...god only knows what's out there...

Just FYI, I'm completely alone, sitting in a conference room, at 9 pm at night. You may or may not already know this if you're stalking me on Facebook or Twitter (MySpace died 3 years ago, so gross), or perhaps you're stalking me from 10 feet away on the outside (or inside!) of the building. Regardless, I'm hearing stuff.

Noises are everywhere.

Some of them are believable (water cooler gurgling), some are 50/50 (wind, tree scrapes), and some are down right unacceptable (feet skidding quickly on carpet).

I really don't know what to do. A part of me wants to scream and surrender and beg for mercy or a quick death. A part of me went in survival mode hours ago and is already planning my exit strategy/adrenaline-fueled, self-defense counter attack, and a VERY small, completely unstable part of me is mildly intrigued to wander around, face whatever's out there, pray to god that some stray cat jumps out of a trash can or something.

Uttering the words in a sigh of relief "Phew, it was just a stray cat in a trash can" would be pretty ideal right about now.

OKAY PEOPLE, you know when sometimes an empty water bottle has little indents in it and then randomly they "POP" out, making that "POP" noise? A water bottle just did that while I was typing the paragraph above, making my heart literally stop. And it HURT. I think it could have even been considered a heart attack. Okay, a mild heart attack. I mean, I'd atleast call it an F1 heart attack, pretty non-serious in nature, but still, a heart attack nonetheless since, afterall, my heart did, in fact, stop receiving blood for a couple millies.

Anyway, if I hear another unacceptable noise I think I'm going turn on every light in the building, walk cautiously to the door in a 360 motion, then run to my car, look in the backseat first, lock the doors second, peel out 3rd, crank BPM on XM 4th, drive at the speed of light to my hotel 5th, and then have my work peeps bill me the electric bill in the morning.

The predicaments I get myself into. Ugh.