Remaining positive at all times is a personal, constant goal of mine.
Today I have fallen short.
Let's be real, shall we?
OK go:
-I tweeted about the iPhone earlier. Its annoying me. Yes, I once owned an iPhone. Actually, I still have it, I just don't use it. (AT&T service blows something serious.) I'm now the proud owner of a Blackberry (applause). Now, let me preface this entry with the fact that I think the iPhone is a fine product. It's good. I guess my issues lie with the iPhoners. You perfect consumers. You ADD-product whores. I'll expand upon that later. In the meantime, let me take this opportunity to say that, in my opinion, Apple has gone too far. Simply put: they're dicks. Smart, tricky dicks. My reasoning: their original iPhone product should (could easily) have inclusively provided both the 3G and 3GS features within the very first go-around of the iPhone concept stage, but for some reason, Apple has smartly rolled out these features through 3 (not 1, not 2, but 3) phones. $$$$$$$$ Are you kidding me? Are you all that stupid? COPY/PASTE? Uh, wasn't that concept conceived a million years ago? Apparently not, you gotta pay extra for that shit! (Think Oliver Twist, please sir, I want some more?) OK, the first iPhone (the one I have) was coined THE SMARTPHONE THAT ENDED ALL SMARTPHONES. Cool product, I admit, except it had some major flaws (no picture messaging, no GPS capabilities, etc). The thing is, these basic technologies undoubtedly existed at the concept of the original iPhone, easily, but somehow didn't make the cut? That seems impossible. Weirdly (as well as annoyingly), Apple then rolled out the iPhone 3G which provided better, faster service. Wow, thank you for providing a new generation of iPhoners with better phone service and internet speed while we original iPhoners settle for a defunct product. Muchas gracias. Muchas. Then, to further trump their own greedy, technological douchebaginess, Apple rolls out yet another iPhone with 3 new features: cut/paste, a compass, and the picture/video messaging crap (insert John Gosellin eye roll here).
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: don't be stupid. (I realize it's too late for most of you.) This is exactly how they mass sell clone phones. It's not surprising, but very embarrassing to witness the startled, emphatic reactions of young consumers about the 3GS. Where can they slide their credit cards!?!? Gimme! (surprise, surprise, my generation and younger burn through money like no other). Money almost doesn't mean anything. Ugh. I don't think the arrival of Jesus Christ himself could generate as much buzz, interest, and cashflow as Apple products. The worst part is how easy it is for Apple to do this. In fact, you should just give them your money from now on. Yeah, that's the ticket...you all should just empty out your 401K (you probably don't even know what that is...(Wait, I'm supposed to save money for later? Never! Gimme that MacBook Air! It's so lightweight and completely retarded! I have to have it now!) and, instead, just put all monies into a savings account called "Ever Evolving Apple Shit." It's because of you that Apple endlessly mass markets and sells ever-evolving products i.e. "groundbreaking" products that are introduced, sold ($$$$$$), then smartly "updated" 6 months later for even more $$$$$$$$$$, then consequently sells its now deficient products to the desperate, technology-on-a-dime wannabe's (for even more $$$$$$$$$$).
Consumer: 0, Apple: Quadrillion
It's bullshit people. But it doesn't matter, does it? You're all too wrapped up in all those applications to notice anything happening outside of the iWorld. You all are a bunch of idiots that waste your money on the LATEST AND GREATEST because you can, you ADD-affected, materialistic, thoughtless, moneyless pieces of crap. Sorry, but you are. It's people like you that make the world a stupider, richer (in your personal case, poorer) place. Thanks for your vanity. Apple appreciates it.
And here I thought this current, massive recession and economic collapse would teach consumers how to be more responsible, to live within their means, to stop spending frivolously, and to make sound decisions, not give into impulsive, emotional reactions.
Nope, not the case here. Not even close. You iPhone 3GS'ers are all New Jersey housewives. Each and every one of you. Irresponsible, shameless, and distracted by shiny things. I'm embarrassed for you.
Also, gay men are some of the vainest men on Earth...and, coincidentally, in my opinion, they're undoubtedly the leading demographic of iPhone sales.
Weird...
