Lately I've been going through this period of materialism and self-obsession. I've been thinking about spring and summer, wondering which clothes I want to buy that will look perfect on me and make me feel like a million bucks. What kind of trunks do I buy for the beach? Do I go with board shorts or slightly out of my comfort zone with above-knee trunks? A constant hem-haw over the gadgets I want/need, whichever comes first; I need a new Nano because my iPhone is on its way out the door, I have a new Blackberry that needs more GBs, I need new aviators because my last pair lost a screw and also because I've determined that aviators are the only type of sunglasses I feel comfortable in. I need new Diesels because, really, who could ever have enough? I really want new dining room chairs, the kind in the magazine that are totally Zen-perfection.
I also need to go to the gym because no one is going to want me if that t-shirt I just bought at American Apparel doesn't fit like a glove made in heaven. Should I wear my bangs up or wear my bangs down? I wonder what that guy does to have such great calves, I want great calves, my calves are so far from adequate I can barely look at them. Does this jacket square off my shoulders? My butt is looking great these days since, even though I hate it, I'm marching up those 32 flights of stairs to my apartment EVERY DAY, even if it kills me. My teeth are white but they could probably be whiter...American Idol white.
OKAY ENOUGH.
Luckily, I have the mindset that knowledge is power. I'm currently reading a book entitled "How to Know God" by Deepak Chopra. It's completely enlightening and fascinating and yes, I'm getting to know God. I'm beginning to see God in ways I never have before, and that's a relief. At the same time, I'm learning more about myself, the good and the ugly. At the forefront of this new found enlightenment, one passage in particular keeps buzzing my brain like a gnat on a terrorist mission:
Persons in power should be very careful of how they deal with a man who cares nothing for sensual pleasure, nothing for riches, nothing for comfort or praise or promotion, but is simply determined to do what he believes to be right. He is a dangerous and uncomfortable enemy, because his body, which you can always conquer, gives you so little purchase upon his soul.
Detachment renders the use of power impotent. The God of peace doesn't validate how good you are by giving you money or status. You validate yourself from within, and this equates with God's blessing. At this stage of inner growth, the power of going inward is veiled; there is a darkness and a cloud of unknowing. Yet somehow the pull toward spirit is real. For all the outer sacrifices, something seems to have been gained.
This excerpt was so interesting to me because I found it to be so true. We as human beings are extremely dependent upon material and ego to make ourselves feel safe, feel important, feel comfortable, but yet inwardly we are undoubtedly insecure and weak individuals. Duh, we should already know that by now, but do we? I don't think we do. Often, the world is our enemy because it can always defeat us. How so? We feel invincible, but we aren't. We don't like to think about it, but our world can crumble at any point in time, but will your soul crumble with it? More than likely. We can lose our jobs, our stocks, we can be ravaged by natural disaster and feel completely inadequate, we can be rejected by peers and feel like a hideous, undeserving beast. Why? They're all possessions, they're all status, they're all ego. And that's the problem. While our outer physical offerings and materials deem great value, our destitute souls lie in extreme poverty. Problem. At this rate, the only threat we pose is to ourselves. We masquerade a perfect, attractive, and seemingly happy existence but, at a conscience level, we know better than that. We can recognize our own insecurities, we just choose not to. We push it aside. But, our one brain is made up of two halves, you know, one half is creative and artistic and the other half relies on science and five senses.
Simply put, on some level, we know our shit stinks.
Deepak makes another interesting point when he says, You will learn a lot about human motivation once you realize one thing: 99% of humanity spends 98% of their time trying to avoid painful truths.
Essentially, that's why we live our lives outwardly. We build ourselves up on the outside because it's easy to. A lot easier. But inward we are nothing but shallow, searching, purposely peace-deprived, and uncertain. We can all have great bodies, but can we all have great souls? I don't know. Ultimately, until we can somehow learn to let go of the external and to depend on the internal to lead, to support, to affirm our existence...life, love, God, and peace will be nothing but words in your head.
Until then, your body will always be conquered. And your soul will be too weak to fight.
One thing is for sure: I have a long way to go. But like I said, knowledge is power.
