"Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen."
7.28.2011
this picture goes out to those of you who feel the pressures of being something you may not be right now.
or ever.
thinner.muscley.taller.a smaller nose.straighter teeth.bigger body parts.a more confident disposition.self-satisfied.
whatever it may be.
there's a reason we are drawn to one another...and while looks may mean something to someone, they will never mean everything to someone.
anyone who has dated a hottie with no sense of humor is fully aware of what i'm saying.
find happiness and sexiness in the way you are, and do what feels right to you.
and remember:
"do not read beauty magazines they will only make you feel ugly."
the same goes for our modern world. do not look at it as your truth.
7.27.2011
it's no secret that i absolutely love ke$ha. i guess if you didn't know that then you don't know me.
OK, just kidding, i'm not that simple.
at any rate, there's this remix of Ke$ha's song "Blow" that i'm absolutely intrigued by.
there's this sound that i've been hearing a lot lately that i think is so, so cool.
to me, it sounds like someone is revving a weedwhacker.
and i love it.
i want more of it.
i'm not some gross, techno-loving club freak by any means, but that sound about to BLOW.
**Update:
Here's another one...although this sounds like a mini-weedwhacker reallllly going to town on some alfalfa.
OK, just kidding, i'm not that simple.
at any rate, there's this remix of Ke$ha's song "Blow" that i'm absolutely intrigued by.
there's this sound that i've been hearing a lot lately that i think is so, so cool.
to me, it sounds like someone is revving a weedwhacker.
and i love it.
i want more of it.
i'm not some gross, techno-loving club freak by any means, but that sound about to BLOW.
**Update:
Here's another one...although this sounds like a mini-weedwhacker reallllly going to town on some alfalfa.
7.25.2011
amy winehouse, amy winehouse.
(what to say about amy winehouse without offending her "fans." hmm...)
tough one.
amy winehouse was a celebrated artist. many people adored her. i personally wasn't much of a fan. for me, it was always hard to watch. hard to listen to.
with the news of her passing on every headline and at the fingertips of all social medialites, i've read numerous comments from people mourning her death. everyone's so sad. so upset. supposedly playing her songs on repeat all day in her honor. how sweet.
except...
to me, personally, it's disturbing. not the fact that amy died, but it's disturbing that, all of a sudden, we now care that she was an addict. no one cared before.
it's an ironic yet appalling twist on how we view sloppy drunks and crack addicts in the entertainment industry.
for non-spotlighted addicts - we look down upon them. they have a problem and it's not OK.
for spotlighted addicts - we give them a round of applause and want front row seats to their spectacle.
it's cool, it's funny, it's art...
until they die. then it's a shame.
back when amy was "big," (and i use that term in a dual sense considering how small and seemingly malnourished she often appeared) people flocked to her shows in astonishment of the fact that a drunk, coked out singer could put on such an entertaining show. what with the hair, the make-up, the back-up band and singers...her good voice. but also in that entertainment package came her drunkenness, her self-admitted drug use before performances, her wobbly knees and lack of balance. to me, it was a cross breed of a dog and pony show mixed with a shit show.
to most people it was "wow, it's so cool that someone can be so deplete of professionalism and integrity but their vocal chords can hit a few notes within an undeniably catchy melody."
well let's gobble up her albums and put her on TV!
sure, it was fun. we ate it up. but it was all at her expense.
we love to make fun of people with serious, serious addictions. *when they're alive.* but when their addictions catch up to them. when their addictions take full control. when their addictions seize their very last breath. when their addictions have taken their life. then, and only then, do we stop laughing.
then we're sad.
??
how sick.
now, and only now, it's no longer funny that amy winehouse had a serious lineup of addictions...addictions that she made no secret to her fans or to the general public. addictions that she displayed in daylight. on tv. in the magazines. everywhere.
it wasn't in some dimly-lit bathroom with a few of her closest friends.
it was on stage. in front of you. cameras rolling.
knowingly or not knowingly to herself, she was a user.
a serious user.
and what did we do in response? as "fans" we watched her fall time and time again, in many ways. at appearances, award shows, concerts - we would first wait in anticipation to see if she would show up. if she did, we waited to see if she could remember the lyrics to her songs. we loved her non-composure. we applauded a shot on stage. we gave her a standing O for merely finishing. later we went to tmz and perezhilton to see pictures of her leaving and falling down in the streets.
boy was that fun. i'm going to be her for halloween! dress me up like a drunk cokehead with a beehive and smudged mascara!
oh, but now she died. she died from the very things that made her so popular. the very things that made her "unique." the very things that are not OK on any other platform except rock n' roll. it makes the music better if you're crazy and addicted to something dangerous.
??
emotions aside and in reality - she died from the very lifestyle we both championed and funded. and, as her fan, you have the gall to mourn?
you didn't know her. you didn't love her. you didn't help her.
don't mourn.
be ashamed.
(what to say about amy winehouse without offending her "fans." hmm...)
tough one.
amy winehouse was a celebrated artist. many people adored her. i personally wasn't much of a fan. for me, it was always hard to watch. hard to listen to.
with the news of her passing on every headline and at the fingertips of all social medialites, i've read numerous comments from people mourning her death. everyone's so sad. so upset. supposedly playing her songs on repeat all day in her honor. how sweet.
except...
to me, personally, it's disturbing. not the fact that amy died, but it's disturbing that, all of a sudden, we now care that she was an addict. no one cared before.
it's an ironic yet appalling twist on how we view sloppy drunks and crack addicts in the entertainment industry.
for non-spotlighted addicts - we look down upon them. they have a problem and it's not OK.
for spotlighted addicts - we give them a round of applause and want front row seats to their spectacle.
it's cool, it's funny, it's art...
until they die. then it's a shame.
back when amy was "big," (and i use that term in a dual sense considering how small and seemingly malnourished she often appeared) people flocked to her shows in astonishment of the fact that a drunk, coked out singer could put on such an entertaining show. what with the hair, the make-up, the back-up band and singers...her good voice. but also in that entertainment package came her drunkenness, her self-admitted drug use before performances, her wobbly knees and lack of balance. to me, it was a cross breed of a dog and pony show mixed with a shit show.
to most people it was "wow, it's so cool that someone can be so deplete of professionalism and integrity but their vocal chords can hit a few notes within an undeniably catchy melody."
well let's gobble up her albums and put her on TV!
sure, it was fun. we ate it up. but it was all at her expense.
we love to make fun of people with serious, serious addictions. *when they're alive.* but when their addictions catch up to them. when their addictions take full control. when their addictions seize their very last breath. when their addictions have taken their life. then, and only then, do we stop laughing.
then we're sad.
??
how sick.
now, and only now, it's no longer funny that amy winehouse had a serious lineup of addictions...addictions that she made no secret to her fans or to the general public. addictions that she displayed in daylight. on tv. in the magazines. everywhere.
it wasn't in some dimly-lit bathroom with a few of her closest friends.
it was on stage. in front of you. cameras rolling.
knowingly or not knowingly to herself, she was a user.
a serious user.
and what did we do in response? as "fans" we watched her fall time and time again, in many ways. at appearances, award shows, concerts - we would first wait in anticipation to see if she would show up. if she did, we waited to see if she could remember the lyrics to her songs. we loved her non-composure. we applauded a shot on stage. we gave her a standing O for merely finishing. later we went to tmz and perezhilton to see pictures of her leaving and falling down in the streets.
boy was that fun. i'm going to be her for halloween! dress me up like a drunk cokehead with a beehive and smudged mascara!
oh, but now she died. she died from the very things that made her so popular. the very things that made her "unique." the very things that are not OK on any other platform except rock n' roll. it makes the music better if you're crazy and addicted to something dangerous.
??
emotions aside and in reality - she died from the very lifestyle we both championed and funded. and, as her fan, you have the gall to mourn?
you didn't know her. you didn't love her. you didn't help her.
don't mourn.
be ashamed.
5.25.2011
it is time to let go of the vanity of youth.
the vanity of that which i feel i offer.
"you."
this world is much bigger than i.
and i've learned there's always someone
someone cooler.
someone more handsome.
someone more wealthy.
there will always be someone better.
but only because i've defined my best as something that anyone could achieve.
so i'm giving up the hope that i'm going to break the mold of this community.
because MY life is bigger than that.
bigger than the competition i've worked so hard to keep up with.
and for what?
it's time to start doing me.
and keeping those who actually matter, nearby.
to start a new journey.
a journey that means something.
because
this is it.
the vanity of that which i feel i offer.
"you."
this world is much bigger than i.
and i've learned there's always someone
someone cooler.
someone more handsome.
someone more wealthy.
there will always be someone better.
but only because i've defined my best as something that anyone could achieve.
so i'm giving up the hope that i'm going to break the mold of this community.
because MY life is bigger than that.
bigger than the competition i've worked so hard to keep up with.
and for what?
it's time to start doing me.
and keeping those who actually matter, nearby.
to start a new journey.
a journey that means something.
because
this is it.
3.04.2011
Mike Huckabee believes Portman is presenting a distorted image with her pregnancy "Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can't get a job, and if it weren't for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that's the story that we're not seeing, and it's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of children out of wedlock."
Mr. Huckabee (sexcist supremo) more often than not - the larger problem with single mothers are their deadbeat counterparts - the MIA DADS. But huckabee makes no mention of a father figure in the destruction of a child's welfare. Regardless, no piece of paper saying two poor, uneducated and unemployed but MARRIED parents automatically produce a better life for their kid(s).
If he runs for president do not vote for him, my god.
Mr. Huckabee (sexcist supremo) more often than not - the larger problem with single mothers are their deadbeat counterparts - the MIA DADS. But huckabee makes no mention of a father figure in the destruction of a child's welfare. Regardless, no piece of paper saying two poor, uneducated and unemployed but MARRIED parents automatically produce a better life for their kid(s).
If he runs for president do not vote for him, my god.
3.01.2011
black peeps are mad that there weren't any black nominees at the oscars - just a bunch of white peeps.
hey black peeps - hush. just because there weren't any stellar black performances this year doesn't mean it was a racist snub. do you really think that oscar-deciding peeps are high nosin actors because of their skin color?
doubt it something serious. yall just sucked at acting this year.
it's OK.
no homo.
hey black peeps - hush. just because there weren't any stellar black performances this year doesn't mean it was a racist snub. do you really think that oscar-deciding peeps are high nosin actors because of their skin color?
doubt it something serious. yall just sucked at acting this year.
it's OK.
no homo.
2.24.2011
i've rewatched the sex and the city series a few times now, and something still troubles me.
i've heard so many women say "i love sex and the city because of the fashion."
um, what fashion?
there was no fashion. ever. on anyone.
specifically, almost every.single.outfit carrie wore was so far beyond style or fashion, it more or less dangled in absurdity and at its most basic was intentionally mismatched.
is that what fashion is?
and don't even get me started about her hats.
let's be honest: the relevance of sex and relationships held that show together.
i've heard so many women say "i love sex and the city because of the fashion."
um, what fashion?
there was no fashion. ever. on anyone.
specifically, almost every.single.outfit carrie wore was so far beyond style or fashion, it more or less dangled in absurdity and at its most basic was intentionally mismatched.
is that what fashion is?
and don't even get me started about her hats.
let's be honest: the relevance of sex and relationships held that show together.
2.09.2011
1.26.2011
i was this close to spouting off some colorful commentary on a very specific bar that, i feel, is a complete shithole with flashing lights (as a means to distract and confuse), but i luckily experienced a higher road mentality before the fingertips started to fly. i thus decided it was unworthy of my time for several, rational reasons:
1) considering my weekend lifestyle - i don't need to burn such bridges
2) seeking revenge should be more fun than just pointing out the obvious
3) i already explained this exact sentiment to both the establishment management and its employees (due to a vodka-inspired need for justice and immediate gratification) so why beat a dead horse
long story short - don't charge door cover. i know a pricey renovation won't pay for itself, but considering you offer very few drink specials, utilize no-name djs, and employ some real life-winners to sling drinks...you should let me walk in the door without insisting on that make-it-or-break-it $5 cover charge, ok?
in reality you owe me $5.
1) considering my weekend lifestyle - i don't need to burn such bridges
2) seeking revenge should be more fun than just pointing out the obvious
3) i already explained this exact sentiment to both the establishment management and its employees (due to a vodka-inspired need for justice and immediate gratification) so why beat a dead horse
long story short - don't charge door cover. i know a pricey renovation won't pay for itself, but considering you offer very few drink specials, utilize no-name djs, and employ some real life-winners to sling drinks...you should let me walk in the door without insisting on that make-it-or-break-it $5 cover charge, ok?
in reality you owe me $5.
12.13.2010
12.09.2010
on my style radar:
simple, sophisticated, slightly modern without overdoing it, adds variety to typical seating, perhaps a tad fun but the leather fabric makes it seem more serious.
oozing style and masculinity in one, sweet ooze, classic barcelona but the cigar leather gives it a bit of character over the mundane, standard black leather fabric more often seen.
has a hipster edge without coming across as cheap or smelly. not sold on the brass casters but they're supposedly antique. not even sure why they're there? no sense in questioning it, i guess, as one can never put a hipster in a box.
simple, sophisticated, slightly modern without overdoing it, adds variety to typical seating, perhaps a tad fun but the leather fabric makes it seem more serious.
oozing style and masculinity in one, sweet ooze, classic barcelona but the cigar leather gives it a bit of character over the mundane, standard black leather fabric more often seen.
has a hipster edge without coming across as cheap or smelly. not sold on the brass casters but they're supposedly antique. not even sure why they're there? no sense in questioning it, i guess, as one can never put a hipster in a box.
12.06.2010
i love my momma:
Hi Ry - I made it back to Galva, safe and sound. It was kind of an abrupt ending to our day, but all's well that ends well. Lessons learned - whew! I'm so glad I was able to come up and spend the day with you and truly enjoyed our time together --although it just went by waaaaay toooooo fast! Having lunch at the Greek restaurant was awesome - I was still full when I got home at 9:00. Dad had gone out to the parking lot after he got done plowing snow at 3:00 p.m. and he scraped all the ice off my windshield so that I didn't have to do that like everyone else. Such a thoughtful man, making sure I could get home as fast as possible without any grief. Anyway, I'm shipping you a Christmas tree tomorrow, so you'll have it by next weekend. It's just the size/shape you need for the window area and it's only $20! So if you go out today, pick up some ornaments and be ready to decorate! And I would still get some fresh boughs or garland for the mantle to get that pine scent. Thanks for everything Ry - I had a wonderful time and would do it again in a heartbeat. Look forward to spending some quiet time with you here before Christmas - before all the Kelly's come home. Let me know how the interview(s) go. Love you. Have a good week and give Buster some hugs from Grandma!
--Momma
Hi Ry - I made it back to Galva, safe and sound. It was kind of an abrupt ending to our day, but all's well that ends well. Lessons learned - whew! I'm so glad I was able to come up and spend the day with you and truly enjoyed our time together --although it just went by waaaaay toooooo fast! Having lunch at the Greek restaurant was awesome - I was still full when I got home at 9:00. Dad had gone out to the parking lot after he got done plowing snow at 3:00 p.m. and he scraped all the ice off my windshield so that I didn't have to do that like everyone else. Such a thoughtful man, making sure I could get home as fast as possible without any grief. Anyway, I'm shipping you a Christmas tree tomorrow, so you'll have it by next weekend. It's just the size/shape you need for the window area and it's only $20! So if you go out today, pick up some ornaments and be ready to decorate! And I would still get some fresh boughs or garland for the mantle to get that pine scent. Thanks for everything Ry - I had a wonderful time and would do it again in a heartbeat. Look forward to spending some quiet time with you here before Christmas - before all the Kelly's come home. Let me know how the interview(s) go. Love you. Have a good week and give Buster some hugs from Grandma!
--Momma
11.29.2010
11.24.2010
why are people so outraged about the pat-downs/ups at the airport?
it's for security, not jollies i.e. get over yourself.
you're in a flying piece of metal, thousands of miles up in the clouds, did i mention you were FLYING?, with nothing between you and inevitable death should the plane stop flying because of the bomb or evil purposes of some passenger who masterminded the metal detector and got on board with YOU.
everybody gets a pat down/up/all-around. let it happen. quit freaking out. just deal with it. it's for your own good.
don't eff with my security and/or life.
there are too many crazy people in this world.
it's for security, not jollies i.e. get over yourself.
you're in a flying piece of metal, thousands of miles up in the clouds, did i mention you were FLYING?, with nothing between you and inevitable death should the plane stop flying because of the bomb or evil purposes of some passenger who masterminded the metal detector and got on board with YOU.
everybody gets a pat down/up/all-around. let it happen. quit freaking out. just deal with it. it's for your own good.
don't eff with my security and/or life.
there are too many crazy people in this world.
11.22.2010
it must be insanely hard to be a hipster. all of the time, energy, money, and thought it takes to create such a look - to me - must be exhaustive.
i will never second guess my "classic, every day" style of clothing. it keeps me on time and debt free.
jeans and tshirt kinda guy. and i'm not mad at a solid cardigan either.
i will never second guess my "classic, every day" style of clothing. it keeps me on time and debt free.
jeans and tshirt kinda guy. and i'm not mad at a solid cardigan either.
11.18.2010
apparently i shop for groceries in doubles:
double english muffins,
double humus
double milk
double ketchup (duh)
double turkey dogs
and double eggs
but i'm real pissed about the egg situation. i already had eggs but recently acquired a coupon for a carton of FREE eggs. jackpot. so i went to the store and picked up a carton (because you don't look a gift horse in the mouth) ((what a weird expression)) only to checkout without even thinking about using that coupon. it just stayed in my pocket, nice and snug, without saying a word while i swiped that debit.
so now i have 24 eggs, all of which were non-free.
bugger.
what's in your fridge?
my newest musical interest - the xx
they make me chuckle with their serious, artsty-fartsy approach to layin beats, but its good nonetheless.
always had this group on my radar/in the back of my head, but they recently resurfaced mid-workday while i was listening to sirius xm chill, one of my favorite sirius satellite stations, next to bpm that is.
enjoy. and chill out.
they make me chuckle with their serious, artsty-fartsy approach to layin beats, but its good nonetheless.
always had this group on my radar/in the back of my head, but they recently resurfaced mid-workday while i was listening to sirius xm chill, one of my favorite sirius satellite stations, next to bpm that is.
enjoy. and chill out.
11.17.2010
shocking and really weird:
"gay tea party group defends willow palin's anti-gay slur"
saying that lots of gay men use this word, but when a republican woman uses it (at free will and in a derogatory manner) then it becomes a "slur."
and the main reason this is getting so much reaction is because people are out to get sarah palin.
is this real life?
it's always a slur, just as much as the n-word will always be a slur, no matter who uses it. and i don't want to hear anyone use it.
what willow palin said is inexcusable - republican, democrat, or non-voter.
with or without sarah palin.
it's a slur.
"gay tea party group defends willow palin's anti-gay slur"
saying that lots of gay men use this word, but when a republican woman uses it (at free will and in a derogatory manner) then it becomes a "slur."
and the main reason this is getting so much reaction is because people are out to get sarah palin.
is this real life?
it's always a slur, just as much as the n-word will always be a slur, no matter who uses it. and i don't want to hear anyone use it.
what willow palin said is inexcusable - republican, democrat, or non-voter.
with or without sarah palin.
it's a slur.
11.16.2010
i have two kinds of nights:
nights when buster sleeps in his dog bed;
nights when buster sleeps in my bed.
i always prefer the former but sometimes the latter becomes necessary:
i.e., during the nights when buster sleeps in his dog bed, i sometimes get an irrational fear that an evil spirit is going to grab me by the ankle and pull me across the house, as seen in paranormal activity.
i really do not want that to happen.
therefore, i feel strongly that if buster sleeps in my bed, his ferocious don't F with me when i'm trying to sleep attitude will ward off said spirits.
however, most times, i'm not afraid of anything and prefer to sleep alone - only when i'm alone can i sleep in my preferred semi-diagonal sleeping position and then, inevitably, change sleeping positions nearly 3k times until morning.
however, if buster is in bed with me (or anyone else for that matter) my diagonal sleeping preference is thrown out the window and my tossing-and-turning preference is greatly subdued.
so i guess my story is two-fold:
1. evil spirts cramp my style
2. i will probably never marry and/or no one would willingly marry me after reading this blog post.
nights when buster sleeps in his dog bed;
nights when buster sleeps in my bed.
i always prefer the former but sometimes the latter becomes necessary:
i.e., during the nights when buster sleeps in his dog bed, i sometimes get an irrational fear that an evil spirit is going to grab me by the ankle and pull me across the house, as seen in paranormal activity.
i really do not want that to happen.
therefore, i feel strongly that if buster sleeps in my bed, his ferocious don't F with me when i'm trying to sleep attitude will ward off said spirits.
however, most times, i'm not afraid of anything and prefer to sleep alone - only when i'm alone can i sleep in my preferred semi-diagonal sleeping position and then, inevitably, change sleeping positions nearly 3k times until morning.
however, if buster is in bed with me (or anyone else for that matter) my diagonal sleeping preference is thrown out the window and my tossing-and-turning preference is greatly subdued.
so i guess my story is two-fold:
1. evil spirts cramp my style
2. i will probably never marry and/or no one would willingly marry me after reading this blog post.
6.11.2010
am i the only person in the world that has not investigated one second into the van der sloot story nor read one article about the world cup? i didn't even watch the shakira video because that is soooo ricky martin of her. and i i know it's a heavy/serious thing with the van der sloot stuff...but van der sloot, really? that sounds like something straight out of rocky and bullwinkle.
my bad?
my bad?
6.09.2010
really CNN? this is the most ridiculous headline i've read on your site in a long time:
"The risk of being an 'angry black man"
'Critics have complained that President Obama isn't showing enough anger over the Gulf oil disaster. Who would have ever expected some white Americans to demand that an African-American man show more rage?'
to me, this is a racist remark to both black and white americans. as if all white americans assume black americans to be angry, volatile people...a nice one,two punch.
why would anyone want obama to come across as angry? presidents should never appear angry...they need to maintain dignity, class, and professionalism. yes, obama is known and cherished by many for his cool-guy, every-guy persona...but that doesn't mean he should want to "kick ass" and yell at people when things go wrong.
he's supposed to be tactful, non-stressed, and cool under pressure.
get a grip cnn. just because the tea-partiers antics are accepted by some doesn't mean this type of behavior is wanted by all.
enough sensationalism.
"The risk of being an 'angry black man"
'Critics have complained that President Obama isn't showing enough anger over the Gulf oil disaster. Who would have ever expected some white Americans to demand that an African-American man show more rage?'
to me, this is a racist remark to both black and white americans. as if all white americans assume black americans to be angry, volatile people...a nice one,two punch.
why would anyone want obama to come across as angry? presidents should never appear angry...they need to maintain dignity, class, and professionalism. yes, obama is known and cherished by many for his cool-guy, every-guy persona...but that doesn't mean he should want to "kick ass" and yell at people when things go wrong.
he's supposed to be tactful, non-stressed, and cool under pressure.
get a grip cnn. just because the tea-partiers antics are accepted by some doesn't mean this type of behavior is wanted by all.
enough sensationalism.
i go back and forth alllll the time.
what am i talking about? twitter.
sometimes its so painfully boring and typical. it's like rereading the same morning newspaper. the gays love gaga. everyone loves the iphone because it's shiny and has an apple on it. then there's the per-usual self-promotion of anything under the sun that you can make some claim-to-fame to. gag. and then, of course, twitpics of your food/meals. the highlight of my day - lettin me see the shit you're eating. how long did you prep the parsley before you took the shot?
at any rate, i've seen it all a hundred times. boresville.
but every now and again i get ground-breaking news from twitter. admittedly, it's definitely something i check to find out what's going on in the world, all in realtime.
how depressing.
#findmeaninginthisworldthatdoesntrequireaninternetconnection
what am i talking about? twitter.
sometimes its so painfully boring and typical. it's like rereading the same morning newspaper. the gays love gaga. everyone loves the iphone because it's shiny and has an apple on it. then there's the per-usual self-promotion of anything under the sun that you can make some claim-to-fame to. gag. and then, of course, twitpics of your food/meals. the highlight of my day - lettin me see the shit you're eating. how long did you prep the parsley before you took the shot?
at any rate, i've seen it all a hundred times. boresville.
but every now and again i get ground-breaking news from twitter. admittedly, it's definitely something i check to find out what's going on in the world, all in realtime.
how depressing.
#findmeaninginthisworldthatdoesntrequireaninternetconnection
6.04.2010
i see trees of green, red roses, too.
i see them bloom, for me and you.
And I think to myself...what a wonderful world.
i see skies of blue and clouds of white.
the bright blessed day,
the dark sacred night.
and I think to myself...what a wonderful world.
the colors of the rainbow - so pretty in the sky.
are also on the faces of people going by.
i see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do?
they're really saying: I love you.
i hear babies crying, I watch them grow.
they'll learn much more than i'll never know
and I think to myself...what a wonderful world
yes, i think to myself...what a wonderful world.
*all photos are from the AP, Reuters, MSNBC.com, and other online media outlets.
i see them bloom, for me and you.
And I think to myself...what a wonderful world.
i see skies of blue and clouds of white.
the bright blessed day,
the dark sacred night.
and I think to myself...what a wonderful world.
the colors of the rainbow - so pretty in the sky.
are also on the faces of people going by.
i see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do?
they're really saying: I love you.
i hear babies crying, I watch them grow.
they'll learn much more than i'll never know
and I think to myself...what a wonderful world
yes, i think to myself...what a wonderful world.
*all photos are from the AP, Reuters, MSNBC.com, and other online media outlets.
6.02.2010
if you're like me, you don't fully understand how the oil spill occurred. this helped.
don't forget to be mad, be informed, and be proactive in the future. this problem is irreversible, so get used to it and know everything you can about it.
don't forget to be mad, be informed, and be proactive in the future. this problem is irreversible, so get used to it and know everything you can about it.
i'm curious - are any of you ipad owners feeling complete and utter buyer's remorse yet?
of course you are.
by now you've surely realized your pretty yet frivolous gadget wasn't worth all the hype and money. ...right?
right.
this is hard, i know. you have my sympathy. and you will get through this.
although the real cherry here is that, in true apple form, those yutzs will put out a bigger, better, and more expensive ipad for us shallow americans to go further in debt for no later than 3 months from now, tops.
oh, you already pre-ordered?
of course you did.
of course you are.
by now you've surely realized your pretty yet frivolous gadget wasn't worth all the hype and money. ...right?
right.
this is hard, i know. you have my sympathy. and you will get through this.
although the real cherry here is that, in true apple form, those yutzs will put out a bigger, better, and more expensive ipad for us shallow americans to go further in debt for no later than 3 months from now, tops.
oh, you already pre-ordered?
of course you did.
stream of consciousness:
living in chicago, there are pretty parts and there are ugly parts. take for instance the uptown neighborhood. it's a blend of beautiful, pre-existing homes and business buildings that are, unfortunately, surrounded by poverty. and not only poverty, but violence, drugs, gangs, etc. and, on a smaller scale, with all of that comes loitering, trash, vandalism, destruction, and slow-moving, poorly funded maintenance and upkeep.
so let's gentrify the area. uptown is bringing in a super target that will hopefully foster more business for other businesses. with more business comes more revenue - tighter security, new streets, landscaping, public works, etc. the poor people that used to live in the area will be slowly pushed out due to increasing rents, new construction, gut rehabs, etc.
to not seem totally insensitive the city will build or establish a few section 8 housing developments to give the less fortunate a means to live and be stable amid a thriving and opportunistic area.
to me, that makes sense.
but at the same time i now come across as completely ignorant of the poor and homeless. as if we can just keep pushing them out, keep disregarding their needs by qualifying my own. i'm not, i just don't know what to do with them. nobody does. do i want to see homeless people sleeping on sidewalks and benches, begging for money, talking crazily as they wander down the street? no, of course not. but what do you do with them? what do you do with the establishments that are so poorly maintained and managed because they are overtaken by poor people? those type of establishments bring vandalism and violence to an area that is trying to rid itself of such setbacks. it's not only an eyesore but it's a safety issue.
while i know it's not easy to see, it is more importantly not something we can overlook. we're all people here.
the state has a dwindling budget to provide any sort of housing, food, or medical aid for the poor and homeless.
so what do we do? what do you do with the people who don't have the resources to do anything positive? what do you do with the people you want to make better, but can't?
i have no idea.
living in chicago, there are pretty parts and there are ugly parts. take for instance the uptown neighborhood. it's a blend of beautiful, pre-existing homes and business buildings that are, unfortunately, surrounded by poverty. and not only poverty, but violence, drugs, gangs, etc. and, on a smaller scale, with all of that comes loitering, trash, vandalism, destruction, and slow-moving, poorly funded maintenance and upkeep.
so let's gentrify the area. uptown is bringing in a super target that will hopefully foster more business for other businesses. with more business comes more revenue - tighter security, new streets, landscaping, public works, etc. the poor people that used to live in the area will be slowly pushed out due to increasing rents, new construction, gut rehabs, etc.
to not seem totally insensitive the city will build or establish a few section 8 housing developments to give the less fortunate a means to live and be stable amid a thriving and opportunistic area.
to me, that makes sense.
but at the same time i now come across as completely ignorant of the poor and homeless. as if we can just keep pushing them out, keep disregarding their needs by qualifying my own. i'm not, i just don't know what to do with them. nobody does. do i want to see homeless people sleeping on sidewalks and benches, begging for money, talking crazily as they wander down the street? no, of course not. but what do you do with them? what do you do with the establishments that are so poorly maintained and managed because they are overtaken by poor people? those type of establishments bring vandalism and violence to an area that is trying to rid itself of such setbacks. it's not only an eyesore but it's a safety issue.
while i know it's not easy to see, it is more importantly not something we can overlook. we're all people here.
the state has a dwindling budget to provide any sort of housing, food, or medical aid for the poor and homeless.
so what do we do? what do you do with the people who don't have the resources to do anything positive? what do you do with the people you want to make better, but can't?
i have no idea.
5.28.2010
YOU GUYS.
seriously. this is some straight up bullshit. if you ever purchase BP oil ever again, you should be eternally ashamed and embarrassed.
it's revolting. i can't even wrap my mind or words around how devestating this oil spill is, and we all sit back and watch lindsay lohan go to probation.
wtf.
you should be mad. you should care. you should do something.
tweet, post, write, yell...something.
this is so bad.
it's like the movie WALL.E is coming true.
and like those lazy, obese people in the movie, we just don't care enough.
5.26.2010
annoying: firetrucks and ambulances.
yes, i realize it's an emergency, but do you have to be SO loud? car horns pose enough threat to my sanity, but your foghorn sirens are sure fodder suicide.
why do you pick super busy streets to scream down? why do you think people don't know you're coming.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. noise pollution. i should have picked a quieter street. if that exists in chicago.
yes, i realize it's an emergency, but do you have to be SO loud? car horns pose enough threat to my sanity, but your foghorn sirens are sure fodder suicide.
why do you pick super busy streets to scream down? why do you think people don't know you're coming.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. noise pollution. i should have picked a quieter street. if that exists in chicago.
5.25.2010
i had a thought while walking past some attention-needy, delusional, low self-esteem individuals.
omg what a bitch thing to say, i know. but c'mon. you know them when you see them.
examples:
anyone who has a shirtless profile picture on facebook
anyone who is completely matchy matchy at the gym
obsessive fake bakers
the latter being my focus. so, we all know them. people who spend their hard earned money at the tanning salon perfecting their "glow"...
here's the truth: they're aging their skin lightyears ahead of time and willingly exposing their bodies to harmful radiation. i believe the uv radiation in a tanning bad is something like 8000x stronger than the uv radiation coming from the sun?
whatever that statistic is, it's not in favor of the tanning industry.
to me, anyone that is fakebaking is unhappy with how they look, as if a little tan is going to change anything? if you were ugly going into the tanning bed, you're gonna be ugly coming out. sorrz yall.
if you're going to mexico for some vacay action and you want to get a base before you inevitably fry while south of the border - ok i get it. but its mostly a vanity thing, you know it's true.
at any rate, so i walked by some greasy orange girl coming out of a tanning salon and i thought to myself:
everyone was sooo intrigued, appalled, and/or amused by the fact that michael jackson was a black man that turned his skin white, but NO ONE has any problem with a white person becoming orange.
hypocrites.
omg what a bitch thing to say, i know. but c'mon. you know them when you see them.
examples:
anyone who has a shirtless profile picture on facebook
anyone who is completely matchy matchy at the gym
obsessive fake bakers
the latter being my focus. so, we all know them. people who spend their hard earned money at the tanning salon perfecting their "glow"...
here's the truth: they're aging their skin lightyears ahead of time and willingly exposing their bodies to harmful radiation. i believe the uv radiation in a tanning bad is something like 8000x stronger than the uv radiation coming from the sun?
whatever that statistic is, it's not in favor of the tanning industry.
to me, anyone that is fakebaking is unhappy with how they look, as if a little tan is going to change anything? if you were ugly going into the tanning bed, you're gonna be ugly coming out. sorrz yall.
if you're going to mexico for some vacay action and you want to get a base before you inevitably fry while south of the border - ok i get it. but its mostly a vanity thing, you know it's true.
at any rate, so i walked by some greasy orange girl coming out of a tanning salon and i thought to myself:
everyone was sooo intrigued, appalled, and/or amused by the fact that michael jackson was a black man that turned his skin white, but NO ONE has any problem with a white person becoming orange.
hypocrites.
5.18.2010
i don't know what has gotten into me, but i've been on a serious hunt for some folksy/electric/housey beats and woah have i been finding them. i'm trying to gather up some serious jams for my up-and-coming housewarming partay. if no one is impressed by my condo i'm nearly positive they will be impressed by my stellar choice in music.
what's even more fun is that i'm going to handpick the order and crossfade them so it's like a dj is in the housizzle but in reality its just the nanner doing it's job as programmed by yours truly.
what's on the playlist you ask? well, duh, i can't tell you just yet.
but after my housewarming partying, this blog will be rockin them beats.
what's even more fun is that i'm going to handpick the order and crossfade them so it's like a dj is in the housizzle but in reality its just the nanner doing it's job as programmed by yours truly.
what's on the playlist you ask? well, duh, i can't tell you just yet.
but after my housewarming partying, this blog will be rockin them beats.
5.13.2010
i'd like to thank adam rawson brown for quoting a few, thought-provoking words via facebook status update and bob marley,
"truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
very, very true. too many times i've agonized over the loss of someone. not by death but by indifference. either they didn't like me, or perhaps i felt bad for not liking them. i've felt used and abused. i've felt heartache. i've felt pity. i've felt unnecessary obligation. at this point in the game - i've felt it all.
love, unloved, and loveless.
and it's all so ridiculous. the redeeming factor is that, luckily, i feel just as good alone as i do paired. to me, i'm a hoot and a half, and if you don't know that, well, i do. it's all ok.
and that acceptance gives me comfort. just because i wander alone, i am not lost nor lonely.
but at the same time, if merited, i would suffer for someone that i loved. i'd find reason to remain, allbeit strained or unstable, i know my drive better than anyone else. i know what i'm capable of and what i want out of this life.
and some day, some one will experience exactly that:
a lifetime with me. sometimes we'll suffer. sometimes we'll soar.
isn't that what it's about?
"truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
very, very true. too many times i've agonized over the loss of someone. not by death but by indifference. either they didn't like me, or perhaps i felt bad for not liking them. i've felt used and abused. i've felt heartache. i've felt pity. i've felt unnecessary obligation. at this point in the game - i've felt it all.
love, unloved, and loveless.
and it's all so ridiculous. the redeeming factor is that, luckily, i feel just as good alone as i do paired. to me, i'm a hoot and a half, and if you don't know that, well, i do. it's all ok.
and that acceptance gives me comfort. just because i wander alone, i am not lost nor lonely.
but at the same time, if merited, i would suffer for someone that i loved. i'd find reason to remain, allbeit strained or unstable, i know my drive better than anyone else. i know what i'm capable of and what i want out of this life.
and some day, some one will experience exactly that:
a lifetime with me. sometimes we'll suffer. sometimes we'll soar.
isn't that what it's about?
5.12.2010
my new couch is finally here! finallllllllly i have yet another place to sit. after standing for what seemed like a decade, then upgrading to two barstools, then a computer chair...this couch is like a DREAM COME TRUE.
speaking of dreaming, you know where to find me. (see below)
and this is what i've been doing, non-stop, donut and all, since its delivery. formal seating calls for a celebration!
speaking of dreaming, you know where to find me. (see below)
and this is what i've been doing, non-stop, donut and all, since its delivery. formal seating calls for a celebration!
5.11.2010
yes, children, i know we all loved betty white's performance on snl. you know i'm a huge lover of all things golden girls, especially rose, and have appreciated her talent since childhood. but i have to make one slightly predictable debbie downer statement:
isn't this betty white phenomena just a little...overboard?
it's like people ranting and raving about how good a chocolate chip cookie is. they've been around forever, they're a classic treat, no matter what they're in they're always still so, so good, and we look forward to them at all times.
there's no need to be totally gaga just because someone started a trend. the betty white trend. who knew? i've been raving about her for years (yes, i just trumped all of you, total bitch move, i know it well) and have even dedicated a few blog entries to BW. but everybody else? GA GA! no surprise from the gays: gaga over gaga, gaga over white, gaga over glee, gaga over their own reflection. oops!
they love to go gaga.
anyway, betty white gave a solid performance, yes. her comedic timing was as impeccable as ever. and i truly love that she didn't read the teleprompter, too. class act. but at the same time - she's been acting all of her (long) life. her memory is top notch even at the age of...well, we all know her age by now.
in reality, snl was just kind of funny. i must admit that with all of the AMAZING comebacks of snl-yore...i was hoping for much, much, much more and unfortunately it wasn't, well, more than i had hoped.
it was less. it was something, but it was less.
wahh, WAHHHHHHHH.
okay the one hilarious part for me was amy poehler's "really" part when she was commenting on how a manager should of had to approve that billion dollar transaction mistake because she can't pass off a $50 at starbucks without it becoming a 4 man operation. HILARIOUS. i laughed pretty hard. and i of course laughed at everything kristin wigg did and said because she's amazing, always.
at any rate i'm glad betty white was a part of snl, kudos, but yall here's a ryan sumner reality check: that's like saying OH MY GOD CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE DELICIOUS!
uh, we know. we get it.
isn't this betty white phenomena just a little...overboard?
it's like people ranting and raving about how good a chocolate chip cookie is. they've been around forever, they're a classic treat, no matter what they're in they're always still so, so good, and we look forward to them at all times.
there's no need to be totally gaga just because someone started a trend. the betty white trend. who knew? i've been raving about her for years (yes, i just trumped all of you, total bitch move, i know it well) and have even dedicated a few blog entries to BW. but everybody else? GA GA! no surprise from the gays: gaga over gaga, gaga over white, gaga over glee, gaga over their own reflection. oops!
they love to go gaga.
anyway, betty white gave a solid performance, yes. her comedic timing was as impeccable as ever. and i truly love that she didn't read the teleprompter, too. class act. but at the same time - she's been acting all of her (long) life. her memory is top notch even at the age of...well, we all know her age by now.
in reality, snl was just kind of funny. i must admit that with all of the AMAZING comebacks of snl-yore...i was hoping for much, much, much more and unfortunately it wasn't, well, more than i had hoped.
it was less. it was something, but it was less.
wahh, WAHHHHHHHH.
okay the one hilarious part for me was amy poehler's "really" part when she was commenting on how a manager should of had to approve that billion dollar transaction mistake because she can't pass off a $50 at starbucks without it becoming a 4 man operation. HILARIOUS. i laughed pretty hard. and i of course laughed at everything kristin wigg did and said because she's amazing, always.
at any rate i'm glad betty white was a part of snl, kudos, but yall here's a ryan sumner reality check: that's like saying OH MY GOD CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE DELICIOUS!
uh, we know. we get it.
5.08.2010
so, stupid ikea decided to discontinue an item that i foolishly only purchased one of...and of course i now need a second! have you seen one of these french flower buckets anywhere? ikea used to call it a "beta"...which, perhaps, should have been my first clue that it wasn't going to be around for long.
doh.
have you seen something similar? do you have one? or should i say do you have one that you want to sell to me?!
please please please i can no longer bear the sight of my unbalanced and unzen fireplace.
wahhhhh.
doh.
have you seen something similar? do you have one? or should i say do you have one that you want to sell to me?!
please please please i can no longer bear the sight of my unbalanced and unzen fireplace.
wahhhhh.
5.06.2010
i had some powerful thoughts while working out...and now i'm too tired to accurately transcribe them onto my blog. boo.
the gist: today i heard both the n-word and the f-word. obvs: vile verbiage for black and gay.
seriously, why are we still at that point where it's ever even remotely necessary to use those specific words? i personally will never forgive (drama alert, i know, i'm just fired up peeps) whoopi goldberg for stating the dumbest theories on "owning" the n-word. and it's so weird because, usually, i'm hatin' on that damn elisabeth, but no...it's the whoopster. defending black people's use, and only black people's use, of the word as a means of redemption or freedom from it.
and for once, i agree with elisabeth (wow is that hard to say). YOU DON'T OWN THE WORD. all and everyone who chooses to use it is so wrong and ignorant. how can you not be?
it's completely reactive. it's not proactive. don't we all know better? of course you do. hot stove? don't touch it. pain will always be inflicted no matter what.
at this point in our lives, as adults, with our street-cred gained from living in the real world and simple education of history, ethics and, hell, even pop culture intake, such words are blissfully ignorant. it's a verbal binge. it's a hate hammock. pain in paradise. we live in a free, beautiful world that we purposely pollute with oral nonsense. just because. no reason...we just do. because some of us "can."
(except for me)
same goes for the f-word. people still throw that word around as a means of humor and i just.don't.get.it. especially guilty are the the gays. the "owners." gays of the world: STOP IT. for once, act and speak with an ounce of dignity. i wish i could record the way some of you speak and play it back to you. i feel as if you would be appalled, and by leagues - embarrassed. but maybe you wouldn't. and that is exactly the problem.
GROW UP.
to willingly and knowingly express yourself in such a belligerent manner...why would anyone care what the message is? and why should anyone take you seriously, about anything? it's like a violent protest. no one respects violence in an effort to raise awareness. the message, lost. the seriousness, lessened. and the messenger? a complete joke.
its bass ackwards. it's reactive.
it's stupid.
it's unnecessary.
GROW UP.
the gist: today i heard both the n-word and the f-word. obvs: vile verbiage for black and gay.
seriously, why are we still at that point where it's ever even remotely necessary to use those specific words? i personally will never forgive (drama alert, i know, i'm just fired up peeps) whoopi goldberg for stating the dumbest theories on "owning" the n-word. and it's so weird because, usually, i'm hatin' on that damn elisabeth, but no...it's the whoopster. defending black people's use, and only black people's use, of the word as a means of redemption or freedom from it.
and for once, i agree with elisabeth (wow is that hard to say). YOU DON'T OWN THE WORD. all and everyone who chooses to use it is so wrong and ignorant. how can you not be?
it's completely reactive. it's not proactive. don't we all know better? of course you do. hot stove? don't touch it. pain will always be inflicted no matter what.
at this point in our lives, as adults, with our street-cred gained from living in the real world and simple education of history, ethics and, hell, even pop culture intake, such words are blissfully ignorant. it's a verbal binge. it's a hate hammock. pain in paradise. we live in a free, beautiful world that we purposely pollute with oral nonsense. just because. no reason...we just do. because some of us "can."
(except for me)
same goes for the f-word. people still throw that word around as a means of humor and i just.don't.get.it. especially guilty are the the gays. the "owners." gays of the world: STOP IT. for once, act and speak with an ounce of dignity. i wish i could record the way some of you speak and play it back to you. i feel as if you would be appalled, and by leagues - embarrassed. but maybe you wouldn't. and that is exactly the problem.
GROW UP.
to willingly and knowingly express yourself in such a belligerent manner...why would anyone care what the message is? and why should anyone take you seriously, about anything? it's like a violent protest. no one respects violence in an effort to raise awareness. the message, lost. the seriousness, lessened. and the messenger? a complete joke.
its bass ackwards. it's reactive.
it's stupid.
it's unnecessary.
GROW UP.
5.04.2010
when i'm in the wrong, i'll admit it.
soo...
i was wrong. about something.
actually, i was just being a hypocrite. the other day i said something about how wrong it is to wear unreasonable gym clothes in public.
today was a beautiful day in chicago so i went on a walk in the city...completely disregarding the fact that the tank top i had on was too snug. i knew full well that i was committing a fashion crime before leaving the house...i just didn't care, for some reason. maybe it made me look more buff? i was willing to take my chances.
cut to me passing by a store window, catching a major glimpse of my ridiculous reflection.
ZOIKS.
um, the tank made me a) look huge b) look like i was trying way too hard and c) was completely ill-fitting and unflattering and kept rubbing against my skin - sign numero uno that it was way too small in the first place.
so, i immediately righted my wrong: i went home and changed into a loose fitting tee with the sleeves cut off down to the mid waist. if the wind blows with just the right amount of intensity - my nipples are completely exposed.
off to the gym!
soo...
i was wrong. about something.
actually, i was just being a hypocrite. the other day i said something about how wrong it is to wear unreasonable gym clothes in public.
today was a beautiful day in chicago so i went on a walk in the city...completely disregarding the fact that the tank top i had on was too snug. i knew full well that i was committing a fashion crime before leaving the house...i just didn't care, for some reason. maybe it made me look more buff? i was willing to take my chances.
cut to me passing by a store window, catching a major glimpse of my ridiculous reflection.
ZOIKS.
um, the tank made me a) look huge b) look like i was trying way too hard and c) was completely ill-fitting and unflattering and kept rubbing against my skin - sign numero uno that it was way too small in the first place.
so, i immediately righted my wrong: i went home and changed into a loose fitting tee with the sleeves cut off down to the mid waist. if the wind blows with just the right amount of intensity - my nipples are completely exposed.
off to the gym!
5.03.2010
due to a feisty spirit, i recognize that i'm sometimes too judgemental.
but, i don't care. wanna know why?
because i'm almost always correct.
i'm a really good judge of character. sometimes too good because it doesn't allow myself to make mistakes. and then when i do make a mistake i am overly let down by myself.
who cares, though? more times than not my judge judy approach to life saves me, graces me, and keeps me on the path. before you puke because you think i'm a total narcissist, just know that i'm not.
i'm very self-deprecating. i'm very honest with myself. i have nothing to prove to you. i'm my own biggest critic. i hold myself to a personal standard and if you want to know more about that, keep reading this blog. if you don't, sorry 'bout it.
anywho, like i said earlier, i'm feeling feisty and ornery. feeling like a total brat. here are the things that have been annoying me as of today:
1) this:
2) gay men in gyms. do you really have to wear such short shorts? you don't even have the decency to wear spandex underneath. yes, i get the fact that you're trying to meet someone, or anything with a pulse, but i'm at the gym to work out. crazy concept, i know. and be forewarned that i hate working out so i'm extra not up for your cruisey bullshit. put on clothes that fit and either lift that weight or get the hell out of my way.
3) pregnant women doing pilates at the gym. you're selfish. be a normal person and eat corndogs dipped in hershey syrup or something. why must you hate the thought of putting on a lil weight? you're pregnant. when you're 7 months pregnant, you're not supposed to be in a sling with your feet over your head. that's probably how you got into this whole mess. you're sooooo going to be that kind of mom we all see in the malls, shopping at a&f with your teenage daughter, probably wearing a size smaller than she is. and your kids will grow up to be pampered, unruly brats with a buffet of self-esteem issues. i would go as far as to say that pregnant women being in a gym more than once a week is child abuse. again, you're pregnant. it's a package deal - you get knocked up, you put on some pregnancy weight, you feed and nourish your up-and-coming brat, and you do everything and anything that keeps that brat alive, healthy, and happy. working out has nothing to do with baby and has everything to do with your own, self-centered ego.
4) i'm glad i got this all down on cyber paper. i know that i'm not perfect and am full of flaws, but i just want you to know that you are too, especially if you're any of the above people.
let's up our standards yall. gold diggers - quit digging that gold. someday your rich husband is going to have a slow metabolism, erectile dysfunction, and a hankering for women younger than you. you might want to start looking for a day job and a new hobby besides wasting your husband's money on hats. gay men - have some class. the world doesn't care how cute you think you are. contribute to society in a more effective way other than showing off your less than stellar bodies. preggo women - love your baby first and foremost. a good mom is prioritized and selfless. call mine for details.
but, i don't care. wanna know why?
because i'm almost always correct.
i'm a really good judge of character. sometimes too good because it doesn't allow myself to make mistakes. and then when i do make a mistake i am overly let down by myself.
who cares, though? more times than not my judge judy approach to life saves me, graces me, and keeps me on the path. before you puke because you think i'm a total narcissist, just know that i'm not.
i'm very self-deprecating. i'm very honest with myself. i have nothing to prove to you. i'm my own biggest critic. i hold myself to a personal standard and if you want to know more about that, keep reading this blog. if you don't, sorry 'bout it.
anywho, like i said earlier, i'm feeling feisty and ornery. feeling like a total brat. here are the things that have been annoying me as of today:
1) this:
2) gay men in gyms. do you really have to wear such short shorts? you don't even have the decency to wear spandex underneath. yes, i get the fact that you're trying to meet someone, or anything with a pulse, but i'm at the gym to work out. crazy concept, i know. and be forewarned that i hate working out so i'm extra not up for your cruisey bullshit. put on clothes that fit and either lift that weight or get the hell out of my way.
3) pregnant women doing pilates at the gym. you're selfish. be a normal person and eat corndogs dipped in hershey syrup or something. why must you hate the thought of putting on a lil weight? you're pregnant. when you're 7 months pregnant, you're not supposed to be in a sling with your feet over your head. that's probably how you got into this whole mess. you're sooooo going to be that kind of mom we all see in the malls, shopping at a&f with your teenage daughter, probably wearing a size smaller than she is. and your kids will grow up to be pampered, unruly brats with a buffet of self-esteem issues. i would go as far as to say that pregnant women being in a gym more than once a week is child abuse. again, you're pregnant. it's a package deal - you get knocked up, you put on some pregnancy weight, you feed and nourish your up-and-coming brat, and you do everything and anything that keeps that brat alive, healthy, and happy. working out has nothing to do with baby and has everything to do with your own, self-centered ego.
4) i'm glad i got this all down on cyber paper. i know that i'm not perfect and am full of flaws, but i just want you to know that you are too, especially if you're any of the above people.
let's up our standards yall. gold diggers - quit digging that gold. someday your rich husband is going to have a slow metabolism, erectile dysfunction, and a hankering for women younger than you. you might want to start looking for a day job and a new hobby besides wasting your husband's money on hats. gay men - have some class. the world doesn't care how cute you think you are. contribute to society in a more effective way other than showing off your less than stellar bodies. preggo women - love your baby first and foremost. a good mom is prioritized and selfless. call mine for details.
5.01.2010
i really enjoyed reading about the background of pearl jam's "jeremy" song and video. vedder had a really smart interpretation of what life really is about, and why it's worth living:
"Jeremy" is based on two different true stories. The song takes its main inspiration from a newspaper article about a 15-year-old boy named Jeremy Wade Delle, born February 10, 1975, from Richardson, Texas who shot himself in front of his English class at Richardson High School on the morning of January 8, 1991 at about 9:45 am. In a 2009 interview, Vedder said that he felt "the need to take that small article and make something of it—to give that action, to give it reaction, to give it more importance."
Delle was described by schoolmates as "real quiet" and known for "acting sad." After coming in to class late that morning, Delle was told to get an admittance slip from the school office. He left the classroom, and returned with a .357 Magnum revolver. Delle walked to the front of the classroom, announced "Miss, I got what I really went for", put the barrel of the firearm in his mouth, and pulled the trigger before his teacher or classmates could react. A girl named Lisa Moore knew Jeremy from the in-school suspension program: "He and I would pass notes back and forth and he would talk about life and stuff," she said. "He signed all of his notes, 'Write back.' But on Monday he wrote, 'Later days.' I didn't know what to make of it. But I never thought this would happen."
When asked about the song, Vedder explained:
It came from a small paragraph in a paper...which means you kill yourself and you make a big old sacrifice and try to get your revenge. That's all you're gonna end up with...is a paragraph in a newspaper. Sixty-three degrees and cloudy in a suburban neighborhood. That's the beginning of the video and that's the same thing in the end, it does nothing … nothing changes. The world goes on and you're gone. The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself. Be stronger than those people. And then you can come back.
"Jeremy" is based on two different true stories. The song takes its main inspiration from a newspaper article about a 15-year-old boy named Jeremy Wade Delle, born February 10, 1975, from Richardson, Texas who shot himself in front of his English class at Richardson High School on the morning of January 8, 1991 at about 9:45 am. In a 2009 interview, Vedder said that he felt "the need to take that small article and make something of it—to give that action, to give it reaction, to give it more importance."
Delle was described by schoolmates as "real quiet" and known for "acting sad." After coming in to class late that morning, Delle was told to get an admittance slip from the school office. He left the classroom, and returned with a .357 Magnum revolver. Delle walked to the front of the classroom, announced "Miss, I got what I really went for", put the barrel of the firearm in his mouth, and pulled the trigger before his teacher or classmates could react. A girl named Lisa Moore knew Jeremy from the in-school suspension program: "He and I would pass notes back and forth and he would talk about life and stuff," she said. "He signed all of his notes, 'Write back.' But on Monday he wrote, 'Later days.' I didn't know what to make of it. But I never thought this would happen."
When asked about the song, Vedder explained:
It came from a small paragraph in a paper...which means you kill yourself and you make a big old sacrifice and try to get your revenge. That's all you're gonna end up with...is a paragraph in a newspaper. Sixty-three degrees and cloudy in a suburban neighborhood. That's the beginning of the video and that's the same thing in the end, it does nothing … nothing changes. The world goes on and you're gone. The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself. Be stronger than those people. And then you can come back.
4.30.2010
tell me now baby is he good to you?
can he do to you the things that i do?
i can take you higher.
i'm on fire.
sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
through the middle of my soul.
at night i wake up with the sheets soaking wet
and a freight train running through the
middle of my head.
only you
can cool my desire
i'm on fire.
can he do to you the things that i do?
i can take you higher.
i'm on fire.
sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
through the middle of my soul.
at night i wake up with the sheets soaking wet
and a freight train running through the
middle of my head.
only you
can cool my desire
i'm on fire.
4.29.2010
two things:
1) i think the whole "om nom nom nom" thing has been done. played out. kinda old snooze. can't wait for the next big thing.
2) i'm not sure if it's because i work from home now, or perhaps my craziness has gone to another level, but, for some strange reason...whenever i'm out in public...i have to constantly look down to see if i'm wearing pants.
it's like i don't trust myself that i fully dressed myself before leaving. even when i'm wearing jeans, i have this unwarranted fear/mild panic attack that i'm only in my underwear. and what's weirder is the fact that i don't walk around in my underwear all day when at home. almost never, that is. but i certainly don't do it enough to explain my constant need to verify proper attire when in public. i just don't get it.
chalking it up to craziness. i'm not perfect.
1) i think the whole "om nom nom nom" thing has been done. played out. kinda old snooze. can't wait for the next big thing.
2) i'm not sure if it's because i work from home now, or perhaps my craziness has gone to another level, but, for some strange reason...whenever i'm out in public...i have to constantly look down to see if i'm wearing pants.
it's like i don't trust myself that i fully dressed myself before leaving. even when i'm wearing jeans, i have this unwarranted fear/mild panic attack that i'm only in my underwear. and what's weirder is the fact that i don't walk around in my underwear all day when at home. almost never, that is. but i certainly don't do it enough to explain my constant need to verify proper attire when in public. i just don't get it.
chalking it up to craziness. i'm not perfect.
4.28.2010
new nanner yall! this playlist has some amazing songs you'll be bopping to all summer long. the first one, shooting superstars, is a mashup of some random eminem song and the bag raiders' shooting superstars. amazing.
also crazy about the reinterpretation of the "i'm on fire" by bruce springstein. love the chill vibe of the redo. perfect time to get a glass of lemonade then sit back in the sun. sunscreen fully applied, of course. look for the whole thing somewhere on the internet.
i'm really bummed this other stellar mash up between ke$ha and owl city wasn't available. research it on your own and give it a listen.
you can thank me later.
happy soon-to-be summer.
love sumner
also crazy about the reinterpretation of the "i'm on fire" by bruce springstein. love the chill vibe of the redo. perfect time to get a glass of lemonade then sit back in the sun. sunscreen fully applied, of course. look for the whole thing somewhere on the internet.
i'm really bummed this other stellar mash up between ke$ha and owl city wasn't available. research it on your own and give it a listen.
you can thank me later.
happy soon-to-be summer.
love sumner
4.27.2010
4.26.2010
incredible photo. a landslide in taiwan. i don't think i even realized "landslides" were an actual thing. mudslides? sure. slip-n-slides? definitely.
and now, landslides.
i guess i've heard the song landslide...but never related it to a natural disaster...which i'm sure was the point/meaning of the song.
god i'm stupid.
4.25.2010
last night i fell down stairs. in public. at a bar. it was not my finest moment.
i'm still embarrassed.
the funny thing was that the fall wasn't due to drinking...even though i did have a drink in hand when said fall happened. okay maybe it had something to do with the fact that i was drinking...but it wasn't like i was DRUNK and acting stupid. i was perfectly fine until the incident occurred.
i just didn't see the steps. i was walking out of the bar, going about my business, and at some point the floor decided to descend via two steps down. i was entirely unaware and fell completely on my face and everywhere else. and it wasn't like one of those "he's down, and he's back up." i was down. when i replay it in my head its reminds me of a cartoon where the character runs off a cliff but doesn't realize the ground is missing and is just kind of like walking on air. that's what i had to have looked like because i was walking at a good pace when those two steps came out of nowhere. and boom. bitch went down.
anyway, so embarrassing.
dammit.
i'm still embarrassed.
the funny thing was that the fall wasn't due to drinking...even though i did have a drink in hand when said fall happened. okay maybe it had something to do with the fact that i was drinking...but it wasn't like i was DRUNK and acting stupid. i was perfectly fine until the incident occurred.
i just didn't see the steps. i was walking out of the bar, going about my business, and at some point the floor decided to descend via two steps down. i was entirely unaware and fell completely on my face and everywhere else. and it wasn't like one of those "he's down, and he's back up." i was down. when i replay it in my head its reminds me of a cartoon where the character runs off a cliff but doesn't realize the ground is missing and is just kind of like walking on air. that's what i had to have looked like because i was walking at a good pace when those two steps came out of nowhere. and boom. bitch went down.
anyway, so embarrassing.
dammit.
4.24.2010
been away for awhile. sorry bout it!
not really.
moving has proven itself to be an immense challenge. mostly because of timing. they say timing is everything and GOD is it ever. my timing sucks, in general. don't get me wrong, i'm almost always on time...i just can never plan anything in advance where multiple things need to happen either simultaneously, in a row, or in some general span of relative time. no matter how much i plan in advance things always gets effed up. the timing is always wrong.
for example: the first week of living in the new place i haven't had anywhere to sit. why you ask? well, because the timing for moving in and my furniture being delivered were, of course, waaaay off. i sold my old furniture forever ago because i expected to close on my condo last month. well i closed a week ago so i've been without furniture for like 3 months now. i'm hoping by next week i'll have a cool ass sofa. but you never know. in the meantime i've been standing at all times. standing when i check my email. standing when i pay my bills. standing when i stare out the window. standing when i take my crazy pills. standing standing standing.
yesterday i did the unthinkable - i purchased barstools off craigslist. mhm. i typically loathe all things craigslist-related, but i actually really enjoy the barstools and they were at a killer price. speaking of killer - inevitable of all craigslist purchases - i had to endure an awkward exchange between myself and the barstool seller...i even had to ride in a creepy elevator with him, enter his creepy studio apartment, look at his creepy not-for-sale furniture, and stand around while he "cleaned off" the barstools/plotted my murder.
i guess he was nice enough, though. i'm just overdramatic.
but you already knew that.
so this morning i woke up, surprisingly without a hangover, and had a hankering for subway. weird, but doable. so i walked to subway and ordered a sandwich. (um, newsflash: subway is surprisingly expensive for the shit that it is.) anyway, i'm in line, politely barking off toppings, and while doing so this mom and little girl get in line behind me.
now, maybe i'm just fresh off this email high my sister recently sent me - an email comedically explaining the differences between us 30 yr olds (ish, i'm not even 28 yet) and tweens. the email was decently funny in interpreting how different the world is now versus when we were kids. well this subway mom and daughter proved the content of the email to a T.
my fave part of the email was this line: "Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!"
funny and true.
the way kids talk to their parents? ummm never in my household.
back to subway, so i was eavesdropping on what they were going to order. the mom asks her daughter "ok, lily, tell the lady what kind of sandwich you want. that little brat sat there and read every sandwich on the menu, her mother idly standing by as the kid read line by line. i had already paid and sat down by the time the girl finished reading off the entire menu and prices. what, was she treating her mom to lunch? doubt it. anyway, i picked a table near the counter so i could continue my eavesdropping. so, the mom gets annoyed, bends over, and speaks in the girl's ear: now lily do you want a turkey sandwich? or ham? they have ham you know. you like ham. or you can get tuna, you like tuna too. do you want turkey, ham, or tuna? choose one. lily choose one.
finally, lily pipes up: i want a pizza sub!
um, i didn't even know pizza subs were an actual sandwich? whatever. so then the sandwich artist makes the unfortunate mistake of asking lily what kind of bread she wanted.
GOOD LORD.
what's herb & cheese? i don't like wheat. mom can i get french bread? can i get a footlong?
the mom goes: lily you can have whatever you want. she then hoists lily up so she can see all of the toppings she can get on her pizza sub (i was really tempted to stand up and peak through the glass sneezeguard to see what was on the pizza sub. is it like salami and cheese? i still don't get it.) the mom then names each topping lily can choose from. do you want lettuce? if you don't want lettuce then maybe you should have spinach. what kind of cheese do you want? pepperjack is spicy, you don't want spicy do you? you can have tomatoes, cucumbers, blah blah BLAH.
OMG. was lily some kind of princess or QUEEN or something else royal? why is she given so many options? why is this mother acting like kids have any idea of what they want? doesn't subway have a no-hassle sandwich that's solely for kids...comes on a kid-sized piece of bread and takes like 5 seconds to make? does lily have a gun in her pocket that only her mom knows about? what is going on? had subway existed back when i was a kid, my mom would have ordered for me, without any consultation. i wouldn't have options. i wouldn't have someone present me with a bread preference. a menu would not be necessary for me.
even at the dinner table, unless it was my birthday, no one asked me what i did and did not like. if i didn't like what was being cooked for dinner, my dad would, without flinching, use the line: then you're not hungry.
yes, if i didn't like what was being cooked for dinner, i wasn't hungry. that's how i was raised. his point being that, if i wanted to have food in my stomach, food that they worked and paid for - i was going to eat whatever was put in front of my face. end of story.
no choices. no bread variety. no toppings. no menu.
don't even ask me what later happened at the soda fountain machine: lily do you want white pop or brown pop? or you could have fruit punch. which do you want lily? brown pop? do you want root beer or coke?
LILY YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE MONSTER YOU WILL BECOME.
not really.
moving has proven itself to be an immense challenge. mostly because of timing. they say timing is everything and GOD is it ever. my timing sucks, in general. don't get me wrong, i'm almost always on time...i just can never plan anything in advance where multiple things need to happen either simultaneously, in a row, or in some general span of relative time. no matter how much i plan in advance things always gets effed up. the timing is always wrong.
for example: the first week of living in the new place i haven't had anywhere to sit. why you ask? well, because the timing for moving in and my furniture being delivered were, of course, waaaay off. i sold my old furniture forever ago because i expected to close on my condo last month. well i closed a week ago so i've been without furniture for like 3 months now. i'm hoping by next week i'll have a cool ass sofa. but you never know. in the meantime i've been standing at all times. standing when i check my email. standing when i pay my bills. standing when i stare out the window. standing when i take my crazy pills. standing standing standing.
yesterday i did the unthinkable - i purchased barstools off craigslist. mhm. i typically loathe all things craigslist-related, but i actually really enjoy the barstools and they were at a killer price. speaking of killer - inevitable of all craigslist purchases - i had to endure an awkward exchange between myself and the barstool seller...i even had to ride in a creepy elevator with him, enter his creepy studio apartment, look at his creepy not-for-sale furniture, and stand around while he "cleaned off" the barstools/plotted my murder.
i guess he was nice enough, though. i'm just overdramatic.
but you already knew that.
so this morning i woke up, surprisingly without a hangover, and had a hankering for subway. weird, but doable. so i walked to subway and ordered a sandwich. (um, newsflash: subway is surprisingly expensive for the shit that it is.) anyway, i'm in line, politely barking off toppings, and while doing so this mom and little girl get in line behind me.
now, maybe i'm just fresh off this email high my sister recently sent me - an email comedically explaining the differences between us 30 yr olds (ish, i'm not even 28 yet) and tweens. the email was decently funny in interpreting how different the world is now versus when we were kids. well this subway mom and daughter proved the content of the email to a T.
my fave part of the email was this line: "Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!"
funny and true.
the way kids talk to their parents? ummm never in my household.
back to subway, so i was eavesdropping on what they were going to order. the mom asks her daughter "ok, lily, tell the lady what kind of sandwich you want. that little brat sat there and read every sandwich on the menu, her mother idly standing by as the kid read line by line. i had already paid and sat down by the time the girl finished reading off the entire menu and prices. what, was she treating her mom to lunch? doubt it. anyway, i picked a table near the counter so i could continue my eavesdropping. so, the mom gets annoyed, bends over, and speaks in the girl's ear: now lily do you want a turkey sandwich? or ham? they have ham you know. you like ham. or you can get tuna, you like tuna too. do you want turkey, ham, or tuna? choose one. lily choose one.
finally, lily pipes up: i want a pizza sub!
um, i didn't even know pizza subs were an actual sandwich? whatever. so then the sandwich artist makes the unfortunate mistake of asking lily what kind of bread she wanted.
GOOD LORD.
what's herb & cheese? i don't like wheat. mom can i get french bread? can i get a footlong?
the mom goes: lily you can have whatever you want. she then hoists lily up so she can see all of the toppings she can get on her pizza sub (i was really tempted to stand up and peak through the glass sneezeguard to see what was on the pizza sub. is it like salami and cheese? i still don't get it.) the mom then names each topping lily can choose from. do you want lettuce? if you don't want lettuce then maybe you should have spinach. what kind of cheese do you want? pepperjack is spicy, you don't want spicy do you? you can have tomatoes, cucumbers, blah blah BLAH.
OMG. was lily some kind of princess or QUEEN or something else royal? why is she given so many options? why is this mother acting like kids have any idea of what they want? doesn't subway have a no-hassle sandwich that's solely for kids...comes on a kid-sized piece of bread and takes like 5 seconds to make? does lily have a gun in her pocket that only her mom knows about? what is going on? had subway existed back when i was a kid, my mom would have ordered for me, without any consultation. i wouldn't have options. i wouldn't have someone present me with a bread preference. a menu would not be necessary for me.
even at the dinner table, unless it was my birthday, no one asked me what i did and did not like. if i didn't like what was being cooked for dinner, my dad would, without flinching, use the line: then you're not hungry.
yes, if i didn't like what was being cooked for dinner, i wasn't hungry. that's how i was raised. his point being that, if i wanted to have food in my stomach, food that they worked and paid for - i was going to eat whatever was put in front of my face. end of story.
no choices. no bread variety. no toppings. no menu.
don't even ask me what later happened at the soda fountain machine: lily do you want white pop or brown pop? or you could have fruit punch. which do you want lily? brown pop? do you want root beer or coke?
LILY YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE MONSTER YOU WILL BECOME.
4.19.2010
so, you know how everyone was obsessed with the whole facebook celebrity doppelganger phenomenon a couple months back?
well, someone i sort-of-know-enough-to-be-facebook-friends-with just now, apparently, got the memo about it and recently posted their supposed doppelganger.
...i tried really hard not to make a big deal out of this, and probably shouldn't since the person in question and i have quite a few mutual friends, but the more i see this comparison the more i LAUGH/DIE inside.
so this real life person, who will forever go unnamed, has a) posted their celebrity doppelganger as their profile pic, b) is weirdly proud of it, and c) somehow sees nothing wrong with it. literally, it's as if the real life person was like, "wow! i look just like that. that's SO cool! i can't post this quick enough!!!"
and, i know i've been known to sensationalize every story i've ever written about, but this is real. and it's almost too good to be true. but it is true and that's what makes life enjoyable.
i will also admit that there is a definite resemblance of the real life person and the celebrity. and that's exactly the problem/what's funny. the often good looking celebrity and this real life guy could actually be mistaken for one another.
BUT.
...and i'm capitalizing and bolding but because it's a big BUT: the picture used of the celebrity is probably the absolute worst picture i have ever, ever, EVER seen of that celebrity.
and i'm talking bad. like rotfl kind of bad and i almost never speak in teenage acronyms unless it's absolutely applicable.
this was so applicable.
to set the tone of how crazy it is - i wouldn't have even guessed it was said celebrity until i literally read the caption. the celebrity looked about 15 lbs overweight, frumpy, all-around dumpy, his outfit was extra unflattering, he had gross facial hair, and, as an entire package, was completely not cute what.so.ever.
so, if you're the real life person using this specific pic as your celebrity doppelganger profile pic...
yikes. not a good day.
sorry bout it! if i were you, i'd take that profile pic down IMMEDIATELY, and then take a step back from the ledge!
well, someone i sort-of-know-enough-to-be-facebook-friends-with just now, apparently, got the memo about it and recently posted their supposed doppelganger.
...i tried really hard not to make a big deal out of this, and probably shouldn't since the person in question and i have quite a few mutual friends, but the more i see this comparison the more i LAUGH/DIE inside.
so this real life person, who will forever go unnamed, has a) posted their celebrity doppelganger as their profile pic, b) is weirdly proud of it, and c) somehow sees nothing wrong with it. literally, it's as if the real life person was like, "wow! i look just like that. that's SO cool! i can't post this quick enough!!!"
and, i know i've been known to sensationalize every story i've ever written about, but this is real. and it's almost too good to be true. but it is true and that's what makes life enjoyable.
i will also admit that there is a definite resemblance of the real life person and the celebrity. and that's exactly the problem/what's funny. the often good looking celebrity and this real life guy could actually be mistaken for one another.
BUT.
...and i'm capitalizing and bolding but because it's a big BUT: the picture used of the celebrity is probably the absolute worst picture i have ever, ever, EVER seen of that celebrity.
and i'm talking bad. like rotfl kind of bad and i almost never speak in teenage acronyms unless it's absolutely applicable.
this was so applicable.
to set the tone of how crazy it is - i wouldn't have even guessed it was said celebrity until i literally read the caption. the celebrity looked about 15 lbs overweight, frumpy, all-around dumpy, his outfit was extra unflattering, he had gross facial hair, and, as an entire package, was completely not cute what.so.ever.
so, if you're the real life person using this specific pic as your celebrity doppelganger profile pic...
yikes. not a good day.
sorry bout it! if i were you, i'd take that profile pic down IMMEDIATELY, and then take a step back from the ledge!
4.15.2010
operation: move day has begun. i closed today and am officially the homeowner of my condo! papers were signed, checks were written (ah!), and the keys are in my hands. time to migrate my belongings to their new home and come saturday evening, my parents and i will be sittin back, drinking a marg, and cheersing to a whole new life.
yay me.
yay me.
4.14.2010
everyone should go to this...myspace page...and vote for miranda's glee audition!
(i've never seen glee and have no desire to but i support MSings in whatever she does.)
Glee monologue
Glee | MySpace Video
(i've never seen glee and have no desire to but i support MSings in whatever she does.)
Glee monologue
Glee | MySpace Video
if you're like me (which you should be) you wish that jennifer lopez would quit all of her lofty, underperforming day jobs and instead stick to mothering her surely bratty twins and devoting time and patience toward supporting the similarly underachieved career of her latino pet skeleton. lopez is absolutely void of any noticeable talent and public likeability, and quite frankly, would not be missed should she ever decide to leave it all behind her.
but, like many other d-list celebrities, she somehow managed to land a starring role in some oh-so typical, seen-it-a-million-times-before romantic comedy, coming to a theater near you.
run the other way!
what's funny is not how retarded the movie looks, but rather the PR machine behind it. some publicity mastermind has decided that, in order to get paying butts in the seats, they have to somehow make the movie look appealing. because, critically, it just isn't - common sense tells you that much from the mere mention of jlo's name. so, to turn a negative into a positive, what these clever little devils conjured up is nothing short of pure ticket sales revenue geniusness.
i tippa the hat.
in the back-up plan trailer, you will notice two unmistakable moneymakers:
1) the leading, hunky male lead is shirtless in nearly every frame of the trailer. tweens, teens, catholic school girls, soccer moms, stay-at-home-moms (who are totally horned up by the mere sight of all the flesh/sex they've surely been without since giving birth to madison, emma, and connor), and average-looking 20-30 yr olds who haven't been on a date in the last 6 months are without-a-doubt going to storm this movie by the migratory FLOCK to get a glimpse of this no-name yet oily, chiseled lead male actor. no one knows who he actually is but who cares about names when mama wants to count ab muscles!
and
2) i don't care how bad a show, product, or media message is - if you can somehow produce a trailer or video montage or even a soundbyte using ke$ha's megahit tik tok as the background music...you're sure to have an instaHIT blockbuster on your hands and hundred dollar bills in your pocket. regardless of how trashy and talentless ke$ha may be, that song, in some truly unique and magical way, appeals to everyone's deep down jam factor. you cannot tell me that tik tok does not make you want to get up and do some serious dancing. i personally love it. it just makes life more fun and silly. every time i hear it i'm either dancing my face off or, in my head, choreographing how a flash mob would interpret it on the streets of chicago. de-licious. if tik tok is involved - i'll watch that obnoxious minute to win it show nbc is forcing down our throats, i'll drink jack daniels, i'll buy clocks, hell, i'll even eat my words and spring for two tickets to the back-up plan.
(yes, i'd obviously bring a date - i'm not so pathetic that i'd see it alone.)
anyway, that's all you need. lonely hearts feasting on creatine-induced muscle and tik tok on the clock = recipe for success.
however, my raven symone prediction is as follows:
jlo will be a horrendous actress and further sink into oblivion (fingers crossed),
the plot will be a carbon copy of everything you've ever seen in your life,
the dog in the wheelchair/cart thing will be the only funny/cute component of the entire movie (which is also a cliched approach),
you will predict the anticlimatic ending 5 minutes into the movie, and
you will walk out of the theater having wasted precious hours of your life and eleven dollars of your hard earned money that could have gone toward purchasing jack daniels-flavored toothpaste.
shame on you. and don't say i didn't warn you.
but, like many other d-list celebrities, she somehow managed to land a starring role in some oh-so typical, seen-it-a-million-times-before romantic comedy, coming to a theater near you.
run the other way!
what's funny is not how retarded the movie looks, but rather the PR machine behind it. some publicity mastermind has decided that, in order to get paying butts in the seats, they have to somehow make the movie look appealing. because, critically, it just isn't - common sense tells you that much from the mere mention of jlo's name. so, to turn a negative into a positive, what these clever little devils conjured up is nothing short of pure ticket sales revenue geniusness.
i tippa the hat.
in the back-up plan trailer, you will notice two unmistakable moneymakers:
1) the leading, hunky male lead is shirtless in nearly every frame of the trailer. tweens, teens, catholic school girls, soccer moms, stay-at-home-moms (who are totally horned up by the mere sight of all the flesh/sex they've surely been without since giving birth to madison, emma, and connor), and average-looking 20-30 yr olds who haven't been on a date in the last 6 months are without-a-doubt going to storm this movie by the migratory FLOCK to get a glimpse of this no-name yet oily, chiseled lead male actor. no one knows who he actually is but who cares about names when mama wants to count ab muscles!
and
2) i don't care how bad a show, product, or media message is - if you can somehow produce a trailer or video montage or even a soundbyte using ke$ha's megahit tik tok as the background music...you're sure to have an instaHIT blockbuster on your hands and hundred dollar bills in your pocket. regardless of how trashy and talentless ke$ha may be, that song, in some truly unique and magical way, appeals to everyone's deep down jam factor. you cannot tell me that tik tok does not make you want to get up and do some serious dancing. i personally love it. it just makes life more fun and silly. every time i hear it i'm either dancing my face off or, in my head, choreographing how a flash mob would interpret it on the streets of chicago. de-licious. if tik tok is involved - i'll watch that obnoxious minute to win it show nbc is forcing down our throats, i'll drink jack daniels, i'll buy clocks, hell, i'll even eat my words and spring for two tickets to the back-up plan.
(yes, i'd obviously bring a date - i'm not so pathetic that i'd see it alone.)
anyway, that's all you need. lonely hearts feasting on creatine-induced muscle and tik tok on the clock = recipe for success.
however, my raven symone prediction is as follows:
jlo will be a horrendous actress and further sink into oblivion (fingers crossed),
the plot will be a carbon copy of everything you've ever seen in your life,
the dog in the wheelchair/cart thing will be the only funny/cute component of the entire movie (which is also a cliched approach),
you will predict the anticlimatic ending 5 minutes into the movie, and
you will walk out of the theater having wasted precious hours of your life and eleven dollars of your hard earned money that could have gone toward purchasing jack daniels-flavored toothpaste.
shame on you. and don't say i didn't warn you.
4.13.2010
things to consider when buying your first home:
earnest money,
3.5% down payment,
closing costs,
origination fees,
attorney fees,
home inspection fees,
appraisal fees,
tax transfer fees,
the loan principle,
mortgage insurance,
homeowners insurance,
building insurance,
property taxes,
monthly assessments,
utilities not included in monthly assessments,
and then all the money needed to actually do something to the place.
ahhhh, the cost of home ownership. it's a blessing in financial disguise.
earnest money,
3.5% down payment,
closing costs,
origination fees,
attorney fees,
home inspection fees,
appraisal fees,
tax transfer fees,
the loan principle,
mortgage insurance,
homeowners insurance,
building insurance,
property taxes,
monthly assessments,
utilities not included in monthly assessments,
and then all the money needed to actually do something to the place.
ahhhh, the cost of home ownership. it's a blessing in financial disguise.
4.12.2010
a constant source of entertainment/disheartenment (it's not a word, it just works for what i'm trying to say) comes from reading any type of "comment" feature. whether it be youtube, cnn, amazon...anything really, if this nation's citizens are allowed to voice their opinion, especially in an anonymous, online environment, they certainly will.
freedom of speech, yes, i get it, but if you ever take the time to read what people write on any of these comment free-for-all forums...it's usually entertaining but more often truly horrifying. these "people" write the most vile, hate-filled, judgemental, and all around abusive slander, pick cyber-fights with other anonymous people, and then spend hours and hours providing hateful rebuttals to their original hateful statement. it's INSANITY. any of you with an online presence know exactly what i'm talking about. it's everywhere. and it's so tooth and nail it's often quite scary, even though it's via the www. plus, there is rarely any censor. there's typically never any type of 3rd party monitoring (not that it would deter anyone).
so bizarre. to me, it's a kind of speech that is exclusively reserved for cults/psychopaths (i.e. the kkk, the fred phelps clan, glenn beck, etc.). for example, i was watching a youtube video where these two cute kittens are play fighting and then this other kitten shows up and pukes up milk. kinda funny, kinda weird...but i scrolled down to read the comments to this video and stumbled upon an all out war between several people...all disputing RELIGION. (!?) i didn't take the time to link back pages upon pages worth of nasty comments and "viewpoints" to see how and why the whole thing started but WOAH. it was ugly and most certainly out of place for the video at hand.
another thing i noticed is that, in general, if people are going to comment on something, it's often the holy-rollers doing the commenting/abusing. i don't care what the subject matter is but, 9 times out of 10, a comment with a bible verse can almost always be found.
weird, isn't it? why is it that our christian brothers and sisters are some of the meanest, most disrespectful and judgemental people on this planet? justin timberlake once said, where is the love?! have we no compassion anymore? tolerance? acceptance of that which is different?!
i thought jesus didn't judge? maybe he doesn't...maybe jesus hired his earthly minions to do his judging for him? who said unemployment was a problem in this country, JC is employing haters by the immortal handful!
freedom of speech, yes, i get it, but if you ever take the time to read what people write on any of these comment free-for-all forums...it's usually entertaining but more often truly horrifying. these "people" write the most vile, hate-filled, judgemental, and all around abusive slander, pick cyber-fights with other anonymous people, and then spend hours and hours providing hateful rebuttals to their original hateful statement. it's INSANITY. any of you with an online presence know exactly what i'm talking about. it's everywhere. and it's so tooth and nail it's often quite scary, even though it's via the www. plus, there is rarely any censor. there's typically never any type of 3rd party monitoring (not that it would deter anyone).
so bizarre. to me, it's a kind of speech that is exclusively reserved for cults/psychopaths (i.e. the kkk, the fred phelps clan, glenn beck, etc.). for example, i was watching a youtube video where these two cute kittens are play fighting and then this other kitten shows up and pukes up milk. kinda funny, kinda weird...but i scrolled down to read the comments to this video and stumbled upon an all out war between several people...all disputing RELIGION. (!?) i didn't take the time to link back pages upon pages worth of nasty comments and "viewpoints" to see how and why the whole thing started but WOAH. it was ugly and most certainly out of place for the video at hand.
another thing i noticed is that, in general, if people are going to comment on something, it's often the holy-rollers doing the commenting/abusing. i don't care what the subject matter is but, 9 times out of 10, a comment with a bible verse can almost always be found.
weird, isn't it? why is it that our christian brothers and sisters are some of the meanest, most disrespectful and judgemental people on this planet? justin timberlake once said, where is the love?! have we no compassion anymore? tolerance? acceptance of that which is different?!
i thought jesus didn't judge? maybe he doesn't...maybe jesus hired his earthly minions to do his judging for him? who said unemployment was a problem in this country, JC is employing haters by the immortal handful!
4.08.2010
here are two things that really confused me today:
one important piece of news media that will never cease to find airtime and public buzz is any reporting of anything sorta, kinda, i-guess-i-can-see-it-if-i-blur-my-vision-and-go-completely-crosseyed resembling an image of jesus christ. i feel like on a near monthly basis i read some kind of news heading about a random object boasting an eerie resemblance of the big guy upstairs. he's all over the place apparently - he's been seen in the clouds, on flower petals, tree limbs, food particles, foliage, weirdly shaped vegetables, smoke signals, window reflections, animal hides, melted candy, mud puddles, paint splatterings, deformations of any sort, you name it he's been on it. today - he's on a tie-dye shirt. and let me tell you - this one is a stretch. in the immortal words of miss swan: it looka like a man. jesus? you be the judge.
the second confusion isn't anything new to me as i've heard about it several times now but never really thought about it too much. until last night. wednesday night is my "tv night" in which all of my fave shows come on in a row (modern family, the middle, modern family again, cougar town, then ugly betty). so, literally, i sit on my bed and refuse to do anything except watch the tube for a solid 3 hours. in this 3 hour time span, the same, stupid pizza hut commercial kept coming on. now, to keep it real, i haven't met a pizza i didn't like, but this commercial is so, so stupid that it makes me mildly annoyed with pizza hut (although i'm still annoyed with pizza hut whenever i see one of those half-n-half "express" restaraunts...like half pizza hut half long john silver. it just ruins any and all appeal because, obviously, they don't give a shit about what they're making, as long as it's fast, and you don't give a shit what you're eating...as long as it's fast). anyway, here's their current, stupid marketing campaign:
you can buy any pizza, any size, with unlimited toppings for only $10 each! ok, at first glance, one might think hey, that's a good deal! well hell yeah it's a good deal. duh. personally, i'll eat cheap pizza until the sun comes up...but wtf is up with the "any size" inclusion? and it's like the main pitch of the commercial. you can get any size pizza for just $10!! ahhhhhhhhhh! call them NOWWWW!!!!
wait, what?
why is that even a selling point? does that make sense to you? me neither. perhaps pizza hut is betting on america's village idiots to get confused and somehow not order a large? as if some lamebrain is gonna call and be like, oh, little ol me? eat an entire large pizza for just $10?? no, no, i couldn't! i'll take a personal pan pizza for $10 and i want pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, canadian bacon, bbq chicken, red onion, green olives, pineapple, jalapenos, banana peppers, anchovies, avocado, sprouts, basil, zucchini, red pepper, extra cheese, and extra sauce. k thanks bye!
ummm, hello, if someone can order any size pizza for the same price they're OF COURSE going to order the most for their buck. am i the only rational person here? aren't we all going to stretch our buck as far as it can go? is that not an assumed mentality across our recession-stricken country? would anyone willingly ask for less, considering you can have more, all for the same price?
WHAT???
obviously, pizza hut, you need to rep the fact that you can have unlimited toppings, any type of crust, any specialty pizzas...all of which is a great deal for $10...but, uh, you can probably leave out the size option. pardon me for speaking on behalf of pizza-loving, cash-strapped americans everywhere but, it's pretty much assumed that everyone is going to order a large pizza for $10 unless the person is a complete idiot/selfish son of a bitch. i.e. if a large pizza is too much for you to eat and you fear that ordering the most you can get for $10 would be wasteful, do what we do in my family and have something called leftovers. perhaps freeze it. take it to work - office workers love free food. or, as your very last option, go outside and take a look around -- i'm sure you could find a homeless person, a stray dog, or perhaps myself who will gladly eat your leftovers without question or judgement.
if i were calling? jigga please. do you make size enormous? i'll take one of those for $10. thanks!
one important piece of news media that will never cease to find airtime and public buzz is any reporting of anything sorta, kinda, i-guess-i-can-see-it-if-i-blur-my-vision-and-go-completely-crosseyed resembling an image of jesus christ. i feel like on a near monthly basis i read some kind of news heading about a random object boasting an eerie resemblance of the big guy upstairs. he's all over the place apparently - he's been seen in the clouds, on flower petals, tree limbs, food particles, foliage, weirdly shaped vegetables, smoke signals, window reflections, animal hides, melted candy, mud puddles, paint splatterings, deformations of any sort, you name it he's been on it. today - he's on a tie-dye shirt. and let me tell you - this one is a stretch. in the immortal words of miss swan: it looka like a man. jesus? you be the judge.
the second confusion isn't anything new to me as i've heard about it several times now but never really thought about it too much. until last night. wednesday night is my "tv night" in which all of my fave shows come on in a row (modern family, the middle, modern family again, cougar town, then ugly betty). so, literally, i sit on my bed and refuse to do anything except watch the tube for a solid 3 hours. in this 3 hour time span, the same, stupid pizza hut commercial kept coming on. now, to keep it real, i haven't met a pizza i didn't like, but this commercial is so, so stupid that it makes me mildly annoyed with pizza hut (although i'm still annoyed with pizza hut whenever i see one of those half-n-half "express" restaraunts...like half pizza hut half long john silver. it just ruins any and all appeal because, obviously, they don't give a shit about what they're making, as long as it's fast, and you don't give a shit what you're eating...as long as it's fast). anyway, here's their current, stupid marketing campaign:
you can buy any pizza, any size, with unlimited toppings for only $10 each! ok, at first glance, one might think hey, that's a good deal! well hell yeah it's a good deal. duh. personally, i'll eat cheap pizza until the sun comes up...but wtf is up with the "any size" inclusion? and it's like the main pitch of the commercial. you can get any size pizza for just $10!! ahhhhhhhhhh! call them NOWWWW!!!!
wait, what?
why is that even a selling point? does that make sense to you? me neither. perhaps pizza hut is betting on america's village idiots to get confused and somehow not order a large? as if some lamebrain is gonna call and be like, oh, little ol me? eat an entire large pizza for just $10?? no, no, i couldn't! i'll take a personal pan pizza for $10 and i want pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, canadian bacon, bbq chicken, red onion, green olives, pineapple, jalapenos, banana peppers, anchovies, avocado, sprouts, basil, zucchini, red pepper, extra cheese, and extra sauce. k thanks bye!
ummm, hello, if someone can order any size pizza for the same price they're OF COURSE going to order the most for their buck. am i the only rational person here? aren't we all going to stretch our buck as far as it can go? is that not an assumed mentality across our recession-stricken country? would anyone willingly ask for less, considering you can have more, all for the same price?
WHAT???
obviously, pizza hut, you need to rep the fact that you can have unlimited toppings, any type of crust, any specialty pizzas...all of which is a great deal for $10...but, uh, you can probably leave out the size option. pardon me for speaking on behalf of pizza-loving, cash-strapped americans everywhere but, it's pretty much assumed that everyone is going to order a large pizza for $10 unless the person is a complete idiot/selfish son of a bitch. i.e. if a large pizza is too much for you to eat and you fear that ordering the most you can get for $10 would be wasteful, do what we do in my family and have something called leftovers. perhaps freeze it. take it to work - office workers love free food. or, as your very last option, go outside and take a look around -- i'm sure you could find a homeless person, a stray dog, or perhaps myself who will gladly eat your leftovers without question or judgement.
if i were calling? jigga please. do you make size enormous? i'll take one of those for $10. thanks!
4.07.2010
i laughed so hard when i saw this. how can you not? how can you not laugh at some genius' complete absurdity and irresponsibility? you can't look at this and take it seriously. you can't eat it and not feel like a total piece of shit.
and you should feel that way. this kind of eating is not normal. anyone who orders it should feel ashamed and gluttonous.
this is even worse than the monster burger from hardees. far worse.
ob-noxious.
and you should feel that way. this kind of eating is not normal. anyone who orders it should feel ashamed and gluttonous.
this is even worse than the monster burger from hardees. far worse.
ob-noxious.
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