but, i don't care. wanna know why?
because i'm almost always correct.
i'm a really good judge of character. sometimes too good because it doesn't allow myself to make mistakes. and then when i do make a mistake i am overly let down by myself.
who cares, though? more times than not my judge judy approach to life saves me, graces me, and keeps me on the path. before you puke because you think i'm a total narcissist, just know that i'm not.
i'm very self-deprecating. i'm very honest with myself. i have nothing to prove to you. i'm my own biggest critic. i hold myself to a personal standard and if you want to know more about that, keep reading this blog. if you don't, sorry 'bout it.
anywho, like i said earlier, i'm feeling feisty and ornery. feeling like a total brat. here are the things that have been annoying me as of today:
1) this:
2) gay men in gyms. do you really have to wear such short shorts? you don't even have the decency to wear spandex underneath. yes, i get the fact that you're trying to meet someone, or anything with a pulse, but i'm at the gym to work out. crazy concept, i know. and be forewarned that i hate working out so i'm extra not up for your cruisey bullshit. put on clothes that fit and either lift that weight or get the hell out of my way.
3) pregnant women doing pilates at the gym. you're selfish. be a normal person and eat corndogs dipped in hershey syrup or something. why must you hate the thought of putting on a lil weight? you're pregnant. when you're 7 months pregnant, you're not supposed to be in a sling with your feet over your head. that's probably how you got into this whole mess. you're sooooo going to be that kind of mom we all see in the malls, shopping at a&f with your teenage daughter, probably wearing a size smaller than she is. and your kids will grow up to be pampered, unruly brats with a buffet of self-esteem issues. i would go as far as to say that pregnant women being in a gym more than once a week is child abuse. again, you're pregnant. it's a package deal - you get knocked up, you put on some pregnancy weight, you feed and nourish your up-and-coming brat, and you do everything and anything that keeps that brat alive, healthy, and happy. working out has nothing to do with baby and has everything to do with your own, self-centered ego.
4) i'm glad i got this all down on cyber paper. i know that i'm not perfect and am full of flaws, but i just want you to know that you are too, especially if you're any of the above people.
let's up our standards yall. gold diggers - quit digging that gold. someday your rich husband is going to have a slow metabolism, erectile dysfunction, and a hankering for women younger than you. you might want to start looking for a day job and a new hobby besides wasting your husband's money on hats. gay men - have some class. the world doesn't care how cute you think you are. contribute to society in a more effective way other than showing off your less than stellar bodies. preggo women - love your baby first and foremost. a good mom is prioritized and selfless. call mine for details.
