Eep. Sorry. I've been so neglectful lately. This blog is sooo Shar Jackson's children and I am soo K. Federline.
Speaking of KFed, have you heard his new tracks? Wow, they're pretty good. It's hard to believe he use to be just some random backup dancer. Now look at him. He's so successful. He married Britney Spears post fashion-sense, has like 86290 illegitimate children, oddly owns the same amount of wifebeaters, and has a sweet greasy mustache.
He's so lucky. Ugh...JEALOUS...
Here are some of his lyrics. Enjoy.
Im handin out ass kickins like diplomas
Who the first to get it?
Ya know K Feds wit it
All that shit rappers talk about, I already did it
Im committed - to the game
The fames why I hustle
Lyrical exercise, workin every muscle on the double
Chief and commanda
Hand ya
Ass to ya in a basket wrapped in plastic
Im looney
All these model chicks wanna do me
Tabloids tried to screw me
Magazines try to kill me
But im nasty
Too fuckin slick and sly
So high
I could prolly drop a shit and fly
You gonna need a big army
If you comin for me
K. Federline - I hit like tsunamis
That's powerful, man. It speaks to me. It's like...I feel like I can really relate to him sometimes. I couldn't even tell you how many times I wished I could drop a shit and fly. You ARE a tsunami, KFed. Don't even play it out as a simile. It's a frickin exclamatory understatement.
Watch out, Sri Lanka.
6.12.2006
So, ringtones. Let's discuss them. It's come to my attention that some people are still living in the days of when downloading ringtones was cool.
Was it ever cool, or did we just think that?
I assume the latter. I can remember the days when my cellphone was cool. Now it's an annoyance. But anyway, I can remember going to all these websites and downloading free ringtones and I thought THIS IS HEAVEN! I'd have everything under the sun. I'd assign certain songs to certain individuals. My friend Molly was Britney Spears "Toxic" because she loved Britney Spears. I just thought I was so clever.
And then the phone would ring.
AND HOLY HELL WAS I EMBARRASSED. Why do people do that? They willingly and consciously assign annoying ringtones to their phones, and when they ring, they get in defense mode, shut it off immediately, and then deny that their phone was ever ringing. Or they pull one of those lame, "Oh my sister put that on my phone..."
Again, lame.
I guess I'm biased though. I hate cell phones. I hate that everyone in the free world has one. I hate that they are expected. I hate the fact that people can always get ahold of you, or always have contact with you, no matter what your location or mission is. What happened to the days when you'd call someone's house and if they weren't home, you'd leave them a message on their answering machine? Now, they call and call and call your cell phone, leave disgruntled messages about how you never answer their phone calls, and then when you see that person in real life, then they're all, "you never answer your phone" or "I can never get ahold of you" or "are you trying to avoid me?" Does it make me a bad person that I don't answer my phone when I'm grocery shopping, or at a restaurant, or having surgery...Am I required to always be available to talk? I mean, sorry I had to have a liver transplant, GEESH. Call later.
Do you ever get a phone call and you don't want to answer it, then consequently feel bad for "avoiding" that person? Ugh, what a senseless guilt trip. Just because the caller has nothing better to do than call you, all of a sudden I'm obligated to communicate with them, even though I don't want to or I'm doing something else more important?
I mean, get off your damn cell phone, you almost hit my cart at Wal-Mart because you were talking to LaQuisha about what Tonya said to your MAN. I mean, give me a break.
And not a break of a Kit-Kat bar because I don't like them AT ALL.
Was it ever cool, or did we just think that?
I assume the latter. I can remember the days when my cellphone was cool. Now it's an annoyance. But anyway, I can remember going to all these websites and downloading free ringtones and I thought THIS IS HEAVEN! I'd have everything under the sun. I'd assign certain songs to certain individuals. My friend Molly was Britney Spears "Toxic" because she loved Britney Spears. I just thought I was so clever.
And then the phone would ring.
AND HOLY HELL WAS I EMBARRASSED. Why do people do that? They willingly and consciously assign annoying ringtones to their phones, and when they ring, they get in defense mode, shut it off immediately, and then deny that their phone was ever ringing. Or they pull one of those lame, "Oh my sister put that on my phone..."
Again, lame.
I guess I'm biased though. I hate cell phones. I hate that everyone in the free world has one. I hate that they are expected. I hate the fact that people can always get ahold of you, or always have contact with you, no matter what your location or mission is. What happened to the days when you'd call someone's house and if they weren't home, you'd leave them a message on their answering machine? Now, they call and call and call your cell phone, leave disgruntled messages about how you never answer their phone calls, and then when you see that person in real life, then they're all, "you never answer your phone" or "I can never get ahold of you" or "are you trying to avoid me?" Does it make me a bad person that I don't answer my phone when I'm grocery shopping, or at a restaurant, or having surgery...Am I required to always be available to talk? I mean, sorry I had to have a liver transplant, GEESH. Call later.
Do you ever get a phone call and you don't want to answer it, then consequently feel bad for "avoiding" that person? Ugh, what a senseless guilt trip. Just because the caller has nothing better to do than call you, all of a sudden I'm obligated to communicate with them, even though I don't want to or I'm doing something else more important?
I mean, get off your damn cell phone, you almost hit my cart at Wal-Mart because you were talking to LaQuisha about what Tonya said to your MAN. I mean, give me a break.
And not a break of a Kit-Kat bar because I don't like them AT ALL.
6.05.2006
Long time, no blog.
My apologies. I can't even say that I've been terribly busy...just terribly uninspired. Not a whole lot has been happening in life, just a lot of little, pleasant experiences. I really think that summer has kicked off to a great start. The weather has been amazing. Work has been steady and nice. Socialness has been above par. Wait, I'm horrible with golf...is above par good or bad?
Socialness has been good. Socialness is probably not a word.
My social life has been faring well. Ugh, that's sooo Shakespearean. I blame Claire Danes.
My life is fun. Let's move on--
So, does the peanut butter in a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup count as a means of protein? Also, why are rabbits punching other rabbits in the face? I've noticed a lot of this going on lately. It must be breeding time, and perhaps the male bunnies are fighting over the mama bunnies, and the mama bunnies are fighting over their baby's daddies, and the baby bunnies are fighting because, you know, 'he started it.'
But anyway, I've noticed that A) there are a ton of rabbits running around and B) they are all punching each other in the face. I was unaware of the fact that rabbits fought by means of throwing blows, but they do. To make matters worse, they have a real mean look on their face when they do it. Vicious, even. I thought rabbits were nice? I play with the bunnies at PetLand all the time and I always pick up a bunny or four, but had I known they were liable to jack me in the face I wouldn't even GO IN the store, let alone come within an arm's reach.
But I digress.
So, I was jogging the other day and, I swear, it was as if I was in that Tele-Tubby world where rabbits are everywhere doing whatever they damn well want. Anyway, I was jogging along and I noticed this rabbit that looked like it had two asses--one in the front of its body and one in the back. As I came closer I noticed that it was TWO bunnies that were head-to-head, punching the shit out of each other! For me, it was as if aliens had landed and shot me in the face with a stun gun. I had to stop and analyze the ABSURDITY that was going on in front of me. Anyway, this one rabbit was clearly winning and the loser bunny made this horrible, shrill noise that I could hear over the music blasting from my headphones. Due to my "I'm a lover not a fighter" mentality, the bunny's cry for help forced me to immediately break up the fight, separating each bunny to their respective bush. I mean, seriously, quit fighting.
And then just yesterday I saw three sparrows fighting through a series of nasty aerial assaults. Just brutal. All I could think is, what is wrong with this world?
My apologies. I can't even say that I've been terribly busy...just terribly uninspired. Not a whole lot has been happening in life, just a lot of little, pleasant experiences. I really think that summer has kicked off to a great start. The weather has been amazing. Work has been steady and nice. Socialness has been above par. Wait, I'm horrible with golf...is above par good or bad?
Socialness has been good. Socialness is probably not a word.
My social life has been faring well. Ugh, that's sooo Shakespearean. I blame Claire Danes.
My life is fun. Let's move on--
So, does the peanut butter in a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup count as a means of protein? Also, why are rabbits punching other rabbits in the face? I've noticed a lot of this going on lately. It must be breeding time, and perhaps the male bunnies are fighting over the mama bunnies, and the mama bunnies are fighting over their baby's daddies, and the baby bunnies are fighting because, you know, 'he started it.'
But anyway, I've noticed that A) there are a ton of rabbits running around and B) they are all punching each other in the face. I was unaware of the fact that rabbits fought by means of throwing blows, but they do. To make matters worse, they have a real mean look on their face when they do it. Vicious, even. I thought rabbits were nice? I play with the bunnies at PetLand all the time and I always pick up a bunny or four, but had I known they were liable to jack me in the face I wouldn't even GO IN the store, let alone come within an arm's reach.
But I digress.
So, I was jogging the other day and, I swear, it was as if I was in that Tele-Tubby world where rabbits are everywhere doing whatever they damn well want. Anyway, I was jogging along and I noticed this rabbit that looked like it had two asses--one in the front of its body and one in the back. As I came closer I noticed that it was TWO bunnies that were head-to-head, punching the shit out of each other! For me, it was as if aliens had landed and shot me in the face with a stun gun. I had to stop and analyze the ABSURDITY that was going on in front of me. Anyway, this one rabbit was clearly winning and the loser bunny made this horrible, shrill noise that I could hear over the music blasting from my headphones. Due to my "I'm a lover not a fighter" mentality, the bunny's cry for help forced me to immediately break up the fight, separating each bunny to their respective bush. I mean, seriously, quit fighting.
And then just yesterday I saw three sparrows fighting through a series of nasty aerial assaults. Just brutal. All I could think is, what is wrong with this world?
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