fyi: the sick, disgusting part of this whole video was that i was literally waiting for the kid to fall out of his seat and to his death. sorry, but why was he allowed to ride this rollercoaster and how did he not fall out?? physics...i thought for sure he was a goner. i was nervous for him.

anyway, i love everything else about this vid...from the ohhh's to the wowww's to sounding like "ma" from babe and all things ewe-like to the varying look of both elation and fear upon his face.

but mostly the the fear...he definitely gave good "oh shit, i'm toast" face.

love it so much

happy halloween from ryan (left) and kelly (right). they're (we're) beyond adorable.

cnn.com has a new layout and daddy does not like it!

like all things that receive modern updates and facelifts, it will take time, i will adjust, and life will go on...

but daddy does not like!

another fear has been validated. who what where when why and how?

all good questions, i'll tell you:

theory: aliens exist.

w: insects vs. aliens
w: are aliens on earth
w: all over this world
w: now
w: i just looked at this photo album of extreme closeups of insects and holy EFF...it was incredibly amazing and wildly scary at the same time. insects ARE what we perceive to be aliens. they're one in the same. if insects were any larger we'd be effed so, so bad. i hope they come in peace.
h: go to www.msnbc.com and look at the "insect slideshow" and you'll see exactly what i mean.

ps. there's a pic of a white, striped horse fly that instantaneously reminded me of kanye west during a music video. see if you know what i mean.

they're here. omg. aliens are real and they're here. how dd we not know this already?

facebook is amazing for one reason, and one reason only.

it validates my deepest, inner-most judgements:

the hot people of yesteryears are fat and ugly present day.

muahahahaha, sweet justice.

what happened to you!?!?!?

god i feel so good.

it's a weird notion to me that we (and i don't know who we are, just a collective identity i guess) are obsessed with others making us "happy."

as if you can't be a happy person on your own? nope, you need someone to reassure you that, repeat after me, yes, you are happy. even if it's the mere physical presence of another person, i.e. that relationship you've been dreaming about all your life...that's all you need to be happy? to be normal?

by golly, cling to that boyfriend/girlfriend label with your tightest death grip! they're all you have! you can't be happy alone! never let go, jack!

i've had it happen to me. a la valentines day. i was stupid:

oh god, i'm alone. nobody wants me. i must be worthless.

omg, idiot. what's the desperation about? seriously...get over yourself. why would anyone want you if that's your train of thought: i'm worthless unless someone else can see the good in me. i hope i'm good enough for someone to take a chance on.

uf.

watch a freaking romantic comedy without going WHY OH WHY CAN'T I BE IN LOVE?

stay in on a friday night without thinking AM I A BIG, FAT LOSER? PASS THE HAAGEN DAZS!

say no to that drunk man/woman at the bar I'LL TAKE YOUR LOVE, EVEN IF YOU THINK I HAVE TWO HEADS. MY PLACE OR YOURS!?

have some respect.

and get real while you're at it.

your implusive, illogical attempts for getting someone to love you depress me.

i can't imagine how you must be feeling then.

grow a pair, relax, loosen up, and don't take yourself so seriously. sociopaths aren't sexy. confidence is sexy.

own yourself.

i hope you find whatever it is that you're looking for...

but, in the meantime, i bet if you found yourself, you'd be a lot less unhappy during your pursuit.

i've tried to write several blog postings between yesterday and today and nothing is working out quite right.

bear with me while i get my shit together.

hieee.

i had a great weekend. did you?

i have only a couple things to talk about today...which is surprising considering i've had the "new post" window open for hours now and i've yet to jot anything down. it's monday.

but, here's what i do have:

1) i'm still enraged at balloon boy and his freakshow family. including the dad's hairstyle. what is up with that? no pun intended. anyway, the emotions i went through that day...and for what?! a publicity stunt? all i can say is that it's a good thing for the heene family that there is a lot of ground between illinois and colorado. because if i were any closer, well...you know my position on spanking. swats for the entire clan! bare ass-style.

2) i'm 90/10 on the idea of taking a half pto day so that i can go home and nap. i'm unreal tired at the moment and being awake seems masochistic. the only thing keeping me at work is the fact that i wore a super cute outfit today and i feel that not enough people have seen me bouncing around in it yet. it's not easy, people.

3) i wanted to let you all know that i'm submitting writing posts to my friend's/coworker's site cinderblockracer.com. now, my own blog has one policy and one policy only: honesty. even when it hurts. so i will be honest and say that i have no idea what cinderblockracer.com is about. i don't even know what the name means. however, i do know that my friend allen, the site keeper, has created a nicely-designed site about most things sci-fi. and i say most things because there are a few, select items featured on the site that are non-sci fi that i surely know about, such as...music (allbeit music i've never heard of) and there are games (allbeit i've never played a playstation in my life--the controller alone intimidates me) and there are links for all things considered awesome (allbeit i would assign a wtf is that? to most said awesome stuff, because, what is it? it does what?)... so again, i say most things sci fi because not all is entirely lost on me.

ok, ok, all is pretty much entirely lost on me.

mostly because i have zero sci-fi knowledge. and yes, bear with me as i lump everything i don't understand as "sci fi." but honestly, i never watch sci-fi movies, including harry potter, lotr, spiderman, xmen...i don't read comics, i don't know alot about computers, or computer programs, i don't even know most features on my cell phone besides call, text, and brickbreaker. long story short: i don't know a lot about anything besides my own, personal, drama-fueled existence which is highlighted by my impulsive, obnoxious opinion/perspective.

there you have it folks. a day of honesty.

i'm all about letters of dissatisfaction, letters to the editor, sticking it to the man, and general observation of the negative type.

but, sometimes i branch out. such as cinderblockracer.com. and i will say that the site has a lot to offer in many, many different areas, any of which could be right up your alley. i think i could learn a lot via this site and that is what's cool about it. you know my motto is knowledge is power.

so, go to the site, peruse, and let me know what you think/someone please explain to me who and what wolverine is.

after yesterday and this morning...i don't know if my longstanding desire to have children is a good idea anymore.

yes, i'm talking about balloon boy. i'm obviously not a parent of this child, related to the child, nor do i have any emotional attachment to him or his family. but as a hopeful, someday family man...my stomach was in knots, my mind racing, and my heart in two.

all of my life, i've wanted nothing more than to raise my own children. until now...

what happened yesterday!?!

long story short: i went through a gambit of emotion. we all know what happened, so let's just cut to the chase and talk about me for a second. for some reason, i overwhelmingly empathized with this family and falcon as if i were an integral part of the unfolding situation. first off, watching that balloon soar over colorado at what looked to be a thousand mph...i was dying inside. i was so nervous, i was sweating terribly, i felt completely sick to my stomach...i just couldn't handle it. at all. i felt as if i was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. and this wasn't even my child. my mind kept asking itself, if he indeed was inside that contraption, how horrifying would that have been for a 6 yr. old child? i'm a 27 yr old adult and had it been me up there, i would have gone ape shit bananas insane suicidal think-it-over wwjd...all of it.

i couldn't even begin to imagine it, and the fact that i did have to imagine such a scenario broke my heart into pieces because it wasn't me up there, but rather a baby. and i don't care if he's 6, 6 yr olds are incapable of supporting or thinking for themselves. he's a baby. so, when i found out that he wasn't inside that thing, whatever it was, i felt even worse because where was my baby!?!?!

ok, ryan, cool it...he's not your baby. you are one of the millions of people watching this unfold. semmer.down.now.

but i couldn't. i was so distraught i couldn't concentrate on anything else. when i arrived home that evening i was immensely relieved to hear that falcon was being an enormous brat by hiding in the attic the entire time. some even say he was taking a nap in a box. aw, that's cute. but bad! the roller coaster he put me on! i wanted to hug him and slap his behind at the same time. yes, i'm a firm believer in spanking. controlled spanking. as a teenage babysitter, i would spank other people's children for them. and you know what, those kids were raised right and are looking to be successful adults. a-thank you. save your hate, readers.

back to topic, i couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be in the position of balloon boy's parents though. especially considering the family's shenanigans aren't exactly what i would call child friendly.

but if this news story wasn't bad enough, this morning i noticed that the family was interviewed by the today show...so i of course clicked the link and was horrified to see balloon boy puking on live television. when it rains it pours apparently. first off -- i've been there. i've had many a small child either puke directly on me or puke within range of me (c'mon, i was a professional babysitter, ymca all-around-do-every-job-position employee, and lifeguard for many, many years. puke happens a lot.) it's a horrid experience no matter the setting. but, the reaction of the dad was priceless during the heave-ho. he was soo caught off guard by his son's retching that i commend him for still doing the interview without flipping shit and being like "uh, meredith, can you shut up for five seconds, my kid just barfed on me randomly, and truth be told, it's been a long 24 hours. interview over."

but, he kept his cool and there was some redeeming factor to that...even tho i still think that family is messed up. majorly. word to the wise: stop putting your children in dangerous predicaments such as, i don't know, hurricane chasing and homemade floatation devices. (!)

then, thanks cnn, i just had to stumble upon this news story to, again, put my emotions and pulse back into an unstable state.

holy eff. what is happening in this world!? am i, ryan sumner, really able to be a better parent than these people? i sure to god hope so because if not, future sumner offspring, i apologize now for any future turmoil i may put you through. i hope you survive.

bleep!

i have a confession which you may or may not be ready for...but you'll just have to deal with it:

halloween is one of my least favorite holidays.

i know i know, i can already hear the gasps and feel the sense of disappointment furrowing in your brow. but hear me out...

now, i didn't say that i hated halloween. in fact, i love this time of year: i love carving pumpkins, i love trick-or-treaters (the real kind...you know, kids dressed up cute? remember those?), i love all things spooky and scary like movies and haunted houses and the like.

i love fun-size candy bars, which, really...that's what halloween is really about, right?

but, i don't dress up. or should i say i absolutely loathe dressing up. i've only been forced to do it a few times in my life and i'm glad to say that those peer pressure days are long gone. and to be quite honest, i don't like it when you dress up either.

i will, however, give props to those whom try. i think it's admirable - the amount of ambition, money, and time you dedicate toward finding the perfect costume. sort of. i'd rather put my money toward clothing items i'd wear more than once a year, but that's just me. but again, "some of you" do really spectacular things that are amazing and include elaborate makeup and get-ups that have so much detail i don't know if it's halloween or if i fell into that same damn hole alice did, making wonderland my new playground. hi everybody! that cat is pretty!

and just for the record, just because i don't like to dress up doesn't mean that i'm not fun. i'm not a party pooper. i'm not a dud. any of you who actually know me know that i can be the life of a party. i'm a great conversationalist, i've never met anyone that didn't like me (give or take a few extreme, isolated incidents), and i know how to work a room. so don't prejudge me as a debbie downer. i'm actually a fun franny.

but, back to my point, halloween is ruined for me on a few levels:

1) girls
2) gays
3) bars

first, girls. they single-handedly ruined halloween. halloween is no longer about dressing up as a ghost or a vampire. thanks to the female species, it's about naughty nurses and stripper cops. its about showing as much tna as humanly possible and getting screwed at the end of the night because of it.

second, gays. you're in the same exact boat. it's no longer about being he-man or a power ranger. it's about being the half-naked operation guy or michael phelps in all his speedo glory. it's about look at these abs, i've been starving for weeks to get'em! somebody, anybody, look at me!

you peeps ruined it. i want to go on a hayrack ride, not see how much vodka you can consume in your trojan costume that, correct me if i'm wrong, if that's all the clothing/protection actual trojan fighters wore back when...um, you'd have a spear through your sixpack in nanoseconds. i.e. i'm pretty sure they wore more protective clothing than that. skin exposure was the enemy. history is frowning.

long story short: yes, not all of you girls fall into this category and yes, not all of you gays fall into this category either--i know that, delete that nasty email you were about to send to me. this is just my interpretation of why i don't enjoy halloween.

i'm the kind of guy that likes to stay home, chill, watch the original halloween movie while keeping tally of the body count, get creeped out by all of the spooky spiderwebs i hung everywhere, and last but certainly not least, somehow force myself to stay away from the fun-sized snickers because, you know, it's for the trick-or-treaters. how sad will they be when all i have left is butterscotches and peppermints? they want bars! but i want bars, too. but i only eat the fun-size bars because they're healthier, right? eating just one wouldn't hurt anything. until one turns into 17.

zoops.

anyway, i get it. you're crazy about halloween. it's your most favorite day of the year because wooo! party!

3) bars. everyone goes to the bars for halloween. where else would you be? my two main categories, the girls and the gays, go there to show some tail, get some tail, and hopefully have their tail still attached to their costume by the end of the night. you can't get a drink from the bar because surely a girl or more likely a gay has wings on that take up a good five feet. i need a scotch! and you sir need some scotch tape because, last time i checked, tinkerbell was a girl and by the look of things...you're not.

ugh, i couldn't be farther away from all that hub-bub. in fact, i'll be in galva for halloween...the furthest place from fun, possible. instead, i'll get to take pictures of my nephews and niece dressed up in actual costumes, i'll get to carve a pumpkin bc god knows my parents aren't going to (i'm also the one who has to both put up and decorate the christmas tree, otherwise it'd never go up. and if anyone else in my family attempted to do it, the tree just wouldn't look right and i'd have to ultimately re-do it anyway), and i get the joy of rationing out candy to all those cute trick-or-treaters who come to the front door with their winter coats on over their costumes because the midwest is a big, fucking stick in the mud when it comes to having decent weather. oh, you're supposed to be spiderman? you look like an oversized columbia coat.

happy halloween everybody.

watch the video below to learn how to fight bullies like a true bitch!

you gotta love any how-to video that teaches you how to effectively slap a face or groin, pull hair, or distract via a handful of candy to the face. brilliant. these are bully defense essentials people!

pow!

the nanner is back yall. for us in the east and midwest, it's appropriately titled goodbye fall. these songs make me think of overcast days, leaves falling, and the nostalgic smell of days past. i love this time of year, even though it's a bit chillier than normal.

i chose the following songs for the following reasons:

blur - i think the lyrics to this song are pretty hilar, but the melody and tone of brit's voice is revealing, makes me recall my own blurred moments with that intoxicating beat. love it. there's no sense in acting like we're perfect, angels from above, and this song reveals our mistakes, while at the same time going on with life without missing a beat. my favorite part: i think i need an aspirin.

between the sheets - let's face it...being between the sheets on those cold, overcast, fall weekend mornings is one of the best moments life has to offer. you know where to find warmth. it's almost magical, so when it happens, revel in the moment of being between the sheets. it just doesn't get any better than this.

game for fools - what's funny about this selection is that i've had this song for years on my itunes, as a part of lidell's album, but anytime it would shuffle on i would get immediately annoyed and skip over it. to me, i think the first 5 seconds sounds whiney and therefore i'd skip it to save myself the torment of listening to someone else woe and boohoo other than myself. but just recently i let it play and holy eff - this song is incredible. did you want to make out right now or what? perfect little love song.

don't let me down - i'm not a huge jt fan but i'm pretty entranced with his part in this song. i also keep near a "don't let me down" attitude when it comes to love. so far, no luck. i need a hero, too.

monster love - okay, i know goldfrapp is...different. but can you honestly listen to this song and not feel something? this song makes me feel alive and it has stimulated some of my deepest thoughts about this life of mine. the whole cd is a trip, literally. everything goes around, bringing us back again.

it's all your fault - pink is a genius. yes, she's had her overplayed pop moments a la so what but she's capable of so much more. this song has a catchy piano part and the lyrics seem to have come straight out of my head. i'm sure if i search long and hard enough, i could find a blog posting where i talk about how it's all your fault because you started it off with a compliment i couldn't resist. and of course you had to be perfect. it wasn't fair. and it still isn't. you're off living your life and i'm still clinging to that damn compliment.

languishing - i'm not the biggest mariah fan in the world, but when i heard this intro to i wanna know what love is it stopped me cold. the song is so eloquent and petite, it's mariah but not mariah. plus, languishing is such an interesting word, right? the definition being to lose vigor, health, to have a desire for something or someone who is not present. we have all been there. what a sad feeling encapsulated in such a beautiful melody. congrats mariah. this is it.

don't let me stop you - i'm not really sure why i chose this song. don't get me wrong, kelly clarkson is a major part of my trifecta (kc, brit, kathy griffin) but this song isn't necessarily my favorite. there's just something about the melody that captures my attention. it's a little hard, but i find solice in its soft spots.

take off your cool - you might remember this song from my youtube video. this song is perfect. simple melody, simple words. baby take off your cool, i wanna see you. that, in essence, is my approach to finding love. cut the bullshit, show me who you are sans how cute you think you are or how much money you claim to have. take it off. i wanna see you.

doesn't mean anything - forgive the regis and kelly appearance, i just found the live version of this song to be pretty amazing. love alicia keys, love this song, and i'm sure i'll love her new album. this song provides a little extra kick in my step. chin up.

hanging on too long - who hasn't done this? this feeling is so universal and relatable. perfect post-breakup song. plus, duffy's one-of-a-kind voice gives me chills as she reveals her complacent role and false hopes. but then again, duffy could probably sing about taking a shit and i'd still be mesmerized.

show me - this song is one of my all-time favorites. there's no beating it. first, john legend could sing to me for 24 hours a day without a complaint. like duffy, his voice is one-of-a-kind. but this specific song and melody is inescapable. every time i hear it i can't help but imagine dinner sitting on the table while we slow dance on the kitchen floor in the dim setting ambiance of our love.

teach u a lesson - first off, if you don't own this album, you are doing yourself and your love life a disservice. just listen to the lyrics and you will have your honey in a compromising position in no time. robin is perfect.every.time.

untouched - the original version of this song was a little too hard, even though i love it and the veronicas, so when i came across this acoustic cover version...i was like hells yes. this girl has an amazing voice. who she is or why she doesn't have a record contract are both unknown to me. amazing interpretation, right? untouched and i need you so much. i know that feeling all too well.

good morning, hypocrite - last but certainly not least, electric president. i'm not sure if anyone but me listens to ep, but this group has some of the weirdest music that makes me enter an entirely new and unseen world. their music is like none other, their voices, their interpretation of sound and percussion...it will flip your shit. good morning, hypocrite blends so many unique sounds and ideas--the world is your oyster and this song will get you there. trust me. most people will hear it and think wtf but when i hear it i think wtp (what the possibility).

thanks for listening. and enjoy.

just when i thought i was forever mad at the onion for that hateful video about quitting smoking, this gem came along to save the day. a big thank you to my dear, dear friend-in-real-life lindsey markel (hi! miss you, love you) for sharing this amazing onion article that is hilarious and so completely on the money. this article is a keeper for sure. enjoy and spread it around.

hello again international friends!

i received an amazing response after my shout-out to all my foreign blog readers. you guys wrote such wonderful and touching emails...i even got a little choked up with some...which is particularly embarrassing considering i just wrote a blog talking about how void of emotion i typically am.

oops.

but wow, it was so, so great hearing from you guys and girls and i certainly will be replying to each and every email very soon.

thanks again, wow...so awesome.

(oh, and all of my fellow americans -- feel free to emale me too. i love hearing from you!)

having watched wheel of fortune for years now, i've come to the conclusion that pat and vanna absolutely hate each other. no, no they despise and detest one another. if vanna could projectile puke from the stage board all the way across to the wheel and onto pat, she would and has probably thought about doing it. having projectile puked once in my lifetime, here's a word to the wise, vanna: just eat an obnoxiously large breakfast (eggs are key), down a ton of milk quickly, and get that dress tailored just a little on the small side to allow absolutely no budge. boom, you're a puke volcano.

the funny thing is, they spend mere seconds next to each other, and even during those precious, few, on-camera moments, their body language emphatically reads:

i hate you so bad i hope a light fixture falls on your head and kills you...not instantly, but slowly and painfully.

it makes me sad. i wish they were best friends.

but instead

light fixtures...light fixtures in the worst way.

(watch out pat! you know vanna is the real powerhouse on that show!)

okay, i figured i should post actual writing instead of just youtube videos on here. sorry, but i can get completely lost on youtube, clicking one video after the next with something always striking my fancy. and yes, by something i mean kathy griffin videos. she's just so funny.

but seriously, how funny was that vid of the fat girl falling off the trampoline? and even funnier the mom yelling from the deck..."don't you try to do something fancy just..oh...ohhhhh....ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

i.died.

anyway, today's posting will be a rant. against whom? smokers.

now, i don't have many issues with the act of smoking. it's your choice. family members of mine smoke, friends of mine smoke, people smoke...i get it. i don't smoke, but, like i said, that's a personal choice. i could if i wanted to, just like you, but i don't.

however, here's my real beef: smokers who flick their "butts" into the street, sidewalk, gutter, dry, weedy california hillsides, anywhere and everywhere besides an actual trash receptacle of some or any sort...all of that flicking. all of those places. all those butts. everywhere. it's disgusting, it's illegal, it's disrespectful, and it's all around unnecessary.

and it has to stop. like...now.

just because you, smokers, can legally smoke tobacco does not mean that you can legally litter. this is my earth, too. leaving your cigarette remnants anywhere you god damn please is not cool with me and most of society. at all. actually, you should be embarrassed. i mean, i would be embarrassed if every time i ate a box of red vines (which is often) i just carelessly threw the plastic container onto the street without so much as even flinching. because, you know, no big deal...it's just trash. but you know someone somewhere would say something to me too. like..."you better fucking pick that up you asshole!"

someone needs to say that to you, and i'm that person: it's blatant disrespect for this common ground we call earth. stop it.

but for some insane reason, whenever smokers flick, drop, stomp, or whatever with their cigarette butts...does anyone say anything?

typically no.

so, smokers, do the world a favor. stop acting above the law, both the legal law and the moral law.

cigarette butts are trash. therefore they go into the trash. it's not that hard of a concept. and it's the law. in many cities, there are specifically-designated butt receptacles for you to place your nasty cigarettes into. how easy is that? it requires the most basic of neurons to accomplish. you can handle it.

so remember, the next time you stomp a ciggie, dispense of it properly.

thank you in advance for being a responsible adult. trust me, i know it's hard sometimes.

my fave is at the :40 second mark

Nobel Committee: "obama was chosen not for substantive accomplishments, but for inspiring "hope" at the start of his term"

omg give him a cookie along with that peace prize!