Rules I Live By: the bible of ryansumner
1. Always be seen smiling. Even if it hurts.
2. Never own average-sized cereal bowls, wineglasses, coffee mugs, or conditioner.
3. White socks never go above the lowest part of your ankle.
4. Always have bread available; possibilities for quick meals are endless with a loaf of bread.
5. Never be shirtless in a bar or club. Ever. The beach...that's it.
6. Keep your wallet tidy and organized at all times. Nothing is worse than unfolding one of those huge, card/coupon-cluttered, quarter-pounder wallets. Gross.
7. Male jewelry should be kept to a minimum at all times; i.e. shell necklaces are never acceptable, nor are cuff bracelets, thumb rings, or eccentric belt buckles.
8. Keep your chin up, back straight, and shoulders back when walking.
9. Straws are optional.
10. Keep toothbrush up-to-date.
11. Look people in the eye (or at least the face area) when they ask you how you are doing, then return the question while keeping the focus.
12. Drink a half gallon of water per day, minimum.
13. Jeans/pants should always have some sort of fit...whether its your ass, crotch, or thigh/knee. It's not always just a waist/length scenario. Avoid potato sacks at all times.
14. Choose a liquor you can mix with water. Keeps you hydrated throughout the night and validates your "I never get hangovers!" statement you always gloat about.
15. Vodka raises your body temperature, making you appear red and/or sweaty. Avoid it.
16. Facebook status messages shouldn't purposely evoke self-pity, emotional disturbance, or inner/outer turmoil. Keep it light.
17. Also, and similar to rule #5, never be shirtless in your social-networking site's profile picture.
18. Always lock the bathroom door, even if you're alone.
19. Move toward the back of the bus. Up front is nothing but geriatrics and weirdos.
20. On a first date, choose something on the menu you can eat with a fork. Second date, anything goes.
21. Give restaurant leftovers to the homeless; you're not going to eat it anyway, especially if it has lettuce on it.
22. Bye, not buh-bye.
23. Red and yellow are not your colors.
24. Never blow your nose in earshot of another person, unless it's unpreventable.
25. Generally, 3 minutes in the microwave or 425 degrees in the oven for cooking anything that's frozen.
26. If you're getting ice cream, Starbucks dessert, or Chipotle-anything, you must first walk to (and later from) its farthest location, within reason.
27. Get out of bed immediately after you turn off the alarm. If you pause and close your eyes, you're a goner.
28. You'll never find what you're looking for in a bar. You know it to be true.
29. LOL is not in your vocabulary. Neither is lol.
30. Never answer a cell phone call when someone is talking to you. It's always rude.
31. Do not be rude to people, unless they have it coming.
32. Spend money on good bedding.
33. Do not overspend on shoes, no one looks at them anyway unless you're a girl. But avoid bad shoes--people will judge you based on the bad ones. For sure. Not that you care, but you know you've done it to others.
34. You need Centrum. Don't forget to take it every day.
35. I swear, the air that comes out of the overhead airplane vent thing irritates my skin. Turn it off, or flow it in a direction that does not hit your face.
36. Trees cry when you pick off their leaves for no reason.
37. If you think that it might be just a little too small, it's too small.
38. Exclamations points should be used sparingly!
39. One pump of butter at the movie theatre, one dollop of sour cream, and 3 donut holes, max. Anything more than that and you're asking for it.
40. 180's will never touch your head again. Never again. What were you thinking in the first place?
41. Redbox is a one day rental. ONE DAY. Not two. Not three. One. That's why it costs $1. Take it back the next day. The next time you see $3 on your receipt email, don't be so surprised and feel so cheated.
42. Lotion should always be accessible. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
43. Make a list. You'll never remember everything. Plus, how good does that check mark feel? The best.
44. Do not return phone calls with a follow-up email or text message.
45. Year-round warm weather is for lazy, uninspired people. Embrace the cold. Embrace the elements. Feel the wrath. Revel in surviving. Spring is that much prettier and summer is that much more sacred.
46. If you're ever thinking in depth, pondering life, choosing a route--play Feist or Air in the background. It helps.
47. Spelling and punctuation are almost always necessary. Also, think before and while you speak. Be aware of your surroundings. Determine a level of appropriateness. Know when to change the subject. Know when to leave.
48. Class before ass.
49. You hate bragging. If it's on your end though, recognize the bragging opportunity and avoid it. Subtle it down.
50. Be happy with what you have, what you can do, and who you are, even when you stray from the rules.
