I sooooooooooo almost didn't come to work today. I was barely able to open my eyes this morning when my alarm went off at 6 am. In fact -- I didn't open my eyes, I shut off both my alarm clock and my cell phone with my eyes wide shut. The thing of it is...I could have stayed in bed and not gone into work -- and no one would have even noticed. My boss is in Mississippi for a proposal and a lot of people I work with in the office are on vacation. So, no one would even know/care about my whereabouts and I doubt I'll even communicate with a single person today while here. And this time, it's not on purpose.
I'm just so so so tired. I've been so busy lately with work, traveling, visiting home, driving, Buster, and my social life -- it seems like I rarely sleep. I try to set my 80 yr. old-esque bedtime of about 10:30 pm every weekday night. I haven't been anywhere near that lately. I barely slept while I was in L.A., I was in the airport all day/night on Friday and didn't get into Chicago until ungodly late, at home I slept until like 8:30 am on Saturday since my Mom made me breakfast and I couldn't turn it down, Chase slept in my bed on Saturday night to which I couldn't sleep/move and I also had to get up early for church so that I could get myself, Chase, and Spencer ready on time. Trying to shower, dress a 4 yr. old, feed and cater to a 4 month old the entire time is not very easy. So, long story short, I've gotten no sleep and I'm TIRED.
Wah, poor baby, Ryan.
I could still be working at A&F, barely making 30k a year, succoumbing to the evilness of mall-goers, and constantly going broke so that I can impress people with cheaply-made, yet overpriced clothing with holes in it -- in that respect I love my new life and career.
I'm awake.
2.15.2006
My car's for sale! Buy it. Now. Or atleast tell your friends to buy it. Check out my facebook for it's details, or check out Mazda.com for specs on the 2006 Mazda 3. It's worth the read.
So, Valentines. Whatever.
It wasn't too bad, though. I don't know why people get so flustered by it, because really, it's just a monetary holiday, whose sole purpose is to make people buy meaningless shit. Who really wants a box of chocolates? I don't. And don't buy me chocolates and send it to work because I'll be too embarrassed to leave my office with it being in plain sight of others. I don't even like chocolate. The same idea goes for balloons and flowers. And yes, this is a hypothetical situation that involves imaginery people and imaginary events.
Anyway, I had my moments of self-pity and blah blah blah...but really, it's just bullshit anyway. The day makes no importance in the lives of anyone - single or coupled. The only real reason for people to place thought into the holiday is because girls expect gifts and guys expect to get laid. How special.
I look forward to my birthday. Now THAT'S a day to celebrate. You're all invited. No chocolates.
Funny:
Penelope: Hello, Blake.
Drake: It's Drake. Drake Bell?
Penelope: Don't care. What is it you do on Amanda's show?
Drake: A lot of things! I'm one of the co-stars. Sometimes I play Totally Kyle. Hey, you know, I'm also in a band and...
Penelope: You're wasting my life. What were the first words Amanda ever said to you?
Drake: I dunno, "Hi," I suppose.
Penelope: You're lucky. Someday she'll say hi to me too. And then I'll go unconscious, please.
Steak, have you ever written a fan letter to Amanda?
Drake: I told you, it's Drake. And no, I haven't. Oh, but I gave her a card on her birthday.
Penelope: Steak, I sent her 228 cards on her birthday, please.
Drake: My name is Drake.
Penelope: The interview is over. Thank you, please.
So, Valentines. Whatever.
It wasn't too bad, though. I don't know why people get so flustered by it, because really, it's just a monetary holiday, whose sole purpose is to make people buy meaningless shit. Who really wants a box of chocolates? I don't. And don't buy me chocolates and send it to work because I'll be too embarrassed to leave my office with it being in plain sight of others. I don't even like chocolate. The same idea goes for balloons and flowers. And yes, this is a hypothetical situation that involves imaginery people and imaginary events.
Anyway, I had my moments of self-pity and blah blah blah...but really, it's just bullshit anyway. The day makes no importance in the lives of anyone - single or coupled. The only real reason for people to place thought into the holiday is because girls expect gifts and guys expect to get laid. How special.
I look forward to my birthday. Now THAT'S a day to celebrate. You're all invited. No chocolates.
Funny:
Penelope: Hello, Blake.
Drake: It's Drake. Drake Bell?
Penelope: Don't care. What is it you do on Amanda's show?
Drake: A lot of things! I'm one of the co-stars. Sometimes I play Totally Kyle. Hey, you know, I'm also in a band and...
Penelope: You're wasting my life. What were the first words Amanda ever said to you?
Drake: I dunno, "Hi," I suppose.
Penelope: You're lucky. Someday she'll say hi to me too. And then I'll go unconscious, please.
Steak, have you ever written a fan letter to Amanda?
Drake: I told you, it's Drake. And no, I haven't. Oh, but I gave her a card on her birthday.
Penelope: Steak, I sent her 228 cards on her birthday, please.
Drake: My name is Drake.
Penelope: The interview is over. Thank you, please.
2.13.2006
It's Valentine's Day tomorrow!
Who.the.fuck.cares.
So, after a long weekend full of relaxing and quality time with friends, I actually woke up this morning at 6 a.m. fully awake and ready to go. It was a first. Usually, I wake up 10-15 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. Actually, I don't "wake-up" rather my eyes open and I look at the clock to see how much time I have left to sleep. Some days, I'll wake up at 2 a.m. and be ecstatic that I have 4 hours left to sleep. Other days I'll wake up at 5:57 and my heart will sink when I realize it isn't even worth sleeping for the remaining 3 minutes because I'll just lay there and wonder when I'll hear that horrid alarm clock buzz. Even with that I can't complain. I bought a new alarm clock that has a rather smart approach to waking someone up. Instead of the typical buzzer that is UNGODLY loud and horrifying - making me wake up in a desperate panic to shut it off - my new alarm clock starts off with a very subtle, sporadic beep. It'll beep quietly and progress louder and louder every second. For some reason, I can hear the quiet beeping in my dreams, and then as it gets louder, I'll realize that the noise is actually my alarm clock. Buster is well trained to the alarm clock, too. Buster sleeps right next to me every night, right by my pillow. When the alarm goes off, Buster will get up and sit on my chest and stare at me. This happens every morning. He's THAT good. However, if I don't set my alarm clock (like on weekends and such) Buster will continue to sleep until I wake up. He's a pretty amazing lil dog.
So, back to my point, this morning I awoke promptly at 6 a.m. and wasn't even groggy or resistent to getting up. Buster jumped on me and stared at me, and was even willing to go outside at my first prompt. Usually, I'll get up and head to my patio door to make Buster go outside to do his "thing" to which he runs under my bed and hides, followed by me playing mind-games with him - pretending I'm going to go upstairs do something or that it's time for him to eat, which usually coaxes him into coming out and then I grab him and throw him out the door. Yet, this morning I didn't have to do ANY of this. He darted straight outside, happily. Yay life.
God that story was COMPELLING, wasn't it?
I'm really resisting the notion of going to L.A. this week. I kind of just want a week where I don't go anywhere. The traveling is chopping up my life into a series of stressful weeks. I might be bitchy, so watch out, although I doubt it because I'm soooo naturally inclined to smile and act like everything is perfect. I like to be a source of optimism. Not for myself, but for everyone else.
God I'm nice.
Who.the.fuck.cares.
So, after a long weekend full of relaxing and quality time with friends, I actually woke up this morning at 6 a.m. fully awake and ready to go. It was a first. Usually, I wake up 10-15 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. Actually, I don't "wake-up" rather my eyes open and I look at the clock to see how much time I have left to sleep. Some days, I'll wake up at 2 a.m. and be ecstatic that I have 4 hours left to sleep. Other days I'll wake up at 5:57 and my heart will sink when I realize it isn't even worth sleeping for the remaining 3 minutes because I'll just lay there and wonder when I'll hear that horrid alarm clock buzz. Even with that I can't complain. I bought a new alarm clock that has a rather smart approach to waking someone up. Instead of the typical buzzer that is UNGODLY loud and horrifying - making me wake up in a desperate panic to shut it off - my new alarm clock starts off with a very subtle, sporadic beep. It'll beep quietly and progress louder and louder every second. For some reason, I can hear the quiet beeping in my dreams, and then as it gets louder, I'll realize that the noise is actually my alarm clock. Buster is well trained to the alarm clock, too. Buster sleeps right next to me every night, right by my pillow. When the alarm goes off, Buster will get up and sit on my chest and stare at me. This happens every morning. He's THAT good. However, if I don't set my alarm clock (like on weekends and such) Buster will continue to sleep until I wake up. He's a pretty amazing lil dog.
So, back to my point, this morning I awoke promptly at 6 a.m. and wasn't even groggy or resistent to getting up. Buster jumped on me and stared at me, and was even willing to go outside at my first prompt. Usually, I'll get up and head to my patio door to make Buster go outside to do his "thing" to which he runs under my bed and hides, followed by me playing mind-games with him - pretending I'm going to go upstairs do something or that it's time for him to eat, which usually coaxes him into coming out and then I grab him and throw him out the door. Yet, this morning I didn't have to do ANY of this. He darted straight outside, happily. Yay life.
God that story was COMPELLING, wasn't it?
I'm really resisting the notion of going to L.A. this week. I kind of just want a week where I don't go anywhere. The traveling is chopping up my life into a series of stressful weeks. I might be bitchy, so watch out, although I doubt it because I'm soooo naturally inclined to smile and act like everything is perfect. I like to be a source of optimism. Not for myself, but for everyone else.
God I'm nice.
2.08.2006
2.01.2006
In the midst of one of my 98475943 emails that my Mom and I send back and forth to each other from work everyday, we get into a little fight about being critical. I say that she's too critical of me when it comes to my finances and future endeavors. She says that I'm too critical of her and that I've suddenly become unwilling to listen to her and blah blah blah.
So, then she sends me this email:
So going back to my statement that you're critical of me - I guess I'm more sensitive to your words and actions because you've always been very thoughtful and considerate of my feelings, much more so than the other kids. With you being the youngest child and my "special" boy, I have a harder time watching you move away from me, both literally and figuratively. I am very protective of you - and when I see or sense that you are doing things that will be harmful to you at some point, I try to point them out to you. Moms have an extra sense that just knows when things are not always going as well as their child would like them to believe. And I know that children also have a tendency to tell their parents what they want to hear so they don't worry or intrude. So that's where I'm coming from. Like I said, I'll get over it and at some point, I know you'll be okay with asking for or accepting my advice and not get quite as defensive. It's a normal part of family life. So just know that I love you, I miss you, and I will try to let you make your own decisions and make your own mistakes. I sure made my share, and have a lot of scars to prove it. But every once in a while, just for a moment, I wish my parents would have paid more attention and given me some advice before I learned the hard way. I only want the best for you, Ry, and I hope you realize that someday. You're my everything, you're more than you'll ever know and I would not be able to go on with life if anything ever happened to you. You're my baby. I hope you're having a great day. I'm watching Spence all day tomorrow - can't think of a better way to spend the day! Come home some time when you can, and spend some time with the boys - Chase misses you... a lot! They're growing up so fast! Love you Ry, always. Momma
So, it's times like that where my Mom makes me feel like a rotten child by telling me what she really thinks about me. People tell me to "cut the cord"...
but, why would I ever want to do that?
So, then she sends me this email:
So going back to my statement that you're critical of me - I guess I'm more sensitive to your words and actions because you've always been very thoughtful and considerate of my feelings, much more so than the other kids. With you being the youngest child and my "special" boy, I have a harder time watching you move away from me, both literally and figuratively. I am very protective of you - and when I see or sense that you are doing things that will be harmful to you at some point, I try to point them out to you. Moms have an extra sense that just knows when things are not always going as well as their child would like them to believe. And I know that children also have a tendency to tell their parents what they want to hear so they don't worry or intrude. So that's where I'm coming from. Like I said, I'll get over it and at some point, I know you'll be okay with asking for or accepting my advice and not get quite as defensive. It's a normal part of family life. So just know that I love you, I miss you, and I will try to let you make your own decisions and make your own mistakes. I sure made my share, and have a lot of scars to prove it. But every once in a while, just for a moment, I wish my parents would have paid more attention and given me some advice before I learned the hard way. I only want the best for you, Ry, and I hope you realize that someday. You're my everything, you're more than you'll ever know and I would not be able to go on with life if anything ever happened to you. You're my baby. I hope you're having a great day. I'm watching Spence all day tomorrow - can't think of a better way to spend the day! Come home some time when you can, and spend some time with the boys - Chase misses you... a lot! They're growing up so fast! Love you Ry, always. Momma
So, it's times like that where my Mom makes me feel like a rotten child by telling me what she really thinks about me. People tell me to "cut the cord"...
but, why would I ever want to do that?
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