[one] Have you ever been asked out before?
Never. Mostly because I live in my parents’ basement. Is dinner ready yet? Not unti I set the table? Ok, I'm on it.
[two] Where was your profile picture taken?
My nephew snapped a pic of me looking extra cool. Extra, extra cool, that is. Not just everyday cool. Extra cool. I would even go as far to say bad ass.
[three] What's your middle name?
Ray, as in a ray of sunshine.
[four] Your current relationship status?
Doomed.
[five] Does your crush like you back?
I don’t know, I haven’t gotten back my note yet with the answer. I’m hoping after Social Studies it’ll be in my locker, waiting for me. Just as long as it doesn’t say “maybe.” Why is that ever even an option? Give it to me straight.
[six] What is your current mood?
So bored out of my mind that I’d fill out a survey during the weekend instead of at work, like normal. I prefer to screw around while I'm on the clock.
[seven] What color of underwear are you wearing?
Multi! The same thing goes for my preference in race.
[eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
White. And it fits like a GLOVE, funny thing is that I don’t know if that’s due to me eating constantly or if that’s the way I purchased it?
[nine] Missing something?
My youth.
[ten] If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
Befriend Bill Gates. So what's this computer idea you have? Sounds interesting...
[eleven] If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
Any kind of animal that is kept indoors, gets to wear clothes, and treated better than most human beings.
[twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Like 12 of them. That’s just how I roll. Dangerously. The worst experience was being electrocuted by a power line because the gag gifts that came later were horrendous…my least favorite being a tshirt portraying a cat chewing on Christmas lights.
[thirteen] Something you do a lot?
I could talk your ear off. And when I’m not talking, I like to think about funny situations in my head and have a good laugh at them, prompting someone to be like “what’s so funny?” and then I answer with “Ohhh, nothing.” My Mom gets so mad when I do that at church.
[fourteen] The song stuck in your head?
I’m like, why are you so OBSESSED with me?
[fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from?
TPAIN, Treggular, Tbone, Nardesh, Tregtastic, etc etc.
[sixteen] Name someone who has the same birthday as you.
As far as I’m concerned I’m the only one with a birthday on my birthday, including the day before and the day after, and the day after that.
[seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
I cry in my sleep ALL THE TIME. Which could explain why I’m single.
[eighteen] Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
No, never, it’s outlawed in 13 states.
[nineteen] If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
I wouldn’t want to be able to fly because I feel like I’d be up really high, just flying around, when I’d get bored and start thinking about funny things and because of that I'd accidentally lose my ability to fly and plummet to my death. Therefore I’d like to be able to burn stuff with my eyes.
[twenty] What’s the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Their ATM receipt.
[twenty-one] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I rarely do Starbucks, but if I’m feeling extra fancy I might go in and order a green tea. Boy do I feel like the king of the world when I put that sleeve on my cup, too. So fancy!
[twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
As if I would ever share a secret in cyberspace, but one secret I will reveal is that yes, my hair is real and I’m a natural brunette.
[twenty-three] Favorite color?
Stainless steel and granite.
[twenty-four] Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
I can’t get myself to watch much TV unless it’s Roseanne or the Golden Girls. I watched the GG’s as a kid, so does that count? I had no idea that the whole show was about about SEX. Ah, innocence.
[twenty-five] What is a line from one of your favorite songs?
“I wanna fuck you, like you already know” Akon Such a romantic that Akon.
[twenty-six] What are you?
Cuter than a kitten playing with a ball of yarn.
[twenty-seven] Do you speak any other language?
I speak the universal language of love. Just .99 cents a minute. Call me.
[twenty-eight] What's your favorite smell?
New construction…preferably new construction of an Aveda store. Double letter score.
[twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
Pizza-filled.
[thirty] What is one thing you would like to learn how to do?
I really want to learn how to play the guitar because I think that would up the amount of sex I could be having by 40%.
[thirty-one] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yes, and it wasn’t as cool as it sounds. A) I hate being wet, and B) if it’s raining and we’re making out, I’m probably drunk.
[thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
Fall fashion.
[thirty-three] What should you be doing?
Pull-ups, I’m trying to have really nice pecs.
[thirty-four] Who was the last person to make you upset/angry?
When this dumb baby kept crying on the bus. I’m like, you want something to cry about? I’ll give you something to cry about! Darfur. Feelin pretty selfish now, aren’t you? Yeah, drink that formula, you spoiled, ungrateful little brat.
[thirty-five] How often do you talk to God?
Only when I need something.
[thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
Yes. And I always tip Pedro well when he weed whacks at a decent hour, as not to disturb the neighbors.
[thirty-seven] If you could have any name in the world, what would you want?
Last name – Kennedy.
[thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Of course, how else do you expect someone to like me?
[thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
This is sooo 10 questions ago. Therefore I’ll think of a new question: What is your favorite food? Tacos, pizza, chicken burritos, chicken in general, tater tots, potatoes in general, bacon, bacon cheeseburgers, corn on the cob, tenderloins, steak, ice cream, cake, cake batter ice cream, apple cinnamon cheerios, most cereals, cheese, peanut butter, fried rice, hot dogs, everything my Mom makes, spaghetti, Subway sandwiches, cobb salads, fruit, cinnamon crunch bagels, vanilla wafers…I could go on if you'd like.
[forty] Who was the last person to make you cry?
Myself, I always moisturize too close to my eyeballs.
