It's weird to think of yourself as some tangled, tortured soul that can never catch a break.
No one notices you.
No one needs you.
No one cares about you.
No one loves you.
You're living your life alone, simply existing in this cruel, horrible world that damns you when you do and spits in your face and kicks you in the balls when you don't.
I mean, just stay in bed all day long and dream about someone loving every inch of your mind, your body, and your soul because really, that's as close as you'll ever get to it. A dream. A daydream, a nightdream, a collection of images that garbles up enough reality for you to feel loved even when no one's there. Except you.
Ah, Fall. You can tell Winter is coming because that's when posts like this surface. But I take comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know there are plenty of other big babies out there. Blaming it on being "bipolar" because surely it's easier to put a label on a feeling than it is to own up to the fact that you're a big, pathetic loser that feels self-loathing is a form of artistic expression.
So very Sinead O'Connor.
It's not though. I don't know what it is. As they say, it is what it is.
Just FYI, I've already put on the oversized sweatpants and extra ginormous, oversized sweatshirt. I've already gotten out of bed on an uninspiring Saturday, went straight to the fridge, opened it, shut it, opened it again, shut it again, walked back to my bed and flopped back in it knowing full well that my back hurt from lying down so long, the whole time feeling like the world and, more importantly, life was just passing me by. Minute by minute. Second by cruel second. Oh woe.
Get over yourself, Sumner.
Be proud of being you. Be proud of your life and everything/everyone in it. The others are missing out, they're the losers. Be proud of the fact that you don't need (or want) to invite random strangers, random bodies into your life/bed despite the fact that you need attention now more than ever. Thank your Momma for giving you the outstanding moral fiber that shows itself every day and, quite possibly, gets you through every day with your head held high. Stand strong with the notion that negative attention is exactly that--negative and completely unnecessary. Don't compromise. Feel good about letting go of the people in your life who do nothing but drag you down and pounce on your insecurities and gnaw at your weaknesses. They have no room in your cell phone, let alone in your life. To them, best of luck (and burn in Hell).
Remember, you are the filet mignon. They are the skirt steak. No, no, they are the hot dogs. The store brand hot dogs, too, not even the Oscar Mayer brand.
I'm special. I know that for a fact and I deserve nothing but the absolute best from you and from myself, and if it takes time (and time again) for someone, anyone to figure that out, fine, no problem, in the meantime I'll be sitting peacefully in my wonderful, cozy bed this Winter with my Jumbo Crossword Puzzle books and endless Swiss cocoa mix, in oversized sweat-everything, watching the snow fall over the lake, knowing full well that the world is a beautiful place, and that I am a beautiful person, and that life is a beautiful gift.
Word.
