Reasons Why I Dislike Facebook:
1. It's generally creepy.
2. People get real uncomfortable when you reference Facebook in human-to-human conversation.
3. Endless pictures are posted with no meaning whatsoever. It's especially interesting when people take pictures of the inside of their home or while at the zoo.
4. Tagged photos--unless, by some random act of God, you actually look decent in the tagged pic, rather than just the person posting it. That almost never happens though.
5. Status updates: as if we need to know that you're headed to class or bored at work. Really? No. We don't.
6. "Likes this" thumbs up. Very Michelle Tanner you got it, dude reminiscent.
7. Poking, the most non-useful feature currently available to mankind. If someone poked me in real life I'd ask them what the eff their problem was. Quit it.
8. Wall posts: "OMG hi! My phone died. That's why I haven't called you back in a week. I miss you, let's do something sometime!" Um, your phone didn't die, your social skills died hence why you would regard a wall post as an appropriate form of communication.
9. People who quote themselves under the Quotes section.
10. Recent surge of ranking lists, tagging your friends on posters with cartoon characters of different shapes, sizes, and perspectives, and "Fan of" everything. You're a fan of sleeping? Cool, me too. Who cares? No one.
11. Endless emails/notifications when people comment on the same thing you commented on as well as those who "reply to thread" on group emails. Somebody find me something sharp, stat.
12. "Lost my cellphone/Need your number" events.
13. The sheer amount of time and energy a large portion of the world spends on Facebook. If only we had a WorldHungerBook or AIDSBook or TheEconomyBook, the world would be a much better place.
14. Stalking is now universally acceptable via Facebook Feeds.
15. People who assume posting (and tagging) photos taken during high school years (or earlier) is a form of heartwarming nostalgia. It isn't. It's harrassment and, most times, defamation.
16. Friend requests from anonymous strangers. BAD IDEA, almost always.
17. The cruciality of one's "relationship" status. How barf-tastic is it when you read "X is in a relationship with O" ?? It's like a Page Six headline minus the whole celebrity aspect.
18. The user interface of Facebook is becoming more and more like putting together a Dalmation jigsaw puzzle.
19. Similarly, posting a YouTube video on someone's wall is much harder than one would expect.
20. Profile picture cropping: it's hilarious to see the lengths people go to to crop themselves out of a group picture. It's pretty desperate. I mean, do you look THAT good in this one ensembled-photo op or do you generally take bad pictures and have nothing else to work with?
21. Facebook notes. What is the point? No one will take anything you say seriously if it's via a Facebook note.
22. Facebook has practically eliminated the chance for most users to ever become President. You know there's something, somewhere, that you're not proud of...on Facebook.
23. The illusion of friends. In real life, I have about 15 people I'd call actual friends. On Facebook, I have 160 friends, which has been slimmed down from a previous tally of 235. Facebook is a social fantasy land.
24. Have people finally stopped buying gifts? I mean, it is/was the equivolent of putting a dollar bill through a paper shredder, then placing the money shreds in a hamster cage for your hamster to shit, pee, and sleep on.
25. It's very possible that your Mom has a Facebook profile. Need I say more?
Nope.
Reasons Why I Like Facebook
1. If you didn't have a Facebook profile, I'd question the content of your character as well as assume you were a psychotic, pervert serial killer whose anonyminity is crucial to fulfilling a mission of hiding in someone's closet while they get ready for bed then pouncing on them the very second their eyes close, then of course stabbing them repeatedly until their neighbors report suspicious sounds coming from next door.
Simply put, if you don't have a Facebook profile...something's wrong with you.
