hey yall. back from christmas vacation. fyi i literally gained 3 lbs, which is fine because sometimes i feel like i have the body of a 16 yr old. i'm a work in progress and i think this extra layer will be put to good use come spring.

i've been spending a lot of time taking mid-morning and mid-afternoon naps. you know - wake up, eat breakfast, take a nap, wake up, eat lunch, take another nap, and then i get my second wind around 4 pm that'll last through the end of the evening (9:30 pm). and then i zonk out again like i haven't slept in days.

oof.

yes, my life was that hard for seven days. oh, and did i mention i ate my face off the entire time? important to note. woah.

at any rate, stay tuned for an important youtube video that i'll be posting between now and sometime friday.

things are changing.

both sides now:
like i'm the first person to ever have to talk about this
trust me, i hate that i have to
that it's me
a different page, a different cloud
i looked at clouds that way
but now they only block the sun
they rain and they snow on everyone
we've all had our hopes held high
only to have them come crashing down
hard
i'm not the first person to put myself out there
but boy am i a glutton for punishment
tears and fears and feeling proud
telling you what i felt, right out loud
giving the benefit of the doubt to those who never earned it in the first place
spreading notions of happiness
i now have to dust under the rug
as if they were never there
reveling in future miseries
poking the bear
the bear being whatever it is i'm looking for, looking at
poking at it with a hesitant curiosity
stupid me
bears are never trying to be poked, and i learn that the hard way
each time.
and if you can, don't let them know
don't give yourself away.
why do i constantly feel like stuart smalley on here?
i'm good enough
i'm smart enough
and dog gone'it people like me.
oh really? then why i am listening to joni mitchell right now?
for starters, it's not because i'm happy.
i really don't know why
i really don't know what
but i do know it's masochistic.
set'em up take'em down
something's lost, but something's gained
but what?
i really don't know life at all.
i don't live in the twilight world nor does a new moon shine upon me
yet
but someday i will feel like bella.
i cringed as i wrote that, but i'm going to keep it there.
it's honest, and that's a start
oh but now, old friends they're acting strange
and they shake their heads
and they tell me that i've changed.
i don't need that.
and if i wanted that desperate feeling of validation
drowning in a dark sea of insecurity
i'd look in a mirror
leaving post-its of all my flaws, reasons why, what i probably did
what probably happened
probably.
and why things like this happen.
fuck.
what happened to me?
well, while i'm here in the mirror, peering through the post-its
might as well take a step back, reaffirm
i'm smart enough
i'm good enough
and dog gone'it people like me.
i feel a little better.
for now.
at any rate, i'm rambling
i ramble because i don't know what else to do
so many things i would have done,
but clouds got in my way.
i just want something more to this life
someone tell me to sit back and relax
and enjoy it all
but clouds got in my way.

it's life's illusions that i recall
i really don't know life, i really don't know life at all.

for your christmas present, i'm giving you the gift of laughter. you're welcome.

i was saddened to hear yesterday that murphy brown died from cardiac arrest. her memory will always remain in my heart and her reruns forever will be cherished on my dvd box set.

rip murph.

for some reason i just started thinking about giraffes. they're such a crazy looking animal, it's kind of weird that they exist. sometimes i forget they exist. it would be weird to see one in nature because i feel as if they're so alien-esque.

there's just something not right about their existence. what is it? they have to be a direct descendant of the dinosaurs, right? they're so weird.

and then i started wondering, do they swim? how do they sleep?

i spent some time on google looking at giraffes and became weirdly obsessed about learning everything i could about them. i spent quite some time looking at images as well. i also noticed that they sleep in a very non-comfortable-looking position. they must not get much sleep.

do they get attacked by lions and tigers much? i feel like they're an easy target.

i never expected giraffes to dominate my mind like this. oh well.

coke or pepsi? either
diet coke or diet pepsi? either
bud lite or miller lite? either
prego or ragu? either
sprite, sierra mist, or 7up? love'em all.
miracle whip or hellman's? either.

i just realized my tastes know no limits. i like just about everything. except fish. i wish i liked sushi because i would no longer have to hear all of the bullshiz about "omg you don't like sushi? i loooove sushi yum yum yum..."

at any rate, are you one of those people that freak out at restaurants when you ask for a pepsi and they say "is coke okay?" and then you snap back, "no, it's not okay, just water then."

i just had a hankering for some fountain cherry cola. so, whilst at 711 to purchase such a thing, i was given the choice of both pepsi or coke to add some cherry yumminess to. i couldn't figure out if i had a preference, so i just went with pepsi.

then it hit me how rare that is to just be like uhhhhh whatevs, both are okay with me. i feel like people are much more particular. especially about bud vs. miller too. miller is a very distinct taste, but i like it. bud just tastes like beer, which i like, so i can easily drink that as well. but i could drink bud, miller, coors, michelob, or hell, even some pbr. it's all the same, really.

god i'm so cool.

this month's gq was surprisingly thin. i was so pissed when i picked it up and noticed its lack of substance. what up, gq...surely you can fit a few more articles on how to tie a tie or iron a button-up correctly. that's why i subscribe. oh, and the cologne samples...keep them coming. i'm particularly found of givenchy's play, no?

at any rate, rihanna is completely naked up in that joint. remember when gq featured bruno on the cover and everyone got all up in arms about the fact that you could almost see his butt? some vendors wouldn't sell it, others put a black cardboard square over it...ugh. such miserable double standards. that's probably why men rape women (yeah, i said it). the female body apparently has no voyeuristic limitations and men feel no real sense of taboo toward seeing it. it's all out there for you to lust after because, duh, sex sells and we sell it by the ounce. we'll endlessly expose/exploit a woman to all angles possible but when it comes to men...well, lets allow the censor board to deem what's tasteful and what's borderline homo. unless you properly follow it up with a no homo, like they do in the rap world i so love and respect. jigga please.

but, while i believe america is overly uptight when it comes to sexuality and nudity, this is a different level of peculiarity. it's like on cinemax when they won't show male frontal nudity yet they'll gladly reveal every square inch of the lead female's naughty bits (and don't forget all the girl-on-girl scenes!). no homo...oh wait, this is the acceptable form of homo. homo! or like how adam lambert kissed a guy and was shunned from abc and good morning america viewers (it was too early to see such things!) but madonna, britney, and xtina practically tripled kiss live, on-air and that uncensored footage was shown around the world for years to come. and how long have those cougars on the view been kissing each other for the morning crowd? tons of times...sick ass. baba wawa kissing joy behar ain't no walk in the park either.

but who cares, i'll pick my battles better, after all, adam lambert is a pudgy, freckley, red-headed gone black-headed, foundation-laced trailer trash twatbag who's trying to be the next big thing via his shrill-riffic, emo-style yodeling. it's like ricolaaaaa with a punk rock edge. censor him to extinction, if you ask me. which no one does.

but, my real point was to applaud the facebook article some gq editor wrote about the 18 people you hate on facebook. it's about how typical some people are when it comes to posting status updates...the new mom who loves the fact that she's a new mom, the emo girl who is always in pain, the self promoter who is always doing something way cooler than you, the person who thinks you might be interested in/amused by the fact that they're eating breakfast for dinner, etc etc.

it's hilarious and oh-so true. you'll all fill in the blanks with your own annoying FB peeps. pick up a copy today and love it. maybe, just maybe, the generated sales will help make the next gq issue a little thicker.

fingers crossed.

i love this. only in chicago. these are my kind of peeps.

tiger.

i feel for him. forget about dignity (who needs it?) the one thing the guy has going for him is golf and he doesn't even have that anymore (and don't you dare say he's attractive...i don't care what any of you say, if tiger was just an average joe like you and i, no one would look at him and say, oooh yes please! my body is yours! sleep with me! his fame and money are the only aspects of his appeal. that's how athletes and rockstars do it. duh, wake up.) and who even cares about golf? but regardless, seemingly innocent blasian golf player, earning a living, making a fat paycheck, but BOOM, scandal. life = over. mr. perfect is not so perfect after all. not even close to perfect, not even close to respectable that dog. no, no...that DOG.

god what a dog. okay, let me restate what i said earlier. in some capacity, i feel for him. guys do this shit all the time and no one cares. it's so common its barely even newsworthy. but tiger is a public figure and wow do we know his personal business. and the reveal of it is mortifying. all of those women. all of those secrets. all of those lies.

the pain i feel for elin is immeasurable. at least she has an $80mil prenup to snuggle up to at night. that's some kind of solace, right?

one thing i know for sure is that tiger ruined marriage for me. seems like an odd stance, i agree, but i feel like a lot of people have been indirectly affected by his scandal. it's an eyeopener at the very least. personally, i've always maintained a rosy image of what marriage is. my parents have been happily married my entire life. i can count on one hand the times i've seen them be in a legitimate argument with one another. same goes for my grandparents and my friends' parents and just about everyone i know.

and i've always had a sunny disposition on spending my life with one person. i would never be like tiger, or anything even close to that. i'm great at relationships. although honestly i've only been in 3 or 4. which doesn't matter - it's not the amount of relationships you've experienced - i would rather be with someone who has been in a few relationships versus someone who has been in many. quality versus quantity. regardless, i think my presence and contributions within my own, select relationships were never the reason behind the breakups. i know that sounds absurd and conceited, but at least it's true to me. they've either been long distance gone awry, liars, cheaters, alcoholics, losers, or something along those lines. maybe i don't know how to pick them?

eesh.

at any rate, i've given everything of myself to be in these relationships. one relationship specifically i gave up literally everything i had and wanted. and it came back to bite me in the ass.

such is life.

and i know that people have flaws, and i often overlook them in pursuit of someone's actual essence. my exes cannot say that i didn't give them the benefit of the doubt. i always do. i see beyond stereotypes, beyond body image, beyond money, beyond whatever it is that may make them less than perfect.

but to no avail. maybe i should expect more?

and this tiger deal is the cherry on that shit sundae. tiger has/had a beautiful wife, he has a family, he has a dog, he has a dream home, he has a dream job...he has everything he could ever ask for. except control.

i feel like no one has control these days. if a man who has everything still needs more...what hope is there for you and i?

we don't have everything and we will always want more. so, in this day and age, can two individuals even enter a marriage that will stand the test of a broken society by lasting and persevering? there will of course be ups and downs, good times and bad, but can a marriage persevere without infidelity?

i think not. mostly on your end of the deal because, personally, i would never cheat, but sooo many people would. even the ones we least suspect.

we all thought Leann Rimes was such a cute, wholesome country girl but what a two-timing whore she turned out to be. same goes for tiger (minus the country girl part). and many, many countless non-celebrities before and after them.

it's almost like a guarantee. you will be cheated on in this lifetime.

which makes me want to never be married. what is a marriage besides a legal document? a free pass into the ER should your spouse be near death? a golden ticket of inheritance and 50/50 settlements?

it's not much more than that. and to me, none of that tips the scale in favor of an i do. maybe i'm jaded, or maybe i just took off my rose colored glasses.

maybe i'll change my mind. maybe someone will help me change my mind. but right now i'm sooo right.

plus, oprah isn't married.

case closed.

oh yeah and hey peeps, in case you didn't notice, i updated my nano to an itouch. my nano has been on my nerves lately so i thought i'd pull an upgrade.

some great tunes on this playlist, appropriately entitled warm your soul. not only are these songs something to think about, through my interpretations, they've also made me feel some...feelings.

i'm not crazy about the new rihanna album, but there are a few slower ones that speak to me. cold case love in particular. also, one of my all time favorite artists, electric president, is worth a listen. their album, sleep well, is one of my top, all-time favorite albums in the wizzorld. woah.

the rest are pretty stellar as well. check them out and let the warming/feeling begin.

i had an epiphany just now.

i was freakishly close to posting some sad story about how an inevitable winter depression was going to set in. quickly, too. as if i had no control. the words were forming in my mind:

doom, a looming workload, restless heartstrings, severed relationships, confusion, cold, that damn Untitled store...

i wanted to write about everything i've yet to achieve this year
everything i still don't have
no clear path
no known love
no sense of security
no absolutes.

i've fallen victim to it many times in my life. a pity party of one. look at me! i'm sad!

but what i hinted at in my last post is that, while i have many things to consider and comprehend, i also have a lot to look forward to and i have a lot of new-found hope going into the new year.

i wrote on my facebook that it's time for me to take control. and i will.

if i really narrow down the reality of it all: it's not going to be yet another doom and gloom winter. it's all up for interpretation, especially when reconciling mixed emotion deep within myself, both my head and my heart on the same page:

i feel great. greater than ever before.
i have so much opportunity before me. actual opportunity. to seize. more than ever before.
i finally feel beautiful. i eat right, i workout regularly, and i have a full head of hair on my head. i'm doing something right. my nail bed is awesome.
i might be single, but i'm not down and out. suitors will come and go - my subconscious will filter the riff raff and my heart will find its equal, THEE person that i will want to wake up next to every morning of my life. THEE person that cares about me first and foremost, and for once, i will care about too - more than equal to myself...in this world and the next, they will be my first and foremost. i've never felt that about anyone before, but i know it can happen. it will happen.

i think buying my own home will be the start of a beautiful thing, too. stability is a beautiful thing and anyone who disagrees isn't in-the-know yet. to be happy and unstable is but a mirage. ignorance is bliss. to be in control of where you rest your head is a truly marvelous thing. to fully own your own piece of home in this crazy, wide open world is worth every penny you invest in it. when the world is cold to you, when people shut you out, when you have nowhere to go but home - your home will be there. and that's a good feeling amid a plethora of not-so-good feelings. i'm not nesting, i'm resting. in the peace, quiet, and safety of my own sanctuary that no one can come into. no one can take away.

also, i can date myself back to almost a year ago. i remember making a youtube video where i was like whyyyy doesn't anyone love me, wah wah wahhhhh.

i forget sometimes, i love me. duh. i don't need your attention to feel good about myself. i have my shit together. i have a good head resting on these shoulders of mine. i have the support system of an amazing family and a few, select lifelong friends that will be there for me should i ever stray from this new-found confidence.

when i love myself, with both sides of my heart, inside and out, someone else will too. when i love myself, the world is a new place. when i love myself, i will walk out of every door with my head held high, and my sight set before me.

forward.

i think that's the order to this life.

cheers.

oh goddd i'm getting that weird feeling again. i feel like a lot of varying thoughts are taking over my mind and affecting my mood. tis the season? i'm not like that. holidays don't depress me at all. as you all know i have a wonderful family and support system and have no actual reason to ever be upset. i should take on every day as a grateful and humbled human being. i have always had everything i've ever truly needed in this life and should be nothing but thankful.

but i still let myself get the best of me.

what's my effing prob? i don't know. no wait, i do know. there's a list even:

1. buying a home.
2. managing my money.
3. the thought of god.
4. i need to stop eating tombstone pizza.
5. really irked at my $300 Untitled blunder.
6. life and love and everything it is and isn't.
7. i want a Mac desktop to solve all of my problems but cannot budget one right now.
8. i need to get through this winter. and i think i can.

i have a feeling i'll be extremely self-loathing for a good couple of weeks. it happens every year.

i think this lady has bigger problems than toothache pain:



perhaps she should be repping tranquilizers.

the winter pill is here. swallow.

i can't quite describe my feelings after exiting my building door this morning. all i wanted to do was catch a bus to downtown.
when it hit me.
across the face.

oh hey winter. yeah i knew you were here by the snow and sleet mess you left behind last night.

but damn gina. you's cold.

it was surely 5 or 6 degrees out. i always tell myself that embracing the winter means appreciating the summer more. and i firmly believe that.

spring is such a new beginning. life comes back again. and summer is pure bliss. but i only realize that because i braved through a long, cold winter.

us midwesterners are cute though. and scrappy. i always admire the chicks that live here. wearing dresses and nylons on a day like this? you go girl. those are the girls that make good wives. they stick through the hard times. they endure. they find light in the dark.

the same can't necessarily be said about the men. men are always dogs, warm or cold. except for this male, of course. and a few others. nah, we're actually a decent bunch around here.

anyone can flock to the coasts, stay warm and content in the eternal sunshine.

we here in the midwest don't take such things for granted. the sun is out today? nice. it's above freezing today? nice. a luxury is an indian summer, an early spring.

but the winter is a tough pill to swallow, to which i gladly do. always have and more than likely always will.

i dare say we're a stronger crowd.
the tough get tougher.
and through it all we still have that undeniable midwestern charm.

and manners. double trouble.

plus, how cute does everyone look all bundled up? i love a good coat.

probably one of the cutest things i've EVER seen.

...it finally happened. the red eye finally publshed a decent, read-worthy article! albeit an op ed, it was still thought provoking and quite dead-on. congrats, red eye! after a million misses, you finally hit something!

Facebook friends: Please untag me
by Stephen Markley

Recently, I removed all of my photo albums from Facebook and untagged myself from all 600-plus pictures collected in my profile over the years.

I vaguely detest people who post every picture of their entire existence on Facebook, but my reasoning involves more than topical annoyance.

As further evidence that we should all stop posting pictures on Facebook and remove the ones that are there, I present to you the case of Nathalie Blanchard of Quebec.

After being diagnosed with serious clinical depression, Blanchard received a monthly check from her insurance company Manulife. She was stripped of her benefits after Manulife investigators dug up pictures of her partying with friends on Facebook, according to CBC News of Canada.

Whether Blanchard was faking depression or merely conned out of benefits by a soulless insurance company, it should teach all of us an important lesson.

Our generation rushed to Facebook and other social networking sites with a clear lack of forethought, posting pictures from every drunk weekend of our young lives without any thought to the consequences.

You don't think an ill-advised slutty nurse costume can't someday keep you from getting a job? Or that a cigarette dangling from your lips in a college photo couldn't someday allow an insurer to jack up your rates?

These are the kinds of issues I wish someone had raised before I put on that nurse outfit and smoked a carton of Kools in a single night while documenting the whole thing with my Coolpix. That's why I'm raising them now for benefit of future generations of Facebookers.

I don't think there's anything more obnoxious than the girl who has her camera at every bar, so when you log on to your computer the next day you find yourself tagged in 37 new pictures--sweaty, inebriated and clearly annoyed that this girl will not put her camera away (and yes, 85 percent of the time, this person is female).

It's not just the irritating habit of certain people who think every shot of Jagermeister must be documented and spread across the Internet for posterity. No matter how high you have your security settings, once you post something on the Internet, it is out there forever in the cloud, and you have surrendered that much more of your privacy. And why exactly? Because you and your friend went to Durkins last Friday? Good for you.

Stop posting pictures, period.

Yes, we may have less evidence of our sweaty, inebriated weekends, but perhaps we can at least wear what makes us feel pretty and smoke our carton of Kools in peace.
STEPHEN MARKLEY IS A REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR.

oh.my.god...

the years have not been good to the cast of family ties.

woah.

shock me, shock me, tina yothers is the only cast member that appears semi-decent-looking...and even that's a stretch. her last gig was, i think, the celebrity rendition of nickelodean's double dare.

and yes, i know michael j. fox isn't exactly faring well, and it's not his fault, i get that, but it's still sad to see his before and after.

check out the slideshow to see what the cast is up to nowadays...

Here's a Yelp review I wrote about Chicago's Untitled. They have several locations. Go to none, though. SHADEBALL.

Don't read this review and assume that I'm jaded. I'm just as likely to write a good review as I am a bad one...but I think it's my responsibility to inform others when a business is truly unworthy of your time and money...

and ladies and gentlemen, Untitled is NOT worth your time and certainly not worth your money.

The store means well, but the customer service is absolutely deplorable and the prices of this store are highway robbery. Who cares about their often obscure labels - you can easily find the same, hipster-inspired clothing at any Brown Elephant/Goodwill and pay a fraction of the price. In my opinion, everything in Untitled is greatly overpriced, especially given their flimsy and integrity-questionable selection, so don't even bother. Deal with the "wet basement" smell of the Brown Elephant, all the while getting a hipstery "i don't give a shit" outfit and donating money to a good cause.

However, my biggest complaint with Untitled is with their ridiculous customer service. If you happen to be in the Clark street location, watch out for the short, Asian woman who, I'm assuming, is the "Manager." She's a real piece of work. In fact, she should win an Oscar for her amazing ability to fake a smile, fake a "can I help you," and overall fake sense of customer appreciation. Bravo!

She's horrendous.

Issue: I bought a $300 pair of Diesel jeans (I know, I know - absurd) at Untitled...but when I got home, I realized these jeans were in NO way worth $300 and I wanted to return them immediately. Impulse decision gone wrong! I'm human, ok!? Unfortunately, I then read on the receipt that their return policy is "exchange or store credit only"...

Shit!

UM, that would have been REALLY nice to know before that fateful debit card swipe. It also would have been GREAT if the Manager lady would have said, "Our store has a no return policy, you'll only be able to exchange or buy our other expensive shit should you choose to make a return" before snatching my hard-earned money and grinning that toothy, fake smile. Damn you!

Regardless, the very next day, I took the jeans back to Untitled; unworn, tags attached, receipt in hand, and then kindly asked the fake-nice, would-rather-kill-you-than-help-you Asian lady that I wanted to return the jeans and be refunded my money. She then sharply informed me that Untitled only offers exchange or store credit and by NO means would refund my money to my debit card.

I said, "Oh really? Why didn't you say something? I had no idea."

Rudely, she continued "Umm, this has been Untitled's return policy for over nine years" ...like I should have known what I was getting myself into before purchasing the jeans...apparently, I should have been more familiar with the store's sales history before even entering. My bad.

In my head I thought "You little bitch, give me back my money!" but verbally I said, "That really sucks, it would have been nice if you would have said such before I bought these."...to which she replied "Sorry Charlie."

Nice. My name is Ryan, thank you for devaluing me as an adult, and more importantly, as a customer who is already plotting several ways to have you fired.

Long story, short: It's absolutely insane that a store would have a "no return policy" and not have the clerk tell you or display such verbiage in bright, flashing lights for the consumer to see before selling their financial soul: WARNING! THINK TWICE! YOU'LL NEVER SEE THAT MONEY AGAIN! is what it should read. Actually, this sign should be displayed in neon fluorescent lighting and double as a bug zapper! Every time you see and hear a bug fly into that death trap, it'll really drive the point home!

So, in conclusion, Untitled's store policy is: once they get your money, IT'S THEIRS FOREVER.

And, is it just me, or does it make zero sense to print such an unforgiving return policy on only the receipt!? It doesn't! Obviously, if I have to read the receipt to find out about your non-return policy...the damage is already done! It's too late! You have my money so tightly gripped in your cold, clammy hands that trying to get my money back would probably result in a prison sentence.

SUPER SHADY business practice, Untitled. I will never give this store another penny of my money. I suggest the same for you - take heed. There are plenty of stores that sell awesome, affordable clothes in Chicago and are not out to SCAM your money like Untitled.

And hey, Untitled, instead of acting like a big greedy SHADEBALL, maybe you should invest in some customer service training and customer appreciation courses? We're in a recession baby, and people have a choice where they shop.

Consumer beware. DON'T SHOP HERE.

Here's hoping others follow my lead and give their business to Urban Outfitters, Akira, or hell, Plato's Closet. It's the same stuff...but cheaper.

And less bullshit.

everyone midwestern-based is all a flutter about the inch of snow lying on the ground. guess who isn't!?!

surprise, me.

i guess i really don't care at all about the snow. it's pretty, it's non-blowy...it's just sitting there on the ground, minding its own business.

i woke up in semi-awe since it's the first snowfall of the season and it fell at some point in the night, so i of course got that nostalgic "woah it snowed last night! is school cancelled!?" feeling, which was undeniably one of the most exciting times of school life - watching the news and just WAITING for them to list your school as being cancelled.

it's the small things in life.

but being 27 years old, that's a far, distant memory. so, when i woke up this morning i had a slight sense of that feeling but reality quickly set in when i saw lake shore drive traffic crawling and knew that i too was soon to be in it on my way to work, which is never cancelled.

but when i walked outside i was blinded. literally. i forgot how blindingly white brand new snow is...especially after not having seen it for 8 months. instantly i had eye strain. horrible eye strain. it felt like my left eyeball was shrinking and rolling back into my eye socket. and all attached eye nerves and veins were being tightly pulled as it recessed.

that really hurt charlie and it's still...hurting.

i could barely open my eyes, i needed some serious shades. but i feel like such a tool when wearing sunglasses in the winter. it's such a weird idea to me. sunglasses feel like such a "hot weather" item to me. however some guy got on the bus with sunglasses on and the only word that came to my mind upon seeing him was, of course, tool. and i don't wanna be that guy. but i could barely open my eyes the entire bus ride to work because of the strain pain and the unending, blinding snow.

so, for pretty much the entire morning i thought, so this is what it feels like to be blind.

and wow did it suck.

weirdly, yesterday i was walking with a friend to argo for a pumpkin spice chai latte nonfat and this lady was on the sidewalk with her dog where she feebly asked "excuse me, anybody?" i stopped and looked and she was just kind of staring...blindly...into the world so i walked over to her and said hi. she had a seeing eye dog with her...my second clue as to what she needed...and she kindly asked me if she saw any dog poop on the ground because she thinks her dog may have "pooed" more than once. having a dog i related to her troubles so i spot checked the vicinity and saw nothing (thankfully). she thanked me and i went on my way for some latte.

but then i thought to myself...how does she find the original poop? does she have some heat-sensing device or something?

i never thought about it before. i guess blind people do have to pick up the poo somehow...

but how?

anyway, so there has been a lot of blindness-related thoughts going on in my head and weirdly i was blind all morning.

blinded by the light, wake up like a...doucher?...in the...something of the night.

remember that song that no one knows the lyrics to? weirdly, every time i hear that song i'm with my mom and we always comment on how we have zero idea what the actual lyrics are and we also comment on how that song is literally like 8 minutes long.

so much blindness so little time.

I'M STILL STRAINING TOO.

my realtor just asked me out on a date via email! awkward. i'm not interested...but i wonder if it will help reduce my closing costs though?

coffee it is!


Hey Ryan!
How are things your way? I see that you have marked quite a few favorites from our website. I would love to set up a time to grab coffee so we can further discuss these properties in detail.
Do you have any time to meet this weekend or the first of next week?
Hope to talk with you soon!
Best,
Gordon

even though she was funnier before she started plugging herself 24/7, she still puts on a great youtube vid:

this whole tiger woods scandal is so wrong for all the reasons you probably haven't thought about yet...or maybe you have.

who cares that tiger is typically squeaky clean and well-to-do? i don't. i don't care about any of that...what happened is none of your business and it's not my business either. i don't want to hear the voicemail. i don't want a full expose on who the other woman is. why is this scandal on the evening news? right between segments about the economy and sending 30k more troops to afghanistan "and now a closer look at tiger's turmoil and hidden temptations..."

what!? stop it.

leave him alone america. it's not your business in the least. it's not news.

BUT

it does go to show you that people cheat. so many of them. more often than not. even the good guys/girls. and that sucks.

i loathe cheaters. i hate cheaters. they're the worst people on earth.

yes, i'm still jaded for having been cheated on in my lifetime, and i think i have every right to be.

i really don't think that insecurity ever fully goes away.

but i do know that i will never and would never cheat on someone. never. ever.

it's singularly one of the worst feelings in the world - to discover/see the love of your life cheating on you. i can't even describe it and i'm hesitant to even think about it because it took me a long time to get over the pain and confusion and imagery.

ugh, i'm getting the feeling again, need to change the topic...

sooo...glee. you all know it, you all love it.

i rarely watch tv so i don't watch it nor do i love it, but i've seen clips. here's my take:

basically, the fresh-faced cast sings loveable, feel good songs that we all cherish and somewhat know the words to, then they apply jazz hands, a little smoke and mirrors, and BOOM, it's a hit!

omg i love glee, glee is totes making me tear up, glee is so amazeballs, i can't get to itunes fast enough, needs it loves it, arg blagh ooog.

and that's an interpretation at the most basic level. here's some other misunderstandings i have:

they lip sync (badly) the song as they sing it. ummm...ok.

its riding of the coattails of hsm. undeniable. and right me if i'm wrong, wasn't hsm 1 the only decent production? the rest were just forced for infant-tween cashcow purposes.

it's kinda dumb, no?


just a man with an opinion, yall...

DEAD ON.

thanks robbie!

there comes a time in life where we stop thinking about ourselves. it's not pretty, it's not easy...but it's critical. there comes a time when you are in a position to help others. a position to influence and advise, both lead and stand by.

i've done that for you.

i've paved a path for you. through friendship, through struggle, through being there when you needed it the most. i've been there. i've grown close to you and to your family. i've worried about you, i've visited you, and i've done everything i could to ensure our bond.

but i'm done.

i have fulfilled my end of this relationship. you have not. i know you're not in the position to be a friend right now. and that's disheartening and that's exactly why things are the way they are. but my sadness only stretches so far - to a cold, indifferent place - and then it stops. it stops just short of enabling you. feeding you my sympathy or concern. you deserve neither. i've offered you both to no avail. your oblivion is self-determined, and that i cannot stand by. you are where you are and you are who you are...because of you. because of the decisions you make every single day.

i don't even know you anymore. i really don't. you aren't the same person you used to be.

you're beyond my help. you're beyond me. and that's where our relationship ends.

it's time to realize what you have, and what you can do to make things right. look at your life. are you happy? genuinely happy?

you aren't. and if you say you are, then it only confirms my worst fears.

i hate that it has to be this way. like it's a choice. it isn't. so don't blame it on me.

blame it on yourself.

hilar

things you should know about facebook:

song lyrics are fine and whatnot...but c'mon people, they're not necessarily that brilliant. stop facebooking them.

you all love lady gaga. loud and clear. no need to plaster every gaga vid clip known to mankind on your FSU (facebook status update).

if you FSU that you're tired...you're obviously not tired enough to log off of the book. hate it.

don't wear your heart on your FSU. you know you'll only regret it later when no one comments on your plea for attention. see: tmi.

put.your headshot.away.

i've always had a hate/somewhat love relationship with facebook...but i'm going to buy an actual address book and write down the worthy-addys in it...i want to take things old school, enough of this "the next time you're in town we're definitely hanging out!" because we all know facebook promises are as shallow as all-things-shallow i.e. kiddie pools, rain puddles, etc. you get the point.

reading la-based facebook profiles is like heaven. yes, you are all incredibly talented actors and models...and you have an unending amount of professional/scandalous pictures to prove it! you guys love yourselves a lot. (too far? my apologies in advance but you know it's kind of true!)

people will soon be losing more jobs due to facebook. it's almost inevitable. we thought craigslist was bad but woah...tagged pictures? the worst.

right now my facebook is just a jumbled mess of information. i don't know what the difference is between "view newsfeed" and "live news feed" is...all i know is that i want less status updates and "blank is now friends with blank" and i want more life-shattering pictures.

i think that if you decide to post "blank is in a relationship"...or even better "blank is in a relationship with blank"...that you MUST be forced to publicly post when "blank is single." if you're going to take it there on facebook, you should be forced to mix the good times with the bad!

i love relationship status messages. live and breathe for them.

k bye.