3.31.2010

for those of you bored enough to watch this season of american idol - does anyone else think usher came off as the gordita supreme of celebrity douchebags? um whenever you're inside a building - take off your sunglasses. you're not royalty, you're not an icon, you were doing a guest appearance on american idol...of course they're going to make it sound like you're a bigger celeb than you are! they need the ratings! wow did they make it seem like you were a major contributor to the world of soul/r&b? say whaaaaat? it wasn't that long ago that i first noticed you as a performer on soul train...where no one even cared that you were singing. they just wanted to dance.

i ain't mad at my way but let's be real - you ain't no marvin gaye. turn down the ego and up the normalcy just a smidge.

reality check.

thanks.

3.30.2010

i love when people do cool things. zack zerbe has created a blog showcasing his fantastic photography. i'm obsessed with his picture of the tree/highway/birds. he needs to give it a name and start selling it. i actually want him to send me the negative so i can blow it up, put it in some awesome frame, and hang it on a wall of my new condo.

please and thanks!

you can find a link to his blog in my ilike section.
i dedicate this more-accurate-than-funny onion news article to anyone who has ever purchased a pair of cut-off jean shorts, fiji water, anything made by dolce and gabanna, and/or a bottle of cristal.

Report: $14 Trillion Spent Annually On Trying To Look Cool
March 23, 2010 | ISSUE 46


WASHINGTON—A report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Commerce revealed that Americans spend an astonishing $14 trillion a year on countless, usually failed attempts to look cool.

Looking cool, which the report defines as "the outward projection of an appealing and often enviable image of oneself that others perceive as requiring little to no effort," appears to be a nationwide obsession.

"To put this into perspective, the amount Americans spend on cool looking haircuts is nearly 15 times greater than the total amount spent on cancer research," said Eric Gerhardt, noted economist and lead author of the report. "Whether it's name-brand sneakers, an all-in-one espresso maker, or a pair of hip and stylish Ray-Ban sunglasses, we devote tremendous resources each year toward our conspicuous attempts at stature enhancement."

"It's pretty much an epidemic at this point," the 52-year-old professor added before pausing momentarily to adjust a small gold earring in his freshly pierced earlobe.

The report found that, in all 50 states, efforts to appear cool accounted for a greater portion of household expenditures than career training, doctor visits, and childcare combined.

In addition, Gerhardt said, even basic necessities such as food, shelter, and water are obtained based on perceived coolness, with people opting to purchase expensive Thai or Ethiopian takeout food, spend more than they can afford on homes with granite countertops, and drink bottled water for no other reason than to impress others.

"Someone like contractor Jerry Ditmas of Akron, OH, for example, who spends as much as $3,000 per annum on custom motorcycle accessories, succeeds only in looking like a bigger doofus with each wasted dollar," said Gerhardt, adding that the advertising industry, Japanese youths, and dads on vacation account for nearly a quarter of the $14 trillion. "This is in contrast to, say, [musician] Lou Reed, who spent just $11 on looking cool in 2009 and remains as cool as they come."

According to the report, researchers have isolated a previously unknown personality trait called "getting it," a variable that, while not completely understood, seems to be essential to the achievement of coolness.

"Those who we found 'get it,' or who we determined 'know the score,' succeeded nearly three times as often at looking cool as those who did not," Gerhardt said. "Unfortunately, regardless of how much money Americans spend in desperate attempts to look cool, we concluded that nearly three-quarters of the populations falls into the category of 'lame-os' or 'total lame-os.'"

This worrisome trend extends far beyond just the average citizen, however.

According to the report, a significant percentage of the $14 trillion can be traced back to the highest levels of government, with tax cuts, most defense spending, and a number of major public works such as Mount Rushmore amounting to little more than lawmakers' attempts to appear cool to constituents.

"The Cold War was essentially one huge, pathetic trying-to-look-cool race," Gerhardt said.

Asked about ways the $14 trillion might be better spent, Professor Ian Thorson, a sociologist at Georgetown University, suggested the funds be used to combat poverty, but acknowledged that donating to charities was not always effective, as even those Americans in need often spend much of the assistance they receive on trying to look cool.

"The whole thing ends up being a vicious cycle," Thorson said. "The only way this situation will ever be remedied is if people just relax and try to be themselves, you know? I mean, that's cool, man."

Added Thorson, "Right?"

Thorson said his current research indicates that true coolness may in fact come from not caring what other people think—a finding he hopes to submit to his peers for review before publishing it in a journal admired by students and colleagues alike.

A number of leading economists have already discredited the Commerce Department's report, claiming the $10 million study was undertaken for the sole purpose of looking cool by winning a bunch of government funding.
i noticed a few, distinct trends in human speech:

1) the need to repeat the same phrase twice in row, as an obvious time filler

and

2) asking yourself a question and then immediately answering that question, as to make a point.

lately i feel like these verbal pitfalls have taken over the earth, almost like an h1n1 communication virus. let's discuss the 1st trend, or as i like to call it "the repeat offender."

have you ever bumped into an acquaintance at an elevator, perhaps on a bus or any other type of scenario where you absolutely cannot escape and therefore are forced to initiate or be a part of some form of one-on-one conversation? typically, or at least for me, the brain goes into a frenzy, desperately pulling at any hints of generic starting points or general convo-fodder, be it about their work, a mutual friend, perhaps an inside joke, or at the absolute lamest level, the weather. whatever the subject may be, a conversation with a repeat offender goes a little something like this:

Me: hey john doe, how are you?
JD: oh hey! doing good, doing good. you?
Me: not bad. just takin the bus downtown to do some shopping...
JD: nice, nice.
Me: yeah, i heard bloomingdales was having a sale, you can't pass that up!
JD: no joke, no joke!
Me: well, this is my stop, maybe i'll see you this weekend?
JD: for sure, for sure. later.

it's people like JD that convince me repeat offenders are either

a) extremely awkward or shy individuals that have trouble formulating actual words therefore repeat the few, select words they can actually stammer out as a means to supply something to the convo
b) lamebrains that are horrible at sustaining light conversation therefore repeat things as an attempt to make it seem like they're saying more than they actually are
c) secretly hate me and are therefore, non-overtly, painting the picture for me via indifferent, awkward, one-sided conversation.

the second communication faux pas is what i call the "kate gosselin syndrome." if any of you have ever watched kate on her dreadful tlc show or perhaps on one of her many appearances on the view, you've for sure noticed that she likes to communicate by asking herself questions out loud and then answering them to get her point across:

am i exploiting my children? yes. that's obvious.
do i spend too much money on hair, makeup, and cosmetic surgery? probably, those rugrats make it all possible though, so who really cares. next question kate.
do i care that america perceives me as a megabitch, media-crazed, reality prostitute? yes and no, even though the only reason i got these itchy extensions put in was to create a whole new, relatable i'm-a-mom-just-like-you-only-with-whiter-teeth public image.
is it working? probably not.
do my children love me? of course they don't.

kate isn't the only one guilty of this. you know you all have spoken to someone mercilessly affected with kate gosselin syndrome. it's actually a decent vantage point though as it's much easier to be on the receiving end since, really, all you have to do is sit back and pretend to listen while they interview themself. or perhaps you're the perpetrator?

guilty as charged. in fact, i said this to a coworker today:

am i mad at you? no. am i sorta pissed that you ate all of the green m&m's first, especially when you are well aware of the fact that they're my favorite despite the fact that they ALL taste the same? yes.

3.29.2010

how have i never seen this until now?

getting an fha home loan has been one of the most frustrating, annoying, and tedious experiences of my life. be ready to have your entire financial livelihood raped by the loaners that be.

if you're ever considering buying a home via an fha loan - feel free to ask me about the stress levels you might (will probably) experience.

could seriously punch a couple faces.

oh, and if you all are racking your brains on what to get me for a housewarming gift, i really want this restoration hardware 1950's distressed copenhagen chair:



it's even on sale!

3.26.2010

i'm surpised and a little saddened by the sheer amount of people i know that have taken part in amateur pornography. i mean...really? that's the way you wanna make your money?

starbucks isn't hiring? i heard they were looking for a cashier at the walgreens on broadway and waveland...

to each their own but woah, ya nasty.

(and what is the company i keep these days?!)

3.25.2010

let me set the scene for the post below:

this morning i hopped on the bus at LAX with a dream and my cardigan. just kidding...except for the cardigan part. so, per my usual work commute, i hopped on the 146 this morning and plopped down in a seat in the very back. as the bus rolled down lake shore drive making its usual stops, the bus filled up verrrry quickly. as we neared the last stop before going express to michigan avenue, i noticed a super cute yet frail older woman get on and look around for an available seat. well, there were none due to the fact that they were mostly occupied by 20-40 yr old stupid bitches. not one bitch budged an inch as granny slowly crept down the aisle, all the while holding on for dear life as the bus barreled down lsd. granny had made it all the way to the back, passing by row after row of bitch after bitch. not one bitch even flinched. as granny climbed the couple of steps to the very back of the bus i quickly offered my seat, to which she sweetly thanked me with a look of sincere appreciation on her face.

not one of the many, many bitches on that bus even attempted to get up for this sweet old lady. not one. they were all too busy reading their kindles or holding on to one of their seven bags and purses.

stupid bitches.
i'm calling you out, bitches.

(whenever i reference bitches in this blog, it is of the female species that i'm specifically referring to. i'm just telling you because, in lakeview, there are many different kinds of bitches. this post is about tacos only.)

listen up, bitches: what makes you think that, while on a CTA bus, you are somehow exempt from the moral rule (and public transportation rule of thumb) pertaining to giving up your seat to the elderly, handicapped, pregnant, injured, or small children? you stupid bitches, you ain't no exempt!

what, are you somehow so deluded and trapped in time that you believe men are the only ones expected to give up their seats for those more in need? give.me.a.break.

for the last 50+ years you women have been demanding equality - desiring a big ol' pair of cultural testicles, burning your bras, loving your feminist lifestyles, attending poetry readings, trying so, so hard to elect a female president, earning bigger salaries, anchoring your own nightly network news, but when it comes to riding a bus...

all of a sudden you all shrink back into your delicate flower/victim role and in some fucked up way believe you are the needy one? i can't stand up on a bus, i'm a woman! it's much too rough for my delicate nature! oh the vapors!

based on what? because you have a vagina?

(!)

if it were legal to abuse a woman for thinking such things, i would domestically assault the shit out of you. get back in the kitchen, raise some kids, live off of your husband's allowance! and don't forget - only speak when spoken to!

you want it bass ackwards? you got it!

bitches of 2010: when grandma, grandpa, or special eddie get on the bus, pick your lazy ass up off the seat and move it somewhere else or, god forbid, stand up. i know you can do it if you put your tiny, fashion-obsessed (omg that is so cute! you look so cute! is this totes cutes or nots?) minds to it.

i've never been known to give up my seat for any young-ish woman who is not in physical need, and i don't intend to in the near future. you, my able-bodied dear, are perfectly capable of standing up for that 10 minute ride just as much as i am. hold on tight! and i could care less about sleeping with you, so don't try to hold that over my head. obviously that strategic get-what-you-want-outta-life tactic of yours will go nowhere with this guy. the fact that you're wearing heels does nothing for me. struggle all you want. i'm more concerned about whether or not the shoes match the outfit.

stupid bitches. get up! it's 2010. find your sea legs already.

3.24.2010

an artery turned my entire world upside down and inside out on 3/12/10. not my own artery, but my momma's. with an artery that was 99% blocked, she was moments away from a massive heart attack. i'm so, so, so fortunate to say that her doctor was a miracle worker that saved her life, the artery was surgically fixed, no further damage was done, and that life goes on.

i am one thankful boy.

3.23.2010

one of my biggest flaws may be that i see the good and bad in everything i do.

every decision i make - can never be made simple.

but then, life is not simple.

so maybe i'm doing something right.

or am i wrong?

3.22.2010

one of my amigos posted this on facebook and wow is it a winner. love a goofy movie, love this youtube video interpretation.

3.18.2010

this is why you never want to live in LA for too long. things start changing.

and before you know it, you blinked, and you'll never be the same.



3.17.2010

beating out other, less important headlines on cnn, such as the health care bill, mexican gang violence against americans, and major school closings is this gem of a news bulletin completely worth your time and attention:

"retirement home for prostitutes"

not.even.kidding. the caption reading "Two VBS.TV producers spend Mothers' Day at a retirement hope for prostitutes in Mexico. One in her 80s now sells candy. Another in her 60s wants to keep turning tricks. Watch them tell their stories."

yes, that's exactly what i need to know about, front and center. elderly prostitutes in mexico. (!?)

and, umm, turning tricks is cnn-worthy journalism? i thought that type of terminology was only used in salt-n-peppa songs?

i feel like i'm being punked and the onion traded urls with cnn as a st. patty's day prank?

i wish it were true.

what is this world coming to? my precious cnn is falling victim to sensationalism and ad sale revenue.

ugh. cnn - cool it already.
this is kind of interesting when you see components of the universe in some form of scale...



for more click here.

3.16.2010

brilliant and inspiring.



(here's the backstory if you're unfamiliar with will phillips.)
i was worried about this one, but truly had an lol moment in the last 15 seconds that made it entirely worthwhile:

an expected laugh from the onion:

re: lohan sues e*trade over tv ad

Elizabeth Coslaw
Advertising Agent
"Man, if she overreacts that badly, I definitely won't be releasing my commercial featuring an anorexic fame-hungry sometimes-lesbian who tries on clothes at Barneys."
this is why we are stupid to think that life does not exist outside of earth's atmosphere. humans think they know everything but in reality we're barely scraping the surface. myself included.

(don't ask me why i said "humans" as if i'm an extraterrestrial. i'm not, i swear.)
that nutbag kirk cameron was on the today show this morning commenting on the death of corey haim. why is it that everyone is so surprised, shocked, and investigative of haim's death? he was a well-known drug user...not too long ago, he even admitted to taking up to 85 non-prescribed pills every day.

call me crazy, but that seems very dangerous and life threatening. i mean, i'm resistant to taking two pills a day, let alone 85...and one of my pills of choice is a life-sustaining multivitamin.

anyway, back to nutbag cameron...meredith was interviewing him to explain the ways (to all of us sinners) of how he, mr. growing pains himself, avoided the pitfalls of child stardom and remained such a normal guy.

that was so hard to type, i have no idea how meredith even posed such a question without laughing or stuttering.

first of all, why is the today show under the impression that kirk cameron and corey haim were lifelong friends? you know they haven't spoken to each other since the late 80's. you know cameron is waaay too high and mighty to be anywhere near a haim/cameron/80's icon photo op. the only perceivable way cameron would ever reach out to haim would be in some exorcism-ish, demon-revoking, hallelujah-chanting religious ritual to righteously rid haim of his evil ways and make him a true believer of whatever bullshit cameron's preaching these days.

but, if you ask me, which most people don't - both of them are/were addicts. haim was addicted to drugs. cameron is addicted to god/all-things-preachy-&-crazy.

in fact, cameron should take note of the unfortunate circumstance of what happens to addicts. the more they use, the more they abuse = the worse things become. and cameron is truly abusing the word of his god. in my opinion, he does not come across as a religious man. he doesn't come across as humble. he doesn't even come across as rational. he does, however, come across as batshit crazy.

which makes me reject anything he has to say. the mere sight of kirk cameron creeps me the eff out. get him out of here - he's liable to sacrifice a goat or toddler on behalf of human sin. ...psychopath

rip haim. rejoice in the fact that you're no longer subjected to the kirk camerons of the world judging you and acting like they're better.

he very much is not.

...psychopath

3.15.2010

jumping pictures...is it cooler than i'm aware of, or am i just missing something big? i can't help but notice that in almost every vacation-related photo album of my near and dear facebook friends, they all have one, weird, slightly stupid thing in common.

and it looks something like this (ps i performed discretion in using a stock image despite the fact that i have access to nearly 1 million facebook pictures demonstrating this unexplained phenom, but for the sake of keeping friendships in tact, or, at the least, non-awkward during social events, here's a stock image that was weirdly readily available):



um, why is this a phenomenon? i would get it if everyone was jumping off some rocky, moss-covered cliff and falling into a blue enchanting, rainbow-etched spring (or perhaps just a cement sidewalk (sorry, i'm still kind of down in the dumps))...but they're typically very much not jumping for any cool or explainable reason.

so i ask why?

why are you all jumping at the same time, for no apparent reason other than to be photographed with your feet unattached to the ground?

you're defying gravity? you're really excited? you're on a trampoline?

that doesn't seem to be the case in any of the pics. i think they're just jumping...and in my opinion, with the sole reasoning that it's the 2009/10 hottest, most trendworthy facebook pose.

sellouts!

(in 2008, the in facebook pose was the puckered lips and peace sign combo, but you wouldn't be caught dead doing that anymore, now would you? ...didn't think so.)

so instead, you're jumping in unison...?

i don't get it.

3.12.2010

i can't even describe it. the most horrifying feeling ever felt, my entire body shut down, frozen in fear. it's the day you dread. it's the words you never want to hear.

i still can't remove that lump in my chest. my stomach dropped. no air within my lungs.

it's going to be ok. i think...but close calls are eye openers. it changes everything. my whole world changed within mere seconds, and now everything looks, smells, and tastes different. life after.

i'll never be the same person i was when i woke up this morning. reality just became very real. i can't be so naive.

when the health, well being, and promise of the most important person in my entire world is questioned...life stops, and you just change.

in the meantime, let's think positively.

3.11.2010

i like gaga just as much as you (sorta) but we all know the telephone video was bad (i'm talkin old-school bad, as in not good). it just didn't work, it was crazy disconnected, campy, and indulgent.

plus, gaga - that look has been done. channeling amy winehouse circa 2008?!

not your best work. or look.



i don't know about you, but i find myself coming to my blog just to listen to my nano. seriously, some good jams are hosted here. amazed with myself. i hope that every time you hear these songs in your own life, wherever you may be, that you think of me and my nanner. and then, of course, credit me endlessly for being the coolest person in the world that you don't know at all.

just do it, alright?

on repeat: eyes on fire and afternoon speaker. oh, and it takes some serious strength and resistence to not bust out in the middle of my office with a vocal performance of even angels - american idol style.

what would kara think? she'd probably just shake her neck at me and inform me that she wrote the song.
so excited. while the first twilight was epic for me, the second was pretty decent, i can only hope the third installment delivers like domino's newly formulated crust and pizza sauce. fingers.are.crossed.

ps thanks ken for the amazing find!

3.10.2010

just posted a new nanner y'all! i'm so excited about this one, too. these songs are constantly being played in my head, with or without a nanner. i just can't forget about them...which is the merit of a really good song.

playlist:

even angels - fantasia
why? because this song is the effing shizz! i'm absolutely crazy about it. i credit it all to my bff jfest one drunken evening. the beat, the lyrics, the everything...so amazing. first step: take a deep breath. you go fantasia. just when i thought you were dead.

eyes on fire - blue foundation
okay, well this is embarrassing but i'll explain anyway. every.single.time i hear this song...i swear i jizz a little. tmi, i know, just bear with me. this song is so incredibly sexy - especially the first couple of minutes? woah. that simple, soft electric guitar strumming indifferently...then that muffled girl in the background singing ho ho ho hooooah...GETS ME EVERY TIME. so sexbot 2048. and since i have no shame in sharing my undying love for twilight, can i just say that the turquoise lighting scheme throughout twilight is also SEXPOT 2087?! i love it, i might decorate my new condo around that lighting strategy.

afternoon speaker - the sea and cake
this song is so light on the ears and soul it instantly puts me in a good, light-hearted mood - where everything is okay and anything worth a second thought gets put on the back burner. it's like a sunny saturday afternoon with a slight breeze hitting your face as you chill on the patio sipping some iced tea and reading the paper.

babyfather - sade
your daddy love come with a lifetime guarantee. finally, a song that celebrates dads. and we all know sade is workin with some deadbeats, so kudos to her for finding a real man that loves his wife and his family. we are all completely jealous. such a smooth little ditty this song is.

sweet disposition - the temper trap
okay, like most of you, i first heard this song on 500 days of summer and was captivated by the beat. very inspiring and catchy. and let's not fail in mentioning how pitch-perfect the lead singer's voice is. to a t. great song, although i recently heard diet coke use this song in one of its commercials. damn it. it'll probably be ruined very soon because of that very circumstance. i hate when cool indie stuff goes mainstream. it loses all identity and charm.

so nice (summer samba) - bebel gilberto
honestly, i first heard this song while mowwing down a burrito at chipotle. since then i've heard it every.single.time whilst, again, mowwing down one burrito after another. oops. (sometimes i get burrito bowls, ok? lay off me.) going forward, i'll liken this song back to a day when i was skinny. pre-chipotle obsession. such a nice, innocent song...very light and sprighty. which i am no longer.

inseparable - mariah carey
i love mariah carey no matter how ridiculous she is or how much you might mock her. she's music gold! she just has a way with singing some insane lyrics in a completely mesmerizing way...where it all just works and flows. my favorite part of this song being "got photos of us, on my refrigerator, videos on my phone, boy, i just can't erase them, the first text i got from you still saved in my inbox and i read it like time after time." uh, brill! lyrical genius that mariah is and that falsetto? unbeatable.

your love's a drug - leighton meester
blanket statement: i have no idea why i like this song. it's completely auto-tuned and bubble gum but the beat and melody are pretty catchy. i'm never mad at my nanner for shuffling this one into my ears. the proof is in my two-steppin bop down the sidewalk.

stranded - jay-z, bono, rihanna, and the edge
hopefully you all donated to haiti by purchasing this cd. well, atleast that's how i came across this song (in addition to having donated a lump sum amount--don't want to make it seem like i only donated because i got something in return!). i should note that i have no idea what any of the words are (i never know what jay-z is saying because of his big lips smushed up against the mic and i'm pretty sure the rest of it is in another language). i just like this song, ok?

allright - red carpet
this song emits a cool, loungey vibe that i like to play on friday nights while zoning out alone. chill music is some of my favorite stuff, which is why i love me some house music. just good beats, good vibes...makes you feel current and alive in a big city.

cold case love - rihanna
this song is a repeat favorite on the nanner playlist - mostly because i love and relate to it so, so much. we've all had a cold case love. something that starts up, endures, then somehow fizzles without recognition. or an explanation. the chemistry you once had with someone has been buried in confusion, silence, and indifference. long story short, you got a cold case on your hands. and it'll probably never be opened or solved. tough gig, atleast there's this song to get you through it. should have investigated! the love blinded eyes couldn't see. no. then i tried to cage it, but your love ain't a kind that you can keep. sing it rihanna! been there done that.

sugarfall - britney spears
i have no idea how i came across this obscure brit-brit song, but i'm so glad i did. i'm not sure if the version of sugarfall on this here nanner is the original, as i've heard several variations (i'm not even sure if it's called sugarfall or hooked on), but i like the one featured here best. it's got a kick-ass beat and it's kind of clenching, no? a little sad, a little dark? some of my favorite stuff of brit is her slower, more intimate songs. and this is definitely one of them. so many tricks up that sleeve of hers.

let it take you - goldfrapp
now talk about clenching. this song grabs you by the throat. it's moody, evocative...a true slow jam that is first and foremost on my "dim the lights" playlist. need i say more? let it take you.
so many negative things to say, so little time...

in the yhgtbfkm (you-have-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me) news:

"toyota says ads and incentives have lured buyers back"

um, anyone that knowingly and willingly purchases a toyota at this point in time deserves a failed electronic system and stuck accelerator whilst taking a once scenic, leisurely drive, hopefully somewhere in colorado or california...or any geographical location offering a tumultuous, earthly landscape of steep hillsides and/or jagged cliffs. i hope all the money you saved on that lemon-of-a-car can be quickly deposited at the nearest chase atm in heaven. and shame on you toyota...i thought euthanasia was illegal?

"catholic school rejects preschooler over lesbian parents"

i've had just about enough of the catholic church getting away with exhibiting overt discrimination, prejudice, and ignorance all in the name of their god and prehistoric belief system. it's hypocrisy in its clearest state, windexed squeaky clean for all us rational, sensible, and open-minded sinners to view clearly and accurately. this form of "christianity" is vile and ugly as well as an abomination of what our society should regard as sacred and as truth. when will people learn that god isn't a book? god isn't a passage. god is love, and whatever god or whatever path you choose to follow, make sure it's because love is behind every decision you make and every belief you hold, and not because you fear the unknown.

"lohan sues e*trade for milkaholic reference"

wow lindsay, kudos for your undeniable act of humiliation on this one. it takes a true loser to fess up to being a conniving alcoholic bitch/diva-extraordinaire. first, you want the world, and our court system, to acknowledge that your name, lindsay, is more synonymous with lohan than any other lindsay in the entire world. wow, that takes some real balls. so, apparently, you have a pair! weird! second, you claim that the context of this commercial reflects your characterization and so-called-life. which, in essence, is a public confession and proclamation of being revered by all (including yourself) as a slutty, alcoholic, untrustworthy two-timing troublestarter? touche! not only do you have a pair of balls, but after reading this news article, they are undoubtedly a ginormous, hairy pair of testicles, comparable only in size and scale to that of a drunken clydesdale. *bows*

"academy apologizes for farrah fawcett snub"

okay, honestly, who remembers farrah ever being in a movie? i don't. i never even watched her on tv. yes, it's sad that she died due to tragic illness. but, so do many people every.single.day. let's keep this in check. let's be real for a second: i'm sure every grieving family would absolutely love and cherish a public memoriam for their lost loved ones. that would be a very nice thing. but, the world doesn't work like that...mostly because it isn't necessary. that's what a funeral is for, that's what ashes and urns are for, that's what a tombstone is for. that's how the world works. that's why families celebrate the lives of the lost sometimes privately, sometimes publicly, and most times solely in their own hearts. just because her name didn't flash on a tv screen at some "distinguished" award ceremony does not mean that farrah's loss was less significant or her time on earth any less cherished. let's remember: life comes and goes--no one is above that, even celebrities. so, let's move on and keep farrah's legacy in tact for what it was -- she was a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, a mother, and a human being. rip for that alone.

3.09.2010

we all reference this and joke about this. heck i even made a related quip a few posts ago.

what's really sad though is that it's true...what they say. are you eating dog? cat? who knows. to the chinese - it's typically not a big issue. waste not, want not...that's just how they role. food is food. typically there isn't an emotional connection to the animal.

unlike our own mindset where the emotional connection is huge.

but at the same time, it's a slippery slope - i get that. in the asian culture, pet ownership is not a priority. heck, child ownership is not a priority. there are tons of wild dogs and cats that serve no purpose there. so why not eat them? it gets them off the street, it makes money, and it's food.

and who doesn't love food?

well if it's puppy/kitty food--i don't love it. altho...

here in america, we eat just about every kind of animal we can get our mitts on, whether it be a cute baby calf, bambi, bunny rabbit, a harmless squirrel, or whatever animal may cross our path.

although i don't eat veal on principle (and despite the fact that i'm a country bumpkin, i've still never eaten deer, rabbit, or squirrel...mostly on principal alone) there's certainly no gross factor for many americans when it comes to hunting and eating meat in an unconventional way.

so it's with mixed review that i post this. what is it about a cat or dog that makes them off limits? the fact that they're domesticated pets? but in reality, dogs and cats can be wild creatures too, just as a rabbit could be. or perhaps a potbellied pig?

they're animals. we're animals. we're carnivores. they're dinner. it's the food chain.

but at the same time...we see dogs and cats as pets. so, again, off limits, right? it should be that way, but this is america and we really have no authenticity when it comes to culture. we do and say whatever whenever wherever because we are allowed choice and most times, the privelage to eat "normal" food that we didn't have to catch, cook, nor certainly ever see alive.

long story short - this video really makes me want to buy organic meat. free range, non-processed meat that doesn't have some sad story...well, other than the fact that the poor chicken died so that i could eat it up without blinking.

oops.

ugh, mixed emotion. but to me this just seems sick and cruel and i still don't really understand if i should let it...?

oh hell, i could never eat a dog or cat nor could i ever pretend to be okay with it.

3.08.2010

i don't know how this one slipped by me but i feel like i've never, ever...ever seen this one before. ca-rumba. but, thank you youtube "recommended for you" thinga-ma-jig for recommending this, otherwise it may have gone unseen.

and mirandasings08 going unseen is just.not.acceptable.

so, here you go, enjoy. byezies!

have i seen precious? no.

have i seen mo'nique's stand up shows? yes.

therefore i can say what i'm about to say...

i think it's really ridiculous that mo'nique goes parading around to each of these award shows like she's some classy actress.

girl...you ain't. let's not kid ourselves.

you're a foul-mouthed comedian. end of story. for some reason, the director/producers of precious REALLY knew what they were doing. apparently, everyone in that movie gave stellar performances, including mariah carey and sherry shepard.

what the...how the...who the...whaaaat?

for reals?

that's something we call a MIRACLE.

long story short: count your blessings mo'nique. it ain't just because of you. hold that oscar (and every other award known to mankind) tight!

sorrz!

3.04.2010

sorry to be the bearer of bad news. but i, ryan sumner, thee source for everything that is non-fashion related, am going to make a bold statement that may or may not upset some people.

(the last time i made a bold statement of bad news my mother emailed me to say that people were emailing her about my snarkiness)

oh, but

(it's a risk i'm willing to take, send it straight to the junk mail folder, ma!)

anyway, here we go:

formal vests are over.

specifically, this:



there are plenty of exceptions to this ryan sumner rule...but hear me out.

you know plenty of peeps that, while getting all gussied up to go to the bars, assemble an outfit that's a cigarette short of a 60's mafia throwback - dark jeans, white undershirt, buttoned-up newsie vest, boots, hair product...and then some of you like to add some contemporary flair by wearing...wait a sec while i shudder a little...a rosary to complete your outfit.

sick.

it all must really come to an end. it's been done. it's been seen. let's move on.

exception: i'm not mad at all vests, especially those that are worn casually as a layered piece, or something cotton-ish and not buttoned up...but that striped, wool vest you wear to magically attract others (with the addition of a roofie because otherwise it just won't happen with the vest alone) has got to go.

that's just one man's opinion.
as i stared at the pattern of the couch i began to think the weirdest things...

who thought of this pattern? the stitching is so unbelievably precise - how was this pattern made? what kind of machine does such magical work?

which got me thinking...how does anything work? i have no idea. look at the cell phone, we all use them, but how in the world do they work? how do our voices get zoomed up to the satellites in outer space and find their way back down, sans cord, to someone else's phone in mere nanoseconds?

beats me.

in reality i was only trying to escape what really was on my mind...

the super cute ones are always the worst ones. and i have a lengthy history to prove it.

i kept placing myself on that horrid, horrid show the bachelor. i wasn't the bachelor...i'll never be the bachelor. i'm was a contestant, of course. i'd make believe that i had victored my way down to the final two. i serve the nice guy role (obvs) and was in competition with the asshole. isn't that the way it always is?

i, of course, am not the chosen one and am completely devastated. what didn't i do, what did i say, what was the problem? nothing that a late night trip to the frozen food section of 7eleven can't temporarily fix. refrigerated peanut butter m&m's are better than sex after all.

somewhere amid the binging it hit me a) wow i'm a girl, but more importantly b) fuck all that.

i'm so much more than that. people are so much more than cute faces. i've said it a million times before: think big picture.

good things happen to good people. and good people attract other good people.

believe it, yall.

especially the part about the refrigerated m&m's.

3.02.2010

its an entirely new and an entirely great thing to receive compliments and to, for once, feel unique.

to feel like you might be one out of a million.

it's entirely new and it's entirely wonderful.

entirely.

3.01.2010

the only piece of evidence i'll ever need to prove that twitter is mostly used by tweens & that the parents of tweens rule the economic world:

justin bieber and/or #happy birthday justin are trending topics today and most other days.

i'm not even a 100% sure of what a justin bieber actually is, although it does not sound interesting. is it a new species of marine sealife?

additional supporting evidence of tween world domination (not that it's necessary):

miley cyrus and the jonas brothers both earned over $25m in 2009 alone.

w.t.f.