here are two things that really confused me today:
one important piece of news media that will never cease to find airtime and public buzz is any reporting of anything sorta, kinda, i-guess-i-can-see-it-if-i-blur-my-vision-and-go-completely-crosseyed resembling an image of jesus christ. i feel like on a near monthly basis i read some kind of news heading about a random object boasting an eerie resemblance of the big guy upstairs. he's all over the place apparently - he's been seen in the clouds, on flower petals, tree limbs, food particles, foliage, weirdly shaped vegetables, smoke signals, window reflections, animal hides, melted candy, mud puddles, paint splatterings, deformations of any sort, you name it he's been on it. today - he's on a tie-dye shirt. and let me tell you - this one is a stretch. in the immortal words of miss swan: it looka like a man. jesus? you be the judge.
the second confusion isn't anything new to me as i've heard about it several times now but never really thought about it too much. until last night. wednesday night is my "tv night" in which all of my fave shows come on in a row (modern family, the middle, modern family again, cougar town, then ugly betty). so, literally, i sit on my bed and refuse to do anything except watch the tube for a solid 3 hours. in this 3 hour time span, the same, stupid pizza hut commercial kept coming on. now, to keep it real, i haven't met a pizza i didn't like, but this commercial is so, so stupid that it makes me mildly annoyed with pizza hut (although i'm still annoyed with pizza hut whenever i see one of those half-n-half "express" restaraunts...like half pizza hut half long john silver. it just ruins any and all appeal because, obviously, they don't give a shit about what they're making, as long as it's fast, and you don't give a shit what you're eating...as long as it's fast). anyway, here's their current, stupid marketing campaign:
you can buy any pizza, any size, with unlimited toppings for only $10 each! ok, at first glance, one might think hey, that's a good deal! well hell yeah it's a good deal. duh. personally, i'll eat cheap pizza until the sun comes up...but wtf is up with the "any size" inclusion? and it's like the main pitch of the commercial. you can get any size pizza for just $10!! ahhhhhhhhhh! call them NOWWWW!!!!
wait, what?
why is that even a selling point? does that make sense to you? me neither. perhaps pizza hut is betting on america's village idiots to get confused and somehow not order a large? as if some lamebrain is gonna call and be like, oh, little ol me? eat an entire large pizza for just $10?? no, no, i couldn't! i'll take a personal pan pizza for $10 and i want pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, canadian bacon, bbq chicken, red onion, green olives, pineapple, jalapenos, banana peppers, anchovies, avocado, sprouts, basil, zucchini, red pepper, extra cheese, and extra sauce. k thanks bye!
ummm, hello, if someone can order any size pizza for the same price they're OF COURSE going to order the most for their buck. am i the only rational person here? aren't we all going to stretch our buck as far as it can go? is that not an assumed mentality across our recession-stricken country? would anyone willingly ask for less, considering you can have more, all for the same price?
WHAT???
obviously, pizza hut, you need to rep the fact that you can have unlimited toppings, any type of crust, any specialty pizzas...all of which is a great deal for $10...but, uh, you can probably leave out the size option. pardon me for speaking on behalf of pizza-loving, cash-strapped americans everywhere but, it's pretty much assumed that everyone is going to order a large pizza for $10 unless the person is a complete idiot/selfish son of a bitch. i.e. if a large pizza is too much for you to eat and you fear that ordering the most you can get for $10 would be wasteful, do what we do in my family and have something called leftovers. perhaps freeze it. take it to work - office workers love free food. or, as your very last option, go outside and take a look around -- i'm sure you could find a homeless person, a stray dog, or perhaps myself who will gladly eat your leftovers without question or judgement.
if i were calling? jigga please. do you make size enormous? i'll take one of those for $10. thanks!
