12.28.2007

Hey yall it's Paula Deen and ta-day we're cookin up some southern-style grits-n'bits with a side of mashed pa'taters! Ooooh yall, it's gunna be so gooood!

Paula's accent is SO out of control on her show. Why do I know this? Because I'm watching the food network at 5:32 a.m. and I can't pull myself away from the force that is her accent. It's disgustingly moronic and makes people from the South seem REALLY stupid (that's assuming Southerners even claim her).

But what do I care, and more importantly, why am I awake at 5:33 a.m.? Weird story, brace yourself.

For starters, I'm in Galva right now. I've been here since the 22nd and will continue to be here until the 30th. That's a lot of quality family time, I know. I have this weird urgency to be around my family WHENEVER I can. We're like that.

So, I'm on vacation from work until the 3rd and am basking in all that is Christmas and laziness in G-ville until it's time to go back to Chicago.

Anyway, so a lot of "firsts" have happened to me during my time here in Galva. The first first is that I'm horrendously ill. Okay ummm....I'm NEVER sick. I'm always disease and bacteria free and whenever I do get sick it's a major, major event because it so rarely happens. AND if it does happen, it's always an illness that's to the EXTREME. Never a slight cold, never a cough, never a tummy ache. I don't even know what a tummy ache feels like. If my tummy has ever ached it's because I had severe food poisoning or was out-of-control drunk or a pesky thing I call liver failure. Other than that, I never have tummy aches.

Well, somehow I've managed to get the flu. It's been a veryyyy ugly scene and I have no understanding of how it chose me. I mean, no one around me has the flu and there's no plague going around Galva right now except teen pregnancy.

But somehow the flu manages to find me. And let me tell you, it's been an awful experience. Food has no meaning and water just adds to the drama. I feel like my stomach is a big cauldron that's brewing over the top, so whenever I drink water it just adds to the boil and makes things even worse. So yes, two of the main necessities to sustaining life hold no significance to me. I am, however, able to breathe so the whole inhale, exhale, oxygen thing has kept my pulse steady. Such a saving grace.

Another first is that I slept with my clothes on last night. It was a really strange experience. Some fam came over last night and we did even more gift exchanging and whatnot, so I thought it necessary to atleast make myself be presentable and fully-clothed, so I put on some duds, put some gel in my hair, and flashed the mirror a winning smile. Perfect. So I'm doing the whole scene when I start to feel like I'm going to pass out. So I get up, leave the party, go upstairs, and lay down in bed.

Um, I must have literally passed out in bed because I woke up 6 hours later. It was like 3 a.m. and I still have all of my clothes on. Does this bother me? Usually, but for some reason I was perfectly fine with the thought of having about 9 articles of clothing on, including shoes, and remained in bed. Every time I tossed and turned I thought to myself-THIS IS SO WEIRD. I HAVE ALL OF MY CLOTHES ON. DO SOMETHING.

In addition, the entire time my body felt like a drying sponge that desperately needed moisture in order to maintain a heartbeat. But do I get myself some water?

NO.

I can't move.

I'm drying up.

Plus, it was as hot as a bitch in my room because the heat was on full blast for whatever reason, so I was sweating out the last remaining beads of moisture I had in my body...probably due to the fact that I was fully-clothed and under about 90 blankets.

And the entire time all I could think about was:

A) Jumping into a pool full of orange Gatorade and electrolytes, and
B) the song, O Come All Ye Faithful.

I have no idea why that song was stuck in my head, but in my mind I kept belting out, OH COME LET US ADORE HIM!

So there I was, fully-dressed, drying up, incapable of movement, internally singing Christmas songs, and hosting a bladder full of urine that I was trying to overlook because if I even looked at a toilet I'd puke instantaneously.

About an hour ago I managed to take off all of my clothes. Does that excite you? It shouldn't because my body hasn't seen water, let alone soap in about 2.5 days.

Yes, these are the conditions that I allow myself to dwell in. My family is concerned and are probably contacting a priest as we speak.

Please let me be possessed, that would make much more sense.

12.19.2007

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel completely ugly and inadequate?

Today is the day.

12.13.2007

Kelly: I find it really weird that you have a scarf wrapped around your head like a hat.
Ryan: Old women don't find it weird!
Kelly: You're not an old woman.
Ryan: Well...the person on the elevator didn't find it weird either.
Kelly: It still sounds weird.
Ryan: You sound weird.
Kelly: I have to go.
Click.

12.12.2007

There's always so much mumbo-jumbo about love being cold, warm, light, dark...it's stupid, really.

I sleep alone all the time and am constantly cold. Doesn't mean I'm without.

Buster keeps me warm.

I barely see the light of day anymore and it's always dark when I desperately need to see, but does it matter?

No.

The blue glare from my alarm clock pulls a double trick...a cold blue read but yet a bright light guide.

I turn the tone down so that I can sleep better, it's darker, but when I dream about snakes the leftover light helps me see that they're really not there.

Winter.

So blue.

And snakes.

So scary.

12.05.2007

GUESS WHAT I JUST REALIZED?

I'm becoming a complete stalker. Yes, you heard it here first.

Why do I find myself watching other people's video facebook wallposts? Or is it Facebook video wallposts? Either way, they're not to me, they're not about me, and sometimes...I don't even know who the people are that are on them.

But do I watch them?

YES.

a;lksdfj

It's really a bad thing. These social networking sites are so out of control. Wait a second...I'M OUT OF CONTROL. That's the real truth.

I'm way too nosey for my own good. I need less information, people...less information.

Mind ya bizz.

12.04.2007

What fun would there be in life if we never took any risks?

Let me restate that because it's painting an entirely different picture than my personal philosophy...

Okay, so, risks. I'm torn. Shit, I can't even restate that sentence because I can't make up my mind. I mean, I don't take risks. Ever. I hate them. If something sounds risky, I'm out. Usually...

I typically fear the unknown. I'm a scared, scared boy. But I'm also a man. I live my life day-to-day doing what I have to do to survive, and at some points, to be happy.

I also like knowing, seeing, experiencing new things. How would I get anywhere without being blind? I feel my way, I put myself out, I take a step forward. I'm there.

And it's good.

But to fly by the seat of my pants is a big mistake. I've learned it a time or two as of late. Bad idea. Super bad. Don't do it.

But I wouldn't be where I am today without assuming the risks I have in the past. Yes, it's been a sucky migration from the good to bad, bad to good, and yes, I just said sucky.

Are fate and risk related? Am I screwing with fate with every decision I make? What if I change my mind about things a thousand times? Does my fate remain untouched? Oh man, best of luck to me.

I hope I don't get hit by a bus.

12.03.2007

I hate it when people fart in a bar.

That shit stanks.