some people view me as hotheaded, angsty, unhappy, mean, whatever...
but none of it is true. you can't read someone's blog and think that it's a complete tell-all of who that person really is inside.

or maybe you can?

but not so much with me. i'm probably one of the least confrontational people in existence. i don't get in people's faces, i don't yell, i don't overreact (although once i was thrown out of a best buy because i said 'bullshit' at the customer service counter. in my defense, what happened was bullshit but they viewed it as unnecessary hostility. whatevs).

typically i'm very calm, real chill, and mostly happy-go-lucky.

but, i also stick it to "the man" whomever it may be. i don't rest on my laurels...whatever laurels are. i'm just saying that line because it fits.


i'll vent on my blog, i'll converse with conviction, i'll write you with dismay and a need for justice. i'll stand up for myself.

i've written countless authority figures i.e. the government, city councils, the police, better business bureau, landlords, corporate companies, and sole individuals to make them aware of an issue as well as request resolution. and i have a great success rate. i've done this for both myself and for my friends many-a-time.

it's how the world should work. you want something, you need justice...formally request it. you have beef?...write it out clearly and succinctly. it's how i cope and it's how i resolve. peacefully, without tone, and spelling it out word for word without involving unnecessary emotion.

but last night i went too far. i had a dream that was interlaced with reality. in this dream i was SO pissed off at the people who work in my apartment building i.e. the maintenance people, the front door people, and some of the residents in my building. i was FUMING mad at the front door people, which i am in real life, and cussed them out something serious. the maintenance people had done me wrong, which happened in real life too, and i had a horrible shouting match with them as well...to which they screamed back at me. that led me to involve the building board committee, to which i sat there and screamed into a microphone about all the things i was upset about. and when i mentioned that this scenario involved other building residents...it's because i spanked someone's kid! oops. the child was pounding on my door as a joke and wouldn't stop doing it, so i took matters into my own hand.

okay ryan, you've gone too far. while i fully believe in "swatting your butt" as an appropriate means of discipline in a child's youth...i've taken it too far when i'm swatting others people's children. my bad.

it was all so weird. in fact, it was so intense i actually woke myself up from screaming "what do you mean you don't have a list of everyone that works here? i want a first and last name of each employee!

and with conviction! i'm not sure where this rage came from, but it's lurking...somewhere.

i need to write a letter to these people to deal with these demons nicely. i've wanted to for the longest time and i have yet to, but this dream has made it very clear that it's about that time...