10.30.2008

Is it possible to completely Scrooge-out and be "that guy" on Halloween? Doesn't matter, I'm doing it anyway. Now if only I could simultaneously type this post AND have my arms folded across my chest in complete disapproval...that would be ideal...

Disclaimer: Halloween is not my thing. Yes, yes...many of you absolutely LOVE Halloween, it's your favorite holiday ever, so fun...blah, blah. I get it.

I just don't share your opinion.

I think Halloween is overrated and kinda dumb. Prepare yourself, I'm gonna Scrooge-out some more, spreading my bah-humbug attitude allllll over this hizz, so here we go...

-I don't like costumes.
-I don't like when other people are dressed up in costumes. It makes me entirely uncomfortable.
-I don't like seeing every girl slutted out to the max because, nowadays, that's what Halloween really is about...just a big old slutfest for girls. Slutty, slutty. Yippee hooray. Naughty nurses, naughty Dorothy, naughty waitress, naughty police officer, naughty rag doll, naughty princess, naughty ballerina, naughty teacher, naughty maid, naughty Sarah Palin, naughty nun, naughty everything. Yes, yes. SLUT.IT.UP girls like there's no tomorrow. Let's see here, boobs-and-ass-hang-out-check...PERFECT! Just the right amount of both you naughty, naughty beer wench slut, you!

OVER IT.

-And trust me, I won't leave the guys/gays out of this equation either. They too are alllll slutted up. I wish I was going to be participating in the Halloween festivities just to see how many Michael Phelps' there are going to be. Prime, and I mean PRIME opportunity to be parading around in a Speedo and "get away with it" because, you know, it's a costume, duhhhhhh. You know the gays have been working out and solely eating chicken breasts for MONTHS in anticipation of wearing this non-original idea/piece of cloth. Tube sock? CHECK!

OVER IT.

What ever happened to putting a sheet over your head and being a ghost? I should really go as a ghost with a big, old white California King sheet hanging over my head with the only flesh made viewable being my eyeballs. I might even wear shades just to really one-up the situation.

I long for the days back in Coralville, IA when I had a house where cute, little Spidermen, and Batmen, and Winnie-the-Poohs, and Nickelodeon characters whom I have no idea what their names are/what they're supposed to be came to my door. Oh, you're some hispanic boy named Diego? Of course you are! Oh, and your brother is a...a Digimon? Oh right, Digimon, duh, how could I forget, my favorite one, too! Here's some candy. Point is, they were in ACTUAL costumes, coming up to the door and trick-or-treating...being all cute. I could pass out candy ALL.NIGHT.LONG. Just me and Lionel Richie. But, it was moments like those that made Halloween an absolute THRILL and an actual, worthwhile event.

Kids these days on the other hand. They ruined it for everybody, dagnabit!

I LOVE MY ATTITUDE. Despite my over-the-top and mostly-in-fun perspective, I'm actually just fine with the concept of Halloween and all of its glory, and again, I could really care less about which or what costume anyone decides to wear. While costumes still make me slightly uncomfortable, big picture: I realize it's all about having fun, and usually, I'm a fun-loving person. There's really no harm being done and people are just doing their thing, loving life, and that's a good thing in my book and therefore I don't harbor any negative energy toward Halloween enthusiasts/slutbags.

I just don't lose a nut over the situation like most people.

Sadly, I won't even be in the Chi for Halloween. A wedding in Iowa calls my name...but, at the same time, I'm not too terribly sad about missing out on the debauchery that is Halloween. No big deal.

After all, I get to wear my Scrooge/old-person-who-belongs-in-a-nursing-home costume every day.

10.27.2008

You learn something new every day. True that!

The Tori Paradox
On Saved by the Bell, the character of Tori Scott (Leanna Creel) was added in later episodes as an initial sparring partner and later girlfriend for Zack. Originally, the final season consisted of thirteen episodes featuring the original cast, and the cast members' contracts with the show expired after those episodes were completed with the final graduation episode. However, NBC ordered more episodes of the show and Thiessen and Berkley refused to sign new contracts. Rather than producing new episodes with only four cast members, a new character, Tori Scott, was added to serve as a replacement for Kelly and Jessie.

Oddly enough, the promos for the final season of the show featured Kelly, Jessie, and Tori together, despite the fact that the actresses never actually appear in an episode together. Rather, the network alternated between "Kelly and Jessie" and "Tori" episodes each week.

During the "Tori" episodes, it was never explained why Jessie and Kelly were not present, and likewise for the "Kelly and Jessie" episodes, no mention was made of Tori. When the season aired in the UK, the episodes tended to be reordered so that the Tori episodes and the Jessie and Kelly episodes were shown together. This was scarcely less confusing, since no mention was ever made of Tori's sudden disappearance and Kelly and Jessie's equally sudden reappearance partway through the season.

Also, during the Tori episodes the school hallway had a different color scheme and Lisa had a different hair style.


Wow, and come to think my entire life I was under the impression that Jessie and Kelly were studying abroad in France and Kelly was also pursuing a modeling gig there.

Life has new meaning now.

10.24.2008

So, the other day my Mom sends me this forward titled "Lemon Meringue Pie!" Hmm, okay, fine Mom, since it came from you, I'll open it. But if I read anywhere that if I don't send this on I'll die in 6 days or will be left off Bill Gates' will, I'm deleting it without reading further!

I'm first prompted with this message:

No cheating.

Wow, okay, this survey means business. And I really wish you could have seen the font it was in because it was this weird, old-timey, Mardis Gras-lookin font that didn't fit in with anything and, quite frankly, lost a little bit of its authority. Sorryz, but it did. Anyway, for the sake of all that is fun, I refrained from cheating. The forward continued on to say:

If all of the eight desserts listed below were sitting in
front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one)! Trust me...this is very accurate. Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.


Hmm, psychiatrists, ay? You don't say. Again, serious business. Anyway, okay, easy enough, let's get down to business. But, before the fun could begin, another prompt:

REMEMBER - No Cheating. Make your choice before you check the meaning, otherwise it's not as fun!

Okay I get it. And not for a moment would I ever risk losing out on the fun factor of this survey. Proudly, I fully stood by their explicit no cheating policy. Vote NO! on Proposition Cheating. Funny, right? No? Fine, let's get this bleeping survey started already.

Here are your choices:

1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Shortcake

6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake


Ohhhmylanta...where to begin. This is not going to be as easy as I originally thought. Jenny Craig would be sweatin bullets right about now. Okay, so I'm supposed to pick one dessert out of all of these desserts. BUT, really, that's not the hard part. After all, remember, whichever dessert I pick is going to reveal something about me.

Hmm.

So I perused the list of desserts for a couple of minutes and thought for sure I had this all figured out.

Here is my preconceived analysis of the given desserts. If I pick

Angel Food Cake - this means I'm like some goody goody who stays away from trouble and is a loyal friend, real boring, blah blah blah.

Brownies - this probably means I'm down to Earth and easy going, middle of the road kind of person that gets along with everybody. Heard it a million times...

3. Lemon Meringue Pie - Ooh a zest for life and drama to spare! Certainly...

4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing - This translates into...you're typically shy and quiet but my you have an edge! Surely something to do with angel by day, devil by night...same old story.

5. Strawberry Shortcake - Sweet, sensitive, caring, wouldn't harm a fly, yada yada.

6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing - Fearless! You mean business and don't waste any time. Get's to the point and you always get what you want! Watch out, world! I can relate...

7. Ice Cream - Gutsy, bold, strays from the path, an adventurer. I mean, it's really the only dessert that's a completely different form/you know what I mean. It isn't a cake, pie, or bar...it's essentially a liquid, so this surely has to stand out from the crowd somehow.

8. Carrot Cake - Okay, duh, boring, nerdy, quiet, spends weekends alone hiding from the world, nose always in a book, mousey. Loser is written all over this one.

UH OKAY NOT FUN AT ALL...way too easy. So, which do I choose? First I was going to choose the brownie - I'm going to toss my earlier notions to the wind, and for once, be totally honest with myself on behalf of this seriously complicated, scientific self-reflection survey. Now, I chose brownies because I don't like pie at all, no kind of pie, I don't care what it is. Nuh uh, not eating it. Whatever. BUT, I love cake. Love it. However, my favorite kind of cake is wedding cake and that wasn't an option, so can I really choose any other cake? FYI Wedding cake is much different than cake, I can't really explain it, but it just is. Anyway, so, since I'm being honest and my favorite cake isn't on the list, I should probably go with brownies. Ding ding, brownies it is. Let's see what that says about me.

WAIT!

Change of heart. Now that I think about it, I really love ice cream, too. Perhaps even more than cake and definitely way more than brownies. Problem is, I tend to always think of cake and ice cream as one, together, you know? Like, you go to a birthday party and have cake and ice cream. I've never really been in a situation where it's either one or the other. Cake or ice cream? Really? I mean, my favorite kind of ice cream is Coldstone's Cake batter ice cream. Conundrum! So, choosing between cake or ice cream presents a whole other dilemma that I can't even think about right now.

So I guess I can't pick either of them then? Shit, then all I have left is pie! Wait. Carrot cake isn't really cake, is it? I mean it's called cake, it has a cake consistency, but it's just kind of different/not really cake-cake, right? I love carrot cake, I don't know where it ranks on my cake loving scale - higher or lower than other types of cakes - that thought is for a different day. Shit. Another conundrum. I couldn't possibly go in good faith with carrot cake if it's not really even cake? CAN I!?!?

God, Ryan, you're such an idiot. Okay, so go with ice cream. Ice cream is probably the best answer. Just do it.

Here was my description based on my choice:

7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

UGH! WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME/MENTAL RESOURCES. Do any of you know me? Let's break this down.

I hate sports. I don't like baseball, I don't like soccer, I don't like basketball, and I especially don't like football. In fact, I used to have nightmares about playing these sports in P.E. because I royally sucked at them. One time I shot a free throw (in front of a lot of people, I might add) and it went over, that's right, over the top of the backboard. Without touching anything either. Right over the top of the backboard and into the bleachers. Anyway, nowadays, with that in my past, I would much rather attempt to play any of these sports rather than watch them on TV. Are you kidding me? I've never watched a sporting event in it's entirety since my sister was in high school and I occasionally went and watched HER play. And that wasn't by choice! We are her support system, according to my Mom. Then tell her to buy a better bra!

This survey is retarded. Who is this "psychiatrist" anyway, Tara Reid?

And I don't like to give up the remote control? What? I hardly even watch TV, let alone worry about the remote control. Actually, I sort of hate remote controls in general because they're always more complicated than I have the patience for. Way too many buttons and none of them do what I want them to do. The input/function button? Don't even get me started. I need one of those ridiculously huge, old people remote controls that have like four buttons: on/off, channel up/down, volume up/down, and mute. That's it. That's all I need. And you can hold onto it if you want to, I really don't care.

Now the last part was a kicker because really, it came out of nowhere. Me? Self-centered? Okay, fine, yes yes, you win, sometimes I am...I'll give you that much. Whatever. But, high maintenance? Never. I say that mostly because nobody really performs any maintenance for me. If I want something, I go and get it myself, I do it myself, I expect nothing from nobody.

Stupid survey.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL. And I refuse to forward this on with the subject of "I Chose Ice Cream!" because that's false advertising. Yes I chose it, but it don't know me!

Ugh, I should have gone with Carrot Cake. Here are the rest of the stupid (and way off base) survey answers:

1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own style because you do your own thing. You shine when it comes to helping others and have many friends.

4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You can be very emotional at times but a true person in every way. You like to do things for yourself and help others learn about themselves.

6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING-- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football,basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach others. A wonderful role model.

SEND TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.....INCLUDING ME!
DON'T FORGET - PUT YOUR CHOICE OF DESSERT IN 'SUBJECT BOX' ABOVE BEFORE YOU FORWARD!


Whatever.

I loved that survey.

10.22.2008

It's weird to think of yourself as some tangled, tortured soul that can never catch a break.

No one notices you.
No one needs you.
No one cares about you.

No one loves you.

You're living your life alone, simply existing in this cruel, horrible world that damns you when you do and spits in your face and kicks you in the balls when you don't.

I mean, just stay in bed all day long and dream about someone loving every inch of your mind, your body, and your soul because really, that's as close as you'll ever get to it. A dream. A daydream, a nightdream, a collection of images that garbles up enough reality for you to feel loved even when no one's there. Except you.

Ah, Fall. You can tell Winter is coming because that's when posts like this surface. But I take comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know there are plenty of other big babies out there. Blaming it on being "bipolar" because surely it's easier to put a label on a feeling than it is to own up to the fact that you're a big, pathetic loser that feels self-loathing is a form of artistic expression.

So very Sinead O'Connor.

It's not though. I don't know what it is. As they say, it is what it is.

Just FYI, I've already put on the oversized sweatpants and extra ginormous, oversized sweatshirt. I've already gotten out of bed on an uninspiring Saturday, went straight to the fridge, opened it, shut it, opened it again, shut it again, walked back to my bed and flopped back in it knowing full well that my back hurt from lying down so long, the whole time feeling like the world and, more importantly, life was just passing me by. Minute by minute. Second by cruel second. Oh woe.

Get over yourself, Sumner.

Be proud of being you. Be proud of your life and everything/everyone in it. The others are missing out, they're the losers. Be proud of the fact that you don't need (or want) to invite random strangers, random bodies into your life/bed despite the fact that you need attention now more than ever. Thank your Momma for giving you the outstanding moral fiber that shows itself every day and, quite possibly, gets you through every day with your head held high. Stand strong with the notion that negative attention is exactly that--negative and completely unnecessary. Don't compromise. Feel good about letting go of the people in your life who do nothing but drag you down and pounce on your insecurities and gnaw at your weaknesses. They have no room in your cell phone, let alone in your life. To them, best of luck (and burn in Hell).

Remember, you are the filet mignon. They are the skirt steak. No, no, they are the hot dogs. The store brand hot dogs, too, not even the Oscar Mayer brand.

I'm special. I know that for a fact and I deserve nothing but the absolute best from you and from myself, and if it takes time (and time again) for someone, anyone to figure that out, fine, no problem, in the meantime I'll be sitting peacefully in my wonderful, cozy bed this Winter with my Jumbo Crossword Puzzle books and endless Swiss cocoa mix, in oversized sweat-everything, watching the snow fall over the lake, knowing full well that the world is a beautiful place, and that I am a beautiful person, and that life is a beautiful gift.

Word.

10.14.2008

Things that are right now with my life:

Donuts. Um, I love them. Every time I go to Jewel and see those delicious cake donuts with chocolate frosting and Halloween sprinkles I experience a very emotional internal struggle.

Beyonce's new single If I Were a Boy, uhhhh, I don't get it. But I like the song.

Donuts. Still love them. Not Krispy Kreme though. Sick.

Fall is here and I couldn't be loving it more: my external element preferences lie in the 55-75 degree range, I love falling leaves, I like clouds, I love coats, sweaters, jeans, jackets, long sleeves, etc., the outside world is just prettier in my opinion.

The theme song to Cheers is playing like a broken record in my mind.

The Hills: Who else is really put-off with Audrina's fake and entirely-too-big boobs? Very disappointing, Audrina. Spencer, still love to hate him but Heidi is somewhat softening this season and isn't so abrasive for whatever reason. Every episode I somehow love Lauren more and more, it's hard not to. Whitney is still my favorite though, and when she got splashed at the pool it was basically amazing. I mean, she spit water out of her mouth. Love it. Lo is a complete bitch but God love it, I respect that in her. This show is so bad but so good. I really can't help myself.

As of late I've been digging Robin Thicke's music even though I don't really know why because all of his lyrics are about getting weirdo-freaky with girls. I just like the sound and tempo of his music. It's light and sexy. Very nice.

I have a constant scratch in my throat. It's totally from the combines, you Midwesterners know what I'm talking about.

I somehow drank too much on Saturday night and in reality I didn't even have that much to drink, but I still feel off and weird. Now Sunday I could barely face the day, even though I did. But still...three days later? I think someone tried to poison or drug me via one of my Limon&Water drinks. That's really the only explanation I can think of. Either way, it worked.

I have Spin class tonight and I'm really going to have to channel some positive thinking/images to get me through the 45 mins of non-stop spinning hell. I hope he plays Womanizer, that always gives me a second wind.

I feel better about life post MySpace abandonment. Much better. I think everyone should get rid of their profile. It's kind of a skeezy site, no?

I'm going to buy a cardigan today. Black, size small.

That's all.

10.07.2008

Today I realized that I have a problem. Which one, you ask? There are so many, I know. But today it's this one:

I cannot, for the life of me, make eye contact with strangers. Can't do it. Abort mission immediately.

Why? I know, right. What's so hard about looking at a stranger face-to-face, eye-to-eye? On their behalf, I assume their reasoning is that it's an attempt to connect, an attempt to flirt, an attempt to show possible interest...I get it. Yes.

But, to me it's a threat. I know it's not really a threat or meant to be a threat (hopefully), but my immediate reaction reflects that I'm threatened or uncomfortable...which I sort of am, regardless of my own possible curiosity and/or interest in returning the gaze.

Even if I wanted to look, I couldn't. Oh no, nuh-uh, not happening. Can't.

OR, I could be super shadebally and look back when they're not looking, and then when they catch me looking, I easily pretend that I'm looking to just the left of them or just the right of them, so that it's completely plausible that I was never actually looking at them in the first place. Just, you know, seeing what was going on behind them...

I know I'm insane, just work with me here.

Some people are OVERLY aggressive though with the eye contact. If so, that's called staring. I'm not insinuating people are staring at me specifically but we've all been to bars or some type of social establishment where people will look at you without stopping. We've all been there and done that/had it happen: You might, at first, suspect someone is staring at you, so you glance their direction and YEP. Looking straight at you. OK, so let a few moments pass then casually look back again to see if they stopped. NOPE, still staring, OK, a little awkward. Let's try one more time, NOPE, still staring. The central problem here is that every time you look at them to see if they've stopped looking at you, you make eye contact with the starer which is essentially furthering the starer's objective of continuously staring. You get me?

See that's a problem. But that's not my problem.

Work with me, I'm going somewhere with this, I swear...

I'm single. I don't necessarily want to be. Or maybe I do? Eh. Anyway.

In this day and age, it's perfectly normal and acceptable for people to find each other online: Match.com, Myspace,...Craigslist, whatever your agenda may be, you could easily find somebody, anybody, 24/7, from your home computer. No 3-dimensional people required.

I, myself, am not so much interested in that.

You could also venture down to your local watering hole and creep around, buy drinks, stare...whatever. It has worked for many, many people over the years. Sure.

But, again, eh, doesn't work for me.

I know, it should work for me because its easy and that's just how it works. But, what, with the loud music, thousands of conversations going on at once, constant shuffling to the bar and back, squeezing and maneuvering around people in what looks like an endless buffet line, I have all but given up on meeting someone new and wonderful in a bar. After years of experience, it ain't happening. I can see that. I respect that. And it's probably for the best.

So, where do you find a potential, suitable mate? Well, my theory as of late believes my best bet is in the everyday world that we live in: in the grocery store aisle, on the bus, walking to work, checking-out at a clothing store, on the sidewalk, at the gym (the sauna doesn't count), or anywhere, really....anywhere you're least expecting it, that's where it happens. Or so they say. And so I hope.

And for good reason.

Mostly because the pressure is off...neither you nor the unsuspecting potential person are looking for each other. I mean, you are, wherever you are, in that specific location just because, but not in an attempt to purposely meet somebody. You're just doing your thing, going about your life and whoops, oh, hey you, hi, what's up? (internally or externally spoken.) You get where I'm going? Since you're not in a bar, where we all know why people go to bars (unless you're an alcoholic), there isn't an assumed "come over here and talk to me, after all, that's why we're both here" atmosphere. You can either take the surprise opportunity and act or leave it like it never existed. Drop it like it's hot. Very easy.

Sort of.

Keep reading, folks. I do have a point although it took an incredible amount of time to get to it:

This is where eye contact comes in. So, okay, everyday world, right, so let's say we're on the bus. The 145, specifically. A stranger makes eye contact which normally translates into "Hey, I find you somewhat attractive or interesting looking and I want you to know that." Okay, message received, now it's my turn to return the eye contact as an attempt to say "Ditto."

But that's not what happens when I'm at the wheel. To me their eye contact suggests "Yo, you and me, my place, now." And if I connect and look back my return message translates to "It's on!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wanted my return message to say "I like your hair" not "do me now!"

Ok, Ok, Ok, I know it doesn't really suggest any of the thought processes above, but like I said, in my head, it so does. Hence, my problem.

So what do I do instead? Oh, I immediately focus my attention somewhere else, anywhere really, like out the window, at a different person who doesn't happen to be looking at me, or, easy enough, I simply look down.

Coward! God, get over it you freak! (internal monologue)

I can't, and I need to work on it. Seriously.

And what happens if you make eye contact with someone and then, on top of that, they smile?

Oh Lord, help me. Help me now.

10.02.2008

I know a MILLION people probably disagree with me, but that's never stopped me from speaking my mind before.

I think this video is stupid:



Yes, it's very important to vote. If you have an opinion on ANY political, economical, or human rights agenda, you should definitely research the stance of each nominee (be it for the Presidency of the United States, your hometown Mayor, or any elected official) in order to see where your vote should go. So, so, so important. Voting is perhaps the most direct way to make yourself heard. Right on.

BUT, this video is stupid. I get that its main purpose is to get people registered to vote. Or, actually, to get the youth to vote in case they have never registered before and/or don't realize you have to actually register in order to vote. But the message is two-fold. It's then asking for you to vote--"you" the people who, subsequent to watching this video, actually register and then stupidly cast an uninformed/uninspired vote (that could potentially cancel out my informed/inspired vote) only because a celebrity told you to do so, not because you actually cared about anything that goes on in this world until the very moment Jennifer Aniston eluded to polar bears drowning. Perfect.

This sad type of educational campaign has been done a million times before, I get it. Everything is cooler or at least makes more sense if a celebrity is on board. Does the more you know ring a bell? Yes. Instead of listening to our parents tell us not to do drugs, we watched the egg and frying pan bit once and then thought, oooh drugs are bad!

But, back to my point, what this specific message doesn't say is, hey idiot, before you vote, read a newspaper or look online to research where each politician stands before casting a vote that could potentially put his or her agenda into effect and absolutely change (or reinvent) the way our country works.

What it does say is, hey, if you give a damn about anything, go out and vote. I'm sure you've heard at least one of those topics brought up in conversation before, right? No? It doesn't matter. Vote for whomever you want. It really doesn't matter. Just vote. Voting is cool and fun! Heck, vote for whichever name sounds the best. Go on, do it! Vote! Just please VOTE ALREADY! And then send this to five of your dumb friends so they too know the importance of just voting.

My stance (and I'm no celebrity, but hear me out): the election is not about simply voting. It's not about how many people vote. It's not about pulling the lever, filling in the circle, touching a screen, or poking out a chad. Voting is not a cool thing to do. Voting is a not celebrity-endorsed product. Voting is not going to make your hair shinier or get your picture in the paper.

Voting is a responsibility. You are responsible for making a very important decision.

It's also about WHO you are voting for. It's about who these awesome votes go toward. Voting is about carefully selecting a qualified person to serve as an elected official. It's so extremely important to vote for the right person, not just to vote.

To me, voting is not just an action, but an insanely important responsibility.

This stupid commercial, however, suggests it's insanely important to do an action. Vote! That's all you have to do. It's like chewing gum. No walking required! And to get the point across, the clever producers of this video use reverse psychology on us (tricky!) to get us to want to vote...and I only thought that worked on 2-year olds! Wow, I'm going start using this trick on my parents!

Don't send me money. I mean it! Don't! I don't want any money! Money sucks!

I might as well quit my job!

Too many people have simply "voted" in the past two presidential elections. Too many people thought, oh hey that George Dubya is a good old boy, I'll go down to the local library and vote for him, after all, it's my civic duty to vote, albeit uninformed! And now look at where we are today. Because people just voted, since that's what they just do every four years without rhyme or reason, is why we are where we are in 2008.

And really playing up to how dumb some people are, thanks Sarah Silverman for reminding me that I can register to vote while pooping. Such a time-saver! I hope they send out a public reminder on Election Day to get off the toilet and get to a booth. But please, please wash your hands first.

(Oh, but the herpes line was actually really funny, I must admit.)

Also, come on, am I the only one sick of celebrities acting like heroes? They're not. At all. But, because our nation is OBSESSED with all that is celebrity and its nuances, the media strategically uses them to educate us morons/every day citizens on a regular basis. The whole "You do know you have to register first, don't you? You know that, right?" was really eye-opening.

Um, yes, I do know that. Thanks Leonardo DiCaprio for reminding me, I was well aware.

YES, there are tons of IDIOTS in this world that probably didn't know you have to register to vote, but do you want those same idiots to somehow get registered and then show up at the voting booth to vote for McCain/Palin because Sarah was on the cover of US Weekly and she looked totally rockin!? That's exactly who this video is created for and exemplifies its overall purpose.

WHY?!

Quite frankly, I really preferred if those specific uninformed, unintelligent people didn't vote. Sorry, that's my opinion. In the meantime, can this video be taken down so its no longer hailed as being amazing and informative? Yes, it's sometimes funny. But, if humor is a requirement for you to want to vote or if that's your only vice for forming a political opinion, watch the Daily Show or Colbert if you're so inclined.

And, I'm sorry, many celebrities are insane idiots. Many, many. Yet, here they are telling me (Leo even waits around for me to register, how sweet! Very I won't let you go Jack, I won't let you go!) to vote. But wait, are they registered to vote? I don't know. Should we make a commercial reminding them? You know they already forgot the relevance of what they just said since, most have to make a beeline for the exit in order to get to their TRESemme' commercial next door. That shampoo won't sell itself! Ooh la la... I mean, last time I checked, acting doesn't necessarily require a lot of brain power, does it? It's more or less a talent, no? And I appreciate that talent, greatly. I'm a horrible actor. But is acting academic? Since you're an actor and have millions of dollars more than I do, does that make you smarter than I? Should you Courtney Cox and your new big lips be schooling me? Or, should Eva Longoria be told not to vote in hopes that she gets all riled up and actually votes just to show up Ashton Kutcher and his stupid hat for repeatedly telling her not to? It may just work! I hope she votes for Barack, keep your fingers crossed though because Wysteria Lane is a pretty conservative street.

Ugh, this video just comes across so offensively elitist and eludes that us citizens have no intelligence or common sense whatsoever. That's so very untrue...for most people I know.

Overall, it kind of makes me sick. And sad.

People, vote if you care. Vote for who represents you. Vote for who you think will fix this country. Vote with purpose. Vote with a conscience.

Don't just vote.

...the more you know...

10.01.2008

I feel like I'm missing out.

So, the Cubs are doing well...or so I hear/read on a daily if not hourly basis. (Sidenote: I'm not a sports-follower in the least, nor do I pretend to be, so bear with me here.) I do know, however, that the Cubs are very close to being in the Playoffs, right? I think that's accurate. So are the Sox. OK, so far so good...

So, my Lakeview neighborhood is pretty much intermixed with the Wrigleyville neighborhood. Wrigley Field is just two blocks west of where I live. And, I can actually see down into Wrigley Field from my 32nd story condo. It's an impressive sight. So, in some respect, I feel like I'm regionally (aside from living in Chicago) a part of Cub-mania, and that perhaps, just perhaps, I should be a little bit more excited about all of this endless hoopla mania people seem to be experiencing?

To be honest though, I'm not excited about anything Cubs-related in the slightest bit. Like...not the slightest. Really, all the Cubs mean to me is increased traffic, increased litter, and daytime drunken strangers asking me which direction to go on the Redline or they simply just point at me and shout "WOOOOOOOOO, go Cubs" and then continue on their staggered way. I never "woo" back. I either smile and nod or pretend that I can see through them. At any rate, none of these Cubs-related aspects impress me, thrill me, or make me want to endure more. I often ask when is the season over with alreadyyyy? I'm an annoying baby like that, yes.

But, here's the thing, a very small part of me wants to join in the celebration. I mean, I love hot dogs, I love beer, and I love drinking beer while eating hot dogs (not simultaneously, I guess). Uh, perfect, right? That has baseball/Americana/sports appreciation written allllll over it. Plus, I guess I'm mildly humbled by the sheer happiness that people have/emit for the Cubs. With the world the way it is, I'm glad people still find the time to chill out and enjoy themselves. It must be a great feeling to just be doing what you like to do in the company of others who feel the same.

I get that.

So, I'm going to try to be happy for the Cubs. More importantly I'm going to try to understand the Cubs. I'll read the newspaper articles and perhaps I'll even bring them up in conversation to see what I can learn. Though I've never once in my entire life ever said the words, "So, how about those Cubs?"...Ever. But why would I? Like I said, I really have zero idea what's happening with the Cubs other than the fact that they're doing good which, from what I understand, apparently isn't the norm. BUT, a general lack of knowledge or insight has never stopped me from openly talking about other subjects I have absolutely no idea about. I mean, I can talk some serious shizz about stuff I know very little about, if anything, and often get away with it perfectly fine. I do it all the time. No biggie.

Which leads me to this, and I can't believe I'm going to say it, but... Go, Cubs, go. Wait, wait...I can do better. Go, Cubs, go!

Yeah, that's the ticket.

P.S. I've actually been to Wrigley Field (on a stadium tour) and was allowed to go into the locker rooms, announcer booth, the Cubs dugout, and even on the Field itself. I have proof, too. I took some pictures with my iPhone that I'll post later.

Geez Louise before you know it I'll have my very own ESPN blog. All sports all the time. Just wait.

(OK, actually, don't wait for that.)