11.03.2009

ok, help a brotha out...what is with all of the hoopla about ryan seacrest having a stalker? don't all celebrities have stalkers of some sort or another?

of course they do. i mean, sometimes i get starstruck by seeing the chicago news anchor people in the streets.

omg that's nbc chicago 5's anchorwoman allison rosati! in a walgreens of all places?! look at her trying to choose a bag of chips. i like cool ranch doritos, too! i could see us being friends. i wonder where she lives?

so, just imagine if it were a bonafied celebrity, how much ones interests would be piqued? probably enough to follow them home, jump the gate, pick the lock, tiptoe down the hall, hide in the linen closet when you hear them coming, peak through the crack to see if the coast is clear, and if so, run out the back door with some of their jewelry/hair samples in tow.

that's what i would do. if i were a stalker.

but boy would times have to be tough for anyone to find the need to stalk ryan seacrest.

but i must say that while i absolutely loathe ryan seacrest, i would never wish a stalker upon him. maybe just an anvil, like in the old timey looney tunes cartoons where it would drop from the sky, land on seacrest with a big BAM!, and then seacrest would take the humanly form of an accordion and wobble around for a little bit going eeee aaaaaaaaa eeeeee aaaaaa eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

but the real question begs to be asked: is seacrest talking to the media about his stalker in an attempt to glorify himself as stalker-worthy?

me thinks so.

he needs the attention: when idol isn't on, who gives a bleep about ryan seacrest other than maybe the kardashians (which he owns) and maybe, just maybe taylor swift?

nobody.

but perhaps i would stalk ryan seacrest...if it meant that he had to go in permanent hiding and could never be seen, heard, or allowed to interact with mankind ever again.

i'm a giver.