Today I realized that I have a problem. Which one, you ask? There are so many, I know. But today it's this one:
I cannot, for the life of me, make eye contact with strangers. Can't do it. Abort mission immediately.
Why? I know, right. What's so hard about looking at a stranger face-to-face, eye-to-eye? On their behalf, I assume their reasoning is that it's an attempt to connect, an attempt to flirt, an attempt to show possible interest...I get it. Yes.
But, to me it's a threat. I know it's not really a threat or meant to be a threat (hopefully), but my immediate reaction reflects that I'm threatened or uncomfortable...which I sort of am, regardless of my own possible curiosity and/or interest in returning the gaze.
Even if I wanted to look, I couldn't. Oh no, nuh-uh, not happening. Can't.
OR, I could be super shadebally and look back when they're not looking, and then when they catch me looking, I easily pretend that I'm looking to just the left of them or just the right of them, so that it's completely plausible that I was never actually looking at them in the first place. Just, you know, seeing what was going on behind them...
I know I'm insane, just work with me here.
Some people are OVERLY aggressive though with the eye contact. If so, that's called staring. I'm not insinuating people are staring at me specifically but we've all been to bars or some type of social establishment where people will look at you without stopping. We've all been there and done that/had it happen: You might, at first, suspect someone is staring at you, so you glance their direction and YEP. Looking straight at you. OK, so let a few moments pass then casually look back again to see if they stopped. NOPE, still staring, OK, a little awkward. Let's try one more time, NOPE, still staring. The central problem here is that every time you look at them to see if they've stopped looking at you, you make eye contact with the starer which is essentially furthering the starer's objective of continuously staring. You get me?
See that's a problem. But that's not my problem.
Work with me, I'm going somewhere with this, I swear...
I'm single. I don't necessarily want to be. Or maybe I do? Eh. Anyway.
In this day and age, it's perfectly normal and acceptable for people to find each other online: Match.com, Myspace,...Craigslist, whatever your agenda may be, you could easily find somebody, anybody, 24/7, from your home computer. No 3-dimensional people required.
I, myself, am not so much interested in that.
You could also venture down to your local watering hole and creep around, buy drinks, stare...whatever. It has worked for many, many people over the years. Sure.
But, again, eh, doesn't work for me.
I know, it should work for me because its easy and that's just how it works. But, what, with the loud music, thousands of conversations going on at once, constant shuffling to the bar and back, squeezing and maneuvering around people in what looks like an endless buffet line, I have all but given up on meeting someone new and wonderful in a bar. After years of experience, it ain't happening. I can see that. I respect that. And it's probably for the best.
So, where do you find a potential, suitable mate? Well, my theory as of late believes my best bet is in the everyday world that we live in: in the grocery store aisle, on the bus, walking to work, checking-out at a clothing store, on the sidewalk, at the gym (the sauna doesn't count), or anywhere, really....anywhere you're least expecting it, that's where it happens. Or so they say. And so I hope.
And for good reason.
Mostly because the pressure is off...neither you nor the unsuspecting potential person are looking for each other. I mean, you are, wherever you are, in that specific location just because, but not in an attempt to purposely meet somebody. You're just doing your thing, going about your life and whoops, oh, hey you, hi, what's up? (internally or externally spoken.) You get where I'm going? Since you're not in a bar, where we all know why people go to bars (unless you're an alcoholic), there isn't an assumed "come over here and talk to me, after all, that's why we're both here" atmosphere. You can either take the surprise opportunity and act or leave it like it never existed. Drop it like it's hot. Very easy.
Sort of.
Keep reading, folks. I do have a point although it took an incredible amount of time to get to it:
This is where eye contact comes in. So, okay, everyday world, right, so let's say we're on the bus. The 145, specifically. A stranger makes eye contact which normally translates into "Hey, I find you somewhat attractive or interesting looking and I want you to know that." Okay, message received, now it's my turn to return the eye contact as an attempt to say "Ditto."
But that's not what happens when I'm at the wheel. To me their eye contact suggests "Yo, you and me, my place, now." And if I connect and look back my return message translates to "It's on!"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wanted my return message to say "I like your hair" not "do me now!"
Ok, Ok, Ok, I know it doesn't really suggest any of the thought processes above, but like I said, in my head, it so does. Hence, my problem.
So what do I do instead? Oh, I immediately focus my attention somewhere else, anywhere really, like out the window, at a different person who doesn't happen to be looking at me, or, easy enough, I simply look down.
Coward! God, get over it you freak! (internal monologue)
I can't, and I need to work on it. Seriously.
And what happens if you make eye contact with someone and then, on top of that, they smile?
Oh Lord, help me. Help me now.
