things noticed at the gym:
-some people do really weird exercises. i don't know if they saw some cool, new exercise move in a magazine and perhaps just aren't doing it right or maybe i'm just not in-the-know of what exercise looks like in 2009...but either way, wow. i hope i don't look as ridiculous as those peeps do. should you really be running backwards on a treadmill?
-cargo shorts aren't a proper substitute for gym shorts, are they? i missed that memo. and while we're at it...sandals? really?
-playlists are key. keep it bumping. ever be lifting something really heavy when all of a sudden joni mitchell's "both sides now" comes on...and you begin to think, if people don't like me for who i am on the inside, then screw them! and then you stop working out? i have. from now on, sexy back on repeat. (jk)
-old people tend to idle on the machines. and even worse they take up valuable space on the floor mats. i've even seen some doze off while doing stretches. i get sort of annoyed with this but in reality, they're old and they're still going to the gym. good for them. the art of seduction is over for them, they don't need a six pack, yet they're still doing sit-ups. wow, props. i mean really, they're just trying to keep their heart tickin and their cholesterol low. lay there all you want, take your time. you've earned it.
-nothing makes me smile more than seeing some dumb girl talk on her cell phone while on the treadmill. they're so stupid it makes me smile.
-i'm horrified to step foot in gym locker rooms. one time i needed to go to the bathroom and therefore had to go in one. and to my surprise there were nude people everywhere. nude people of all sorts and sizes and body hair amounts. i realize the purpose of locker rooms is for accommodating a state of undress but i ain't going in one again. lesson learned. i'll pee in the water fountain or something.
-do men get cellulite? i hope not.
-what's the ratio of people who go to the gym to workout vs. people who go to the gym to "meet" people? according to craigslist, there are a lot of connections at the gym. why am i wasting my time and money on eharmony then? geez.
-i've never been a big sweater, but i wish i were. i'd look so much cooler. i want one of those sweaty backs where there's like a huge circle of sweat on the back of your tshirt. i've never had one of those! i blame joni mitchell for ruining my chances.
-i have so many fears in life (sleep walking off my patio, being bitten by an animal, nettle stings, low flying airplanes, brain aneurysms, etc) but at the gym i have two major fears: 1) i avoid treadmills because i have to concentrate really hard in order not to misstep and trip up or worse, fall off (i have a really bad sense of balance) and 2) when using weight machines i'm convinced i'll accidentally get a finger, body part, lock of hair, something stuck in the complex pulley system of those machines. they always have those warnings saying "keep body parts away from this, that, and the other" but what if joni mitchell comes on and i lapse into a trance of depression and then unknowingly rest my head in between the rising and falling weight stacks? or, what if i have an aneurysm and fall directly into the pulley system?
obesity is looking mighty good these days.
