happy memorial day.

YOU GUYS.

seriously. this is some straight up bullshit. if you ever purchase BP oil ever again, you should be eternally ashamed and embarrassed.

it's revolting. i can't even wrap my mind or words around how devestating this oil spill is, and we all sit back and watch lindsay lohan go to probation.

wtf.

you should be mad. you should care. you should do something.

tweet, post, write, yell...something.

this is so bad.

it's like the movie WALL.E is coming true.

and like those lazy, obese people in the movie, we just don't care enough.

i've been eating my words so much lately i'm becoming psychologically obese.

annoying: firetrucks and ambulances.

yes, i realize it's an emergency, but do you have to be SO loud? car horns pose enough threat to my sanity, but your foghorn sirens are sure fodder suicide.

why do you pick super busy streets to scream down? why do you think people don't know you're coming.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. noise pollution. i should have picked a quieter street. if that exists in chicago.

update: the iphone's elite image is in trouble.

walmart is selling 3g iphones for $97. every walmart, not just the ones in suburbs.

update: the iphone's image is now that of a touchscreen razr.

golly gee look at that there new fangled gizmo! faaaancy!

i had a thought while walking past some attention-needy, delusional, low self-esteem individuals.

omg what a bitch thing to say, i know. but c'mon. you know them when you see them.

examples:

anyone who has a shirtless profile picture on facebook
anyone who is completely matchy matchy at the gym
obsessive fake bakers

the latter being my focus. so, we all know them. people who spend their hard earned money at the tanning salon perfecting their "glow"...

here's the truth: they're aging their skin lightyears ahead of time and willingly exposing their bodies to harmful radiation. i believe the uv radiation in a tanning bad is something like 8000x stronger than the uv radiation coming from the sun?

whatever that statistic is, it's not in favor of the tanning industry.

to me, anyone that is fakebaking is unhappy with how they look, as if a little tan is going to change anything? if you were ugly going into the tanning bed, you're gonna be ugly coming out. sorrz yall.

if you're going to mexico for some vacay action and you want to get a base before you inevitably fry while south of the border - ok i get it. but its mostly a vanity thing, you know it's true.

at any rate, so i walked by some greasy orange girl coming out of a tanning salon and i thought to myself:

everyone was sooo intrigued, appalled, and/or amused by the fact that michael jackson was a black man that turned his skin white, but NO ONE has any problem with a white person becoming orange.

hypocrites.

new goal: to become a morning person.

i don't know what has gotten into me, but i've been on a serious hunt for some folksy/electric/housey beats and woah have i been finding them. i'm trying to gather up some serious jams for my up-and-coming housewarming partay. if no one is impressed by my condo i'm nearly positive they will be impressed by my stellar choice in music.

what's even more fun is that i'm going to handpick the order and crossfade them so it's like a dj is in the housizzle but in reality its just the nanner doing it's job as programmed by yours truly.

what's on the playlist you ask? well, duh, i can't tell you just yet.

but after my housewarming partying, this blog will be rockin them beats.

love everything about this/them.

i'd like to thank adam rawson brown for quoting a few, thought-provoking words via facebook status update and bob marley,

"truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

very, very true. too many times i've agonized over the loss of someone. not by death but by indifference. either they didn't like me, or perhaps i felt bad for not liking them. i've felt used and abused. i've felt heartache. i've felt pity. i've felt unnecessary obligation. at this point in the game - i've felt it all.

love, unloved, and loveless.

and it's all so ridiculous. the redeeming factor is that, luckily, i feel just as good alone as i do paired. to me, i'm a hoot and a half, and if you don't know that, well, i do. it's all ok.

and that acceptance gives me comfort. just because i wander alone, i am not lost nor lonely.

but at the same time, if merited, i would suffer for someone that i loved. i'd find reason to remain, allbeit strained or unstable, i know my drive better than anyone else. i know what i'm capable of and what i want out of this life.

and some day, some one will experience exactly that:

a lifetime with me. sometimes we'll suffer. sometimes we'll soar.

isn't that what it's about?

my new couch is finally here! finallllllllly i have yet another place to sit. after standing for what seemed like a decade, then upgrading to two barstools, then a computer chair...this couch is like a DREAM COME TRUE.

speaking of dreaming, you know where to find me. (see below)



and this is what i've been doing, non-stop, donut and all, since its delivery. formal seating calls for a celebration!

yes, children, i know we all loved betty white's performance on snl. you know i'm a huge lover of all things golden girls, especially rose, and have appreciated her talent since childhood. but i have to make one slightly predictable debbie downer statement:

isn't this betty white phenomena just a little...overboard?

it's like people ranting and raving about how good a chocolate chip cookie is. they've been around forever, they're a classic treat, no matter what they're in they're always still so, so good, and we look forward to them at all times.

there's no need to be totally gaga just because someone started a trend. the betty white trend. who knew? i've been raving about her for years (yes, i just trumped all of you, total bitch move, i know it well) and have even dedicated a few blog entries to BW. but everybody else? GA GA! no surprise from the gays: gaga over gaga, gaga over white, gaga over glee, gaga over their own reflection. oops!

they love to go gaga.

anyway, betty white gave a solid performance, yes. her comedic timing was as impeccable as ever. and i truly love that she didn't read the teleprompter, too. class act. but at the same time - she's been acting all of her (long) life. her memory is top notch even at the age of...well, we all know her age by now.

in reality, snl was just kind of funny. i must admit that with all of the AMAZING comebacks of snl-yore...i was hoping for much, much, much more and unfortunately it wasn't, well, more than i had hoped.

it was less. it was something, but it was less.

wahh, WAHHHHHHHH.

okay the one hilarious part for me was amy poehler's "really" part when she was commenting on how a manager should of had to approve that billion dollar transaction mistake because she can't pass off a $50 at starbucks without it becoming a 4 man operation. HILARIOUS. i laughed pretty hard. and i of course laughed at everything kristin wigg did and said because she's amazing, always.

at any rate i'm glad betty white was a part of snl, kudos, but yall here's a ryan sumner reality check: that's like saying OH MY GOD CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE DELICIOUS!

uh, we know. we get it.

so, stupid ikea decided to discontinue an item that i foolishly only purchased one of...and of course i now need a second! have you seen one of these french flower buckets anywhere? ikea used to call it a "beta"...which, perhaps, should have been my first clue that it wasn't going to be around for long.

doh.

have you seen something similar? do you have one? or should i say do you have one that you want to sell to me?!

please please please i can no longer bear the sight of my unbalanced and unzen fireplace.

wahhhhh.

i had some powerful thoughts while working out...and now i'm too tired to accurately transcribe them onto my blog. boo.

the gist: today i heard both the n-word and the f-word. obvs: vile verbiage for black and gay.

seriously, why are we still at that point where it's ever even remotely necessary to use those specific words? i personally will never forgive (drama alert, i know, i'm just fired up peeps) whoopi goldberg for stating the dumbest theories on "owning" the n-word. and it's so weird because, usually, i'm hatin' on that damn elisabeth, but no...it's the whoopster. defending black people's use, and only black people's use, of the word as a means of redemption or freedom from it.

and for once, i agree with elisabeth (wow is that hard to say). YOU DON'T OWN THE WORD. all and everyone who chooses to use it is so wrong and ignorant. how can you not be?

it's completely reactive. it's not proactive. don't we all know better? of course you do. hot stove? don't touch it. pain will always be inflicted no matter what.

at this point in our lives, as adults, with our street-cred gained from living in the real world and simple education of history, ethics and, hell, even pop culture intake, such words are blissfully ignorant. it's a verbal binge. it's a hate hammock. pain in paradise. we live in a free, beautiful world that we purposely pollute with oral nonsense. just because. no reason...we just do. because some of us "can."

(except for me)

same goes for the f-word. people still throw that word around as a means of humor and i just.don't.get.it. especially guilty are the the gays. the "owners." gays of the world: STOP IT. for once, act and speak with an ounce of dignity. i wish i could record the way some of you speak and play it back to you. i feel as if you would be appalled, and by leagues - embarrassed. but maybe you wouldn't. and that is exactly the problem.

GROW UP.

to willingly and knowingly express yourself in such a belligerent manner...why would anyone care what the message is? and why should anyone take you seriously, about anything? it's like a violent protest. no one respects violence in an effort to raise awareness. the message, lost. the seriousness, lessened. and the messenger? a complete joke.

its bass ackwards. it's reactive.

it's stupid.

it's unnecessary.

GROW UP.

when i'm in the wrong, i'll admit it.

soo...

i was wrong. about something.

actually, i was just being a hypocrite. the other day i said something about how wrong it is to wear unreasonable gym clothes in public.

today was a beautiful day in chicago so i went on a walk in the city...completely disregarding the fact that the tank top i had on was too snug. i knew full well that i was committing a fashion crime before leaving the house...i just didn't care, for some reason. maybe it made me look more buff? i was willing to take my chances.

cut to me passing by a store window, catching a major glimpse of my ridiculous reflection.

ZOIKS.

um, the tank made me a) look huge b) look like i was trying way too hard and c) was completely ill-fitting and unflattering and kept rubbing against my skin - sign numero uno that it was way too small in the first place.

so, i immediately righted my wrong: i went home and changed into a loose fitting tee with the sleeves cut off down to the mid waist. if the wind blows with just the right amount of intensity - my nipples are completely exposed.

off to the gym!

new michael tribute by miranda. genius.

due to a feisty spirit, i recognize that i'm sometimes too judgemental.

but, i don't care. wanna know why?

because i'm almost always correct.

i'm a really good judge of character. sometimes too good because it doesn't allow myself to make mistakes. and then when i do make a mistake i am overly let down by myself.

who cares, though? more times than not my judge judy approach to life saves me, graces me, and keeps me on the path. before you puke because you think i'm a total narcissist, just know that i'm not.

i'm very self-deprecating. i'm very honest with myself. i have nothing to prove to you. i'm my own biggest critic. i hold myself to a personal standard and if you want to know more about that, keep reading this blog. if you don't, sorry 'bout it.

anywho, like i said earlier, i'm feeling feisty and ornery. feeling like a total brat. here are the things that have been annoying me as of today:

1) this:


2) gay men in gyms. do you really have to wear such short shorts? you don't even have the decency to wear spandex underneath. yes, i get the fact that you're trying to meet someone, or anything with a pulse, but i'm at the gym to work out. crazy concept, i know. and be forewarned that i hate working out so i'm extra not up for your cruisey bullshit. put on clothes that fit and either lift that weight or get the hell out of my way.

3) pregnant women doing pilates at the gym. you're selfish. be a normal person and eat corndogs dipped in hershey syrup or something. why must you hate the thought of putting on a lil weight? you're pregnant. when you're 7 months pregnant, you're not supposed to be in a sling with your feet over your head. that's probably how you got into this whole mess. you're sooooo going to be that kind of mom we all see in the malls, shopping at a&f with your teenage daughter, probably wearing a size smaller than she is. and your kids will grow up to be pampered, unruly brats with a buffet of self-esteem issues. i would go as far as to say that pregnant women being in a gym more than once a week is child abuse. again, you're pregnant. it's a package deal - you get knocked up, you put on some pregnancy weight, you feed and nourish your up-and-coming brat, and you do everything and anything that keeps that brat alive, healthy, and happy. working out has nothing to do with baby and has everything to do with your own, self-centered ego.

4) i'm glad i got this all down on cyber paper. i know that i'm not perfect and am full of flaws, but i just want you to know that you are too, especially if you're any of the above people.

let's up our standards yall. gold diggers - quit digging that gold. someday your rich husband is going to have a slow metabolism, erectile dysfunction, and a hankering for women younger than you. you might want to start looking for a day job and a new hobby besides wasting your husband's money on hats. gay men - have some class. the world doesn't care how cute you think you are. contribute to society in a more effective way other than showing off your less than stellar bodies. preggo women - love your baby first and foremost. a good mom is prioritized and selfless. call mine for details.

i really enjoyed reading about the background of pearl jam's "jeremy" song and video. vedder had a really smart interpretation of what life really is about, and why it's worth living:

"Jeremy" is based on two different true stories. The song takes its main inspiration from a newspaper article about a 15-year-old boy named Jeremy Wade Delle, born February 10, 1975, from Richardson, Texas who shot himself in front of his English class at Richardson High School on the morning of January 8, 1991 at about 9:45 am. In a 2009 interview, Vedder said that he felt "the need to take that small article and make something of it—to give that action, to give it reaction, to give it more importance."

Delle was described by schoolmates as "real quiet" and known for "acting sad." After coming in to class late that morning, Delle was told to get an admittance slip from the school office. He left the classroom, and returned with a .357 Magnum revolver. Delle walked to the front of the classroom, announced "Miss, I got what I really went for", put the barrel of the firearm in his mouth, and pulled the trigger before his teacher or classmates could react. A girl named Lisa Moore knew Jeremy from the in-school suspension program: "He and I would pass notes back and forth and he would talk about life and stuff," she said. "He signed all of his notes, 'Write back.' But on Monday he wrote, 'Later days.' I didn't know what to make of it. But I never thought this would happen."

When asked about the song, Vedder explained:

It came from a small paragraph in a paper...which means you kill yourself and you make a big old sacrifice and try to get your revenge. That's all you're gonna end up with...is a paragraph in a newspaper. Sixty-three degrees and cloudy in a suburban neighborhood. That's the beginning of the video and that's the same thing in the end, it does nothing … nothing changes. The world goes on and you're gone. The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself. Be stronger than those people. And then you can come back.