i call this pineapple upside down lake. it's four different views of the lake all taken from my bedroom patio. i can't remember what time of day it was, or why these amazing natural color schemes existed...or anything for that matter. but it all happened, and i'm glad i caught it.

hi.

i'm back. for good.

hope you like the place.

feel it out. let me know what you think.

oh, and check out my nano for some of my favorite tunes

some even have vids (!)

more soon kiddies.

peace.

Hey yall. Guess what, it's summer.

Did you already know that?

Well in case you didn't...it is. So, since summer essentially means vacation, that's exactly what I'll be doing. Vacating? Temporarily.

I'm gonna take a nice, little vacay from the ol' blog and v-log.

Yep. Just a little time to myself to catch up on rest, sun, and hopefully some fun. BUT, when I come back, it will be with a BANG:

I'm going to completely revamp the site, change the layout, add some new elements and features, and basically be a bigger bad ass then you'd ever thought possible.

Stay tuned.

I'LL BE BACK.

Two things I've never associated together:

1) Filet mignon with a Hamburger Helper sidedish (true story, I should have known that relationship was never meant to be)

and

2) Dancing and waxing



Here's to thinking outside of the box, to thinking far beyond any old traditional landing strip. Here's to waxing your cooch with a little flair. And at those prices? I'll be dancing all night long. Unless I just got the Cha-cha-cha...then I might resist any type of movement for at least a day or two.

And how is it that the Cha-cha-cha is only $10!?!?! Whoever is doing the waxing should charge $10K.

[one] Have you ever been asked out before?
Never. Mostly because I live in my parents’ basement. Is dinner ready yet? Not unti I set the table? Ok, I'm on it.

[two] Where was your profile picture taken?
My nephew snapped a pic of me looking extra cool. Extra, extra cool, that is. Not just everyday cool. Extra cool. I would even go as far to say bad ass.

[three] What's your middle name?
Ray, as in a ray of sunshine.

[four] Your current relationship status?
Doomed.

[five] Does your crush like you back?
I don’t know, I haven’t gotten back my note yet with the answer. I’m hoping after Social Studies it’ll be in my locker, waiting for me. Just as long as it doesn’t say “maybe.” Why is that ever even an option? Give it to me straight.

[six] What is your current mood?
So bored out of my mind that I’d fill out a survey during the weekend instead of at work, like normal. I prefer to screw around while I'm on the clock.

[seven] What color of underwear are you wearing?
Multi! The same thing goes for my preference in race.

[eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
White. And it fits like a GLOVE, funny thing is that I don’t know if that’s due to me eating constantly or if that’s the way I purchased it?

[nine] Missing something?
My youth.

[ten] If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
Befriend Bill Gates. So what's this computer idea you have? Sounds interesting...

[eleven] If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
Any kind of animal that is kept indoors, gets to wear clothes, and treated better than most human beings.

[twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Like 12 of them. That’s just how I roll. Dangerously. The worst experience was being electrocuted by a power line because the gag gifts that came later were horrendous…my least favorite being a tshirt portraying a cat chewing on Christmas lights.

[thirteen] Something you do a lot?
I could talk your ear off. And when I’m not talking, I like to think about funny situations in my head and have a good laugh at them, prompting someone to be like “what’s so funny?” and then I answer with “Ohhh, nothing.” My Mom gets so mad when I do that at church.

[fourteen] The song stuck in your head?
I’m like, why are you so OBSESSED with me?

[fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from?
TPAIN, Treggular, Tbone, Nardesh, Tregtastic, etc etc.

[sixteen] Name someone who has the same birthday as you.
As far as I’m concerned I’m the only one with a birthday on my birthday, including the day before and the day after, and the day after that.

[seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
I cry in my sleep ALL THE TIME. Which could explain why I’m single.

[eighteen] Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
No, never, it’s outlawed in 13 states.

[nineteen] If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
I wouldn’t want to be able to fly because I feel like I’d be up really high, just flying around, when I’d get bored and start thinking about funny things and because of that I'd accidentally lose my ability to fly and plummet to my death. Therefore I’d like to be able to burn stuff with my eyes.

[twenty] What’s the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Their ATM receipt.

[twenty-one] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I rarely do Starbucks, but if I’m feeling extra fancy I might go in and order a green tea. Boy do I feel like the king of the world when I put that sleeve on my cup, too. So fancy!

[twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
As if I would ever share a secret in cyberspace, but one secret I will reveal is that yes, my hair is real and I’m a natural brunette.

[twenty-three] Favorite color?
Stainless steel and granite.

[twenty-four] Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
I can’t get myself to watch much TV unless it’s Roseanne or the Golden Girls. I watched the GG’s as a kid, so does that count? I had no idea that the whole show was about about SEX. Ah, innocence.

[twenty-five] What is a line from one of your favorite songs?
“I wanna fuck you, like you already know” Akon Such a romantic that Akon.

[twenty-six] What are you?
Cuter than a kitten playing with a ball of yarn.

[twenty-seven] Do you speak any other language?
I speak the universal language of love. Just .99 cents a minute. Call me.

[twenty-eight] What's your favorite smell?
New construction…preferably new construction of an Aveda store. Double letter score.

[twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
Pizza-filled.

[thirty] What is one thing you would like to learn how to do?
I really want to learn how to play the guitar because I think that would up the amount of sex I could be having by 40%.

[thirty-one] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yes, and it wasn’t as cool as it sounds. A) I hate being wet, and B) if it’s raining and we’re making out, I’m probably drunk.

[thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
Fall fashion.

[thirty-three] What should you be doing?
Pull-ups, I’m trying to have really nice pecs.

[thirty-four] Who was the last person to make you upset/angry?
When this dumb baby kept crying on the bus. I’m like, you want something to cry about? I’ll give you something to cry about! Darfur. Feelin pretty selfish now, aren’t you? Yeah, drink that formula, you spoiled, ungrateful little brat.

[thirty-five] How often do you talk to God?
Only when I need something.

[thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
Yes. And I always tip Pedro well when he weed whacks at a decent hour, as not to disturb the neighbors.

[thirty-seven] If you could have any name in the world, what would you want?
Last name – Kennedy.

[thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Of course, how else do you expect someone to like me?

[thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
This is sooo 10 questions ago. Therefore I’ll think of a new question: What is your favorite food? Tacos, pizza, chicken burritos, chicken in general, tater tots, potatoes in general, bacon, bacon cheeseburgers, corn on the cob, tenderloins, steak, ice cream, cake, cake batter ice cream, apple cinnamon cheerios, most cereals, cheese, peanut butter, fried rice, hot dogs, everything my Mom makes, spaghetti, Subway sandwiches, cobb salads, fruit, cinnamon crunch bagels, vanilla wafers…I could go on if you'd like.

[forty] Who was the last person to make you cry?
Myself, I always moisturize too close to my eyeballs.

Let's put this to bed.

Today LZ and I chatted a little bit about what to take from his article. While I stand by everything I said in my blog, 100%, I can still acknowledge that there are truths within some of LZ's words. Long story short: civil rights aren't buzz worthy topics. You can't overlook one longstanding social injustice just because another social injustice has found its way into the headlines. You also can't call gay the new black, mostly because they're both huge issues that deserve equal attention. They're one in the same but they're also worlds apart. While I believe LZ discredits the urgency of the gay movement, or at the very least puts it on the back burner of his own agenda, he too acknowledges there's work to be done, fights to be fought. Obama himself has boldly claimed that he will fight on the behalf of the GLBT, and I expect he will stay true to his word. It may not be happening right this second, but I believe it will happen in time. Sooner than later, I hope.

Listen, passion is passion, Lord knows I have my passion-fueled moments, and others certainly have their own. I think it's a good thing. LZ is just as passionate as I am. Luckily for him, he has a bigger stage. I'll soon have my own. But in the meantime, I take back what I said about him. I believe it was "stick to writing about football" or something snarky like that. LZ has a voice that speaks broader truths as he sees them, popular or not. I'll keep speaking my truths, and I know he will too.

To end, like I've said many times before, minorities of the world: think big picture. Keep pressing the President, the Man, keep pressing the naysayers. Keep pressing yourself. Minorities will always have to work for what they want, what they deserve, big and small. Remember that the majority doesn't see through our eyes. Whether they realize it or not, the majority has the world in their hands, while minorities merely have it in their fingertips. Just remain positive. Fight skepticism with activism, fight cynicism with truth. Remain positive that the right people are in place, and the writing is on the wall. All in the name of progress.

It will happen.
We will happen.

Fight your fight.

LZ, consider this my half of the bridge. I hope you can build your half, too.

Unfortunately, I reread LZ Granderson's article again this morning, and it again infuriated me. I think I rushed through my first post concerning this article, so I'll take the time to better articulate my opinion about both this article and the issue at hand. And I, of course, will not fail to hint at my overall impression of Mr. LZ.

First, I will easily and without hesitation state that I believe LZ Granderson to be a racist as well as a homophobe. Despite his GLAAD and NLGJA awards for online journalism, his repugnant, elitist attitude toward white gay men surely, in my book, merits reconsideration of his GLBT leadership. In fact, I'd be lying if I said my hope-of-all-hopes didn't involve Mr. Granderson confidently Googling his name only to find this unfortunate reference as his first search return. LZ Granderson = racist. Fitting and, after his article, a title well-deserved. He needs to know how unabashedly ignorant he is post haste.

Second, lets dissect his article a little, shall we? Paragraph one, the intro, states "Far from flowing rainbow flags, the sound of Lady Gaga and, quite honestly, white people, stands a nightclub just outside of Wicker Park in Chicago, Illinois, by the name of The Prop House. The line to get in usually stretches down the block, and unlike many of the clubs in Boystown and Andersonville, this one plays hip-hop and caters to men who may or may not openly identify as gay, but without question are black and proud."

Right off the bat, LZ masters the fine art of segregation. Let me rewrite this from a white male perspective to see how traditionally racist this type of diction typically is:

"Far from flowing Hennessy, the sound of Lil Wayne and, quite honestly, black people, stands a nightclub just outside of Lincoln Park in Chicago, Illinois, by the name of Sidetrack. The line to get in usually stretches down the block, and unlike many of the clubs outside of Wicker Park and the South Side, this one plays pop and caters to men who certainly identify as gay, and without question are white and proud."

Do you think anyone could say such a thing, on CNN no less, and be perceived as a rational, open-minded, and non-racist adult?

No way in hell.

Back to the way LZ wrote it, in Chicago, there are two areas: one undignified area is for the trivial, assuming, unintelligent white gays whereas the other area is for the smart, "proud," closeted black gays that only like other black gays. Don't mix the two. No one in Prop House is mad at Obama for delaying gay rights (because, hey, Obama is a brother therefore he's always good in the hood), but every white guy at Sidetrack has their panties in an uproar for surely selfish and immature reasons, complaining about some inconsequential, unimportant issue like marriage rights or serving in the armed forces openly and proudly. Stupid stuff like that, according to LZ. Apparently, LZ still can't catch a cab and has been turned down from job after job, all because of the color of his skin. Whatever. "Still, rarely has criticism regarding Obama and the GLBT community come from the kind of person you would find standing in line at a spot like The Prop House, and there's a reason for that. Despite the catchiness of the slogan, gay is not the new black. Black is still black."

The kind of person you would find standing in line at a spot like The Prop house. Wow. That one sentence speaks volumes. All the black people in club lines throughout Andersonville and Boystown are really missing out on the some heavy-duty enlightenment, apparently. Somebody should tell them.

Back to my point, if anyone comes across as being whiny, it's LZ. His "gay is not the new black, black is still black" motto sounds something like a whine from the cancelled game show "Who Wants to be the Most Oppressed Minority?" I can hear Regis in the background asking, "Is that your final victim, I mean, answer?"

Get over yourself LZ. Black is a minority in the USA. Gay is a minority in the USA. Latinos are a minority in the USA. The disabled are a minority in the USA. ETC, ETC. We're all subordinate to the majority. African American injustices shouldn't be any more important or handled any more swiftly than any other groups' injustices, even though in most cases, they typically are. The public and political sensitivity concerning race is much higher than that of sexual orientation. But, if you ask me, African Americans are not the elite minority group, and should not be treated as such. How about a unified response toward inequality in general?

Apparently, LZ doesn't think there's a unified approach to inequality, "everybody wants to sing the blues, nobody wants to live them." So, what he's trying to say, in a very self-defeating way, is that because GLBT folk haven't endured the struggles and persecutions as African American folk have, GLBT in no way deserve swift justice? We haven't earned it? Interesting notion, but ask any member of the Jewish community about singing the blues. Yes, America had slaves and regarded blacks as property, but Jews were imprisoned and slaughtered by the millions, just for being Jewish. So, LZ, does a Jew trump an African American? Is that the way it works? The minority with the saddest story gets first crack at the microphone? No doubt, they both trump a white gay. It's going to be forever until I get up on stage! Ugh.

So, are African American's owed more than the GLBT folk? What if you're an African American GLBT? Wow this is tricky. It's like choosing between brownies or fudge.

And, this is an important lesson in history: it hasn't been a mere 40 years of struggle by gay Americans...its been hundreds of years that gay men and women have been silenced by our government. Its been hundreds of years that gay men and women have been viciously persecuted and shunned by religious groups. There have been thousands of gay-related murders and assaults stemming from hate crimes and intolerance. There have been thousands of suicides of gay children and adults committed out of fear and shame for being gay in both a country and time that doesn't understand or qualify being gay as a real or normal aspect of life, but rather a choice or lifestyle. So don't even set up a 40 vs. 400 scenario, LZ. It doesn't work and it's entirely offensive to say such a thing. It hasn't just been 40 years of being gay in America. First of all, it has indeed been 40 years since GLBT Americans have taken a strong, public, outspoken stance against intolerance, hate, and injustice. Secondly, for every GLBT man and woman, it has undoubtedly been a lifetime of undeserved inequality, for both those in and out of the closet, and continues to be day by passing day.

Yes, African Americans have endured 400 years of victimization and inequality, but, you know what? African Americans have every single guaranteed right a white man or woman does. African Americans witness no exceptions to individual freedoms just because of their skin color. Unequal civil rights no longer exist for African Americans. It has been written out of the books. The same cannnot be said about the GLBT community. So, by you, LZ, in an attempt to trump the minority groups by saying "We (African Americans) are the biggest and most deserving victims of oppression, so shame on you white gays for trying to make federal headway for your own, unimportant, selfish agenda" is not only ridiculous and shameful, but dangerous. You are reversing the role of a traditional racist and homophobic American. You, yourself a gay man, are shunning, quieting, and demeaning your fellow gay Americans, but even better, just the white ones. The black gays "get it."

?

We all get it. A long time ago, black people were slaves. A long time ago, black people were treated unjustly. A long time ago, equality did not exist for all citizens. You're 100% right. But you know what? It's 2009. Racism may still exist, but it's VERY unpopular. And if you don't believe me, ask any white person to say the N-word, openly, and see what the public response is. Ask Michael Richards what the public response was. Ask Don Imus what the public response was. Largely, our nation doesn't condone racism in any facet whatsoever. Now, try to say the F-word in public. See what happens. You're right, not much. You may get fired from Grey's Anatomy, but that's about it. A slap on the wrist. "That's not PC!" That's all.

In fact, to some, being gay doesn't even exist. It's not a real thing. Like I said before, it's a choice, a lifestyle. You're born straight and you choose to be gay. Simple as that. Or, if you claim to be gay it's because you're siding with the devil, or it's a sexuality disorder or an identity crisis. Something's wrong with you. Ask any religious person, and they'll tell you that gay people burn in hell, a notion and opinion that is deemed okay and acceptable by many Americans. Ask most state government officials in this nation and they'll tell you that if you're gay, you can't get married to your partner, regardless of how much you love him or her. That's the law. They may even go as far to say that they personally don't believe you should be married, just because you identify as gay. Take that! That's a political platform often seen. Nope, you can't receive health benefits or tax benefits or even state-recognition as a single family unit, simply because you're gay. Yes, you're an American, but you're also gay. You know, the one permissable discriminator of life, liberty, and happiness. The minority our Constitution doesn't protect. And don't even think about having kids, you'll just warp them because, surely, gay men and women are all pedophiles and freaks. Also, according to many, especially the talking heads on Fox: don't give GLBT any rights or liberties because it'll be seen as a gateway right: soon gays will undoubtedly try to marry goats or have sex with horses or something equally sick and perverted like that. All because you identify as gay. Now, if you identify as black...you can be married, you can certainly have children, and you can praise the Lord all day long and, when you die, you will go straight to heaven. Lucky you.

Again, if given the choice, I'm sure most gay people would rather be black than be gay. Why? Because being black is OK in America. No one gets to choose their skin color. We have to love all the colors of the rainbow. Unless that rainbow has anything to do with being gay. If that's the case, you can hate and be completely unsupportive and intolerant as much as you want without any social repercussion whatsoever.

So, in conclusion, LZ, for you to write this article suggesting that being gay is just one small bump in the road on America's path toward equality, I find you and your article to be appalling and ass backward. You can own your dissatisfaction with race and equality in America all day long. But, don't even think about disqualifying or lessening the seriousness of other minority groups' honorable plight for equality and justice within their own country. We all, as humans, deserve equal, civil rights, right now, regardless of your personal hierarchy of social importance. Black doesn't trump gay, the n-word doesn't trump the f-word, Obama is my President too, and regardless of his skin color, he is responsible for representing the gay agenda, especially as a self-described "fierce advocate for GLBT Americans."

Prove it.

LZ Granderson: get off your high horse. You're a minority, just like me. There's no line, there's no precedence. We're all here together, and we all need to be heard.

Love,
Ryan

PS: You better believe I'll be at the Prop House in the very near future. Can't wait to chat.

PSS: I would love for you, my readers, YouTube subscribers, and Twitter followers, to post your own thoughts about this article via any web outlet of your choosing. Make sure to let me know where I can find your postings.

PSSS: You can email your thoughts concerning LZ's article, or even my blog posting, to LZ himself: L_Granderson@yahoo.com

Just read this article on CNN. It was written by LZ Granderson, apparently a writer for ESPN.

In my humble opinion, LZ should stick to writing about sports. This article is atrocious, so much that it's almost funny. I'm not sure if I should be mad, offended, or intrigued by this article...it's surely a little bit of each.

My jist after reading this article, several times: black people, apparently, are elitists when it comes to oppression. They're America's #1 victim. Bar none. And to lobby for equal position by any other minority is a crybaby attempt at achieving something less important, right LZ?

As long as the 400-year equality-deprived African American gets his way, the gays and lesbians of the world can just wait around for their turn. Black trumps Gay.

My thoughts: oppression is not a competition. It's not a game. Everyone deserves equality. It's not about who suffered the most, or who has been around longer.

Don't play your card to me, LZ.

One article commenter, Alex, said something I emphatically agree with: I'd rather be black than gay.

So true. Black people have resisted settling, and have fought and triumphed in pursuit of equality in a nation that gave them few. And now they lecture at those who wish to do the same? He compares a gay person's pursuit of equality as "whining about having dessert before dinner."

What?!

This article is wrong in so many ways. Yes, black people had/have their struggles. It's undeniable. But to say gay rights, specifically white gay rights, are unequaled to the pursuits of black rights...? What?!

Are you serious LZ? He even goes as far to say that people who go to this Chicago black gay bar are intrinsically cooler and smarter than those who go to the mostly white-dominated Chicago gay bars.

??? This is borderline ridiculous.

We have a black President. Get over it. Has has many issues to deal with that aren't merited by skin color. It's merited because we're all humans.

It's weird to not coin black people as racists, but they sometimes are. And this article tip-toes the line.

Stick to football LZ.

the simple things in life. my basic needs.

white, brown, black, blue, oak, ceramic, slate, steel.

the sun is shining, the water blue, and the air warm.

my hair brushes aside as the fan oscillates a gentle breeze
the air tingles my skin

good morning sun rays.

my bed, my throne, all in white
sheets disheveled,
hanging from the bed

no time, no place, just here and now.
i'm free today.

my feet tip-toe across the wooden floor.
a response expected
creaks and groans, the floor has seen newer days, still beautiful tho
the inescapable scuffle sound suggests its time to sweep

i have a broom.

there's something about carpet that isn't simple.
cushy, perhaps, but intrinsically wrong

dirty even.

it suffocates my mind.

the floor must be bare. i walk haphazardly, i walk straight

in attempt to get to the kitchen
to pour a bowl of cereal, the reason i wake up

the bowl is too large, just the way i had planned,
but luckily the milk is almost out,
which is good. limits me

my eyes are always bigger than my stomach.

as i take the bowl back to my bed i think of my job,
my responsibilities, my salary, my place in life.

secured.
all made possible by me.

that makes me smile
as i sit indian-style.

yes i said indian.

i'm a part of this world independent of you. your thoughts and judgements. your problems.
independent of the rush on the street. independent of everyone.

depending on who's doing the measuring, i might not have as much as you. i might not be as good

but,

everything i do have, everything i am

is mine. and is perfect to me.

and it's as simple as that, really.

and that's all i need.

but i wish you were here.

GEEZ do I have to poo-poo everything in the world?

I hate sand
I hate people
I hate harry potter
I hate paying too much for canned soup

HATE HATE HATE. all day every day.

You guys, seriously, I'm as easy going as a cup of coffee on a Sunday morning.

Relax.

I'm not a hater. I love you.

Are you all serious about this Harry Potter stuff?

You're seriously serious?

Transformers, Harry Potter...I mean, what is it that's so amazing?

Are you all a little...crazy...or am I missing out on all that is so cool?

I'll go with the former.

I've never seen a single Lord of the Rings, not one Harry Potter, zero Transformers.

But I do own the entire series of Saved by the Bell.

This post will probably only entertain Chicago people, BUT, take a look at this pic (thanks Andrea for Facebooking it):



Um...this is North Avenue beach over the 4th of July weekend. WHAT THE BLEEP?! It looks like Cancun, Spring Break 09 in the worst way possible. Chicago has miles and miles and MILES of beaches and lakefront places to chill and hang out...yet everyone in the city goes to one spot apparently. When I go and lay out...I lay out in the grass outside of my building that's right on the lake. I don't even care for sand. Or people for that matter.

Wow.

Glad I was in Galva for the 4th. Population 2,700. Zero stop lights and 1 Subway Express.

Here's what we do instead:

People, do not underestimate the power of Elliott Yamin. His music is pretty good and always strikes a chord...somehow. I feel like I'm the only one listening to him. Poor Elliott. He even got his teeth fixed yall.

Sing it like Yamin it songs include:

Fight for Love
Can't Keep on Loving You
Don't Be Afraid
Know Better
This Step Alone

You guys, check him out. For seerz.

I just can't stop. This will all pass, I'm sure, but...in the meantime, enjoy some Miranda. I obviously do.

I know I've been obsessing about Mirandasings08 a lot lately, but I can't help myself. She cracks me up every time. Just a good, honest laugh. This video is no exception. My favorite part is around the 2:40 mark. Classic.

It's Friday. Sweet. It's been a whirlwind of a month already. So many people in and out, events here and there. I wake up tired each morning.

Reason being, one half of my patio blinds have weirdly come off track, therefore I can't close my blinds. Yep. Wide open. All eyes on me. FLIP. And, since I'm almost entirely

Mr. I.Can't.Fix.Anything.Regardless.Of.My.Sincere.Efforts.To.Do.So

I have yet to solve the bigger, actual problem at hand: the sun rises in the east and my patio faces due east. What a bitch. Another problem is that, nowadays, the sun rises around 5:30 AM.

Early bird.

A couple..no no..a smattering of dust particle-filled sun rays BURST into my room, not even bothering to knock. Rude.

EYES OPEN, READY OR NOT.

Son of a bitch, shit, eff, what time is it??!! Oh, 5:42 AM. Perfect. Waking up an hour and a half early is...perfect.

Let me be overly dramatic for a second: my bedroom is comparable to a tanning bed, minus the coconut smell and butt cheek crevice tan lines. Although, for some reason, my horrid tanktop tan line from two weeks ago never seems to fully blend in, shocking considering the amount of early-morning UV exposure I receive. J,M and J, ARE THERE ANY PERKS HERE!? Son of a bitch, mother ef.

OK, I feel better...Anyway:

I try my best to go back to sleep, god knows I'm tired enough to sleep til dinner. But, I can't sleep. It's so effing bright and my anxiety level has freakishly spiked realizing my precious sleep time before work is dwindling faster than Sarah Palin's presidential cred. As a buffer, I typically place a pillow directly atop my head...making sure it's merely sitting on my head and is in no way wrapped around or forced upon my head. No clamping. Just sitting atop. Nicely. A gentle breeze could easily knock it over.

I have issues when it comes to feeling smothered. In more ways than one.

I carefully rested the pillow on the side of my face as I tried to lull myself back to sleep, despite the rude awakening. Thought I was in the clear but, turns out, I must have moved my head ever-so because, this morning, my pillow fell off of my face, Jack-and-Jilled its way onto my nightstand, knocked over a half-empty...no no, it's Friday, a half-full glass of water, making the water then spill off of my nightstand and onto my latest issue of Details magazine, which, I might add, I haven't even read yet nor did I get to smell the cologne ads which is my favorite part of reading new magazines.

The John Varvatos wicker-chair-looking cologne, as of late, has made a stunning impression and may very well be an upcoming purchase. But who even knows now because the pages are sticking together.

SON OF A BITCH MOTHERFUCKER

I go in and out of turrets, just FYI.

TGIF.

AWARENESS

Houston, we have a problem:



CALLING ALL MEN - STOP YOURSELF. Plaid shorts have dominated the world. And your minds. STOP! The coordination of matching your tshirt to your flip flops to your plaid shorts has apparently trumped all other fashion options. I ask you WHY? I know, it's summer and we like to be extra casual, comfortable, and EXTRA quick when picking out what to wear each day, but c'mon. You don't have to go this route just because YOU CAN AND IT'S EASY TO. Nothing in life should be this easy. Take an extra minute. Spend an extra buck at H&M. Go with a solid short. Think J Crew.

If anything, just think.

No one will respect you in plaid shorts. You're a droid. Plaidroid.

Do not commit this crime against humanity. Somebody do something.

this too shall pass...this too shall pass

Rediscovered:

Porcelain - Moby
Sober - Kelly Clarkson
Hands of Time - Groove Armada
Come Here Boy - Imogen Heap
(Another Song) All Over Again - Justin Timberlake
Oh Lately It's So Quiet - OK Go
Talk Show Host - Radiohead
Prototype - Outkast
Under Pressure - Queen
Run - Air
In Particular - Blonde Redhead

A day late and a dollar short has ALWAYS been a circumstance of my life, I don't know why this occasion should be any different:

12:34:56 07/08/09 FAIL

iLike/iDontlike

iLike Skippy Peanut Butter, Natural & Creamy. It's pretty delicious. I could probably eat a jar as a serving. Just saying.

iDontlike Zappos.com. I recently ordered a few pairs of shoes from them. First of all, their prices are not competitive...at all. The only perk being free shipping. Secondly, they botched my order by sending me a pair of shoes I didn't order and not sending me the pair I did order. Thirdly, when I finally received the correct shoes...the shoes have MANY flaws, flaws indicating the shoes were perhaps returned by a customer, for whatever reason, but "processed" as new and sent to me as such OR they were a sample shoe in some store and then sent off to Zappos for legitimate purchase. Zappos sucks, I'll never use them again. Actually, never buy shoes online. It's just a bad idea altogether.

iLike Bumble and Bumble Sumotech. It's the perfect remedy for hold, fragrance, and gloss. A little pricey but it's worth it.

iDontlike the prices at Jewel-Osco. I'm an avid price watcher...if I were on the Price is Right, I'd totally sweep. Therefore, I'm not being El Cheapo when it comes to food prices...but c'mon. They're very high. $3.99 for a 1/2 lb of turkey? $3.49 for a can of Campbell's soup? Get real...Walmart has much better prices, even though they stiff their workers on wages and health care. But only one affects me. Is that selfish? I don't think so either. Go work at McDonald's.

iLike Trident Watermelon Twist gum, with Xyletol. It's sugar-free, it's delicious, and xyletol does something for you in a good way, but I can't remember what it was. Sorryz.

iDontlike Tide. I read somewhere that Tide fades clothes faster than any other laundry detergent. I personally use Gain, and once when I was checking out at Jewel-Osco (their laundry detergent isn't a bargain either) the checkout girl was like "oooh this is my favorite brand of detergent ever!" so therefore I feel as if Gain is the way to go. She then dissed me though because I didn't use Gain dryer sheets. She compared it to only wearing one shoe. Whatever. I guess that experience wasn't as cool as I thought. Dissing is mean.

iLike Sean John's cologne Unforgivable. It's the freshest smell I've smelled in a long time.

iDontlike Sean John, P Diddy, Puff, Diddy, Puff Daddy, Piffy, Duddy--all of it. All can take a leap.

iLike lotion. Any kind.

iDontlike the hard, crusty, hangy drop of lotion that dries up after pumping lotion out. Come a day later, you go to put lotion in your hand and that crusty lotion ball formed after yesterday's pump, goes in your hand and everywhere else but does NOT apply itself evenly to your skin. You can't even force smear it into your skin. It just hangs out in a a gross clump. Get out of here clump I do not have time for you. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that I hate you, dry hangy lotion ball. You make lotioning complicated and quite honestly I get a little bit of anxiety whenever I see forementioned lotion ball. Ugh. Life can never be easy.

iLike Ciara's song "Never Ever" featuring Young Jeezy. I feel as if I wrote that song. Plus I like saying the word Jeezy.

iDontlike anything performed by JayZ. Is there a space between Jay and the Z? I don't know and I don't care. Everything he does is annoying to me. His voice is very...lackadaisical. You know what I mean? I can't quite put my finger on it but something is off about him. His music flat-out sucks, yes, but there's more to this story. His talent is definitely up for interpretation. I interpret it as a slight...how do I say this delicately...retar, I mean, he sounds under-developed in many different ways. Yeah, that's it. Get out of here JayZ. Ain't got time.

byeeee.

(this is a mere observation. it's not about me and it's probably not about you. therefore don't jump to any conclusions.)

It's quite a disturbing sight: you.

Broken up with.
Hurt.
Jaded.

Mad.

So what do you do? You go to the gym, you cut your hair, you buy new clothes...you ditch everything that was you in a ridiculous attempt at portraying a new you.

It's a sham. You're a sham.
Be real for five seconds.

Yes, you look skinnier. Yes, you look different. Yes, you're single and ready to mingle. You've totally moved on, so over it. Mhm. Trust me, you've made all that crystal clear, despite what's written across your forehead.

You don't own a mirror anyway.

But, and take this in the most honest and serious way possible, no matter how many Facebook photo albums you create labeled "I love my life," no matter your waist size, no matter your fake smile, no matter your deliberate, obvious attempt to make yourself look like a happy, healthy, independant aka no longer a victim because you were too good to begin with i.e. their loss...regardless of all that, you've fallen short.

Way short. Taking the high dive into the kiddie pool, if you will.

It's written across your face. In plain English. Your insecurity. Your flaw.

Your sadness.

I know you didn't deserve it, but c'mon.

Don't get desperate for attention.

It'll just remind him or her of the reason behind dumping your ass.

(a statistic i just made up: 4 out of 5 people who are recently broken up with focus almost entirely on fixing their outside, rather than their inside.)

Look deeper y'all.

sums up my 4th

Is it just me, or is the post-death coverage of Michael Jackson becoming worse than the pre-death coverage? It's insane--the level of interest the media has in Michael's will, estate, children, debt, etc. Yes, I understand why there'd be an interest in how/why he died so suddenly...the world loved him and is in shock. But, really world, leave him alone. Draw the line. Pay your respects but also keep your interests in check. Some things in life aren't your business. Access is so easy and undeniable...but don't let that be your vice.

The vulture-like instinct of our curiousity is devaluing the human spirit. MJ died. It's tragic, it's sad, it's too bad. But it happened, and we move on. Don't disgrace his legacy and his children's lives by revealing every nook and cranny of his private life...just because you can.

This is exactly why I shut out this type of media. It's more harmful than we realize.

Our culture is screwed up.