Dear GOP,
I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank the Republican party for, once again, boldly exemplifying to the American public (as well as the American family) concerning what the real meaning of "marriage" is actually about. Your constant struggle and defiance of Prop 8, civil liberties regarding marriage laws and equal rights, civil unions, adoption rights, gay rights, etc., are soundly justified via a growing list of admirable political figures and leaders, such as South Carolina's Gov. Mark Sanford, on a near daily basis.
Simply put--you're completely right. A marriage should only be defined as a union between a man and a woman, as evidenced in a threefold manner: 1) by the strong moral conviction of the American public concerning the sanctity of marriage (regardless of those pesky national divorce rates as well as increasing domestic violence and homicide rates), 2) the ever-evolving occurences of extramarital affair scandals among our nation's state and federal leaders, aka, the decision-makers, but most of all because 3) that's what God intended, right? And who better to decipher God's words than our Senators, Governors, Mayors, and Presidents (aka our Christian brothers and sisters). They're close enough in power and significance to dictate our nation's moral compass, right? Of course they are, why else would they be in power? AND, without doubt, Gov. Sanford, et. all, has humbly demonstrated that only a functioning, safe, and normal family can only be comprised of (exclusively between) a father figure and a mother figure...nothing less and nothing more. Anything outside that scenario is plain ridiculous and harmful. Obviously, two Dads or two Moms is an absurd idea, surely the morbid daydream of some pedophiliac, devil-worshipping pervert, aka homosexual.
Gays and marriage, puhlease. No way. It's bad enough they can get jobs so easily.
Look at me, getting completely off tangent here. Anyway, back to glorifying the Republican standard of decency and tradition--Governor Sanford has truly captured the time-honored ideals of a real "family unit." What, with his four smiling children, a devoted wife by (near) his side--they're practically a poster family for the American dream; all the while effortlessly strengthening the core dynamic between a husband and his wife, a father and his children. There is no greater image in God's eyes. And surely the big JC winces whenever he looks at Rosie O'Donnell.
Ugh.
Regardless, your unshakable role in preserving traditional family values has, once again, validated in stone the inarguable reasons why both a marriage and a family can only be defined (and protected) when between a man and woman. Tis true perfection.
Congrats, and God bless.
ryansumner
PS. Barf.
