happy 4th birthday spencer sumner! you are one of a kind, kid. love you to pieces.

hey yall. i had some visions (non-Raven visions) last night while i was at the gym, which is untypical because usually i just make fun of people in my head all workout long. but yesterday was different: my head was racing around a blog posting i wanted to do...but of course i can't remember it now. it was weird, i was writing the blog in my head whilst lifting heavy things, and i'm pretty sure i wasn't doing myself any favors by doing both simultaneously. surely my reps were shortened and my counting scheme flawed, and obviously my writing ideas had disappeared into thin air.

since my visions have escaped me, i'm tempted to just repost that anna nicole smith "skyscraper" outtakes video, because c'mon, that's enjoyable 24/7/365...but i won't. maybe it will come to me later today.

at any rate, breaking news: ryan sumner is going on vacation. like an actual vacation, not just a vacation from the blog. well, actually, both will happen, but this time it's more exciting for me.

i'm leaving tomorrow morning for a trip out west to the beautiful and sunny LA area and couldn't be more excited. i'll be hanging with friends, cherishing moments of yesteryears and futureyears, and more than likely drunk for most of it. cheers!

but i'm not taking my computer with me because i'm a bitch to chicago's public transportation and its one less thing i'd have to lug around on the planes/trains/(buses) and automobiles that are necessary just to get to the airport and back.

kill me. afterwards of course.

so for now, ciao, and woah, stories to come.

if you ask me, which most people don't, my favorite part of the last night's emmy broadcast had nothing to do with nph. in fact, the show as a whole was a complete waste of time and energy. but, there were two classic moments that made the entire show worthy of my attention:

1: kristen wiig with the monocle and pipe...hilarious-ness without even trying hard. i was rolling.
2: sarah silverman with the mustache, especially after she lost and she's shaking her head in disappointment. genius.

both had me busting a gut and made the entire night much better.

thanks ladies. i can always count on you.

buster, i love you and all, but i feel like i need to start having babies. i'm 27 and i'm not getting any younger from here on out. when christmas time rolls around, everyone is going to be showing off their babies...and i'll be somewhere else stuffing your stocking with beggin' strips.

what to do, what to do...

here's one of my brothers and my sister...both with their babes. i'm so jel.

you guys...this is my 500th post. i've come to this site 500 times to reveal my joys, my demons, for shits & giggles, for help and for love. i've come here 500 times to share with you, to forfeit my worries, and to turn my inside out.

what a great journey.

i'm glad i'm still here for 501, and i'm glad you are, too.

merry christmas a few months early! love, parker james, ryan's 4th nephew

(he's really excited for santa)

i read an article on cnn this morning that i found to be somewhat interesting. while i'm completely over the entire kanye thing...it still makes me think. in light of joe wilson, serena, and kanye incidents...much like the cnn columnist, i too have been plagued by mission statements of "never be that person" "never respect people like that" "never allow it to happen to other people" and so on. i think it mostly comes from my upbringing. i was taught to be respectful of others, i never raised my voice to my parents, and rudeness was something that would be called out, on the spot, if it ever occurred. my parents taught me the power of empathy. it goes along with the cliche treating others as you would want to be treated. but really, when dealing with those you deem inferior, step outside your ego before you berate them, humiliate them, emasculate them, devalue them, degrade them. would you tolerate such things if directed at you?

i hope you wouldn't. none of us are celebrities. and the actual celebrities -- we don't owe them anything. they are people on a tv or movie screen. they are the voices of our itunes. they're humans. they aren't our bosses, they aren't our saviors, so why do we treat them as such?

i don't know either.

it's funny, too. i even see a sense of entitlement on youtube. don't get me wrong: i'm on youtube, i love youtube, and there are a few people i watch and enjoy. and then there are people that just pop up time and again, that i simply sit back and wonder why. after watching a few of these select videos, i've come to a conclusion that they encapsulate my point. in short: their subscribers are their world. their view counts - their saving grace. the fact that people subscribe, follow, or whatever to their "image"...it gets them off. there's this one guy in particular that really irks me. his videos always suggest a level of sexual taboo in order to get views. in almost every video he parades around in his underwear, or at least never with a shirt on, while providing vain commentary/parodies that are almost always self-fulfilling and narcissistic. for instance, in one video he is waltzing around in his underwear, highlighting his upper body in all its "glory" while claiming how much he loves to eat, eat, eat (especially chicken nuggets) and then plugs his amateur exercise video at the end.

???

it's one hundred percent narcissism/everything-that-is-wrong-with-the-world. i realize there are far worse things plaguing society, lets keep this post in check with reality, but it's relevant to my overall point of how absurd the human race is. is he out of line or rude? no, not at all. but he's harboring the possibility of such. because he's enabled to: he's putting on a show, for you to watch. and you do, because you owe it to him. or so he thinks. he's pleading for attention, he's selling himself as an object, and he's advancing his cause(s) (i.e. i'm better than you, i'm in great shape but i'm talking about how much i love to eat bad food, i have something i want you to buy and you probably will consider doing so bc aren't i cute?, and don't you just love looking at me? keep dreaming and you could have me!).

it's nauseating. and be sure to notice that i said "it's" nauseating. the man behind the video is more than likely a good human being. i don't know him personally, and i don't think i really need to, but let's seperate who he is from the work he promotes. i don't want to sound hyprocritical by acknowledging a rise in rude, arrogant behavior in the world and then write a blog post where i say something rude or combative. that's not the case at all - i'm interpreting his work as being completely dissatisfactory and it's something i think is very ugly.

there's a difference and i hope you get it. if not, you're free to stand by your own perception.

but, people, we need to check ourselves. our egos are out of control. stop with the attention thing. stop with the entitlement. stop degrading others because you can. free speech? certainly. free entitlement? absolutely not.

can we have boundaries? the world owes us nothing. we owe it to ourselves and each other to be a little more humble and to come down off our self-appointed pedestals.

long-story short: we all love to have an opinion, but some of us just go the wrong direction in sharing it. don't let it be you. don't let the tween agenda, the kanye agenda, the perez agenda, the us weekly agenda, the hills agenda, the youtube fame agenda--any and all of these entitled/arrogant/rude/extreme agendas should not become our new social soapbox. it's sad and disheartening, and i'll personally set an example of how to get back to the basic fundamentals of life: be a good person and love one another like you would want to be loved.

here's an excerpt of the cnn article:

Thanks to Joe, Kanye, Serena, and other misfits, a lot of people are talking about how society is undergoing a rash of rudeness.

That's not completely accurate. It's more like a rise in self-centeredness.

Among the self-centered: Congressman Joe Wilson, rapper Kanye West and tennis star Serena Williams. But this phenomenon isn't limited to celebrities and previously anonymous backbenchers in Congress basking in their 15 minutes.

There are many people out there, in all walks of life, who think they're more significant than they really are. Plagued with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, they feel entitled to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it no matter whom it hurts.

The self-centered rarely think about the consequences because they're too busy claiming what they see as their rightful place in the spotlight. And when they're criticized for letting their narcissism get the best of them and face the wrath of their colleagues or the disapproval of their fans, they might apologize. But, even then, they often don't do a very good job of it because their heart's not in it.

They don't feel genuine remorse but they've been told by their press secretaries and publicists to fake it as best they can as part of the damage control. They mouth the words because they consider it to be in their own best interests. It's always about them.

So how did this virus of self-centeredness get in our national bloodstream?

Others blame the look-at-me-I'm-so-special culture bred by egocentric social networking sites such as Facebook, My Space, YouTube, and Twitter. With thousands of "followers" of some sort or another, caring enough to take time from their own day to shadow you through yours, is it any wonder that the followed are getting big heads as they "tweet" what they had for breakfast?

But I'm old-school. I believe that what matters most is not what happens at your computer but around your dinner table. When we consider the reasons for this rash of self-centeredness, I think most of it comes down to just one thing: bad parenting.

oh dear me AC was sippin on some crunk juice:

fave spam email of the day: african queen slut is looking for you and she's thirsty!

nothing like a contagious giggle in the morning to rev up my day. apparently, abercombie brodudeman & stupid bitch...i mean, abercrombie & fitch, is suing beyonce because she's coming out with her own fragrance called "sasha fierce" which blurs the trademark legalities of a&f's own fragrance "fierce."

they're both in the wrong.

first of all, beyonce, the name sasha fierce is stupid. i love you and all that you do, but really...it's a stupid name. it's borderline tranny showgirl. not that tranny showgirls are stupid, but you get what i mean. you might as well call your fragrance soapy watters or demetria jenkins. here's a shot in the dark: why don't you call it something fragrance-like, such as evolution or seduction or something that suggests an actual smell or an allure. sasha fierce suggests sequins and foundation-laced sweat beads.

and, sidenote: whenever you claim to have an alter ego, life is getting to be a tad bit too serious/extreme. you're one person. sorry, you are. you're beyonce knowles. cut the bullshit. if anyone else went by a super ego...i mean, alter ego...they'd receive unending eyerolls and a prank phone call or two by yours truly. scary, huh? it could be you. it's not too late!

now, abercrombie. choose your words wisely, ryan...um, while we all have a fierce story or two...i can honestly say that, in 2009, no self-respecting person buys and/or wears fierce. ever. it's an instant excommunication from society. it's an instant no-go. it's an instant i'm out. it's an instant death sentence. literally...you should receive lethal injection if you wear it. in fact, i'm sure the fierce potion itself could be used as a lethal injection/inhalation. it's horrid, that store is horrid, the dudebromans and stupid bitches that work there are horrid (except for those of us who may or may not have worked there in the past MANY moons ago when we didn't know better, we don't have to name any names) and beyonce would be doing you a favor if she somehow confused the consumer by promoting the word fierce, which could drive your sales or her own sales skyward.

after all, beyonce is at an all time high ever since her genius pr decision to let little, sweet taylor swift have "her moment" (it's a vma, who gives a shit?).

moral of the story: fierce smells like shit. a&f is shit. sasha fierce what the shit?

i don't know what else to say, shit.

byeee.

i have an abundance of tupperware sitting on my desk. i don't want to take any of it home. but i don't want to throw any of it away.

such is life.

i want to throw semi-useless stuff away, but what if? what if that one token of our time together means something someday down the road.

oops, i said it.

i'm afraid to look under my bed sometimes, too. not because someone is hiding beneath, ready to slash my throat and drink my blood, but because you're there. it's there. life is there.

you isn't a person. it's memories of people. places. times where i felt magical. i haven't felt magical for a very long time.

i think that's why i'm afraid to throw some of it away. will the magic still exist?

i can remember coming to chicago once many, many years ago. to see you.

chicago might as well been never-never land. or in the movie little monsters, the fantasy place under his bed where anything can happen.

and a lot happened. good & bad. memories i will never forget no matter how hard i try. not that i want to.

i remember driving at night, the lights, the confusion, the way we looked at the train tracks waiting for something to come. it came.

a collection of people. moments unforgettable.

keep, or move on?

the memories haunt, the memories elate, the memories remain.

for now.

if only this post was as easy as tupperware sitting on a desk.

the other day my friend and fellow youtuber mhartz posted, or actually tweeted, a link to this video for young soul rebel's i got soul. it's a remake of the killer's all these things that i have done and i love love love it. it's rewritten and rearranged so it has a fresh, new, energizing twist. plus, i don't know who any of the bleeping singers are and i think that's a refreshing approach toward music collaborations. they all sing/rap so well for being uknown. the only downside: i find myself constantly repeating i got soul, but i'm not a soldier in my head...but i guess that's a small price to pay for awesomeness and at the least it shuts up a few other chants that have been rambling as of late i.e. i want candy or five...five dollar...five dollar foot looooong.

enjoy.

fave spam email of the day: dont be dumb use your noodle today, never stress about impotency again!

(define noodle?)

confession: i'm back on the book. you guys...i struggle. i hate the principles of facebook -- everyone's business in my face, my business thrown all over the place, useless information taking up space, destroying the human race.

okay i'm out of -ace words.

long story, short: i failed. its like i called jenny while munching on a krispy kreme.

it is what it is.

sorry i flaked.

so yesterday i twittered that i encountered something strange while enjoying a beautiful sunday morning in the park. let me be specific:

so i walked across the street from my building to find a great grassy area to lay out in and catch some rays. i walked to the lake and found the perfect spot. i layed out my shit, popped in my ear buds, and was zoning in and out of conciousness while my skin glowed in the soft, warm sunlight.

until i heard something. at first it was a screech, and then it was a man's voice. i looked up and noticed someone had popped a squat near me. it was an oddly-shaped man and what appeared to be a cat. the man sat down on a towel under a shade tree and for a few, brief moments i saw a flash of what seemed to be a long tail...like i said, a cat tail?

nope. wrong.

it was a monkey. a monkey, people. recall ross from friends and think of his briefly-filmed marsupial friend whose name escapes me now. but just go there and then come back to me.

ready?

so, there was a monkey crawling around on the guy's lap. what are you doing with a monkey and why did you bring it to the park? did it need a walk? some fresh air? i don't know, but i do know it's not something you see every day in chicago, let alone in the usa.

i was a little bewildered by the situation, but a sense of calm came about me when i also noticed the monkey was wearing a diaper.

...(?!)

WTB (what the bleep.) it was like i was amid a traveling circus.

here's proof via the bberry:



people kept stopping and staring, little kids would ask, "can i pet your monkey?"

the man would then say, "you can look at the monkey, but you can't touch the monkey."

um, i can smell the monkey, so i'm outta here.

we've all heard of RTs on Twitter (retweets) so consider this an RP (repost)

i was going through some postings of yesteryears and came across one in particular that always speaks to me. my earthly situation might have changed since the original posting, but the theory behind it remains unchanged.

i'm a very happy person these days, very excited about what's to come, too...however it's good to stop and think every once and again about how beautiful life really is. there's good beautiful and there's bad beautiful. sometimes we can't see the real beauty of our life until we recognize that the ugliness exists, but in the end, life is precious, and so, so beautiful:

RP: "The last few months have been devestatingly hard, perhaps my hardest yet. In this time I've encountered countless obstacles that, for some, I've easily maneuvered past while others have swallowed me whole.

You know me. Well, some of you do. I try to take control over everything in my life. No, I won't try to control your life, I'm just protective of my own. You treat me well? You have a place in my heart. You treat me poorly? Peace out. That's just the way it is. I keep close those whom I know are there for a reason. I feel like there are quite a few people like that in my life, and for that I am truly blessed. But I know that there are those who don't hold my best interest, those who don't think twice...and for you, goodbye.

I can't control how I feel. I can't control what happens to me. I can't control situations that arise. I can't control the lurid thoughts and doubts that haunt me. I can't control my life.

I can control my reaction though. I control what and who my life contains, and sometimes I misjudge, but often I don't. I can control how I tolerate misgivings, or what I can do to get past. I can control what really, truly matters...and let go of the rest. As someone once said, there's a beauty in just letting go. And it is beautiful.

I've let go of an insecurity this week. Humility. I've told a few people how amazing humility is. Humility shows you how to be human. It shows you that no one is perfect, and that no matter what you do to prevent bad things from happening, shit happens.

But embrace imperfection. Keep humility in your heart. Allow yourself to be at the bottom, to learn and grow once again regardless of how old you are, or how much you have already been through. I'm not trying to be preachy, and I'm not trying to make a point. I'm reflecting on what has been a traumatic and stressful period of my life...and though it has caused me sleepless nights and endless uncertainty--I'm blessed that it has given me the opportunity to witness it, the courage to get through it, and the dignity to move on.

Life is so incredibly unyielding, and persistent, but so beautiful. Life isn't controlled and I can't control my life.

And for that, I'm thankful."

i've been lightyears away from respecting kanye west for many, many years now, and it was reaffirmed exactly why last night. in fact, i've blogged several times concerning my distinct distaste for the persona kanye chooses to illuminate within himself. he's a disgrace to everything my mom taught me about being a good person. he embodies an attitude, a superiority, an example, and a mindset that should never be followed, admired, or tolerated.

be better people, yall. what happened last night is a first class example of a no class person.

don't let him waste your time, too. let's all move on. past him.

out of 3000 songs on my itunes, kanye's name does not appear once. permanently.

okay, so a couple of days ago I posted a video about the flash mob dance outside on michigan avenue. it was really cool amateur footage from someone's perspective across the street at the chicago tribune. well i watched the oprah winfrey show last night for the airing of the block party show filmed tuesday and woah, it was so cool.

being that i work on michigan avenue and my building is located directly in the chaos that was oprah's block party, i was mostly annoyed all day long about the number of people that filled the streets, the constant replaying of i gotta feeling, when i went out to lunch it was pandamonium with people doing all kinds of weird dancing and people shouting out 1,2,3, and 4 mash potato 2,3,4...

i was like what the efffffff is going on. this is so annoying. all day long tho, i couldn't concentrate at work bc of all the hub-bub going on outside.

had i any idea that it was all in an effort to perform the biggest flash mob performance in history...i would have joined right in.

i was amazed at the end result. after a day of being annoyed with the congestion and constant will.i.am and fergie mic checks...i now see what it was all going toward.

amazing job chicago. so cool.

commentary: where's osama bin laden?

HELMAND, Afghanistan (CNN) -- Eight years after September 11, the "war on terror" has gone the way of the dodo. And President Obama talks instead about a war against al Qaeda and its allies.

What, then, of al Qaeda's enigmatic leader, Osama bin Laden, who has vanished like a wisp of smoke? And does he even matter now?

The U.S. government hadn't had a solid lead on al Qaeda's leader since the battle of Tora Bora in winter 2001. Although there are informed hypotheses that today he is in Pakistan's North West Frontier Province on the Afghan border, perhaps in one of the more northerly areas such as Bajaur, these are essentially guesses, not "actionable" intelligence.

A longtime American counterterrorism analyst explained to me, "There is very limited collection on him personally."

That's intelligence community shorthand for the fact that the usual avenues of "collection" on a target such as bin Laden are yielding little or no information about him. Those avenues typically include signal intercepts of phone calls and e-mails, as well as human intelligence from spies.

Given the hundreds of billions of dollars that the "war on terror" has consumed, the failure to capture or kill al Qaeda's leader is one of its signal failures.

Does it even matter whether bin Laden is found? Yes, it does. First, there is the matter of justice for the almost 3,000 people who died in the September 11 attacks and for the thousands of other victims of al Qaeda's attacks around the world.

Second, every day that bin Laden remains at liberty is a propaganda victory for al Qaeda.

Third, although bin Laden and his deputy Ayman al-Zawahiri aren't managing al-Qaeda's operations on a daily basis they guide the overall direction of the jihadist movement around the world, even while they are in hiding.

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Those messages from al Qaeda's leaders have reached untold millions worldwide via television, the Internet and newspapers. The tapes have not only instructed al Qaeda's followers to continue to kill Westerners and Jews, but some also carried specific instructions that militant cells then acted on.

In March 2008, for instance, the al Qaeda leader denounced the publication of cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper as a "catastrophe" for which punishment would soon be meted out. Three months later, an al Qaeda suicide attacker bombed the Danish Embassy in Islamabad, killing six.

Some reading this may think: But what's the proof that the al Qaeda leader is still alive? Plenty. Since September 11, bin Laden has released a slew of video and audiotapes, many of which discuss current events. After a nine-month silence, for instance, bin Laden released a 22-minute audiotape on March 14, sharply condemning the recent Israeli invasion of Gaza.

Are these tapes real? Not one of the dozens of tapes released by bin Laden after 9/11 has been a fake. Indeed the U.S. government has authenticated many of them using bin Laden's distinctive voiceprint.

And what about the persistent reports that he is ill? In 2002, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf said bin Laden had kidney disease, for which he required a dialysis machine, and was therefore likelydead. But the stories of bin Laden's life-threatening kidney problems are false, judging by his appearance in videos that he released in 2004 and again in 2007, in which he showed no signs of illness.

On the 2007 tape, the al Qaeda leader had even dyed his white-flecked beard black, suggesting that as the Saudi militant entered his fifth decade, he was not immune to a measure of vanity about his personal appearance.

In fact, bin Laden looked much better in those videos than he did in the video he released shortly after the battle of Tora Bora in late 2001, where he had narrowly escaped being killed in a massive American attack.

The situation is further complicated by the fact that bin Laden and al-Zawahiri are almost certainly hiding out in the tribal areas of Pakistan, on the Afghan border.

Arthur Keller, a CIA officer who ran a spy network in Pakistan's tribal areas in 2006, told me the problems of working in the region: "It's an incredibly remote area. They're hiding in a sea of people that are very xenophobic of outsiders, so it's a very, very tough nut to crack."

An additional factor operating in bin Laden's favor is the personal popularity he has long enjoyed in Pakistan. Three years after the September 11 attacks, for instance, a Pew poll found that al Qaeda's leader had a 65 percent favorability rating among Pakistanis.

However, it is clear from the videos of bin Laden and al-Zawahiri that aired in the years since the attacks that they are not living in caves.

In those tapes, both men's clothes were clean and well-pressed. Caves generally don't have laundry facilities. And the videos that they have released are well-lit and well-shot productions, suggesting access either to electrical outlets or to generators to run lights. Al-Zawahiri is often filmed in a library setting, and on one of his videos from March 2006, there are curtains clearly visible behind him, suggesting that the tape was shot in a house.

By early 2008, the Bush administration had tired of the Pakistani government's unwillingness or inability to take out al Qaeda's leaders, and in July, the president authorized Special Operations forces to carry out ground assaults in the tribal regions without the permission of the Pakistani government.

But in the face of the intense Pakistani opposition to American boots on the ground, the Bush administration chose to rely instead on drones to target suspected al Qaeda and Taliban leaders. Bush ordered the CIA to expand its attacks with Predator and Reaper drones.

Between July 2008 and this month, U.S. drones have killed dozens of lower-ranking militants and at least 10 mid- and upper-level leaders within al Qaeda or the Taliban.

This strategy seems to have worked, at least in terms of combating the ability of al Qaeda to plan or carry out attacks in the West. Law-enforcement authorities have uncovered no serious plots against U.S. or European targets that were traceable to militants who had received training in Pakistan's tribal regions after the drone program had been dramatically ramped up there.

The increased pace of the American drone attacks in Pakistani's tribal areas was motivated in part by the hope that it would increase panicked communications among the militants, which might help pinpoint the locations of the top leaders in al Qaeda or the Taliban, but that approach has not paid off when it comes to bin Laden.

If killing bin Laden with a drone has proved difficult, so too will be capturing him alive.

His former bodyguard Abu Jandal told Al Quds al Arabi newspaper, "Sheikh Osama gave me a pistol. ... The pistol had only two bullets, for me to kill Sheikh Osama with in case we were surrounded or he was about to fall into the enemy's hands, so that he would not be caught alive "

Should bin Laden be captured or killed, that would probably trigger a succession battle within al Qaeda.

While al-Zawahiri is the deputy leader of the terror group and therefore technically bin Laden's successor, he is not regarded as a natural leader. Indeed, even among his fellow Egyptian militants, al-Zawahiri is seen as a divisive force, and so he is unlikely to be able to step into the role of leader of al Qaeda and of the world jihadist movement that is occupied by bin Laden.

By the law of averages, eventually, bin Laden will be captured or killed. Yet the ideological movement that he helped spawn -- "Binladenism" -- will live on long after he is gone. That is bin Laden's legacy.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Peter Bergen.

look how cool chicago is! we can do mass choreography.

filmed during the oprah kick-off party on michigan avenue. i'm actually impressed and you know that's hard to do. kudos chi-town!

need a 10 minute break? god knows i do, 6 times on the hour. enjoy.

fave spam email of the day: "black ain't whack, check THIS out"

welp, this pretty much sums up my weekend...non-chicago, family galore, and a big metal mouse named igor.

check out zack zerbe photography on facebook. he recently posted this amazing picture and i'm in love with it. i think it's so, so awesome. i love the vibe it gives off...although i can't quite describe it. again, it makes me feel nostalgic for whatever reason.

it makes me think of traveling on thanksgiving day in some aspect. like i've seen something like this before? the colors make it look cold but the vibe makes me think of a new start, or a cold, but new breath of air.

the colors speak to me too, (saying: hey ryan, i know you think life is a pretty big deal and all, but sometimes, you just need to chill out and respect life for its beauty). point in case with this pic. and those birds are pretty magnificent.

oprah's closing down michigan avenue to tape her show right outside my office building...and the crowd is beginning to form 9 hours before showtime. bep is performing too maybe i'll bum rush the stage and disable their microphones so no one has to hear that damn i gotta feeling. i'd like to think i'd be doing chicago tourism a favor.

fave spam email of the day: nasty slut earns her stripes

found this gem and it made me smile. sorry that i look slightly chubby, pale, and unshowered.

at the time i was guilty of being all 3. i never said i was perfect.

my girl mirandasings08 is a quadruple threat - dancer, singer, actress, and now...a model. watch out, world.



"and everyone always says, 'oh you're so pretty' and all those kinds of things, and i agree"

i feel like this lady and i would get along reallllll well. after all, we both believe in aliens and i too want to be a first lady. but more importantly, we both live our lives with a large sense of humor at the very forefront. although she might be a bit more eccentric.

"I also eat the sun," Hatoyama said on the program, looking up with her eyes closed, raising her arms high as if she was tearing pieces off an imaginary sun. "Like this, hum, hum, hum. It gives me enormous energy."

hum, hum, hum

yummy sun!

it just dawned on me that one of the funniest noises in the world is...

<<>>drum roll please<<>>

dry heaving!

holy crap, so so funny. i recently twittered about this vile video that shows someone popping a boil, cyst, tumor, whatever...please note the video is absolutely disgusting...and i can't stop listening to the girl, who is taking the video, dry heaving over and over and over again.

it's so funny. yes, it might be considered juvenile. but i can't help myself right now. funny is funny, right?

perhaps dry heaving is just near and dear to my heart, in some weird way, because i've always been a sensitive person and i've been known to dry heave in many a situation...whether it be a weird smell or a less-than-appeasing visual...whatever the case may be. my senses are sensitive.

BLECHHHHHHHHHHHH!

at any rate, check out the link via my twitter (link provided under round two on the right) and see for yourself. the funniest heaving moment, in my expert opinion, is at the 1:40 mark.

happy heaving!

again, there's no sense in making this stuff up.

today's fave spam email:

since i've started doing my fave spam email posting i've received a few emails asking if i'm making up the email heading.

uh, really people? do you have a spam folder? have you ever read its contents? there's no sense in making it up, the hilarity is provide free-of-thought. the vile, disgusting, often greatly misspelled sex jargon that makes no sense is not something i have to create, someone else already did that for me.

but some of them are funny, you have to admit. you can go to confession later if you feel guilty for having read such foul material, but i will remind you that awareness is not a sin.



i think spam email is hilar because, honestly, would anyone really open up spam email? i personally don't think so, but the demand seems to be there since i get 10-20 a day...so someone/somerobot out there is still hitting the send button with their fingers crossed/magnetized.

today's fave spam email: did you add my ICQ?

uh, no, no one added your ICQ because no one has used ICQ in the last 10 years.

if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.

um, yes, very true.

remember something ryan, if you want something bad enough, you must take it upon yourself to accomplish or achieve whatever it is you deem important enough.

if you count on other people to assist in this effort, you will probably be dissatisfied with the end result, or the process therein.

and, if you continue to count on other people to get what you want, you probably didn't want it that bad in the first place.

i'm completely capable. don't forget that.

fave spam email of the day: witch bitch got banged.

i need to start this post off with the disclaimer: what i'm about to tell/show you is 100% real. i swear on my life.

umm...you guys. the most amazing thing ever has just happened. i can't believe it and i have no way to explain it other than taking a picture of it with my bberry.

my sandwich just communicated to me.

i kid you not. i know this sounds as stupid as that cnn video with the broom but this is really...woah. i take it back cnn. weird stuff like this is interesting. holy crap.

background: it's lunchtime here in Chi right now, so a couple minutes ago i went and retrieved my homemade turkey sandwich (we're in a recession, people) from the work fridge, plopped back down at my desk, was flipping through the newspaper, just minding my own business, when i just so happened to glance at the tupperware container that my sandwich was formerly in and i ever-so-casually noticed this:



WHAT THE????? immediately my eye opened as big as they ever have been in LIFE and my jaw dropped to the floor like an anchor. disclaimer: I SWEAR I DID NOT STICK MY FINGER IN MUSTARD AND INSCRIBE THAT. this is serious you guys...

to me, it looks like it says "Hi"

my sandwich just said hi to me.

here's a closer up view:



this is a miracle on some level. my heart is racing something serious. this is phenomenal. what!?!??!?! i'm not washing this tupperware ever. should i be calling someone right now, like a newstation or cnn? should i?

i can't believe this.

added another couple of tracks to my nano. if i had a name for this playlist, it would be: love, or something like it.

they're all a bunch of love songs...some because love can be so good, and others because, well, it can be so bad.

you decide what you feel.

right now i'm listening to robin thicke's teach u a lesson.

i'll teach you a lesson.

sometimes i feel good, sometimes i feel bad. sometimes i look good, sometimes i look bad. it happens to all of us, right?

it happens to the banana pudding, too. some days it has its good days, other days...not so much. i know it to be true, and i've documented it.

the other week i was having a really bad day. things were just unsettled, not right, and i was feeling a bit off. and, while grocery shopping, i noticed the banana pudding was in the same, exact predicament:



i could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong.

now, this last weekend i was having a really great day. everything was going my way. my ducks were in a row. life was good. and the banana pudding had no complaints either.



sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who gets me. but low and behold, friends turn up in the weirdest of places. we might be very different, banana pudding, but it doesn't mean that we both don't have feelings.

i get you. and you get me.

see you next week, BP.

cnn you know i love you but this is quite possibly the dumbest story...ever. and i mean ever.

and then my sister was over there and i was behind that counter back there and i couldn't see nothin from here then i saw the top of the broom from here and then i moved the curio cabinent, and you know tugged on it, then my sister told me to get my camera and i said i didn't have my camera....

OKAY REALLY PEOPLE, we get it. the broom stands on its own and grannies everywhere want to get a picture of it. real cool. move it along.

hi friends. i'm trying to cut back on spending. i've successfully paid off my one credit card that had a ginorm balance...and it was a small miracle that i saved enough to pay it off in one lump sum. but i still have a student loan i need to pay off before i can consider myself debt free. i guess the last 5 years of paying the minimum payment should really come to an end if i ever want to pay that bitch off. le sighe.

in the meantime, here are some goodies i'm drooling after instead of buying gorsh dammit:

cologne: d&g 1 le bateleur, (if you're a details, gq, men's health subscriber like moi you can't miss their ads and samples unless you're blind and noseless), ermenegildo zegna's zegna colonia (amazing), and, i hate to admit this, but, justin timberlake's givenchy. the bottle is dumb-looking and complete cornball city much like jt himself but the scent is fantastnificent.

jeans: a lot of people emailed jean suggestions after my last blog post about how much i love love love jeans. i want to have like 40 pairs. but i really dislike shopping for jeans. after the third or fourth unsuccessful try-on i get really irritable. wtfo - watch the fuck out.

underwear: i'm pretty snobby when it comes to underwear. i absolutely loathe and detest weirdo underwear i.e. anything from diesel, most of h&m, 2xist, and all that other crap that is less underwear and more male lingerie. you know the kind of people that wear underwear like that. they are up to no good. i repeat, no good. i like simple underwear that has a good fit i.e. calvin klein. but i already have like 6 pairs of calvins in various colors (mostly the low rise, trunk style boxer brief). any suggestions on other kinds?

shoes: i really want some new nikes. in a couple different colors. i might go on the website this weekend and design a couple pairs....for future purchasing. maybe layaway. trashy right? i'm okay with it.

shout out to my hair stylist douglas i'm loving my haircut a lot! you are the best. but will you work for free though, because damn gina its expensive. i'm such a bitch and ask for a razor cut only...no clippers...so i guess i have the hefty pricetag coming. it's not easy being me. le sighe dos.

omg don't forget to remind me tomorrow to buy a lotto ticket...the megamillions jackpot is in the triple digits so this entire blog post could be in vain.

fave spam email of the day: southdakota couple loves to swing, super raunch!!@#

uf, my two favorite people.

fave spam email of the day: honry whroes wantinit non-stopps!

i wanted to thank nicholas, a reader from the buffalo ny area, for sending me this picture he took while standing on a bridge during sunset. he passed this along in reference to a recent blog posting about how i'm really into the sky, its colors & hues, sunsets/sunrises, and whatnot.

at any rate, i loved this picture and asked if i could post it. at first i thought it was from somewhere in india because the buildings in the background looked somewhat similar to buildings there, but alas, it's from buffalo. who would have guessed?

(actually, my first thought was that this pic was taken in agrabah, where aladdin lives)

but i thought the intense peach color of the setting sky was amazing, and the radiant orange reflection on the train cars was beautiful. plus i was really digging the illumination and complexity of the rails and power lines. so cool.

thanks again, nicholas. great picture.

my sis passed this astrology thing on to me. it's to a t, don't you think:

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming, but aggressive. Can come off as boring but they are not. Hard worker.. Warm-hearted.. Strong and has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally... Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulges often. Very generous.

new nano is up yall. check it before i wreck it.

imogen heap's new song, wait it out, goes perfectly with the post below.

i'll be including it on my nano in just a bit.

give it a listen.

she's amazing and the song definitely spoke to me.

sang to me.

i'm going to keep this short and sweet, but i had a dream last night that solved all quandaries. silenced all demons:

i know why i can't live in this city anymore.
it's not because of the winters, despite the brutal cold.
you were worse.
it's not because of my career, i'm thankful for mine.
and i'm thankful i found it, even tho my previous job was a dream come true.
that you ruined.
no, no ryan. that i ruined.

because of you.

its true that i rarely sweat.
but last night i woke up from a dream
a dream reality. dreamality.

and as my eyes flashed open
and my mind jolted awake
i noticed my skin glistening in the pale night sky.

realization.
at last.
i consciously never admitted this to myself
subconsciously blocked it out.

nyc wasn't too hard
you were too sweet.
i was too in love.
but here i am
still feeling like the fool
that i was
but am no longer.

and where are you now?
god knows, and i don't care.
i haven't seen you since.

its been 2 full years
and i know i can't stay here.
i've finally figured it out
why i can't get comfortable
why i've been closed off
why i'm different now.

i can live in the nicest apartment
i can smile amid the streets
among friends.
i can revel in the beauty of the city
but its never enough.

i can't escape what you did to me
how you made me feel
the stress, the embarrassment, the pain
emotional and physical.

its haunted me my entire stay
a city that haunts me, because of you.
after all, this city is because of you.
problem is, i can't stand the thought of you
which will remain
a curse
as long as i stay.

i'm not running away
that's far too easy.
i'm moving on.

finally.
it dawned on me.

oddly enough, during the dawn.
i couldn't go back to sleep
rapture in my mind
rapture in my soul
i'm finally at peace
and happy
with my accomplishments here
with my experiences
despite you.
my ego wants to hate you, but i want to thank you.

everything happens for a reason, they say.
and it did.
and i'm moving on from that

a big boy.

its finally time to leave this place that i equate with you
a beautiful city, but a haunting memory.

goodbye.

fave spam email of the day: biting seksi nippples!

chicago might not be my final destination, but i forget how truly beautiful of a city it is. absolutely beautiful...more so than any other US city. i always felt bigger than chicago, but when i look at it from a different angle, it really can hold its own. i snapped these pics while beaching and bike riding and loving life:

i can already sense that this post is going to come across as being very weird and confusing. but, i just have to explain a feeling i've been...feeling...throughout the weekend.

is it just me, or does sunlight/daylight have a profound effect on nostalgia? i can't quite put my finger on it, but depending on the time of day and cloud cover, i always get this weird sense of nostalgia, comfort, and inspiration based on the color of the sky. like during sunset and the sky is a mixture of blue and pinks, and sometimes purple, i get completely inspired by random thoughts and emotions...almost all of my best thinking is performed during this time.

or, if it's a weekend morning and the sun is rising and the temperature is cool....i get overwhelmed by a sense of peace and happiness that has no explanation other than i can relate this experience to a happier, more comfortable and carefree period of time during my youth.

or...if it's a rainy-ish day, if it's just the appropriate amount of blue and grey in the sky, life becomes SO much realer...like people seem more interesting and life seems much more...gritty and intense.

i can't explain any of this! i just get these feelings based on the circumstances of the sky. maybe that's why i'm so into sunsets/sunrises/pictures of the sky. i don't know why, i just am.

these feelings and nostalgias are completely enhanced during fall, when the temperature varies and nature goes through a cycle of change and WOAH the the sky is almost always beautiful...i go through some intense inner discovery and nostalgia. there's a smell in the air that says things are changing and this incredible vibe i get takes me places. i love it but again i can't even begin to explain it. it happened this past weekend since the weather turned a little cool (70s) and i wore a jacket a couple times...just walking around with the cool air temperature and the beautiful sky above and this incredible feeling that can only be felt at times like this....it was amazing. but i can't explain why.

does anyone know what i'm talking about?

today's fave spam email: massturbating with pen. buy it 2day

today's ego awareness mission #1: delete facebook pages.
today's ego awareness mission #2: do not panic at low daily blog views & unique site visits now that facebook is gone, my blog link gone. its like virtually singing don't you, forget about me...all gone. oh well. my faithful readers will stick around. but, even if they don't, that's ok too. this blog does more good for me than it ever will for anybody else.

i would be lying if i said my heart wasn't racing a little. but, at least i'm aware. i'm aware of the reasons why i feel like i need facebook (i.e. attention, blog marketing, correspondence, stalking, voyeurism, etc.), as well as the reasons why i do not (at all) need facebook (wasted time in front of a computer, shrinking morality and sensitivity when it comes to privacy, hackers and scams, false delusion of who i am based on what my facebook page depicts, and an alarming false sense of security via facebook friendships). seriously, it's like nicotine, or for some, cocaine.

you need it. you want it. you don't feel good without it.

yikes.

today i've accepted and come to terms with all of the reasons why i "needed" facebook. and boy were those reasons negative. completely negative. negativity is a disease. addiction is a disease. and i can confidently say that both diseases manifest in facebook. there is a tumor between my eyes. the facebook tumor. it never goes away and it's getting bigger every day.

until now.

sure, others will think facebook is positive. those whom say facebook is a platform to stay connected to friends and family, to keep in touch... well that's a false and emotionless dependancy. completely void of sentiment and humanity. facebook is non-tangible. it's not real. for example, instead of calling friends to say happy birthday, we write on their wall. little black characters with no heart and no soul. just something we do to feel better about ourselves. and, instead of spending time with friends and family, we write on their wall and tell them how much we miss them, accompanied by false promises of doing something together, and soon. we both know it doesn't amount to anything. again, we just feel better about ourselves for having done it. its too easy not to do. it's also pathetic, and you know it. you've felt guilty for returning a friend's phone call with a facebook wallpost. once-sacred bonds, be it unintentional or be it a sign-of-the-times, are broken because its easier and less bothersome to check in with a friend via facebook than it is to actually take time out of your life to have lunch, talk in person, buy someone a gift and put in the mail, or to simply stop in and say hello. our world is much too busy for that, right? facebook is an easy button. we love easy buttons.

and, i hate to break this to you, but you're not as popular as think. maybe that's why you have facebook, is so that you can feel a part of something bigger? (as you sit alone in front of your computer.) facebook is a false sense of security. facebook says you have 726 friends. you don't really have 726 friends. not even close. you have a running list of 726 names, names of people you might consider a friend, an acquaintance, an admirer...you may have gone to school with this person, met this person once, or never at all, they could be your best friend or an ex lover, but in the end, all it takes is a first and last name, and boom: friend. adding them to a bloated list of people you may never see or talk to again. they're not all important, but you feel better that they're there. somewhere.

does any of this ring a bell? no? that's ok.

i could hate on facebook all day long, but long rant, short...i am aware of the delusion of facebook, and i don't need it in my life. deactivate. get up from the computer, and let life live through you.

hello 3d world. hello new world. hello ego. hello me.

i'm here.

i forgot how much i love this video. yes its old-ish but it's still a refreshing take on simplicity.

simplicity = me.

new addition to the blog...

how fun is it to check your spam folder and read some of the horribly offensive, yet totally hilar spam emails just waiting to be deleted forever?

so fun.

so, i'm going to pick out my favorite daily spam email subject heading and share it for all to enjoy.

todays fave: big tit-ty sluut joodi beean gets dsetroyed by hugee insnane faical!

ok, ok, i'm almost over talking about egos, but i'm reading about them twice daily to and from work every day. i can't help but apply these new findings to both myself and other people. so i'm going to do a little bit of application-ing right...

now.

do you talk with your body? most of us do. if i were to walk into a room, and just you and i were in it, there'd be 4 people present. me, my ego, you, and your ego. reason being is that when we communicate to others, we often speak through our ego. yes, you do. don't argue with me. who we "are" and who others perceive us to be are two completely different people. how many times have you picked your nose in public? probably zero even though you do it behind semi-closed doors all the time. but no one can know that about you, right!? you come across as so hygenic.

anyway.

some personal examples:

if i walked into my boss's office, i wouldn't walk in as myself. i would walk in as a writer that is capable of answering any of my boss's questions and/or needs. that's who my boss thinks i am. also, my boss would communicate to me through his role as my superior. i act, speak, and think as a subordinate. am i in real life? absolutely not. i'm a completely different person outside of work, and the same goes for my boss. its almost like we're both in costume, both of us pretending to be bigger than we really are. sad fact, we're both just humans.

if i walked into a bar, i wouldn't walk in as myself. i would be dressed based on others' interests, not necessarily my own. i would act aloof and unknowing, rather than insanely alert and observant, like i am most times, and i would also think with my body. in bars and other social atmospheres, people tend to stick out their chests more, eye contact is usually avoided as a means of superiority (just to make it clear: you are looking at me, i am not looking at you), and we automatically assume people are going to evaluate (i.e. whisper to their friend) our bodies first. we already know that no one whispers "hey, i heard that guy is super fun!" so our ego goes straight to work. we let our ego do all the talking thereafter. if we think we're hot stuff...well we certainly wouldn't want to let anybody down. hi, my name is ryan but my ego's name is david beckham. nice to meet you.

lastly, we all feel the need to be one step ahead of everybody else. i always say knowledge is power, and you know why? knowledge is power. we all love to know something that somebody else doesn't yet know. what we love more is enlightening others, especially since we regard ourselves as having the ultimately enlightened persona, providing a sense of intellectual or social superiority. gossip thrives. "oh, you didn't hear about Mark and Stacy? i know all about it, let me fill you in on the details." all of a sudden, we become this masked knowledge source. in reality, you're just regurgitating random information. but to your ego, you have egotistically separated yourself from the unknowing, until you let them in. even then, your ego will retain its "knowledge source" credibility for when the next bit of news comes along.

with all of this in mind, i'm working on thinking outside of my ego. an ego is merely made up of who we think we are. in reality, we are much more than what we think. if we limit ourselves to our thoughts, we would have a very contained, limited, and delusional perception of self. i know plenty of people like this. in reality, we often surprise ourselves, we're capable of immense change, we're capable of thinking outside of a box. we're capable of a life outside of an ego.

so, think outside of your ego. like i said in the last post, the more aware you are of your ego, the less egotistical you will be.

currently reading eckhart tolle's a new earth: awakening to your life's purpose.

i'm hoping this book stirs up something, be it profound enlightenment or at the very least something to chew on. and it did; the point below, buried in a chapter about ego, the body, resentment, and greed, somehow pierced my mind:

your ego is who you think you are, or who you perceive yourself to be. it's the image in the bathroom mirror, be it good or be it bad. however, it's not who you really are. it's all an illusion. awareness and ego cannot coexist. welcome to a life beyond yourself.

ugh, buster. that boy of mine...doesn't it just warm your heart and melt your socks? happy 5th birthday baby boy.

i remember taking a myers-briggs personality test years ago in which one of the assessment questions was:

do you enjoy taking walks by yourself?

this question made me think of two things 1) i do like to walk by myself, a lot actually and 2) this has to be a trick question, maybe i should answer no?

i decided against answering no because i would by lying, and i already answered a different question that asked if i considered the act of lying as a valid means of avoiding confrontation. i answered no because every time i've lied in the past it has always come back to bite me in the ass, and i've learned my lesson. so eat it myers-briggs, you can't trick me.

regardless, what's wrong with taking walks by yourself and liking it? i get so much good thinking done when i walk the city streets - my nano shuffling, phat beats energizing every step, and thoughts flowing.

however, while i was walking last night, i noticed a couple of things: i saw this cute couple walk out of this ma & pa ice cream shop. they slowly sauntered down the sidewalk, side by side, toting scoops of ice cream in little individual cups. the guy dug right in and fed himself a spoonful of what looked to be chocolate ice cream with brownie or oreo...or some kind of crumbly, black dessert topping. whatever it was, from the look on his face, he loved it. he carefully and strategically took the spoon out of his mouth, leaving a sizable portion of ice cream goo attached to the spoon.

"oh babe you have got to try this" he said.

without resistance from his girlfriend, he then stuck the spoon directly into her mouth so that she could taste his leftovers.

AND SHE LOVED IT TOO.

first, i dry heaved.
second, i thought: i will never forget this unfortunate imagery.
third, i thought: wait a second...maybe i'm just jealous? maybe i'm just completely and utterly consumed with jealousy that i have never, ever, ever done such a thing for anyone nor would i ever even come close to letting someone do that to me. whatever that couple has going on, wow, they really know what they're doing.

which got me to thinking: am i a hopeless loser because i'm lightyears away from being fed regurgitated desserts by my significant other?

and when i say lightyears i mean
light
years

why am i such a loser? i thought to myself. why, why, why?
i want regurgitated desserts.

LOSER.

i thought about it for the rest of my walk home.
just me and my nano. alone.

myers-briggs you win again.

we can run through the layers
our feet bare
our minds racing
foresight unseen
from this world to the next
its all right here
but its better over there
i promise
will you come with me?
to lose ourselves in the soft purple haze
and blue hues
i'll know you're there
i feel your breath
you sweat
next to me
as we climb our ambitions
and jump into what’s below
feet first
eyes open
mind free
to do it all over again
will you come with me?
as the sun sets pink
and you hold my hand
tight
our thoughts reflect
hearts connect
of what we will be
will you come with me?
please

i'm just going to throw this out there: i appreciate your opinion.

god knows i (personally) have plenty of opinions concerning just about everything under the sun. and i often express these opinions right here. the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

but, people, this is getting tiring. long story short: i'll never make you happy, and i never really intended to.

long ago, back in the day when this blog was all dots...i had a "comment" section.

bad idea. it was misused. feelings were hurt. lines were crossed.

end-o-comment-feature.

also, i've consistently attached my personal email to this blog somewhere, which you've used. repeatedly.

but more recently i've created an email address specifically for this here blog.

and woah, hello world.

you guys aren't going to like everything i do. actually, there are a lot of you that don't like anything i do. and you're the first to tell me.

that's fine. i get it. all of this is up for interpretation.

but seriously, it's not that serious.

you don't like the colors of my header. i do. they remind me of sunsetting miami beaches. sunset is my favorite time of day. therefore the colors of the sunset speak to me. it's all ok.

you don't like my polaroids. i don't like my polaroids either. they're supposed to be ridiculous and nauseating. that's the fun. to me, at least.

you don't like when i'm too serious. you don't like when my posts aren't deep enough. you don't like the way i don't use capitalization any more. you don't agree. you agree but think I could have said things differently. you don't agree and you don't like me.

i get it.

whether its emails, comments, youtube stuff, blog stuff....people love to express their opinion. directly. or, actually, indirectly when it comes to the cyber world. it's way too easy to be critical-on-the-edge-of-offensive-as-well-as-abusive. some people take zero thought or perspective when commenting on something.

not everybody, though. just some.

watch any youtube video and read any of the sometimes thoughtful, most-times thoughtless, absurd, ridiculous, horrific, and altogether deplorable comments people leave. it's jaw dropping.

again, sometimes its positive. but not typically.

it just makes me think: these comments come from our peers. these are every day citizens, amongst us...every day. just people stopping by. but who are you? you all get to see who i am, as well as other bloggers, vloggers, etc, but who are you to say such horrible things to someone you don't know? i'm not speaking personally, i'm just speaking openly.

when it's a conversation, that's different. i love to hear that you either agree, disagree, like or dislike...as long as it's intelligent and respectful. but when you leave a two sentence, vile-filled comment that doesn't do anyone any good...what's the point?

so, when you comment, think about what it is you're actually saying, and how the person on the other end will interpret your opinion.

we're all human. most of us.

but, at any rate, thank you for the feedback. i hear you.

i love jeans. jeans are hot. jeans make an outfit. jeans = everything.
very few times do you catch me in shorts. although sometimes they're nice, especially when it's hot, much like this past weekend. my hair is still pretty upset about the humidity, but my legs did just fine. i wore shorts.

(except for saturday, i barely left my apartment that day. in fact, i didn't get out of bed until 6 pm. lets just say friday night was...wow. friday hit hard. a sucker punch if you will.

but, after 7 pm, i did muster up the energy to appease a new found appetite. the first of the day. therefore i accompanied the bff to chipotle (i later chickened out of eating for fear of the inevitable dry heave, so instead i watched him eat and chewed on ice). so, knowing that it was a million degrees outside, i put on shorts. (in addition to a hat and sunglasses, even the setting sun was much too bright and nauseating.)

anyway, shorts creep me out because they don't tell my story. they say, here are my legs - judge them. they say, you would never know i workout 6 days a week because no butt can be found in these cargos.

um, i have a butt. and i have thighs. what about them?

and, i'll have you know, i actually like my legs. i have no issue with showing them via shorts. however, that cannot be said for everyone else's legs. sometimes i wish other people didn't love shorts so much. there are many factors to consider: some guys have skinny legs, some girls have fat legs, some guys have hairy legs, some girls have hairy legs...all in all, they're not all fun to look at. but a lot of you have normal legs, i get that. most legs generally do not offend me. most legs are just...legs. but, we've all seen the legs i'm talking about. sometimes shorts do more harm than good, that's all i'm trying to say.

just keep yourself in check and you'll be fine.

anyway, my point is...right, jeans. i love jeans. but, i noticed today that i don't love all of the jeans i own. therefore i'm throwing some out.

any recommendations on some good jeans? i want to be adventurous and try some new brands out. and do not suggest diesel i already own a billion of them.

something else.

emale me.

Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.
Lucy: [storms off]

hey yo.

just wanted to remind you that i'm constantly updating my nano with new music. so, make sure to check it out. often. if you're at work, drown out your coworkers by popping in some buds. groove with me.

the music i pick always has a cool, refreshing vibe...something you don't hear every day and something that might up your mood just a bit, make you feel somewhere else. somewhere...better?

ilike it. i hope you do too.

i'm feeling all sorts of love for you today..

do me a favor, go on over to my nano, select sade's lovers rock, and hit play.

sit back, listen, and love.

here's some education for you:

today, via merriam-webster's word of the day email notification...which, i might add, arrives to my blackberry at 5:45 am every morning forcing me to open my eyes a whole hour earlier than what's necessary (thanks, merriam!)...but, back to my point, i learned something new.

so, at a normal hour, hint hint merriam, i reviewed the word of the day to much disappointment. 5:45 for this, really? the word seemed so basic.

demean.

get real. why don't you just have the word be apple or jump? i mean, yesterday it was philoprogenitive. nice. i like that. i yearn for the day when i can zing all of my friend(s) by using said word in a conversation. pre-thinking this, it'll go something like, "oh you hate kids? not me, i'm always feeling all philoprogenitive-y. oh, you don't know what that means? my bad. i learned it as a kid, sorry...it means wanting to have babies. you're welcome."

what was i talking about? oh yeah...demean.

so, i was disappointed and simultaneously acting all sorts of superior to such an easy word. in fact, to show who's boss, i wasn't even going to open the email, rather delete it on the spot. who has the time? i mean, i might as well open up my spam folder and read "soft wet asian lips!" while i'm at it. i'm sure jasmine flavors, the sender, has something equally non-important to say.

but something made me open it. the demean email...not asian lips.

wait, what? i read the definition twice.

demean \dih-MEEN\ verb: to conduct or behave (oneself) usually in a proper manner.
example sentence: sylvia was proud of the polite way her young children demeaned themselves in front of the dinner guests.

ok, something is wrong with a)merriam webster for making such a huge slip-up and b) sylvia for priding herself on the fact that her kids demean themselves in front of dinner guests. what'd they do, pee on themselves? that is hardly a behavior i would promote to youth.

anyway,

even though i was super pissed at both merriam and sylvia, i kept reading:

did you know?

there are two words spelled "demean" in english. the more familiar "demean" — "to lower in character, status, or reputation" — comes straight from "mean," the adjective that means "spiteful." today's featured word, on the other hand, comes from the anglo-french verb "demener" ("to conduct"). this verb is generally used in contexts specifying a type of behavior: "he demeaned himself in a most unfriendly manner"; as you may have already guessed, the noun "demeanor," meaning "behavior," comes from this "demean."

omg. lightbulb. i've come full circle now.

it's odd, but demean regards conducting oneself or behaving in a particular manner, or to undermine or belittle either your own or someone else's dignity.

gotcha.

if i do say so myself, i like the second version better. personally, if i'm demeaning, it's because i'm going for your jugular, not because i'm dancing around and playing a flute solo in front of dinner guests.

just fyi. you're welcome.

things noticed at the gym:

-some people do really weird exercises. i don't know if they saw some cool, new exercise move in a magazine and perhaps just aren't doing it right or maybe i'm just not in-the-know of what exercise looks like in 2009...but either way, wow. i hope i don't look as ridiculous as those peeps do. should you really be running backwards on a treadmill?

-cargo shorts aren't a proper substitute for gym shorts, are they? i missed that memo. and while we're at it...sandals? really?

-playlists are key. keep it bumping. ever be lifting something really heavy when all of a sudden joni mitchell's "both sides now" comes on...and you begin to think, if people don't like me for who i am on the inside, then screw them! and then you stop working out? i have. from now on, sexy back on repeat. (jk)

-old people tend to idle on the machines. and even worse they take up valuable space on the floor mats. i've even seen some doze off while doing stretches. i get sort of annoyed with this but in reality, they're old and they're still going to the gym. good for them. the art of seduction is over for them, they don't need a six pack, yet they're still doing sit-ups. wow, props. i mean really, they're just trying to keep their heart tickin and their cholesterol low. lay there all you want, take your time. you've earned it.

-nothing makes me smile more than seeing some dumb girl talk on her cell phone while on the treadmill. they're so stupid it makes me smile.

-i'm horrified to step foot in gym locker rooms. one time i needed to go to the bathroom and therefore had to go in one. and to my surprise there were nude people everywhere. nude people of all sorts and sizes and body hair amounts. i realize the purpose of locker rooms is for accommodating a state of undress but i ain't going in one again. lesson learned. i'll pee in the water fountain or something.

-do men get cellulite? i hope not.

-what's the ratio of people who go to the gym to workout vs. people who go to the gym to "meet" people? according to craigslist, there are a lot of connections at the gym. why am i wasting my time and money on eharmony then? geez.

-i've never been a big sweater, but i wish i were. i'd look so much cooler. i want one of those sweaty backs where there's like a huge circle of sweat on the back of your tshirt. i've never had one of those! i blame joni mitchell for ruining my chances.

-i have so many fears in life (sleep walking off my patio, being bitten by an animal, nettle stings, low flying airplanes, brain aneurysms, etc) but at the gym i have two major fears: 1) i avoid treadmills because i have to concentrate really hard in order not to misstep and trip up or worse, fall off (i have a really bad sense of balance) and 2) when using weight machines i'm convinced i'll accidentally get a finger, body part, lock of hair, something stuck in the complex pulley system of those machines. they always have those warnings saying "keep body parts away from this, that, and the other" but what if joni mitchell comes on and i lapse into a trance of depression and then unknowingly rest my head in between the rising and falling weight stacks? or, what if i have an aneurysm and fall directly into the pulley system?

obesity is looking mighty good these days.

confession:

i really like taking pictures of the sky. be it a beautiful sunset...or on the rare occasion that i'm awake to see it...a sunrise. seeing either can sometimes make me feel entirely different about life, about myself. i don't know how it happens, but it does. each time. it alters my perspective, it lifts my mood, it strengthens my bonds.

it just takes one. and i make sure to document each and every personal awakening. if it speaks to me, i speak to it.

the picture below is an incredibly amazing sunrise over lake michigan. i'm lucky enough to have such an amazing view, therefore i cherish moments like this. are they always this beautiful? i like to think this morning was personalized for me. because i was awake, somehow.

well...

it just so happens that the picture below was taken on a night/morning in which i closed down the clubs.

mhmm...you heardddd right. ryansumner closed down the clubs.

i used to be fun. and i still have my moments.

anyway, i came home to this. thank you god.

i'm not apologizing for this, mostly because it's my (classless) roommate's possession, not my own.

but i love it just the same.

hey, i like the president just as much as you do. well maybe a little less than you do, but i still like the guy. and what's better than an homage in your honor? especially when you get to grow...whatever it is that grows on his head (it barely resembles a plant)...as a makeshift afro. i say why not? it's a flattering do.

hairstyle homages aren't racist!

just let me love this without judgement, ok?

today i learned a little lesson in life. no wait, two actually. two, solid, crucial elements of being a better person: empathy and humility.

observe the situation

i'm walking down the street, so is a random guy in the opposite direction. he's going south, i'm going north. random guy is walking very fast, very confidently, just minding his own business. it's a beautiful day. but for some reason, random guy is not aware of this large construction sign in the middle of the crosswalk. i saw it coming. he completely, full-force trips over the thing. oops. the guy was so unaware of this obstacle that his own collision frightened him a little, making him do a gay inhale. you know the inhale i'm talking about.

anyway, he didn't fall, actually recovered semi-gracefully, but still...i was too close in proximity. there was no mistaking what had just happened. this instance of tripping in public was far too complex to pull off as a non-trip. he tripped big time. even added his own sound effects. plus it's broad daylight, i obviously saw it, he knew i saw it, and to make matters worse for him, there were still a few feet of awkwardness to walk before we passed one other. luckily for me, i had sunglasses on so i didn't have to make eye contact. luckily for him, he was black and therefore blushing is less noticeable.

the lesson here is that, when the trip first happened, instead of being like "oh geez, i hope he's okay" my first thought was
"woah, dumbass, look where you're going...that sign even had flashing lights on it for crying out loud."

okay that's just plain rude. it was an accident RYAN. you're so rude sometimes. sorry, my bad.

empathy. we all need it. none of us are perfect, we're all going to gaff at some point or another. so, when others do, it's best to wish them well or provide aid during their time of need, rather than kicking them when they're already down. which was my unfortunate route.

lesson learned.

karma kicked in. as i passed by the guy i thought, "how embarrassing."

before you know it, i too tripped over the sign. what!? how did that even happen? i was too caught up in my rudeness to notice a huge, blinking sign saying "caution" over and over again. weird how that happens. and it hurt like a son of a bitch, too. i was wearing flip flops.

and i wasn't as lucky as the other guy. my toe started bleeding AND, to make matters worse, a grandma-ish lady from across the street called out "are you okay?!"

i pretended not to hear her. maybe she'll think i didn't trip?

humility.

i am not perfect in many ways.

oh, and the polaroids on the right are not meant to be taken seriously yall. i can laugh at myself sometimes. it's supposed to be ridiculous. that's how i roll.