fave spam email of the day: this milf is ready to nurse!

this email just popped up in my work inbox:

From: Julie Christensen [mailto:jchristensen@444mich.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 30, 2009 10:53 AM
To: Building Suites
Subject: Chicago 2016
Importance: High

I N F O R M A T I O N

Please see the information below from the City of Chicago Police Department regarding street closures and event notice for the 2016 Olympics announcement.

From: Graziano, Ron D. [mailto:RON.GRAZIANO@chicagopolice.org]
Sent: Wednesday, September 30, 2009 9:48 AM
To: Graziano, Ron D.
Subject: Chicago 2016

On Friday, 02 Oct 09, from 9am to 1pm, Daley Plaza will be the host site for the Chicago 2016 Live Viewing event.

The known street closure at this time is: Clark Street, Randolph to Washington, from 8pm on, 01 Oct 09 - 4pm on, 02 Oct 09. This closure is for media vehicles set up for the event.

The decision to close additional streets around the plaza will be made after assessing the crowd size; the Incident Commander will make that call at the time of the event.

ryan sumner has grinched about chicago's olympic bid...he picketed the committee visit! ...he protested the celebrations! ...and he sneered at those who cheered! chicago already has too many problems! why have it here?

then he got an idea. an awful idea. the olympic grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!

when the time comes for mayor daley to say that chicago isn't the host city for the 2016 games today, (hooray!) ryan, the olympic grinch!, will stand above from a skyscraper near, he'll gaze in delight as he knows just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open, for a minute or two, then the chumps down in chicago will all cry, "boo hoo hoooooooooo."

That's a noise, grinned ryan the olympic grinch, that I simply must hear! so he paused - and the olympic grinch put a hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low... then it started to grow...

was it a boo or a yay?

we'll find out friday.

popularity contest:



who wins? i do!

thanks nate for reminding me that my ipod nano (or the nanner as i like to call it) has disappeared from my page.

i actually took it down before i left for vacation because, for some weirdo reason, it kept autoplaying even though i coded it not to.

i even toded it not to and it did anyway!

what the bleep(!) naughty nanner.

urgz, i know how annoying it is for you to be surfing the web in private when all of a sudden the site you're perusing blares noise and it both startles you and busts you in front of coworkers. zoops!

i wouldn't tolerate it from others therefore i would never expect you to tolerate it from me.

so, my apologies...i'm going to make a new playlist tonight and hopefully the coding will be off the hizzle and you can again rock your socks off or slow it down and feel the groove.

besos.

it almost pains me to say this, and wow does it seem weird, but yall...seriously, let the hills die.

don't get me wrong, for the last 5 seasons i've been firmly planted on the couch at 9pm central with my eyes glued to the screen and my vocal chords enthusiastically screeching "feel the rain on your lips!"

but things have changed, unfortch.

lc isn't on the show. lc is the only reason to watch the show. i love her something serious, but who gives a flying hootenanny about lo, ceiling eyes, speidi, or that bimbo chevy cavalier...i mean, kristin cavallari? i have no idea if i spelled her name correctly. i almost hope i didn't.

no one cares about them. they're all just fodder. we want lauren drama. we want her one liners (you're a sucky person!), eye-rolling (or mascara tears), and cute-sense-of-everything (hey kohl's!). ugh, lc made life worth living yall.

without her the show is comatose. flatline. time of death? right now.

anyway, don't support or buy into tv shows glamourizing white, entitled rich kids. it's sad. especially this show, well, and basically mtv's entire lineup of tv programming.

just don't watch it, alright?

it's time for the hills to go the way of the dodo. stephanie pratt needs a real job.

buy her handbags!

shoutout time:

my beautiful, wonderful, and amazing friend kayla sent me the sweetest email a couple days ago. totally made me miss her something serious. we were coworkers, turned friends, and for a couple nights throughout our friendship, non-physical lovers.

oh, memories.

kayla, i miss you. you live in hawaii now and i don't even know your boyfriend wes but we're facebook friends and he sounds just as cool as i know you are. wes took this picture randomly and i think it's a.mazing. i have no idea what it means or where it came from, but considering he took this photo for both you and i, we like him a lot for it:



truer words were never spoken, right?

love you. miss you. and see you soon.

fave spam email of the day: ...oh, right. i don't have one because my spam folder is empty today...?!?!?! what the bleep?

okay, so you may have read via twitter that i ran into a couple celebrities a la lax while waiting to fly back to the chi.

however, i took a picture of only one celeb, mostly because the other one was directly behind me while snailing through security. that photo op would have been majorly awkward since it would have been annoyingly forced. so i resisted. that celeb was will.i.am. i gotta feeling he didn't care about meeting me anyway. plus...likewise.

now the other celeb i did manage to capture on film. but first, can i take this moment to preface how shitificent the bberry camera is? (!) iphone, i miss you for this reason alone, your pictures are amazeballs. bberry IT folk - time to step out of homeschool and get a real degree. damn gina!

anyway. the celeb was sinbad, as seen below:



yes people! that's sinbad! i know you can't really tell that its sinbad because the picture is so completely unsatisfactory, but it is.

and i would never lie about seeing sinbad. would anybody? do you even know who sinbad is? i forget that he's a person sometimes...

okay okay, i'll quit posting pics of my nephews and nieces, but i'm really just a proud, proud uncle. they're all beauties.

here's my newest niece annabelle jane (numero cinco, apparently the sumner family is quite fertile). can't wait to see you thursday sweet girl.

happy 4th birthday spencer sumner! you are one of a kind, kid. love you to pieces.

hey yall. i had some visions (non-Raven visions) last night while i was at the gym, which is untypical because usually i just make fun of people in my head all workout long. but yesterday was different: my head was racing around a blog posting i wanted to do...but of course i can't remember it now. it was weird, i was writing the blog in my head whilst lifting heavy things, and i'm pretty sure i wasn't doing myself any favors by doing both simultaneously. surely my reps were shortened and my counting scheme flawed, and obviously my writing ideas had disappeared into thin air.

since my visions have escaped me, i'm tempted to just repost that anna nicole smith "skyscraper" outtakes video, because c'mon, that's enjoyable 24/7/365...but i won't. maybe it will come to me later today.

at any rate, breaking news: ryan sumner is going on vacation. like an actual vacation, not just a vacation from the blog. well, actually, both will happen, but this time it's more exciting for me.

i'm leaving tomorrow morning for a trip out west to the beautiful and sunny LA area and couldn't be more excited. i'll be hanging with friends, cherishing moments of yesteryears and futureyears, and more than likely drunk for most of it. cheers!

but i'm not taking my computer with me because i'm a bitch to chicago's public transportation and its one less thing i'd have to lug around on the planes/trains/(buses) and automobiles that are necessary just to get to the airport and back.

kill me. afterwards of course.

so for now, ciao, and woah, stories to come.

if you ask me, which most people don't, my favorite part of the last night's emmy broadcast had nothing to do with nph. in fact, the show as a whole was a complete waste of time and energy. but, there were two classic moments that made the entire show worthy of my attention:

1: kristen wiig with the monocle and pipe...hilarious-ness without even trying hard. i was rolling.
2: sarah silverman with the mustache, especially after she lost and she's shaking her head in disappointment. genius.

both had me busting a gut and made the entire night much better.

thanks ladies. i can always count on you.

buster, i love you and all, but i feel like i need to start having babies. i'm 27 and i'm not getting any younger from here on out. when christmas time rolls around, everyone is going to be showing off their babies...and i'll be somewhere else stuffing your stocking with beggin' strips.

what to do, what to do...

here's one of my brothers and my sister...both with their babes. i'm so jel.

you guys...this is my 500th post. i've come to this site 500 times to reveal my joys, my demons, for shits & giggles, for help and for love. i've come here 500 times to share with you, to forfeit my worries, and to turn my inside out.

what a great journey.

i'm glad i'm still here for 501, and i'm glad you are, too.

merry christmas a few months early! love, parker james, ryan's 4th nephew

(he's really excited for santa)

i read an article on cnn this morning that i found to be somewhat interesting. while i'm completely over the entire kanye thing...it still makes me think. in light of joe wilson, serena, and kanye incidents...much like the cnn columnist, i too have been plagued by mission statements of "never be that person" "never respect people like that" "never allow it to happen to other people" and so on. i think it mostly comes from my upbringing. i was taught to be respectful of others, i never raised my voice to my parents, and rudeness was something that would be called out, on the spot, if it ever occurred. my parents taught me the power of empathy. it goes along with the cliche treating others as you would want to be treated. but really, when dealing with those you deem inferior, step outside your ego before you berate them, humiliate them, emasculate them, devalue them, degrade them. would you tolerate such things if directed at you?

i hope you wouldn't. none of us are celebrities. and the actual celebrities -- we don't owe them anything. they are people on a tv or movie screen. they are the voices of our itunes. they're humans. they aren't our bosses, they aren't our saviors, so why do we treat them as such?

i don't know either.

it's funny, too. i even see a sense of entitlement on youtube. don't get me wrong: i'm on youtube, i love youtube, and there are a few people i watch and enjoy. and then there are people that just pop up time and again, that i simply sit back and wonder why. after watching a few of these select videos, i've come to a conclusion that they encapsulate my point. in short: their subscribers are their world. their view counts - their saving grace. the fact that people subscribe, follow, or whatever to their "image"...it gets them off. there's this one guy in particular that really irks me. his videos always suggest a level of sexual taboo in order to get views. in almost every video he parades around in his underwear, or at least never with a shirt on, while providing vain commentary/parodies that are almost always self-fulfilling and narcissistic. for instance, in one video he is waltzing around in his underwear, highlighting his upper body in all its "glory" while claiming how much he loves to eat, eat, eat (especially chicken nuggets) and then plugs his amateur exercise video at the end.

???

it's one hundred percent narcissism/everything-that-is-wrong-with-the-world. i realize there are far worse things plaguing society, lets keep this post in check with reality, but it's relevant to my overall point of how absurd the human race is. is he out of line or rude? no, not at all. but he's harboring the possibility of such. because he's enabled to: he's putting on a show, for you to watch. and you do, because you owe it to him. or so he thinks. he's pleading for attention, he's selling himself as an object, and he's advancing his cause(s) (i.e. i'm better than you, i'm in great shape but i'm talking about how much i love to eat bad food, i have something i want you to buy and you probably will consider doing so bc aren't i cute?, and don't you just love looking at me? keep dreaming and you could have me!).

it's nauseating. and be sure to notice that i said "it's" nauseating. the man behind the video is more than likely a good human being. i don't know him personally, and i don't think i really need to, but let's seperate who he is from the work he promotes. i don't want to sound hyprocritical by acknowledging a rise in rude, arrogant behavior in the world and then write a blog post where i say something rude or combative. that's not the case at all - i'm interpreting his work as being completely dissatisfactory and it's something i think is very ugly.

there's a difference and i hope you get it. if not, you're free to stand by your own perception.

but, people, we need to check ourselves. our egos are out of control. stop with the attention thing. stop with the entitlement. stop degrading others because you can. free speech? certainly. free entitlement? absolutely not.

can we have boundaries? the world owes us nothing. we owe it to ourselves and each other to be a little more humble and to come down off our self-appointed pedestals.

long-story short: we all love to have an opinion, but some of us just go the wrong direction in sharing it. don't let it be you. don't let the tween agenda, the kanye agenda, the perez agenda, the us weekly agenda, the hills agenda, the youtube fame agenda--any and all of these entitled/arrogant/rude/extreme agendas should not become our new social soapbox. it's sad and disheartening, and i'll personally set an example of how to get back to the basic fundamentals of life: be a good person and love one another like you would want to be loved.

here's an excerpt of the cnn article:

Thanks to Joe, Kanye, Serena, and other misfits, a lot of people are talking about how society is undergoing a rash of rudeness.

That's not completely accurate. It's more like a rise in self-centeredness.

Among the self-centered: Congressman Joe Wilson, rapper Kanye West and tennis star Serena Williams. But this phenomenon isn't limited to celebrities and previously anonymous backbenchers in Congress basking in their 15 minutes.

There are many people out there, in all walks of life, who think they're more significant than they really are. Plagued with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, they feel entitled to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it no matter whom it hurts.

The self-centered rarely think about the consequences because they're too busy claiming what they see as their rightful place in the spotlight. And when they're criticized for letting their narcissism get the best of them and face the wrath of their colleagues or the disapproval of their fans, they might apologize. But, even then, they often don't do a very good job of it because their heart's not in it.

They don't feel genuine remorse but they've been told by their press secretaries and publicists to fake it as best they can as part of the damage control. They mouth the words because they consider it to be in their own best interests. It's always about them.

So how did this virus of self-centeredness get in our national bloodstream?

Others blame the look-at-me-I'm-so-special culture bred by egocentric social networking sites such as Facebook, My Space, YouTube, and Twitter. With thousands of "followers" of some sort or another, caring enough to take time from their own day to shadow you through yours, is it any wonder that the followed are getting big heads as they "tweet" what they had for breakfast?

But I'm old-school. I believe that what matters most is not what happens at your computer but around your dinner table. When we consider the reasons for this rash of self-centeredness, I think most of it comes down to just one thing: bad parenting.

oh dear me AC was sippin on some crunk juice:

fave spam email of the day: african queen slut is looking for you and she's thirsty!

nothing like a contagious giggle in the morning to rev up my day. apparently, abercombie brodudeman & stupid bitch...i mean, abercrombie & fitch, is suing beyonce because she's coming out with her own fragrance called "sasha fierce" which blurs the trademark legalities of a&f's own fragrance "fierce."

they're both in the wrong.

first of all, beyonce, the name sasha fierce is stupid. i love you and all that you do, but really...it's a stupid name. it's borderline tranny showgirl. not that tranny showgirls are stupid, but you get what i mean. you might as well call your fragrance soapy watters or demetria jenkins. here's a shot in the dark: why don't you call it something fragrance-like, such as evolution or seduction or something that suggests an actual smell or an allure. sasha fierce suggests sequins and foundation-laced sweat beads.

and, sidenote: whenever you claim to have an alter ego, life is getting to be a tad bit too serious/extreme. you're one person. sorry, you are. you're beyonce knowles. cut the bullshit. if anyone else went by a super ego...i mean, alter ego...they'd receive unending eyerolls and a prank phone call or two by yours truly. scary, huh? it could be you. it's not too late!

now, abercrombie. choose your words wisely, ryan...um, while we all have a fierce story or two...i can honestly say that, in 2009, no self-respecting person buys and/or wears fierce. ever. it's an instant excommunication from society. it's an instant no-go. it's an instant i'm out. it's an instant death sentence. literally...you should receive lethal injection if you wear it. in fact, i'm sure the fierce potion itself could be used as a lethal injection/inhalation. it's horrid, that store is horrid, the dudebromans and stupid bitches that work there are horrid (except for those of us who may or may not have worked there in the past MANY moons ago when we didn't know better, we don't have to name any names) and beyonce would be doing you a favor if she somehow confused the consumer by promoting the word fierce, which could drive your sales or her own sales skyward.

after all, beyonce is at an all time high ever since her genius pr decision to let little, sweet taylor swift have "her moment" (it's a vma, who gives a shit?).

moral of the story: fierce smells like shit. a&f is shit. sasha fierce what the shit?

i don't know what else to say, shit.

byeee.

i have an abundance of tupperware sitting on my desk. i don't want to take any of it home. but i don't want to throw any of it away.

such is life.

i want to throw semi-useless stuff away, but what if? what if that one token of our time together means something someday down the road.

oops, i said it.

i'm afraid to look under my bed sometimes, too. not because someone is hiding beneath, ready to slash my throat and drink my blood, but because you're there. it's there. life is there.

you isn't a person. it's memories of people. places. times where i felt magical. i haven't felt magical for a very long time.

i think that's why i'm afraid to throw some of it away. will the magic still exist?

i can remember coming to chicago once many, many years ago. to see you.

chicago might as well been never-never land. or in the movie little monsters, the fantasy place under his bed where anything can happen.

and a lot happened. good & bad. memories i will never forget no matter how hard i try. not that i want to.

i remember driving at night, the lights, the confusion, the way we looked at the train tracks waiting for something to come. it came.

a collection of people. moments unforgettable.

keep, or move on?

the memories haunt, the memories elate, the memories remain.

for now.

if only this post was as easy as tupperware sitting on a desk.

the other day my friend and fellow youtuber mhartz posted, or actually tweeted, a link to this video for young soul rebel's i got soul. it's a remake of the killer's all these things that i have done and i love love love it. it's rewritten and rearranged so it has a fresh, new, energizing twist. plus, i don't know who any of the bleeping singers are and i think that's a refreshing approach toward music collaborations. they all sing/rap so well for being uknown. the only downside: i find myself constantly repeating i got soul, but i'm not a soldier in my head...but i guess that's a small price to pay for awesomeness and at the least it shuts up a few other chants that have been rambling as of late i.e. i want candy or five...five dollar...five dollar foot looooong.

enjoy.

fave spam email of the day: dont be dumb use your noodle today, never stress about impotency again!

(define noodle?)

confession: i'm back on the book. you guys...i struggle. i hate the principles of facebook -- everyone's business in my face, my business thrown all over the place, useless information taking up space, destroying the human race.

okay i'm out of -ace words.

long story, short: i failed. its like i called jenny while munching on a krispy kreme.

it is what it is.

sorry i flaked.

so yesterday i twittered that i encountered something strange while enjoying a beautiful sunday morning in the park. let me be specific:

so i walked across the street from my building to find a great grassy area to lay out in and catch some rays. i walked to the lake and found the perfect spot. i layed out my shit, popped in my ear buds, and was zoning in and out of conciousness while my skin glowed in the soft, warm sunlight.

until i heard something. at first it was a screech, and then it was a man's voice. i looked up and noticed someone had popped a squat near me. it was an oddly-shaped man and what appeared to be a cat. the man sat down on a towel under a shade tree and for a few, brief moments i saw a flash of what seemed to be a long tail...like i said, a cat tail?

nope. wrong.

it was a monkey. a monkey, people. recall ross from friends and think of his briefly-filmed marsupial friend whose name escapes me now. but just go there and then come back to me.

ready?

so, there was a monkey crawling around on the guy's lap. what are you doing with a monkey and why did you bring it to the park? did it need a walk? some fresh air? i don't know, but i do know it's not something you see every day in chicago, let alone in the usa.

i was a little bewildered by the situation, but a sense of calm came about me when i also noticed the monkey was wearing a diaper.

...(?!)

WTB (what the bleep.) it was like i was amid a traveling circus.

here's proof via the bberry:



people kept stopping and staring, little kids would ask, "can i pet your monkey?"

the man would then say, "you can look at the monkey, but you can't touch the monkey."

um, i can smell the monkey, so i'm outta here.

we've all heard of RTs on Twitter (retweets) so consider this an RP (repost)

i was going through some postings of yesteryears and came across one in particular that always speaks to me. my earthly situation might have changed since the original posting, but the theory behind it remains unchanged.

i'm a very happy person these days, very excited about what's to come, too...however it's good to stop and think every once and again about how beautiful life really is. there's good beautiful and there's bad beautiful. sometimes we can't see the real beauty of our life until we recognize that the ugliness exists, but in the end, life is precious, and so, so beautiful:

RP: "The last few months have been devestatingly hard, perhaps my hardest yet. In this time I've encountered countless obstacles that, for some, I've easily maneuvered past while others have swallowed me whole.

You know me. Well, some of you do. I try to take control over everything in my life. No, I won't try to control your life, I'm just protective of my own. You treat me well? You have a place in my heart. You treat me poorly? Peace out. That's just the way it is. I keep close those whom I know are there for a reason. I feel like there are quite a few people like that in my life, and for that I am truly blessed. But I know that there are those who don't hold my best interest, those who don't think twice...and for you, goodbye.

I can't control how I feel. I can't control what happens to me. I can't control situations that arise. I can't control the lurid thoughts and doubts that haunt me. I can't control my life.

I can control my reaction though. I control what and who my life contains, and sometimes I misjudge, but often I don't. I can control how I tolerate misgivings, or what I can do to get past. I can control what really, truly matters...and let go of the rest. As someone once said, there's a beauty in just letting go. And it is beautiful.

I've let go of an insecurity this week. Humility. I've told a few people how amazing humility is. Humility shows you how to be human. It shows you that no one is perfect, and that no matter what you do to prevent bad things from happening, shit happens.

But embrace imperfection. Keep humility in your heart. Allow yourself to be at the bottom, to learn and grow once again regardless of how old you are, or how much you have already been through. I'm not trying to be preachy, and I'm not trying to make a point. I'm reflecting on what has been a traumatic and stressful period of my life...and though it has caused me sleepless nights and endless uncertainty--I'm blessed that it has given me the opportunity to witness it, the courage to get through it, and the dignity to move on.

Life is so incredibly unyielding, and persistent, but so beautiful. Life isn't controlled and I can't control my life.

And for that, I'm thankful."

i've been lightyears away from respecting kanye west for many, many years now, and it was reaffirmed exactly why last night. in fact, i've blogged several times concerning my distinct distaste for the persona kanye chooses to illuminate within himself. he's a disgrace to everything my mom taught me about being a good person. he embodies an attitude, a superiority, an example, and a mindset that should never be followed, admired, or tolerated.

be better people, yall. what happened last night is a first class example of a no class person.

don't let him waste your time, too. let's all move on. past him.

out of 3000 songs on my itunes, kanye's name does not appear once. permanently.

okay, so a couple of days ago I posted a video about the flash mob dance outside on michigan avenue. it was really cool amateur footage from someone's perspective across the street at the chicago tribune. well i watched the oprah winfrey show last night for the airing of the block party show filmed tuesday and woah, it was so cool.

being that i work on michigan avenue and my building is located directly in the chaos that was oprah's block party, i was mostly annoyed all day long about the number of people that filled the streets, the constant replaying of i gotta feeling, when i went out to lunch it was pandamonium with people doing all kinds of weird dancing and people shouting out 1,2,3, and 4 mash potato 2,3,4...

i was like what the efffffff is going on. this is so annoying. all day long tho, i couldn't concentrate at work bc of all the hub-bub going on outside.

had i any idea that it was all in an effort to perform the biggest flash mob performance in history...i would have joined right in.

i was amazed at the end result. after a day of being annoyed with the congestion and constant will.i.am and fergie mic checks...i now see what it was all going toward.

amazing job chicago. so cool.

commentary: where's osama bin laden?

HELMAND, Afghanistan (CNN) -- Eight years after September 11, the "war on terror" has gone the way of the dodo. And President Obama talks instead about a war against al Qaeda and its allies.

What, then, of al Qaeda's enigmatic leader, Osama bin Laden, who has vanished like a wisp of smoke? And does he even matter now?

The U.S. government hadn't had a solid lead on al Qaeda's leader since the battle of Tora Bora in winter 2001. Although there are informed hypotheses that today he is in Pakistan's North West Frontier Province on the Afghan border, perhaps in one of the more northerly areas such as Bajaur, these are essentially guesses, not "actionable" intelligence.

A longtime American counterterrorism analyst explained to me, "There is very limited collection on him personally."

That's intelligence community shorthand for the fact that the usual avenues of "collection" on a target such as bin Laden are yielding little or no information about him. Those avenues typically include signal intercepts of phone calls and e-mails, as well as human intelligence from spies.

Given the hundreds of billions of dollars that the "war on terror" has consumed, the failure to capture or kill al Qaeda's leader is one of its signal failures.

Does it even matter whether bin Laden is found? Yes, it does. First, there is the matter of justice for the almost 3,000 people who died in the September 11 attacks and for the thousands of other victims of al Qaeda's attacks around the world.

Second, every day that bin Laden remains at liberty is a propaganda victory for al Qaeda.

Third, although bin Laden and his deputy Ayman al-Zawahiri aren't managing al-Qaeda's operations on a daily basis they guide the overall direction of the jihadist movement around the world, even while they are in hiding.

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Those messages from al Qaeda's leaders have reached untold millions worldwide via television, the Internet and newspapers. The tapes have not only instructed al Qaeda's followers to continue to kill Westerners and Jews, but some also carried specific instructions that militant cells then acted on.

In March 2008, for instance, the al Qaeda leader denounced the publication of cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper as a "catastrophe" for which punishment would soon be meted out. Three months later, an al Qaeda suicide attacker bombed the Danish Embassy in Islamabad, killing six.

Some reading this may think: But what's the proof that the al Qaeda leader is still alive? Plenty. Since September 11, bin Laden has released a slew of video and audiotapes, many of which discuss current events. After a nine-month silence, for instance, bin Laden released a 22-minute audiotape on March 14, sharply condemning the recent Israeli invasion of Gaza.

Are these tapes real? Not one of the dozens of tapes released by bin Laden after 9/11 has been a fake. Indeed the U.S. government has authenticated many of them using bin Laden's distinctive voiceprint.

And what about the persistent reports that he is ill? In 2002, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf said bin Laden had kidney disease, for which he required a dialysis machine, and was therefore likelydead. But the stories of bin Laden's life-threatening kidney problems are false, judging by his appearance in videos that he released in 2004 and again in 2007, in which he showed no signs of illness.

On the 2007 tape, the al Qaeda leader had even dyed his white-flecked beard black, suggesting that as the Saudi militant entered his fifth decade, he was not immune to a measure of vanity about his personal appearance.

In fact, bin Laden looked much better in those videos than he did in the video he released shortly after the battle of Tora Bora in late 2001, where he had narrowly escaped being killed in a massive American attack.

The situation is further complicated by the fact that bin Laden and al-Zawahiri are almost certainly hiding out in the tribal areas of Pakistan, on the Afghan border.

Arthur Keller, a CIA officer who ran a spy network in Pakistan's tribal areas in 2006, told me the problems of working in the region: "It's an incredibly remote area. They're hiding in a sea of people that are very xenophobic of outsiders, so it's a very, very tough nut to crack."

An additional factor operating in bin Laden's favor is the personal popularity he has long enjoyed in Pakistan. Three years after the September 11 attacks, for instance, a Pew poll found that al Qaeda's leader had a 65 percent favorability rating among Pakistanis.

However, it is clear from the videos of bin Laden and al-Zawahiri that aired in the years since the attacks that they are not living in caves.

In those tapes, both men's clothes were clean and well-pressed. Caves generally don't have laundry facilities. And the videos that they have released are well-lit and well-shot productions, suggesting access either to electrical outlets or to generators to run lights. Al-Zawahiri is often filmed in a library setting, and on one of his videos from March 2006, there are curtains clearly visible behind him, suggesting that the tape was shot in a house.

By early 2008, the Bush administration had tired of the Pakistani government's unwillingness or inability to take out al Qaeda's leaders, and in July, the president authorized Special Operations forces to carry out ground assaults in the tribal regions without the permission of the Pakistani government.

But in the face of the intense Pakistani opposition to American boots on the ground, the Bush administration chose to rely instead on drones to target suspected al Qaeda and Taliban leaders. Bush ordered the CIA to expand its attacks with Predator and Reaper drones.

Between July 2008 and this month, U.S. drones have killed dozens of lower-ranking militants and at least 10 mid- and upper-level leaders within al Qaeda or the Taliban.

This strategy seems to have worked, at least in terms of combating the ability of al Qaeda to plan or carry out attacks in the West. Law-enforcement authorities have uncovered no serious plots against U.S. or European targets that were traceable to militants who had received training in Pakistan's tribal regions after the drone program had been dramatically ramped up there.

The increased pace of the American drone attacks in Pakistani's tribal areas was motivated in part by the hope that it would increase panicked communications among the militants, which might help pinpoint the locations of the top leaders in al Qaeda or the Taliban, but that approach has not paid off when it comes to bin Laden.

If killing bin Laden with a drone has proved difficult, so too will be capturing him alive.

His former bodyguard Abu Jandal told Al Quds al Arabi newspaper, "Sheikh Osama gave me a pistol. ... The pistol had only two bullets, for me to kill Sheikh Osama with in case we were surrounded or he was about to fall into the enemy's hands, so that he would not be caught alive "

Should bin Laden be captured or killed, that would probably trigger a succession battle within al Qaeda.

While al-Zawahiri is the deputy leader of the terror group and therefore technically bin Laden's successor, he is not regarded as a natural leader. Indeed, even among his fellow Egyptian militants, al-Zawahiri is seen as a divisive force, and so he is unlikely to be able to step into the role of leader of al Qaeda and of the world jihadist movement that is occupied by bin Laden.

By the law of averages, eventually, bin Laden will be captured or killed. Yet the ideological movement that he helped spawn -- "Binladenism" -- will live on long after he is gone. That is bin Laden's legacy.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Peter Bergen.

look how cool chicago is! we can do mass choreography.

filmed during the oprah kick-off party on michigan avenue. i'm actually impressed and you know that's hard to do. kudos chi-town!

need a 10 minute break? god knows i do, 6 times on the hour. enjoy.

fave spam email of the day: "black ain't whack, check THIS out"

welp, this pretty much sums up my weekend...non-chicago, family galore, and a big metal mouse named igor.

check out zack zerbe photography on facebook. he recently posted this amazing picture and i'm in love with it. i think it's so, so awesome. i love the vibe it gives off...although i can't quite describe it. again, it makes me feel nostalgic for whatever reason.

it makes me think of traveling on thanksgiving day in some aspect. like i've seen something like this before? the colors make it look cold but the vibe makes me think of a new start, or a cold, but new breath of air.

the colors speak to me too, (saying: hey ryan, i know you think life is a pretty big deal and all, but sometimes, you just need to chill out and respect life for its beauty). point in case with this pic. and those birds are pretty magnificent.

oprah's closing down michigan avenue to tape her show right outside my office building...and the crowd is beginning to form 9 hours before showtime. bep is performing too maybe i'll bum rush the stage and disable their microphones so no one has to hear that damn i gotta feeling. i'd like to think i'd be doing chicago tourism a favor.

fave spam email of the day: nasty slut earns her stripes

found this gem and it made me smile. sorry that i look slightly chubby, pale, and unshowered.

at the time i was guilty of being all 3. i never said i was perfect.

my girl mirandasings08 is a quadruple threat - dancer, singer, actress, and now...a model. watch out, world.



"and everyone always says, 'oh you're so pretty' and all those kinds of things, and i agree"

i feel like this lady and i would get along reallllll well. after all, we both believe in aliens and i too want to be a first lady. but more importantly, we both live our lives with a large sense of humor at the very forefront. although she might be a bit more eccentric.

"I also eat the sun," Hatoyama said on the program, looking up with her eyes closed, raising her arms high as if she was tearing pieces off an imaginary sun. "Like this, hum, hum, hum. It gives me enormous energy."

hum, hum, hum

yummy sun!

it just dawned on me that one of the funniest noises in the world is...

<<>>drum roll please<<>>

dry heaving!

holy crap, so so funny. i recently twittered about this vile video that shows someone popping a boil, cyst, tumor, whatever...please note the video is absolutely disgusting...and i can't stop listening to the girl, who is taking the video, dry heaving over and over and over again.

it's so funny. yes, it might be considered juvenile. but i can't help myself right now. funny is funny, right?

perhaps dry heaving is just near and dear to my heart, in some weird way, because i've always been a sensitive person and i've been known to dry heave in many a situation...whether it be a weird smell or a less-than-appeasing visual...whatever the case may be. my senses are sensitive.

BLECHHHHHHHHHHHH!

at any rate, check out the link via my twitter (link provided under round two on the right) and see for yourself. the funniest heaving moment, in my expert opinion, is at the 1:40 mark.

happy heaving!

again, there's no sense in making this stuff up.

today's fave spam email:

since i've started doing my fave spam email posting i've received a few emails asking if i'm making up the email heading.

uh, really people? do you have a spam folder? have you ever read its contents? there's no sense in making it up, the hilarity is provide free-of-thought. the vile, disgusting, often greatly misspelled sex jargon that makes no sense is not something i have to create, someone else already did that for me.

but some of them are funny, you have to admit. you can go to confession later if you feel guilty for having read such foul material, but i will remind you that awareness is not a sin.



i think spam email is hilar because, honestly, would anyone really open up spam email? i personally don't think so, but the demand seems to be there since i get 10-20 a day...so someone/somerobot out there is still hitting the send button with their fingers crossed/magnetized.

today's fave spam email: did you add my ICQ?

uh, no, no one added your ICQ because no one has used ICQ in the last 10 years.

if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.

um, yes, very true.

remember something ryan, if you want something bad enough, you must take it upon yourself to accomplish or achieve whatever it is you deem important enough.

if you count on other people to assist in this effort, you will probably be dissatisfied with the end result, or the process therein.

and, if you continue to count on other people to get what you want, you probably didn't want it that bad in the first place.

i'm completely capable. don't forget that.