is slightly embarrassing, but then again I don't really care because I don't have an eating disorder ((pretty much the opposite)): BUT, I've tried to make myself puke before (for several different reasons, none of them serious, but somewhat funny in hindsight) and I cannot do it no matter how far I stick my finger/arm down my throat. It just won't happen. Sorry, no gag or puke is to be had.)
Now I have experienced a gag reflex when smelling something gross or seeing something gross, so maybe that's the answer to my problem. If I see someone puking my gag reflex gets real sensitive.
Back to my point, the bacon can be prepared any which way, I don't really care, bacon is bacon and it's almost always good. It can be soggy, it can be crisp, but I personally cannot cook bacon because I ALWAYS burn it and subsequently it's never edible. Someone with much more skill than I has to cook bacon. I heard putting it in the oven is a smart idea? Don't quote me on that.
Another REALLY important part of the hamburger is the bun. Too often burgers are served on bad buns. I really appreciate the aesthetics of a sesame seed bun. It just looks right.
But above all else the bun needs to be fresh, slightly toasted, and NOT buttered in any way, shape, or form. Butter makes it soggy and sick.
Burgers are always so good, I don't know that I've ever had a bad one.
Aren't you glad I'm not talking about shells? That was a ton of personal opinion.
6.02.2009
Part 3 & Part 4
Not all hot people are shells. True statement. To you who do not (personally) know me, I know these recent blogs may come across as promoting superiority or elite, quick judgment upon others...but in reality, that's really not the point at all. The way I perceive it, I'm just observing the absurdities of my generation, my peers, and explaining how it all hits my brain.
I'm calling a spade and spade. It's OK to do that, you know. To be honest with how you feel.
For starters, if I think you're a shell, you'll never know it. I'm not going to bring it to your attention, call you out. Me? Please. I'm not like that. The way you lead your life is entirely your own thing. Life your life your way, I would never try to pop your bubble.
I'm not a shrew.
I'm not a hater.
I'm not insecure.
I'm just talking. To no one in particular. To myself, really. There's no agenda. Just small talk. It's OK for me to comment on the silly ways people carry themselves, and how serious some people take themselves, too.
It's all nonsense, really. I could endlessly marvel at the sheer amount of wasted time and energy resourced into trying to look better than everyone else, to building a shell that says, I'm hot, want a piece of this?
You may be hot, I may want a piece, but, for your sake, I also find it emphatically important to show, be it even a minute proportion, a shred of humanity that can be seen across the room, not from a cat scan. The unnecessary and tiring chore of chipping away at a hardened shell in an attempt to find something relatable? No one will do that. That's not fun for anyone. Sure, its doable for the first couple of nights. There's fun to be had with that flesh of yours. Unfortunately though, in this world, there's a lot of flesh to be had, and much of it is more appealing than yours. So don't take yourself too seriously, because inevitably there will always be someone hotter who can easily steal your spotlight. And when that reality sets in, the fun is over. You then have to find a different way to trap'em. What other bait do you have?
Too many times I have encountered ego-driven personalities. They come in packages that are all too familiar and easily spottable. Am I ever rude and nasty to these people? Never, ever. At my rudest, the one thing that I could do to show non-interest in someone I've thoughtfully and carefully deemed a "shell" is to pretend that they don't exist...like I physically do not see them. That's it. It's the least confrontational approach to not feeding into a shell's dire need for attention. They want attention, they want to make eye contact...they get off on that "people are looking at me" feeling...it's the name of their game.
If I'm wrong, and you are in fact not a shell...somehow, someway, that will be made known. But in the meantime, you're doing something wrong.
Personally, when I go out on the town, I don't walk into a bar and assume that people are going to stop and look at me. I don't carry myself that way. I don't carry myself as a spectacle, as a prize. Am I confident? Absolutely. I know for a fact that I am a good person with a great offering. Do I think my looks are superior? Absolutely not. I've seen very few people in my lifetime whom I have deemed incredibly good looking. You know, those stop and stare moments. And I can easily recall each individual who has ever captured my attention like that. But I would never assume I am that person to anyone.
I don't need to hold that position in someone's life. I have other attributes.
My shell exterior is a really brief classification of my personality. I'm not flashy, I'm simple. I dress appropriately. I keep good hygiene. And I try to smile more than not. That's all I need for now. If you wanted to get to know me, I think you would be satisfied with the package deal.
Maybe not though, who knows. It's not important what others think. There's a principle somewhere though, and that's the whole point of this blog thread.
Sometimes when you look in a shell, there's nothing there but an ocean's echo. But for some shells, inside, there's something alive. Startling huh?
What a perfect combination, what a perfect purpose.
That specific shell, different from the rest, serves a purpose...other than just sitting in a jar full of other shells.
Not all hot people are shells. True statement. To you who do not (personally) know me, I know these recent blogs may come across as promoting superiority or elite, quick judgment upon others...but in reality, that's really not the point at all. The way I perceive it, I'm just observing the absurdities of my generation, my peers, and explaining how it all hits my brain.
I'm calling a spade and spade. It's OK to do that, you know. To be honest with how you feel.
For starters, if I think you're a shell, you'll never know it. I'm not going to bring it to your attention, call you out. Me? Please. I'm not like that. The way you lead your life is entirely your own thing. Life your life your way, I would never try to pop your bubble.
I'm not a shrew.
I'm not a hater.
I'm not insecure.
I'm just talking. To no one in particular. To myself, really. There's no agenda. Just small talk. It's OK for me to comment on the silly ways people carry themselves, and how serious some people take themselves, too.
It's all nonsense, really. I could endlessly marvel at the sheer amount of wasted time and energy resourced into trying to look better than everyone else, to building a shell that says, I'm hot, want a piece of this?
You may be hot, I may want a piece, but, for your sake, I also find it emphatically important to show, be it even a minute proportion, a shred of humanity that can be seen across the room, not from a cat scan. The unnecessary and tiring chore of chipping away at a hardened shell in an attempt to find something relatable? No one will do that. That's not fun for anyone. Sure, its doable for the first couple of nights. There's fun to be had with that flesh of yours. Unfortunately though, in this world, there's a lot of flesh to be had, and much of it is more appealing than yours. So don't take yourself too seriously, because inevitably there will always be someone hotter who can easily steal your spotlight. And when that reality sets in, the fun is over. You then have to find a different way to trap'em. What other bait do you have?
Too many times I have encountered ego-driven personalities. They come in packages that are all too familiar and easily spottable. Am I ever rude and nasty to these people? Never, ever. At my rudest, the one thing that I could do to show non-interest in someone I've thoughtfully and carefully deemed a "shell" is to pretend that they don't exist...like I physically do not see them. That's it. It's the least confrontational approach to not feeding into a shell's dire need for attention. They want attention, they want to make eye contact...they get off on that "people are looking at me" feeling...it's the name of their game.
If I'm wrong, and you are in fact not a shell...somehow, someway, that will be made known. But in the meantime, you're doing something wrong.
Personally, when I go out on the town, I don't walk into a bar and assume that people are going to stop and look at me. I don't carry myself that way. I don't carry myself as a spectacle, as a prize. Am I confident? Absolutely. I know for a fact that I am a good person with a great offering. Do I think my looks are superior? Absolutely not. I've seen very few people in my lifetime whom I have deemed incredibly good looking. You know, those stop and stare moments. And I can easily recall each individual who has ever captured my attention like that. But I would never assume I am that person to anyone.
I don't need to hold that position in someone's life. I have other attributes.
My shell exterior is a really brief classification of my personality. I'm not flashy, I'm simple. I dress appropriately. I keep good hygiene. And I try to smile more than not. That's all I need for now. If you wanted to get to know me, I think you would be satisfied with the package deal.
Maybe not though, who knows. It's not important what others think. There's a principle somewhere though, and that's the whole point of this blog thread.
Sometimes when you look in a shell, there's nothing there but an ocean's echo. But for some shells, inside, there's something alive. Startling huh?
What a perfect combination, what a perfect purpose.
That specific shell, different from the rest, serves a purpose...other than just sitting in a jar full of other shells.
6.01.2009
Part 2.
Assume you are a gay male. This type of shell is no different than the first. The only difference here is that I loosen the definition of the word "hot." Hot girls are usually a package deal, meaning they have a hot face and usually a hot body. In the gay world, I don't think it's the same. I believe many guys see a hot body, and sometimes a hot face to boot. But in the case of a less-than-hot face, a hot body totally trumps everything. In my opinion, gay men are, more times than not, completely (and sometimes solely) attracted by the a vision of chiseled physique. And sometimes nothing more than that. The more muscle, the more BULK, the more beef, the better quality guy, right?
Duh, you idiot. Not even close.
Disclaimer: there's nothing wrong with being in shape. There's nothing wrong with working out, eating right, and being fit. BUT, I would argue that plenty of gay males do not prioritize a healthy lifestyle over filling out a size-too-small tshirt. Gay men equate having big arms, pecs, and a six-pack with being a rare catch.
How wrong you are. That theory doesn't define a person, it defines you and your shallow interests.
So, you see a "hot" guy in a coffee shop, with at least one article of clothing being from Abercrombie or Diesel, his laptop nicely set out in front of him, his tshirt accentuating his six-days-a-week, creatine-built gym body. You don't really notice his face because you're too busy checking out his shell. And that's the way it works for him. His face is less than attractive but wow, that body makes up for it, right?
He's a shell, too. In some way, he's selling his body. He's bulking it up, working it out, keeping his i's dotted and his t's crossed. If he doesn't have that killer body, gay eyes will travel to the next guy at the coffee shop/bar/sidewalk who does. After all, muscle mass = good guy.
Hmm, so you go up to the guy at the coffee shop, distracting him from his Craigslist posting, awkward, and ask him out on a date. Yessss...before you know it, that muscle god will be ALL yours. Oh the flesh. Oh the possibilities.
Oh the shit what was I thinking?...
He's a shell. *Hindsight* You find out that he likes to talk about himself a lot. He also likes to go to the bars, a lot. His interests are working out and going out. You come to find out he has 1,367 Facebook friends, and weirdly, 987 tagged photos (983 of them being shirtless). His voice is about 8 octaves above where you thought it would be. You come to find out his world revolves around Old Navy flip flops, ripoff D&G sunglasses (tell-tale sign), and porn stars. Sometimes he wears a rosary as a necklace and sometimes he does pushups right before he puts on that XS American Apparel T. His teeth are freakishly white, and you know it's not because he has good hygiene. His waist size is a Diesel 28 and he benches 265. He doesn't eat ice cream either, so don't even offer up dessert. And no, he can't go to the movie tomorrow because he'll inevitably be at the gym. Why does he keep sniffing and scratching at his nose? Must have caught a cold at the gym.
Mhm.
Throughout the whole date, you feel small in comparison to this person. Physically. You like emasculation? You're getting a proverbial buttload of it. And trust me, he has noticed the size difference, too. Power role: he wins. You always lose, unless you hire a personal trainer with a magic wand.
He's a complete shell. Everything is on the outside, all of his organs are tightly in place thanks to that shell of his. That's it, show is over. He works out six days a week because that's his saving grace, the undeniable fact that he can lift heavy weights, build endless muscle, and be regarded as hot as hell...all just by exercising. It's something that ANYONE can do. But to a shell, it's what they're selling as something that's inherently them. It's who they are. They are a beautiful body, and you should be lucky that they'd date someone like yourself. For now.
But sometimes they are only a beautiful body. They only have a body to offer you. At some point, that body will not make you laugh. His muscle will not console your insecurities, but heighten them. His large frame will not keep you company when you're bored; he's at or under a bar. His benchpress won't make for good conversation anymore. His protein shake recipes won't make for a good dinner. You get my drift.
What you may find out is that he's currently unemployed, he picks his nose at night, chews protein bars with his mouth open, and his apartment smells like a chicken farm on a hot, humid day. Surely a chicken died somewhere. Cute.
You're lusting after a shell. Stop it. Dig deeper, expect more. There is more to life and love than a trophy image. Much, much more. Anyone can have a great, attractive body, it's not a defining characteristic of a good guy. ANYONE CAN HAVE A HOT BODY.
Unless you're in a vegetative state.
Assume you are a gay male. This type of shell is no different than the first. The only difference here is that I loosen the definition of the word "hot." Hot girls are usually a package deal, meaning they have a hot face and usually a hot body. In the gay world, I don't think it's the same. I believe many guys see a hot body, and sometimes a hot face to boot. But in the case of a less-than-hot face, a hot body totally trumps everything. In my opinion, gay men are, more times than not, completely (and sometimes solely) attracted by the a vision of chiseled physique. And sometimes nothing more than that. The more muscle, the more BULK, the more beef, the better quality guy, right?
Duh, you idiot. Not even close.
Disclaimer: there's nothing wrong with being in shape. There's nothing wrong with working out, eating right, and being fit. BUT, I would argue that plenty of gay males do not prioritize a healthy lifestyle over filling out a size-too-small tshirt. Gay men equate having big arms, pecs, and a six-pack with being a rare catch.
How wrong you are. That theory doesn't define a person, it defines you and your shallow interests.
So, you see a "hot" guy in a coffee shop, with at least one article of clothing being from Abercrombie or Diesel, his laptop nicely set out in front of him, his tshirt accentuating his six-days-a-week, creatine-built gym body. You don't really notice his face because you're too busy checking out his shell. And that's the way it works for him. His face is less than attractive but wow, that body makes up for it, right?
He's a shell, too. In some way, he's selling his body. He's bulking it up, working it out, keeping his i's dotted and his t's crossed. If he doesn't have that killer body, gay eyes will travel to the next guy at the coffee shop/bar/sidewalk who does. After all, muscle mass = good guy.
Hmm, so you go up to the guy at the coffee shop, distracting him from his Craigslist posting, awkward, and ask him out on a date. Yessss...before you know it, that muscle god will be ALL yours. Oh the flesh. Oh the possibilities.
Oh the shit what was I thinking?...
He's a shell. *Hindsight* You find out that he likes to talk about himself a lot. He also likes to go to the bars, a lot. His interests are working out and going out. You come to find out he has 1,367 Facebook friends, and weirdly, 987 tagged photos (983 of them being shirtless). His voice is about 8 octaves above where you thought it would be. You come to find out his world revolves around Old Navy flip flops, ripoff D&G sunglasses (tell-tale sign), and porn stars. Sometimes he wears a rosary as a necklace and sometimes he does pushups right before he puts on that XS American Apparel T. His teeth are freakishly white, and you know it's not because he has good hygiene. His waist size is a Diesel 28 and he benches 265. He doesn't eat ice cream either, so don't even offer up dessert. And no, he can't go to the movie tomorrow because he'll inevitably be at the gym. Why does he keep sniffing and scratching at his nose? Must have caught a cold at the gym.
Mhm.
Throughout the whole date, you feel small in comparison to this person. Physically. You like emasculation? You're getting a proverbial buttload of it. And trust me, he has noticed the size difference, too. Power role: he wins. You always lose, unless you hire a personal trainer with a magic wand.
He's a complete shell. Everything is on the outside, all of his organs are tightly in place thanks to that shell of his. That's it, show is over. He works out six days a week because that's his saving grace, the undeniable fact that he can lift heavy weights, build endless muscle, and be regarded as hot as hell...all just by exercising. It's something that ANYONE can do. But to a shell, it's what they're selling as something that's inherently them. It's who they are. They are a beautiful body, and you should be lucky that they'd date someone like yourself. For now.
But sometimes they are only a beautiful body. They only have a body to offer you. At some point, that body will not make you laugh. His muscle will not console your insecurities, but heighten them. His large frame will not keep you company when you're bored; he's at or under a bar. His benchpress won't make for good conversation anymore. His protein shake recipes won't make for a good dinner. You get my drift.
What you may find out is that he's currently unemployed, he picks his nose at night, chews protein bars with his mouth open, and his apartment smells like a chicken farm on a hot, humid day. Surely a chicken died somewhere. Cute.
You're lusting after a shell. Stop it. Dig deeper, expect more. There is more to life and love than a trophy image. Much, much more. Anyone can have a great, attractive body, it's not a defining characteristic of a good guy. ANYONE CAN HAVE A HOT BODY.
Unless you're in a vegetative state.
Funny story, I was about to write a blog post about bacon cheeseburgers and Oral-B floss, but was immediately distracted and inspired by a conversation with Nate about HOT PEOPLE.
You know...those people who are extra, EXTRA good-looking: perfect nose, white teeth, great hair, kickin style, hottie with a body...etc. etc.
Hot people seem cool, great, fine, everything, yada yada, but there's a bigger picture here. Yes, big picture has been my go-to phrase as of late, but that's just the way I live my life these days: big picture.
Anyway, hot people: be careful, they're never as simple as they seem. You see them, you immediately think "ooooh they're SMOKIN" and then in your shallow brain you automatically position yourself for a long, happy, healthy, non-changing forever with them, the perfect couple, two cute peas in a super cute pod. Simple, right?
WRONG-O.
Let's assume, you, the reader, are a straight male. You see a girl in a coffee shop, looking extra hot, innocently reading Marley & Me. You notice her non-bumpy nose, her smooth skin, her cute, slightly messed-up hair bun-concoction, her short skirt, legs that go for miles, pedicured toes, and the best thing of all: no one across the table from her.
PERFECT, right?
Pros:
She's hot.
She's surprisingly single.
So, you go up to her immediately, before someone else does, and you ask her out on a date. All that hotness, all to yourself. *Hindsight alert* Only later do you realize what a FREAK SHOW she actually is i.e. she has nothing nice to say about anyone, can't hold a conversation to save her life (outside of what happened on Gossip Girl), doesn't laugh at any of your jokes since they aren't in specific reference to said Gossip Girl, and to top things off, has listed you within her seen-better-days Blackberry as "Mark3."
Cons:
That hot girl is what I call a SHELL. Nothing measurable on the inside. Her outside, be it a super pretty one, has two, clear-cut purposes: A. to attract the unsuspecting and B. to house organs. She's a complete shell. What you see is what you get. No good surprises in store. That's all, folks. HOT. This girl offers only heartache and inevitable disappointment. After all, this is a girl that will text her besties nonstop amid conversations with you. This girl wants to spend time with you, over a free meal. This girl has a huge turquoise purse filled with gum wrappers, nail polish, and tampons. This girl has huge D&G sunglasses she bought in Chinatown, but admits it to no one. And she thinks she's entirely cute in them, being that she wheres them everywhere, including elevators, but in reality it just makes her hot face seem oddly smaller and alien-esque. Oh, and that smooth skin? 98% of it is foundation. Get her in some fluorescent lighting and her face is a completely different shade from her neck. Ew. This is also the same girl that on a Friday night gets ready with her girlies (typically less hot than her), puts on a disgusting sale outfit she picked up at Forever 21 (because she is forever 21), complete with a pair of high heels that she has yet to barf on, and then goes out for a night on the town for some debauchery, cranberry vodkas, and white-girl-rap-music-dancing.
Worst of all, that bitch smacks her gum.
And that's what you're waking up next to tomorrow morning. Her. That hot piece of butt you thought was so neverending-happy-life-worthy, but hindsight reveals you'd rather jump out her 4th floor apartment window then risk having her wake up and wanting to cuddle.
So it's all your fault, you shell lover you. You were seduced by a shell. Back in the dimly-lit coffee shop, if you weren't so distracted by her (at the time) incomparable good looks, you would have easily noticed that her Marley & Me book was upside down.
Now, assume you are a gay male. Part 2. Coming later.
Part 3: Not all hot people are shells.
Part 4: I don't judge, I evaluate.
You know...those people who are extra, EXTRA good-looking: perfect nose, white teeth, great hair, kickin style, hottie with a body...etc. etc.
Hot people seem cool, great, fine, everything, yada yada, but there's a bigger picture here. Yes, big picture has been my go-to phrase as of late, but that's just the way I live my life these days: big picture.
Anyway, hot people: be careful, they're never as simple as they seem. You see them, you immediately think "ooooh they're SMOKIN" and then in your shallow brain you automatically position yourself for a long, happy, healthy, non-changing forever with them, the perfect couple, two cute peas in a super cute pod. Simple, right?
WRONG-O.
Let's assume, you, the reader, are a straight male. You see a girl in a coffee shop, looking extra hot, innocently reading Marley & Me. You notice her non-bumpy nose, her smooth skin, her cute, slightly messed-up hair bun-concoction, her short skirt, legs that go for miles, pedicured toes, and the best thing of all: no one across the table from her.
PERFECT, right?
Pros:
She's hot.
She's surprisingly single.
So, you go up to her immediately, before someone else does, and you ask her out on a date. All that hotness, all to yourself. *Hindsight alert* Only later do you realize what a FREAK SHOW she actually is i.e. she has nothing nice to say about anyone, can't hold a conversation to save her life (outside of what happened on Gossip Girl), doesn't laugh at any of your jokes since they aren't in specific reference to said Gossip Girl, and to top things off, has listed you within her seen-better-days Blackberry as "Mark3."
Cons:
That hot girl is what I call a SHELL. Nothing measurable on the inside. Her outside, be it a super pretty one, has two, clear-cut purposes: A. to attract the unsuspecting and B. to house organs. She's a complete shell. What you see is what you get. No good surprises in store. That's all, folks. HOT. This girl offers only heartache and inevitable disappointment. After all, this is a girl that will text her besties nonstop amid conversations with you. This girl wants to spend time with you, over a free meal. This girl has a huge turquoise purse filled with gum wrappers, nail polish, and tampons. This girl has huge D&G sunglasses she bought in Chinatown, but admits it to no one. And she thinks she's entirely cute in them, being that she wheres them everywhere, including elevators, but in reality it just makes her hot face seem oddly smaller and alien-esque. Oh, and that smooth skin? 98% of it is foundation. Get her in some fluorescent lighting and her face is a completely different shade from her neck. Ew. This is also the same girl that on a Friday night gets ready with her girlies (typically less hot than her), puts on a disgusting sale outfit she picked up at Forever 21 (because she is forever 21), complete with a pair of high heels that she has yet to barf on, and then goes out for a night on the town for some debauchery, cranberry vodkas, and white-girl-rap-music-dancing.
Worst of all, that bitch smacks her gum.
And that's what you're waking up next to tomorrow morning. Her. That hot piece of butt you thought was so neverending-happy-life-worthy, but hindsight reveals you'd rather jump out her 4th floor apartment window then risk having her wake up and wanting to cuddle.
So it's all your fault, you shell lover you. You were seduced by a shell. Back in the dimly-lit coffee shop, if you weren't so distracted by her (at the time) incomparable good looks, you would have easily noticed that her Marley & Me book was upside down.
Now, assume you are a gay male. Part 2. Coming later.
Part 3: Not all hot people are shells.
Part 4: I don't judge, I evaluate.
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