So, the other day my Mom sends me this forward titled "Lemon Meringue Pie!" Hmm, okay, fine Mom, since it came from you, I'll open it. But if I read anywhere that if I don't send this on I'll die in 6 days or will be left off Bill Gates' will, I'm deleting it without reading further!
I'm first prompted with this message:
No cheating.
Wow, okay, this survey means business. And I really wish you could have seen the font it was in because it was this weird, old-timey, Mardis Gras-lookin font that didn't fit in with anything and, quite frankly, lost a little bit of its authority. Sorryz, but it did. Anyway, for the sake of all that is fun, I refrained from cheating. The forward continued on to say:
If all of the eight desserts listed below were sitting in
front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one)! Trust me...this is very accurate. Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.
Hmm, psychiatrists, ay? You don't say. Again, serious business. Anyway, okay, easy enough, let's get down to business. But, before the fun could begin, another prompt:
REMEMBER - No Cheating. Make your choice before you check the meaning, otherwise it's not as fun!
Okay I get it. And not for a moment would I ever risk losing out on the fun factor of this survey. Proudly, I fully stood by their explicit no cheating policy. Vote NO! on Proposition Cheating. Funny, right? No? Fine, let's get this bleeping survey started already.
Here are your choices:
1. Angel Food Cake
2. Brownies
3. Lemon Meringue Pie
4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing
5. Strawberry Shortcake
6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing
7. Ice Cream
8. Carrot Cake
Ohhhmylanta...where to begin. This is not going to be as easy as I originally thought. Jenny Craig would be sweatin bullets right about now. Okay, so I'm supposed to pick one dessert out of all of these desserts. BUT, really, that's not the hard part. After all, remember, whichever dessert I pick is going to reveal something about me.
Hmm.
So I perused the list of desserts for a couple of minutes and thought for sure I had this all figured out.
Here is my preconceived analysis of the given desserts. If I pick
Angel Food Cake - this means I'm like some goody goody who stays away from trouble and is a loyal friend, real boring, blah blah blah.
Brownies - this probably means I'm down to Earth and easy going, middle of the road kind of person that gets along with everybody. Heard it a million times...
3. Lemon Meringue Pie - Ooh a zest for life and drama to spare! Certainly...
4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing - This translates into...you're typically shy and quiet but my you have an edge! Surely something to do with angel by day, devil by night...same old story.
5. Strawberry Shortcake - Sweet, sensitive, caring, wouldn't harm a fly, yada yada.
6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing - Fearless! You mean business and don't waste any time. Get's to the point and you always get what you want! Watch out, world! I can relate...
7. Ice Cream - Gutsy, bold, strays from the path, an adventurer. I mean, it's really the only dessert that's a completely different form/you know what I mean. It isn't a cake, pie, or bar...it's essentially a liquid, so this surely has to stand out from the crowd somehow.
8. Carrot Cake - Okay, duh, boring, nerdy, quiet, spends weekends alone hiding from the world, nose always in a book, mousey. Loser is written all over this one.
UH OKAY NOT FUN AT ALL...way too easy. So, which do I choose? First I was going to choose the brownie - I'm going to toss my earlier notions to the wind, and for once, be totally honest with myself on behalf of this seriously complicated, scientific self-reflection survey. Now, I chose brownies because I don't like pie at all, no kind of pie, I don't care what it is. Nuh uh, not eating it. Whatever. BUT, I love cake. Love it. However, my favorite kind of cake is wedding cake and that wasn't an option, so can I really choose any other cake? FYI Wedding cake is much different than cake, I can't really explain it, but it just is. Anyway, so, since I'm being honest and my favorite cake isn't on the list, I should probably go with brownies. Ding ding, brownies it is. Let's see what that says about me.
WAIT!
Change of heart. Now that I think about it, I really love ice cream, too. Perhaps even more than cake and definitely way more than brownies. Problem is, I tend to always think of cake and ice cream as one, together, you know? Like, you go to a birthday party and have cake and ice cream. I've never really been in a situation where it's either one or the other. Cake or ice cream? Really? I mean, my favorite kind of ice cream is Coldstone's Cake batter ice cream. Conundrum! So, choosing between cake or ice cream presents a whole other dilemma that I can't even think about right now.
So I guess I can't pick either of them then? Shit, then all I have left is pie! Wait. Carrot cake isn't really cake, is it? I mean it's called cake, it has a cake consistency, but it's just kind of different/not really cake-cake, right? I love carrot cake, I don't know where it ranks on my cake loving scale - higher or lower than other types of cakes - that thought is for a different day. Shit. Another conundrum. I couldn't possibly go in good faith with carrot cake if it's not really even cake? CAN I!?!?
God, Ryan, you're such an idiot. Okay, so go with ice cream. Ice cream is probably the best answer. Just do it.
Here was my description based on my choice:
7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.
UGH! WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME/MENTAL RESOURCES. Do any of you know me? Let's break this down.
I hate sports. I don't like baseball, I don't like soccer, I don't like basketball, and I especially don't like football. In fact, I used to have nightmares about playing these sports in P.E. because I royally sucked at them. One time I shot a free throw (in front of a lot of people, I might add) and it went over, that's right, over the top of the backboard. Without touching anything either. Right over the top of the backboard and into the bleachers. Anyway, nowadays, with that in my past, I would much rather attempt to play any of these sports rather than watch them on TV. Are you kidding me? I've never watched a sporting event in it's entirety since my sister was in high school and I occasionally went and watched HER play. And that wasn't by choice! We are her support system, according to my Mom. Then tell her to buy a better bra!
This survey is retarded. Who is this "psychiatrist" anyway, Tara Reid?
And I don't like to give up the remote control? What? I hardly even watch TV, let alone worry about the remote control. Actually, I sort of hate remote controls in general because they're always more complicated than I have the patience for. Way too many buttons and none of them do what I want them to do. The input/function button? Don't even get me started. I need one of those ridiculously huge, old people remote controls that have like four buttons: on/off, channel up/down, volume up/down, and mute. That's it. That's all I need. And you can hold onto it if you want to, I really don't care.
Now the last part was a kicker because really, it came out of nowhere. Me? Self-centered? Okay, fine, yes yes, you win, sometimes I am...I'll give you that much. Whatever. But, high maintenance? Never. I say that mostly because nobody really performs any maintenance for me. If I want something, I go and get it myself, I do it myself, I expect nothing from nobody.
Stupid survey.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL. And I refuse to forward this on with the subject of "I Chose Ice Cream!" because that's false advertising. Yes I chose it, but it don't know me!
Ugh, I should have gone with Carrot Cake. Here are the rest of the stupid (and way off base) survey answers:
1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.
2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own style because you do your own thing. You shine when it comes to helping others and have many friends.
4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.
5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You can be very emotional at times but a true person in every way. You like to do things for yourself and help others learn about themselves.
6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING-- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football,basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.
8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach others. A wonderful role model.
SEND TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.....INCLUDING ME!
DON'T FORGET - PUT YOUR CHOICE OF DESSERT IN 'SUBJECT BOX' ABOVE BEFORE YOU FORWARD!
Whatever.
I loved that survey.
