Someone asked me a rather interesting question today. A female counterpart of mine asked suddenly and rather bluntly, "What makes you such a prize?!" Let it be known, the aforementioned female is a complete bitch.
Hmm, what makes me a prize? Well, first of all, when this question was initially posed it took me back to the movie Aladdin...you know, when Princess Jasmine tells her bickering suitors "I am not a prize to be won!" *Storms off*
Dammit, Jasmine! You stole my line...that would have been the perfect response as well as a perfect way to end the conversation entirely.
Storming off is true talent of mine. Ask anybody.
But the question lingered in my head after I left and I felt the need to answer it to myself. What makes me a prize? Ugh, so many things to choose from, I couldn't possibly...
I'll try:
Maybe it's my natural singing voice? It's a pretty sweet mix between an opera falsetto and a jazzy scat...no matter the song. I lost my voice for two weeks for reasons unknown to mankind, but ask any dog and it'll tell you it's from my off-the-hook rendition of "Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson.
Maybe it's my gullible, easily entertained personality? Put a dog and pony in front of me and I'll pay you good money to see them perform. Unfunny people make me laugh. Funny people are usually over my head though. Oprah made me laugh the other day--and I quote, while strapped in a harness for some physical challenge she did last summer on her show, she eloquently stated "My va-jay-jay is painin!" Oh Oprah. TOO funny.
Maybe I'm a prize because I'm so friendly? I even have a hard time being mean to my enemies. And yes, I do have a few. Well wait, just one. I guess there's only one person on Earth whose presence instills burning rage and hostility within every fiber of my being. I mean, I'm typically unable to hold grudges for an absurdly long time. It's just this one person though, yeah, I sooo won't be at his funeral. More like I'll be dancing on his grave. YIKES. I'd erase that but hey, what the heck. I'll be bold.
Maybe it's because I'm so bold? I'm actually not bold at all. Some guy at Mezza put cucumbers on my steak wrap today at lunch even though I said I only wanted lettuce and tahini sauce on it. But for some reason he put 6 cucumber slices on the thing. Did I freak out? No. Did I say something about the mistake? No. Did I accept it as is, albeit incorrect? Yes. I paid, sat down, picked off the cucumbers, and in every bite I quietly thought to myself, "motherfucker, this tastes like CUCUMBERS!"
Maybe I'm not a prize. Maybe I'm undateable. Maybe I'm not as special as I think I am. Maybe I'm a big, dumb loser.
No, I'm totally not any of those things. Well, maybe I'm undateable. I haven't had much luck in that field lately. But is it me, or is it them? I think it's them.
After all, I'm a prize to be won.
*Storms off*
4.29.2008
Changing your life is such a daunting, wasteful idea, really. Think of the time frame. Think of the commitment. Think of the guts. Think about it for a second, because when you wake up tomorrow, the thought will be gone and you’ll go about your life just like any other day where a thought came and went without merit.
It happens.
It happens a lot. It seems impossible for your work day to change. It seems impossible for your mother to understand how your paychecks come in every other week yet you're still scrounging to pay rent each month. It seems impossible that you’re going to be alive 20 years from now, quite possibly still doing the very same thing you did today.
Dreadful.
But it shouldn’t be.
So many ideas race through my head: I’m quitting my job tomorrow. Tomorrow I’m flying to Africa to save orphans. Tomorrow I’m waking up early to run three miles. Tomorrow I’m moving home and living with my Mom and Dad permanently. After all, Mom’s tater tot casserole is to die for.
Tomorrow I’m changing something…anything. Tomorrow I’m not doing what I did today. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will be different.
So change all ready. Go on. Do it.
I am. Tomorrow’s almost here, so I’m starting today.
My book.
It happens.
It happens a lot. It seems impossible for your work day to change. It seems impossible for your mother to understand how your paychecks come in every other week yet you're still scrounging to pay rent each month. It seems impossible that you’re going to be alive 20 years from now, quite possibly still doing the very same thing you did today.
Dreadful.
But it shouldn’t be.
So many ideas race through my head: I’m quitting my job tomorrow. Tomorrow I’m flying to Africa to save orphans. Tomorrow I’m waking up early to run three miles. Tomorrow I’m moving home and living with my Mom and Dad permanently. After all, Mom’s tater tot casserole is to die for.
Tomorrow I’m changing something…anything. Tomorrow I’m not doing what I did today. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will be different.
So change all ready. Go on. Do it.
I am. Tomorrow’s almost here, so I’m starting today.
My book.
4.28.2008
Walk out into velvet
Nothing more to say
You're my favourite moment
You're my Saturday
Cuz you're my number one
I'm like a dog to get you
I want it up and on
I'm like a dog to get you
Sunset only seconds
Just ripe then it's gone
Got no new intentions
Just right then it's gone
Cuz you're my number one
I'm like a dog to get you
I want it up and on
I'm like a dog to get you
I'll be there to meet you
Getting down to greet you
Howl under the moon
Nothing more to say
You're my favourite moment
You're my Saturday
Cuz you're my number one
I'm like a dog to get you
I want it up and on
I'm like a dog to get you
Sunset only seconds
Just ripe then it's gone
Got no new intentions
Just right then it's gone
Cuz you're my number one
I'm like a dog to get you
I want it up and on
I'm like a dog to get you
I'll be there to meet you
Getting down to greet you
Howl under the moon
4.27.2008
Today according to Ryan:
-Turning 26 is a blessing. Here's to 26 more.
-Organization of a household is so key.
-Tomorrow I'm buying a little blank book to keep my life in order. It'll house everything.
-Love is for the birds. I'm a Bald Eagle.
-Staring is rude. Nervous glances here, there, and everywhere to make it seem like you're not staring is perfectly acceptable though.
-Take the time to listen to new music. It can change you.
-Smiling is so fundamentally, universally appreciated. It too can change everything.
-Ice cream brings people together. I've heard it, I've seen it, I've done it. DQ = U + Me.
-Life's too short. Start packing it in.
-My bed is so much more comfortable if I make it directly before getting into it.
-A little house music never hurt anybody.
-Buying those cheap, often-overlooked flowers at a grocery store can really stand out in your home. Buy a few every visit.
-How great is green grass? Good to see it again.
-Horn honking is discouraged at all times unless it's a means of forewarning.
-I love my family so much.
-If a restaurant uses the word "fusion" to describe their menu does that mean they cook whatever the hell they want?
-Ryan fusion.
-If a lightbulb burns out, please, world, change it immediately. I feel like something bad is going to happen everytime I read "Br_adwa_ Vi_eo. Like Earth is going to implode or something and the burnout is merely a warning. I just had to say that so that it was documented beforehand and perhaps I'll get a purple heart or something.
-Setting up dominoes is so boring. Don't bother.
-I wish I could transfer my thoughts to your head. Things would pick up a lot quicker if I could. There's a specific "your" in this case, it's not you...
-Why is it that I can never get to sleep and then I can never wake up?
-I miss my Mom. She's so everything to me.
Bye.
-Turning 26 is a blessing. Here's to 26 more.
-Organization of a household is so key.
-Tomorrow I'm buying a little blank book to keep my life in order. It'll house everything.
-Love is for the birds. I'm a Bald Eagle.
-Staring is rude. Nervous glances here, there, and everywhere to make it seem like you're not staring is perfectly acceptable though.
-Take the time to listen to new music. It can change you.
-Smiling is so fundamentally, universally appreciated. It too can change everything.
-Ice cream brings people together. I've heard it, I've seen it, I've done it. DQ = U + Me.
-Life's too short. Start packing it in.
-My bed is so much more comfortable if I make it directly before getting into it.
-A little house music never hurt anybody.
-Buying those cheap, often-overlooked flowers at a grocery store can really stand out in your home. Buy a few every visit.
-How great is green grass? Good to see it again.
-Horn honking is discouraged at all times unless it's a means of forewarning.
-I love my family so much.
-If a restaurant uses the word "fusion" to describe their menu does that mean they cook whatever the hell they want?
-Ryan fusion.
-If a lightbulb burns out, please, world, change it immediately. I feel like something bad is going to happen everytime I read "Br_adwa_ Vi_eo. Like Earth is going to implode or something and the burnout is merely a warning. I just had to say that so that it was documented beforehand and perhaps I'll get a purple heart or something.
-Setting up dominoes is so boring. Don't bother.
-I wish I could transfer my thoughts to your head. Things would pick up a lot quicker if I could. There's a specific "your" in this case, it's not you...
-Why is it that I can never get to sleep and then I can never wake up?
-I miss my Mom. She's so everything to me.
Bye.
4.23.2008
4.14.2008
I watched Stephen King's The Mist Saturday night. Now, I rarely watch movies, especially in their entirety, but since I was in Galva for the weekend visiting the fam...and I happened to be in bed by 10:30 pm that night due to the very same reason...I thought, hey, let's get crazy and watch a scary movie.
My Dad warned me that their were "alien themes" in the movie. He knows that I have a love/hate relationship with aliens. I love to think that peaceful aliens exist somewhere in this world because I know we're not alone, but then I hate to think that the stereotypes are true and aliens are horribly vengeful, hungry, and seek forceful universal-domination by any violent means necessary. Freaks my shit.
Sidenote: My sister, her friend, and I all witnessed a UFO sighting a few years back. It was life-changing.
So I watched the movie and the "aliens" weren't that alien-esque. Actually, they were in the fact that they traveled to Earth via an "open window between the universes" or a "rift in time" or something ridiculous like that, but they weren't like...in true alien form. The audience only saw long tentacles, spiders, and huge gnats...stuff like that. It was as if mutant bugs were taking over Earth. Don't get me wrong, it was still bizarre since bugs freak me out in disastrous proportions. I hate them all. Except boxelder bugs. They're really nice and super personable. But back to my point, the "aliens" weren't really aliens. The aliens were more like freaks of nature and a unidentified standing monster that's represented similarly to the huge alien in War of the Worlds. And then there was the eerie, dense mist that sheltered these aliens.
So, throughout the whole movie I had a slightly annoyed feeling because the movie was semi-retarded and the ONE movie I take the time to watch is pretty much a bust. The Mist is a little too typical and too easy: no major character revelations, no major plot details, no real explanations of anything, no set-up strategy, etc. C'mon Stephen...step it up.
And, at the end, the main characters who were adamant about surviving and escaping (the main hero guy, some buxom blonde, the guy's kid, and an elderly couple) just GAVE UP after all of their struggles and victories of outsmarting the aliens. They just drove through the mist in their car, which took them forever to get from the weakening safety of the grocery store to the highly-exposed confines of an old beater SUV, but, as expected, the SUV eventually ran out of gas so they were just like, welp, I guess the only thing we can do now is commit group suicide by being shot in the face. Really? That's it?
Well, there were only 4 bullets and 5 people (which included a 7-yr-old boy) so someone had to be real clever and find another exit strategy. Well the main hero guy gets out of the vehicle after performing horrific euthanasia on the other peeps as a means of saying "Here I am monsters, come and kill me NOW" but unfortunately realizes within seconds after stepping out that HELP WAS ON THE WAY AND THAT THE MIST WAS BEGINNING TO CLEAR AND THAT THE ALIENS HAD BEEN DEFEATED.
Ouch. That sucks for him. He just killed his son via point blank gunshot to the head. It was kind of hard to digest that it really happened. The good guys were so full of despair that they gave up? That's how it all ends? No one else had any other brilliant ideas? If I was in that car, I would have volunteered SOMETHING ELSE. Anything. Anything other than mass suicide. In my mind, I'd be thinking uhhh why not play a trick on the alien like in EVERY OTHER MOVIE? Throw a glass of water on the aliens or start praying to God...something always works.
Nope, not these people. They knew their limits apparently.
So, I guess the main point of the movie was to never give up. Ever. Even when it seems like there are no other solutions. SUICIDE IS NEVER THE SOLUTION PEOPLE, DO YOU GET IT?
I get it. And I like that. It's a really good point.
I'm a survivor, I'm not gon give up, I will work harder, Keep on survivin...
Word to your mother.
My Dad warned me that their were "alien themes" in the movie. He knows that I have a love/hate relationship with aliens. I love to think that peaceful aliens exist somewhere in this world because I know we're not alone, but then I hate to think that the stereotypes are true and aliens are horribly vengeful, hungry, and seek forceful universal-domination by any violent means necessary. Freaks my shit.
Sidenote: My sister, her friend, and I all witnessed a UFO sighting a few years back. It was life-changing.
So I watched the movie and the "aliens" weren't that alien-esque. Actually, they were in the fact that they traveled to Earth via an "open window between the universes" or a "rift in time" or something ridiculous like that, but they weren't like...in true alien form. The audience only saw long tentacles, spiders, and huge gnats...stuff like that. It was as if mutant bugs were taking over Earth. Don't get me wrong, it was still bizarre since bugs freak me out in disastrous proportions. I hate them all. Except boxelder bugs. They're really nice and super personable. But back to my point, the "aliens" weren't really aliens. The aliens were more like freaks of nature and a unidentified standing monster that's represented similarly to the huge alien in War of the Worlds. And then there was the eerie, dense mist that sheltered these aliens.
So, throughout the whole movie I had a slightly annoyed feeling because the movie was semi-retarded and the ONE movie I take the time to watch is pretty much a bust. The Mist is a little too typical and too easy: no major character revelations, no major plot details, no real explanations of anything, no set-up strategy, etc. C'mon Stephen...step it up.
And, at the end, the main characters who were adamant about surviving and escaping (the main hero guy, some buxom blonde, the guy's kid, and an elderly couple) just GAVE UP after all of their struggles and victories of outsmarting the aliens. They just drove through the mist in their car, which took them forever to get from the weakening safety of the grocery store to the highly-exposed confines of an old beater SUV, but, as expected, the SUV eventually ran out of gas so they were just like, welp, I guess the only thing we can do now is commit group suicide by being shot in the face. Really? That's it?
Well, there were only 4 bullets and 5 people (which included a 7-yr-old boy) so someone had to be real clever and find another exit strategy. Well the main hero guy gets out of the vehicle after performing horrific euthanasia on the other peeps as a means of saying "Here I am monsters, come and kill me NOW" but unfortunately realizes within seconds after stepping out that HELP WAS ON THE WAY AND THAT THE MIST WAS BEGINNING TO CLEAR AND THAT THE ALIENS HAD BEEN DEFEATED.
Ouch. That sucks for him. He just killed his son via point blank gunshot to the head. It was kind of hard to digest that it really happened. The good guys were so full of despair that they gave up? That's how it all ends? No one else had any other brilliant ideas? If I was in that car, I would have volunteered SOMETHING ELSE. Anything. Anything other than mass suicide. In my mind, I'd be thinking uhhh why not play a trick on the alien like in EVERY OTHER MOVIE? Throw a glass of water on the aliens or start praying to God...something always works.
Nope, not these people. They knew their limits apparently.
So, I guess the main point of the movie was to never give up. Ever. Even when it seems like there are no other solutions. SUICIDE IS NEVER THE SOLUTION PEOPLE, DO YOU GET IT?
I get it. And I like that. It's a really good point.
I'm a survivor, I'm not gon give up, I will work harder, Keep on survivin...
Word to your mother.
4.10.2008
Maybe it's just me, but I've seen Mariah Carey perform "live" twice on TV and her actual singing voice is just...okay. She performed live on The Hills premiere and then live on Idol last night. Each time it was pretty mediocre, and isn't she supposed to be like some phenomenal singer? I always believed she was, but her recent showmanship is making me believe otherwise.
And...Miley Cyrus. Hmm, where to start. What is her real talent? Why does she exist? Why is she popular? Is it just a kid thing? I don't get it. Her performance on Idol was tragic. Somebody tell her...
PS. Did anyone see Teri Hatcher perform on Idol??? Who the, what the, how the...
And...Miley Cyrus. Hmm, where to start. What is her real talent? Why does she exist? Why is she popular? Is it just a kid thing? I don't get it. Her performance on Idol was tragic. Somebody tell her...
PS. Did anyone see Teri Hatcher perform on Idol??? Who the, what the, how the...
4.09.2008
I somewhat choked on my chicken pita today during lunch. I blame Mezza for making such delicious pitas and I blame myself for not chewing adequately, but I also blame an interesting article I was reading in the newspaper at the time of the choking. It made my mind stir.
So, some lady in Waukegan, IL was thrown in jail after police accused her of 1st degree murder of her six-year-old daughter. As first reported, the mother, I'll call her Suzy, told the police that her daughter, whom she believed was "possessed" and therefore I will refer to her as Samara, jumped into her bed and tried to slash her throat with a butcher knife. Suzy managed to wrestle the knife away and then stabbed Samara repeatedly in self-defense.
However, Suzy's story later changed. After several rounds of interrogation, Suzy then said that she had woken up in the middle of the night for some strange reason and went to Samara's bedroom to check on her. When she opened the door, she saw Samara awake in bed with a butcher knife. Samara then attacked Suzy to which, again, Suzy ended up getting the knife and stabbed Samara repeatedly.
The article also reveals that before the incident, Suzy underwent psychological testing and was found not to be mentally disturbed, depressed, diseased, or historically violent. But who makes an appointment to voluntarily undergo psychological testing? Maybe I should check into that...
Anyway, while it's a very sad story since, obviously, any sane person would have a hard time believing the child was possessed but rather a silent victim of abuse. However, a part of me sees this case as something plausible: a possessed child that tries to kill their parents, but when the parents fight off their demonic child they're accused of murder? Such movie-material, I know, but let's not forget that demonic possession is qualified by the Roman Catholic Church as a real, documented occurrence in some individuals. So, could this be an actual case of demonic possession? Is the mother the real victim and the daughter actually tried to kill her via a possessed soul?
I mean, I know the mother is to blame for killing her innocent child, but a small part of me is intrigued about what might have happened.
After all, about 90% of me believes in demonic possession, but this is coming from a person who still thinks inanimate objects come to life when I'm not around. Every winter I put a blanket over my stuff animals that are stored in my parents' attic because I know how chilly it gets up there.
So, some lady in Waukegan, IL was thrown in jail after police accused her of 1st degree murder of her six-year-old daughter. As first reported, the mother, I'll call her Suzy, told the police that her daughter, whom she believed was "possessed" and therefore I will refer to her as Samara, jumped into her bed and tried to slash her throat with a butcher knife. Suzy managed to wrestle the knife away and then stabbed Samara repeatedly in self-defense.
However, Suzy's story later changed. After several rounds of interrogation, Suzy then said that she had woken up in the middle of the night for some strange reason and went to Samara's bedroom to check on her. When she opened the door, she saw Samara awake in bed with a butcher knife. Samara then attacked Suzy to which, again, Suzy ended up getting the knife and stabbed Samara repeatedly.
The article also reveals that before the incident, Suzy underwent psychological testing and was found not to be mentally disturbed, depressed, diseased, or historically violent. But who makes an appointment to voluntarily undergo psychological testing? Maybe I should check into that...
Anyway, while it's a very sad story since, obviously, any sane person would have a hard time believing the child was possessed but rather a silent victim of abuse. However, a part of me sees this case as something plausible: a possessed child that tries to kill their parents, but when the parents fight off their demonic child they're accused of murder? Such movie-material, I know, but let's not forget that demonic possession is qualified by the Roman Catholic Church as a real, documented occurrence in some individuals. So, could this be an actual case of demonic possession? Is the mother the real victim and the daughter actually tried to kill her via a possessed soul?
I mean, I know the mother is to blame for killing her innocent child, but a small part of me is intrigued about what might have happened.
After all, about 90% of me believes in demonic possession, but this is coming from a person who still thinks inanimate objects come to life when I'm not around. Every winter I put a blanket over my stuff animals that are stored in my parents' attic because I know how chilly it gets up there.
4.06.2008
A news brief in The Onion hit me between the eyes. Wait a sec, did I write this article? Is this article about me? Do I work for The Onion? It's basically my life via peeping tom with a high-power zoom lens and hidden voice recorder.
Weird. Anyway, this is a worthwhile read:
Computer Being Stupid
Cambridge, MA-- After multiple attempts to get the thing to do the thing, 38-year-old freelance writer Ryan Sumner gave up Saturday, citing the fact that his stupid computer was too dumb to print something as simple as a travel itinerary. The computer, a Powerbook something with some kind of core that does this every single time, reportedly refused to just tell the printer to print even after Sumner spent a full 10 minutes yelling at it. "Why won't you just help me out here?!" Sumner asked his computer after it started beeping at him, just to rub it in. "I checked your nums lock already, and that's not it. What's the matter with you! I hate you." Although the computer will likely go on being retarded forever, Sumner refused to call tech support to resolve the problem, claiming they're all "Wha, wha, wha," and saying a bunch of stuff he doesn't even know what.
Weird. Anyway, this is a worthwhile read:
Computer Being Stupid
Cambridge, MA-- After multiple attempts to get the thing to do the thing, 38-year-old freelance writer Ryan Sumner gave up Saturday, citing the fact that his stupid computer was too dumb to print something as simple as a travel itinerary. The computer, a Powerbook something with some kind of core that does this every single time, reportedly refused to just tell the printer to print even after Sumner spent a full 10 minutes yelling at it. "Why won't you just help me out here?!" Sumner asked his computer after it started beeping at him, just to rub it in. "I checked your nums lock already, and that's not it. What's the matter with you! I hate you." Although the computer will likely go on being retarded forever, Sumner refused to call tech support to resolve the problem, claiming they're all "Wha, wha, wha," and saying a bunch of stuff he doesn't even know what.
4.04.2008
TGIF!
Full House, Step-by-Step, Family Matters, and then Hanging with Mr. Cooper. YES! My night is booked, sorry people-who-want-to-date-me. I'm busy...
*a cricket chirping is heard in the distance*
From a distance, the la, la, laaaaa. Do you remember that song? I do, but I forgot the lyrics. Don't tell Wayne Brady.
Speaking of the Brady Bunch, does anyone remember the episode where the three orphans try to live with the Brady family because they want to be "brothers" and belong to a family of their own or something equally ridiculous and selfish, and then somehow a random couple that is friends with Mike and Carol see the boys' camaraderie at its finest and decided to adopt not just the all-american white boy, but the asian and black one, too! Awww! Diversity is cute.
Now, fusion food just happens to be my favorite food of all time. Whether I'm at some Thai/Chinese fusion restaurant eating all kinds of unidentifiable things or at Old Country Buffet overloading my plate with tacos, pizza, and french fries...I'm getting a taste of worldy cuisine within every bite.
Speaking of cuisine, my least favorite America's Funniest Home Videos are when people give their babies something sour to eat, and then record their Shocktart face as if we didn't know what was going to happen. Duhh. Not funny. Why don't you just shake your baby afterwards and then record it's expression, or lack there of, comedy genius!
Now my favorite AFHV's consist of people dancing on tables at weddings. You know something bad is going to happen. Either Gramps falls off and breaks a hip, or Grams busts the table in half and lands with her dress over her head, or Aunt Mindy dances exotically in a drunken stupor and falls off, or Uncle Pat hits his head on the chandelier...even better, Dad gets a little too caught up in the emotion of the DJ playing Tequila! and busts through the dropped ceiling squares with his jazz hands. Bah hahahahahaha.
So much fun.
What ever happened to the very beginning of AFHV when they would do the opening scene in the living room where something REALLY goofy would happen, like a squirrel would jump out of the popcorn bowl or a mummy would show up at the door and the family would be really scared but then, all together, instantaneously bust a gut over some home video hilarity on the TV! Good times...
Whatever happened to predictability?
The milkman?
The paperboy?
Evening TV?
Full House, Step-by-Step, Family Matters, and then Hanging with Mr. Cooper. YES! My night is booked, sorry people-who-want-to-date-me. I'm busy...
*a cricket chirping is heard in the distance*
From a distance, the la, la, laaaaa. Do you remember that song? I do, but I forgot the lyrics. Don't tell Wayne Brady.
Speaking of the Brady Bunch, does anyone remember the episode where the three orphans try to live with the Brady family because they want to be "brothers" and belong to a family of their own or something equally ridiculous and selfish, and then somehow a random couple that is friends with Mike and Carol see the boys' camaraderie at its finest and decided to adopt not just the all-american white boy, but the asian and black one, too! Awww! Diversity is cute.
Now, fusion food just happens to be my favorite food of all time. Whether I'm at some Thai/Chinese fusion restaurant eating all kinds of unidentifiable things or at Old Country Buffet overloading my plate with tacos, pizza, and french fries...I'm getting a taste of worldy cuisine within every bite.
Speaking of cuisine, my least favorite America's Funniest Home Videos are when people give their babies something sour to eat, and then record their Shocktart face as if we didn't know what was going to happen. Duhh. Not funny. Why don't you just shake your baby afterwards and then record it's expression, or lack there of, comedy genius!
Now my favorite AFHV's consist of people dancing on tables at weddings. You know something bad is going to happen. Either Gramps falls off and breaks a hip, or Grams busts the table in half and lands with her dress over her head, or Aunt Mindy dances exotically in a drunken stupor and falls off, or Uncle Pat hits his head on the chandelier...even better, Dad gets a little too caught up in the emotion of the DJ playing Tequila! and busts through the dropped ceiling squares with his jazz hands. Bah hahahahahaha.
So much fun.
What ever happened to the very beginning of AFHV when they would do the opening scene in the living room where something REALLY goofy would happen, like a squirrel would jump out of the popcorn bowl or a mummy would show up at the door and the family would be really scared but then, all together, instantaneously bust a gut over some home video hilarity on the TV! Good times...
Whatever happened to predictability?
The milkman?
The paperboy?
Evening TV?
4.01.2008
I was putting the dishes in the dishwasher oh-so carefully. Proper placement is everything you know. The plates have to have a certain amount of space...breathing room, if you will. And make no mistake: the plastic tupperware and their respective lids like to stay on the top rack because the bottom rack gets far too hot. And the tall, striped glasses sit in rows on each side of the machine, one by one, they're all the same.
Now with the silverware I take very special precaution. Many times I'll notice that the spoons get placed with the knives, sometimes more knives than spoons within each basket. This leaves me very uncertain, wary of the knives as one can never tell their true intentions. I know the spoon to be shy and timid--barely able to defend oneself. To relieve the spoon and to defy the knife, I'll place a fork in the mix, right in the middle of the bunch; a nice buffer to the crowd. The fork watches over the spoon and the knife minds its p's and q's. After all, those prongs mean business.
All in a good washing.
Now with the silverware I take very special precaution. Many times I'll notice that the spoons get placed with the knives, sometimes more knives than spoons within each basket. This leaves me very uncertain, wary of the knives as one can never tell their true intentions. I know the spoon to be shy and timid--barely able to defend oneself. To relieve the spoon and to defy the knife, I'll place a fork in the mix, right in the middle of the bunch; a nice buffer to the crowd. The fork watches over the spoon and the knife minds its p's and q's. After all, those prongs mean business.
All in a good washing.
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