12.16.2008
Oh god...the winter.
It's happening.
I've been down this road. Several times.
I can feel it. It's here. It's real. It's ugly.
And I'm not talking about slush.
That horrible, desperate, alone feeling.
How old am I, soon to be 27?
Really?
Bleep.
Just relax. Be cool. It's fine.
Completely fine.
OK, here we go...
Don't go looking for it, it'll happen when you least expect it.
Oh really?
Even taking into consideration the fact that I haven't seen anything that resembles decency ...since I can't remember when?
They've come, they've gone, they've taken over.
Mindless. Jobless. Thoughtless.
Absorbed in fantasy. Themselves.
If you're standing next to them, be careful.
Their motto: the grass is always greener. Work out 6x a week, shop at Nordstrom, buy jeans with that thick, white stitching on the butt. Because the grass is always greener, and believe me, they wanna roll around in it.
Such bull, right? That grass is about as green as the manure that blankets it, grows it, feeds it.
Pretty soon you'll standing by yourself. Oh, cya. Found a grassy knoll that worked out 7x a week.
OK, bye.
That's the mindframe of most.
That's why the good are overlooked, and the rotten sip in the limelight. As fickle as ever.
The rotten will age, though. Their tans will turn to wrinkles. Their cheeks fatten. Their disease full-blown. Their lives lived in the dark and behind a straw.
You can spot them from a mile away. While they may seem cool now. They're not.
A mile away. You know who they are.
They won't be pretty forever.
But you'll be stuck with their personalities. Their never-dying insecurities.
Have fun with that.
Not me though. I can persevere: I don't settle. I don't give in. I stay true.
I persist.
You could only be so lucky. that's what i say.
Spring isn't far.
But for now, It's over.
It's happening.
I've been down this road. Several times.
I can feel it. It's here. It's real. It's ugly.
And I'm not talking about slush.
That horrible, desperate, alone feeling.
How old am I, soon to be 27?
Really?
Bleep.
Just relax. Be cool. It's fine.
Completely fine.
OK, here we go...
Don't go looking for it, it'll happen when you least expect it.
Oh really?
Even taking into consideration the fact that I haven't seen anything that resembles decency ...since I can't remember when?
They've come, they've gone, they've taken over.
Mindless. Jobless. Thoughtless.
Absorbed in fantasy. Themselves.
If you're standing next to them, be careful.
Their motto: the grass is always greener. Work out 6x a week, shop at Nordstrom, buy jeans with that thick, white stitching on the butt. Because the grass is always greener, and believe me, they wanna roll around in it.
Such bull, right? That grass is about as green as the manure that blankets it, grows it, feeds it.
Pretty soon you'll standing by yourself. Oh, cya. Found a grassy knoll that worked out 7x a week.
OK, bye.
That's the mindframe of most.
That's why the good are overlooked, and the rotten sip in the limelight. As fickle as ever.
The rotten will age, though. Their tans will turn to wrinkles. Their cheeks fatten. Their disease full-blown. Their lives lived in the dark and behind a straw.
You can spot them from a mile away. While they may seem cool now. They're not.
A mile away. You know who they are.
They won't be pretty forever.
But you'll be stuck with their personalities. Their never-dying insecurities.
Have fun with that.
Not me though. I can persevere: I don't settle. I don't give in. I stay true.
I persist.
You could only be so lucky. that's what i say.
Spring isn't far.
But for now, It's over.
12.12.2008
Rules I Live By: the bible of ryansumner
1. Always be seen smiling. Even if it hurts.
2. Never own average-sized cereal bowls, wineglasses, coffee mugs, or conditioner.
3. White socks never go above the lowest part of your ankle.
4. Always have bread available; possibilities for quick meals are endless with a loaf of bread.
5. Never be shirtless in a bar or club. Ever. The beach...that's it.
6. Keep your wallet tidy and organized at all times. Nothing is worse than unfolding one of those huge, card/coupon-cluttered, quarter-pounder wallets. Gross.
7. Male jewelry should be kept to a minimum at all times; i.e. shell necklaces are never acceptable, nor are cuff bracelets, thumb rings, or eccentric belt buckles.
8. Keep your chin up, back straight, and shoulders back when walking.
9. Straws are optional.
10. Keep toothbrush up-to-date.
11. Look people in the eye (or at least the face area) when they ask you how you are doing, then return the question while keeping the focus.
12. Drink a half gallon of water per day, minimum.
13. Jeans/pants should always have some sort of fit...whether its your ass, crotch, or thigh/knee. It's not always just a waist/length scenario. Avoid potato sacks at all times.
14. Choose a liquor you can mix with water. Keeps you hydrated throughout the night and validates your "I never get hangovers!" statement you always gloat about.
15. Vodka raises your body temperature, making you appear red and/or sweaty. Avoid it.
16. Facebook status messages shouldn't purposely evoke self-pity, emotional disturbance, or inner/outer turmoil. Keep it light.
17. Also, and similar to rule #5, never be shirtless in your social-networking site's profile picture.
18. Always lock the bathroom door, even if you're alone.
19. Move toward the back of the bus. Up front is nothing but geriatrics and weirdos.
20. On a first date, choose something on the menu you can eat with a fork. Second date, anything goes.
21. Give restaurant leftovers to the homeless; you're not going to eat it anyway, especially if it has lettuce on it.
22. Bye, not buh-bye.
23. Red and yellow are not your colors.
24. Never blow your nose in earshot of another person, unless it's unpreventable.
25. Generally, 3 minutes in the microwave or 425 degrees in the oven for cooking anything that's frozen.
26. If you're getting ice cream, Starbucks dessert, or Chipotle-anything, you must first walk to (and later from) its farthest location, within reason.
27. Get out of bed immediately after you turn off the alarm. If you pause and close your eyes, you're a goner.
28. You'll never find what you're looking for in a bar. You know it to be true.
29. LOL is not in your vocabulary. Neither is lol.
30. Never answer a cell phone call when someone is talking to you. It's always rude.
31. Do not be rude to people, unless they have it coming.
32. Spend money on good bedding.
33. Do not overspend on shoes, no one looks at them anyway unless you're a girl. But avoid bad shoes--people will judge you based on the bad ones. For sure. Not that you care, but you know you've done it to others.
34. You need Centrum. Don't forget to take it every day.
35. I swear, the air that comes out of the overhead airplane vent thing irritates my skin. Turn it off, or flow it in a direction that does not hit your face.
36. Trees cry when you pick off their leaves for no reason.
37. If you think that it might be just a little too small, it's too small.
38. Exclamations points should be used sparingly!
39. One pump of butter at the movie theatre, one dollop of sour cream, and 3 donut holes, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for it.
40. 180's will never touch your head again. Never again. What were you thinking in the first place?
41. Redbox is a one day rental. ONE DAY. Not two. Not three. One. That's why it costs $1. Take it back the next day. The next time you see $3 on your receipt email, don't be so surprised and feel so cheated.
42. Lotion should always be accessible. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
43. Make a list. You'll never remember everything. Plus, how good does that check mark feel? The best.
44. Do not return phone calls with a follow-up email or text message.
45. Year-round warm weather is for lazy, uninspired people. Embrace the cold. Embrace the elements. Feel the wrath. Revel in surviving. Spring is that much prettier and summer is that much more sacred.
46. If you're ever thinking in depth, pondering life, choosing a route--play Feist or Air in the background. It helps.
47. Spelling and punctuation are almost always necessary. Also, think before and while you speak. Be aware of your surroundings. Determine a level of appropriateness. Know when to change the subject. Know when to leave.
48. Class before ass.
49. You hate bragging. If it's on your end though, recognize the bragging opportunity and avoid it. Subtle it down.
50. Be happy with what you have, what you can do, and who you are, even when you stray from the rules.
1. Always be seen smiling. Even if it hurts.
2. Never own average-sized cereal bowls, wineglasses, coffee mugs, or conditioner.
3. White socks never go above the lowest part of your ankle.
4. Always have bread available; possibilities for quick meals are endless with a loaf of bread.
5. Never be shirtless in a bar or club. Ever. The beach...that's it.
6. Keep your wallet tidy and organized at all times. Nothing is worse than unfolding one of those huge, card/coupon-cluttered, quarter-pounder wallets. Gross.
7. Male jewelry should be kept to a minimum at all times; i.e. shell necklaces are never acceptable, nor are cuff bracelets, thumb rings, or eccentric belt buckles.
8. Keep your chin up, back straight, and shoulders back when walking.
9. Straws are optional.
10. Keep toothbrush up-to-date.
11. Look people in the eye (or at least the face area) when they ask you how you are doing, then return the question while keeping the focus.
12. Drink a half gallon of water per day, minimum.
13. Jeans/pants should always have some sort of fit...whether its your ass, crotch, or thigh/knee. It's not always just a waist/length scenario. Avoid potato sacks at all times.
14. Choose a liquor you can mix with water. Keeps you hydrated throughout the night and validates your "I never get hangovers!" statement you always gloat about.
15. Vodka raises your body temperature, making you appear red and/or sweaty. Avoid it.
16. Facebook status messages shouldn't purposely evoke self-pity, emotional disturbance, or inner/outer turmoil. Keep it light.
17. Also, and similar to rule #5, never be shirtless in your social-networking site's profile picture.
18. Always lock the bathroom door, even if you're alone.
19. Move toward the back of the bus. Up front is nothing but geriatrics and weirdos.
20. On a first date, choose something on the menu you can eat with a fork. Second date, anything goes.
21. Give restaurant leftovers to the homeless; you're not going to eat it anyway, especially if it has lettuce on it.
22. Bye, not buh-bye.
23. Red and yellow are not your colors.
24. Never blow your nose in earshot of another person, unless it's unpreventable.
25. Generally, 3 minutes in the microwave or 425 degrees in the oven for cooking anything that's frozen.
26. If you're getting ice cream, Starbucks dessert, or Chipotle-anything, you must first walk to (and later from) its farthest location, within reason.
27. Get out of bed immediately after you turn off the alarm. If you pause and close your eyes, you're a goner.
28. You'll never find what you're looking for in a bar. You know it to be true.
29. LOL is not in your vocabulary. Neither is lol.
30. Never answer a cell phone call when someone is talking to you. It's always rude.
31. Do not be rude to people, unless they have it coming.
32. Spend money on good bedding.
33. Do not overspend on shoes, no one looks at them anyway unless you're a girl. But avoid bad shoes--people will judge you based on the bad ones. For sure. Not that you care, but you know you've done it to others.
34. You need Centrum. Don't forget to take it every day.
35. I swear, the air that comes out of the overhead airplane vent thing irritates my skin. Turn it off, or flow it in a direction that does not hit your face.
36. Trees cry when you pick off their leaves for no reason.
37. If you think that it might be just a little too small, it's too small.
38. Exclamations points should be used sparingly!
39. One pump of butter at the movie theatre, one dollop of sour cream, and 3 donut holes, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for it.
40. 180's will never touch your head again. Never again. What were you thinking in the first place?
41. Redbox is a one day rental. ONE DAY. Not two. Not three. One. That's why it costs $1. Take it back the next day. The next time you see $3 on your receipt email, don't be so surprised and feel so cheated.
42. Lotion should always be accessible. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
43. Make a list. You'll never remember everything. Plus, how good does that check mark feel? The best.
44. Do not return phone calls with a follow-up email or text message.
45. Year-round warm weather is for lazy, uninspired people. Embrace the cold. Embrace the elements. Feel the wrath. Revel in surviving. Spring is that much prettier and summer is that much more sacred.
46. If you're ever thinking in depth, pondering life, choosing a route--play Feist or Air in the background. It helps.
47. Spelling and punctuation are almost always necessary. Also, think before and while you speak. Be aware of your surroundings. Determine a level of appropriateness. Know when to change the subject. Know when to leave.
48. Class before ass.
49. You hate bragging. If it's on your end though, recognize the bragging opportunity and avoid it. Subtle it down.
50. Be happy with what you have, what you can do, and who you are, even when you stray from the rules.
12.07.2008
It's such a conundrum:
I love, love hot chocolate. It's one of my most favorite things in the entire world.
The big, oversized coffee mug.
The Swiss Miss packaging.
Boiling water.
The feel of a thousand puffy mini-marshmallows.
The way they melt.
It's nostalgic. It's comfort.
It's the warmest part of winter.
BUT. and it's a big but.
after I drink hot chocolate
i get real hot and feel like puking.
I love, love hot chocolate. It's one of my most favorite things in the entire world.
The big, oversized coffee mug.
The Swiss Miss packaging.
Boiling water.
The feel of a thousand puffy mini-marshmallows.
The way they melt.
It's nostalgic. It's comfort.
It's the warmest part of winter.
BUT. and it's a big but.
after I drink hot chocolate
i get real hot and feel like puking.
12.03.2008
The other day I was clicking through MSNBC and came across an article about the lamest blogs on the internet. Mine wasn't on there.
Phew, close call...
Actually, reverse that. Boo, I wish I made it on there. Bad publicity is suh-weet. After all, you better believe I checked out each lame-o blog thoroughly and even checked back again today. So, as far as my own lame blog goes, here's to another year of lameness!
*clink*
On the other lame hand, I've been thinking about doing some short story/poetry writing on here, but quickly changed my mind. I'm way too vulnerable for that. I mean, there are vultures everywhere.
So, instead, I'll continue to clue you into the lame thoughts/fears/etc. that plague my mind and conscience on a daily basis.
For example, I can't help but notice that whenever anything upsets me or if I'm put off, disadvantaged, turned down, told no, or given any other type of negative response, I automatically begin to write a strongly-worded letter of disappointment in my head. Instead of verbalizing anything, I write it down in my head. Instantly. It happens all the time: at work, restaurants, on the bus, train, at Walgreens, at the movie theater, while reading the newspaper, Details magazine, at my building's doormen, the gym and its personnel, here, there, everywhere.
No matter what bad situation or less-than-positive interaction occurs, if I feel at all jaded upon conclusion...boom, a letter is written.
However, none of these letters make it to actual paper, except on a few extreme cases, but rather they're all mental letters that sit in mental stacks on top my mental desk within my mental brain. Hm...mental brain, I like the sound of that. It's staying.
Anyway, it happened last night: I was at Jewel-Osco buying groceries. I get into the checkout lane and begin to unload my groceries out of my basket and onto the checkout conveyor belt thing. While I'm doing that, my roommate, who was checking-out in the lane across from me, asked if she could use my Jewel Preferred Savings card. I'm like yeah, of course, here you go. Didn't think a thing of it. So, I go to reach over the aisle to hand it to her and my checkout lady intercepts the transaction, takes the card from me, gives me a look, hands it to my roommate's checkout lady, she scans it, hands it back to my checkout lady, she scans it for my groceries, hands it to me, and then gives me another look.
I was confused. Was letting someone use your Preferred Savings Card against store policy? I didn't know it to be? Did I do something wrong? Why did you just give me that nasty look? Bad day?
Sorry 'bout it lady.
I, of course, didn't say one word about it. Rather, I just smiled, handed the bagger my eco-friendly grocery bags, happily swiped my debit card, inserted my pin number with great care, and upon exiting thanked both the check-out lady and the bagger for their service and went about my merry way.
BUT, in my head, the mental ink was hittin the mental paper. Hard.
My dramatic and over-the-top mental letter rambled endlessly about how I faithfully shop at Jewel-Osco on a weekly basis, to which (and yes, you're welcome) I buy mostly Jewel-brand items, I'm always courteous to the staff even though I feel like they never restock the shelves during the evening hours, I never do weird things like re-think my frozen Bob Evans Sausage Breakfast Biscuit selection and then place it in the cereal aisle next to the Cheerios as if that's where I found it, I never report dented cans upon checkout for a price reduction (does that even work?), and most importantly I walk around the store, aisle-upon-aisle, with a nice, big smile on my face to cheer on (and applaud) the efforts of those that work there (even though I wish they would stock the shelves more regularly).
Just doing my part, people.
Anyway, I won't let this solitary situation (although I once had an altercation with the person monitoring the self-checkout lanes, long story) affect future visits to Jewel-Osco despite the fact that the unexplained nasty look my cashier gave me (twice!) made me feel like I tried to rob the place. To boot, she didn't say thank you or have a good night. She didn't even fold my receipt like they always do. She just handed it to me (forcefully) and never gave me a second look.
Rude. Party of one. Your table is definitely ready.
Oh well. Their was an up side to all of this: the bagger somehow managed to fit all of my groceries into 2 bags instead of three, which was a miracle because I bought a larger amount of groceries this go-around than normal. This made carrying my groceries home much easier. I thanked her and even added, you did an awesome job, getting it all in there like that.
I don't know if she heard me or not, but trust that I said it.
In conclusion, if everyone was as nice as I am and treated others the way I do, life would be better and similar to whatever planet the Teletubbies live on...where the smallest nuances of life are surprising and fun, rabbits hop around everywhere, and, on top of all that, you get to see and hear a baby laugh at sunrise and sunset. I'd be President of this land (voting is not allowed, sorry) and name it LameVille.
Let's go, sign me up! And sign up that checkout lady. She could use a vacation. I'll pardon her.
Phew, close call...
Actually, reverse that. Boo, I wish I made it on there. Bad publicity is suh-weet. After all, you better believe I checked out each lame-o blog thoroughly and even checked back again today. So, as far as my own lame blog goes, here's to another year of lameness!
*clink*
On the other lame hand, I've been thinking about doing some short story/poetry writing on here, but quickly changed my mind. I'm way too vulnerable for that. I mean, there are vultures everywhere.
So, instead, I'll continue to clue you into the lame thoughts/fears/etc. that plague my mind and conscience on a daily basis.
For example, I can't help but notice that whenever anything upsets me or if I'm put off, disadvantaged, turned down, told no, or given any other type of negative response, I automatically begin to write a strongly-worded letter of disappointment in my head. Instead of verbalizing anything, I write it down in my head. Instantly. It happens all the time: at work, restaurants, on the bus, train, at Walgreens, at the movie theater, while reading the newspaper, Details magazine, at my building's doormen, the gym and its personnel, here, there, everywhere.
No matter what bad situation or less-than-positive interaction occurs, if I feel at all jaded upon conclusion...boom, a letter is written.
However, none of these letters make it to actual paper, except on a few extreme cases, but rather they're all mental letters that sit in mental stacks on top my mental desk within my mental brain. Hm...mental brain, I like the sound of that. It's staying.
Anyway, it happened last night: I was at Jewel-Osco buying groceries. I get into the checkout lane and begin to unload my groceries out of my basket and onto the checkout conveyor belt thing. While I'm doing that, my roommate, who was checking-out in the lane across from me, asked if she could use my Jewel Preferred Savings card. I'm like yeah, of course, here you go. Didn't think a thing of it. So, I go to reach over the aisle to hand it to her and my checkout lady intercepts the transaction, takes the card from me, gives me a look, hands it to my roommate's checkout lady, she scans it, hands it back to my checkout lady, she scans it for my groceries, hands it to me, and then gives me another look.
I was confused. Was letting someone use your Preferred Savings Card against store policy? I didn't know it to be? Did I do something wrong? Why did you just give me that nasty look? Bad day?
Sorry 'bout it lady.
I, of course, didn't say one word about it. Rather, I just smiled, handed the bagger my eco-friendly grocery bags, happily swiped my debit card, inserted my pin number with great care, and upon exiting thanked both the check-out lady and the bagger for their service and went about my merry way.
BUT, in my head, the mental ink was hittin the mental paper. Hard.
My dramatic and over-the-top mental letter rambled endlessly about how I faithfully shop at Jewel-Osco on a weekly basis, to which (and yes, you're welcome) I buy mostly Jewel-brand items, I'm always courteous to the staff even though I feel like they never restock the shelves during the evening hours, I never do weird things like re-think my frozen Bob Evans Sausage Breakfast Biscuit selection and then place it in the cereal aisle next to the Cheerios as if that's where I found it, I never report dented cans upon checkout for a price reduction (does that even work?), and most importantly I walk around the store, aisle-upon-aisle, with a nice, big smile on my face to cheer on (and applaud) the efforts of those that work there (even though I wish they would stock the shelves more regularly).
Just doing my part, people.
Anyway, I won't let this solitary situation (although I once had an altercation with the person monitoring the self-checkout lanes, long story) affect future visits to Jewel-Osco despite the fact that the unexplained nasty look my cashier gave me (twice!) made me feel like I tried to rob the place. To boot, she didn't say thank you or have a good night. She didn't even fold my receipt like they always do. She just handed it to me (forcefully) and never gave me a second look.
Rude. Party of one. Your table is definitely ready.
Oh well. Their was an up side to all of this: the bagger somehow managed to fit all of my groceries into 2 bags instead of three, which was a miracle because I bought a larger amount of groceries this go-around than normal. This made carrying my groceries home much easier. I thanked her and even added, you did an awesome job, getting it all in there like that.
I don't know if she heard me or not, but trust that I said it.
In conclusion, if everyone was as nice as I am and treated others the way I do, life would be better and similar to whatever planet the Teletubbies live on...where the smallest nuances of life are surprising and fun, rabbits hop around everywhere, and, on top of all that, you get to see and hear a baby laugh at sunrise and sunset. I'd be President of this land (voting is not allowed, sorry) and name it LameVille.
Let's go, sign me up! And sign up that checkout lady. She could use a vacation. I'll pardon her.
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